Tajin had already dragged out half the bodies by the time Leeroy's power nap was finished. Leeroy pushed himself off the ground, his knee and shoulder aching from being shot. But surprisingly, it didn't feel like any bones had been broken. It just felt like the hard, outer coating had been crushed and cracked. Being reincarnated as a fly had its perks.
He twitched his wings a bit and stood up, grabbing Tooth from off the couch and dragging his dead, limp body outside.
"I'm guessing this isn't your first time witnessing death?" Leeroy asked in response to Tajin's mediocre reaction to dragging bodies out of the house. Tajin shrugged.
"They'll come back. There's only one way a person can die permanently here—and that's by getting exterminated by an angel. 'Sides, it's not like I liked any of these guys anyway," he said, picking up the last of the dead goons and throwing them into an over-stuffed, putrid-smelling dumpster.
Leeroy walked back into the house, picking up a broom and sweeping the rest of the room. Broken glass, bones, blood, and flesh chunks decorated the room, but Halloween wasn't for another 4 months.
"If they're coming back then I guess we better find somewhere else to hide, huh?" Leeroy finally said, brushing off the counter. He picked up the stolen laptop box and wiped the remaining blood off.
"Mi papa is what we call un puto cobarde. He probably thinks you're insane for even daring to stand up against him, so he won't be coming back," Tajin said, finally turning and raising an eye at Leeroy. "But seriously, why would you stick around to save me? You could have died."
Leeroy laughed nervously. He ran his fingers through his hair and walked to the sink, turning the tap on. After sputtering for a few seconds, water the color of dirt spat out of the tap. It smelled like death. Leeroy turned the tap off.
"I'm going to go scope out the rest of the house and get settled in, alright?" he said, picking up the laptop again and walking through a doorway.
"I'll come with, just to see if there's a bedroom for me... and... what's the holdup?"
Leeroy had stopped moving, using his hands to count the doors. There were three.
The two of them stood in silence. Tajin opened a door, only to reveal a dirty old bathroom. He opened another, but it was nothing more than another cleaning closet full of unopened products. Only one other door remained.
'There's only one bedroom," Leeroy whispered.
"I'm 21," Tajin said, suddenly. "You asked earlier, and I died when I was 21."
Leeroy looked back at Tajin; his expression unreadable yet in a smile. "That helps," he said, his voice funny. "I'm 3 years older than you."
"Wouldn't I be older than you? Because I died way before you did, and... eugh, what is that smell?" Tajin noted, a smell of bad decisions and long nights wafting through the air. Leeroy's nose scrunched up and began buzzing again as he approached the bedroom door and slowly creaked it open.
The smell originated from the bedroom, there was no doubt about it. Leeroy pulled the door open all the way and revealed the source of the smell.
On the queen-sized bed laid a 50-something-year-old sinner. She looked like a stout dragon, just a few inches shorter than Leeroy (a staggering 6'2"), only instead of wings protruding from her back, they took place as her arms. Her skin was a dark blue with lighter blue spots covering her entire body, which was mostly on display. Her mouth hung open with saliva dribbling out, and her nostrils occasionally emitted a loud snoring sound. She loosely gripped a bottle in her hand and wore a too-short tank-top with some homemade knock-off version of the Vee's symbol embroidered on it. A pair of torn-up sweatpants covered her legs, clearly thrifted from a dumpster.
Leeroy's frowned and rubbed his eyes together. He whispered under his breath, "Seriously?"
"What's the hold-up?" Tajin asked, moving his way to Leeroy's side. "Oh, well, that's terrifying."
The dragon lady snorted loudly before groaning and rolling over to her side, gripping the bottle tighter and throwing it at the wall just inches from the door. Leeroy covered Tajin's head with his second pair of arms before covering his own. Tajin shuddered before he moved Leeroy's hands away from him.
"What's your damage, lady?" Tajin demanded.
She groaned again before covering her face with her hands and arching her back dramatically. "No... NO! DAMN IT!" she cursed, kicking her scaly legs like a toddler. "I had it just in my grasp and then you pathetic, worthless, homeless people had to come around and ruin it!"
"I'm not exactly thrilled to see someone lying in our bed either, ma'am," Leeroy said through his teeth.
"YOUR bed?! I found this place fair and square. Didn't you read the sign that said: 'No crotch goblins allowed'?" she said, still laying on her back and stretching. "And I've lost something you plebians wouldn't even begin to comprehend!"
"Just who do you think you are?! You realize that the Carbones were here just twenty minutes ago, and they would've killed you if we hadn't dealt with them, don't you?" Tajin said, his hand just hovering over his gun.
"Who am I? Are you joking or are you just braindead?" she said, finally sitting up and posing dramatically. She stared at them intensely with her black eyes, bright red pupils staring straight into their souls. "I am none other than the T-I-C-K, the head of all technologies in Hell!"
Leeroy laughed through his nose. "Isn't that Vox?"
"I'm not done speaking yet!" Tick interrupted. "And as the head of all technologies, I was dreaming up the next big thing that was going to make life easier for everyone, but nooo, a rat and his stupid pet flea had to interrupt me. I hope you leave this place feeling like the worst people in all of Hell!"
Without warning, Leeroy barged into the room and dragged Tick off the bed and manhandled her, so they were at the same eye-level. "If you're so great with technology, what was the big break? Hm?" He smiled aggressively, his wings occasionally twitching.
Tick's pupils went small out of pure terror. She looked Leeroy up and down and swallowed the frog in her throat. "It was going to be BIG, that's all I remember. Why would you show an interest in that, anyway? Unless you were planning on beating me in the technological game?" It was obvious that she was trying to smooth over her voice, but it still cracked every few words and faded into nothing but a whisper.
"Hey, pulgita, what are you doing?" Tajin interjected, walking into the room and standing behind the fly guy.
"Have you ever actually done anything with technology before?" Leeroy asked, pulling Tick's face even closer to his. He could feel the beads of sweat on her forehead.
Tick swallowed again. She placed a hand on Leeroy's chest and pushed him back, her pupils dilating. She tucked her short hair behind her ear and forced a charismatic smile. "Actually, I have," she said, pulling out a little box from her pocket. She pressed down on the lid, and it popped open, revealing a clock. Grinning proudly, she tapped on it and it sung a little song in a shaken, off-tune AI voice.
Goodnight to all,
Let your eyes fall
Retreat back into your den,
For now, it is 9:38 P.M.
Leeroy and Tajin stared at the device for a bit. Tick tapped on it again, letting it play through the same song (only now it said "9:39 P.M.").
"I'm a genius, I know, you can applaud me now," she said closing the watch and sticking it back into her pocket.
Leeroy finally let out a laugh. "That's it? Come on... I made something like that in 5th grade," he said. "Do you need help calibrating the voice to make it sound less like a rusted robot that's been decaying in a junkyard for over a hundred years?"
Tick's face flushed red. Whether it was from embarrassment or endearment, Leeroy couldn't tell.
"I guess I thought it was cool?" Tajin said. "But, kindly, get the hell out of our bedroom. I don't care about whatever shenanigans you two nerds get up to." He finally pulled out his gun and pointed it at Tick's face, nodding it towards the bedroom door. Tick's eyes went small again and she snaked her way off the bed.
"OK, okay, I'm headed out. Please put the gun away," her voice got smaller as she spoke. She put her hands in the air and caught a final glimpse of the room, mentally taking note of the windows' placements. Leeroy crossed his arms and followed her with his head all the way until he saw her leave the house, and Tajin put his gun away.
Leeroy faked a long, intense yawn. "I'll work on fixing the door tomorrow. How about we hit the hay? I'll let you pick whichever side you want," he offered, pointing at the bed dramatically, like a salesman.
"I think I'll sleep on the couch," Tajin said, matter-of-factly. "I need to keep an eye to make sure that Tick girl doesn't come back, or something, ahaha." He slunk out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
Leeroy laid on the bed, thought to himself for a moment, then finally, fell asleep.