Michaels POV 🥀
I was floating. Where was I floating? I didn't know. It was cold. Was I in heaven? No, heaven wouldn't be cold - would it? Well hell was supposed to be hot, so at least I wasn't there.
Maybe I was stuck in this cold floating state forever, my nose gently burning and my hair floating around me. Was I in water? How did I get in water?
I remembered ice fishing with my brothers as a kid. Maybe we'd done it again, in our older years. Maybe I'd fallen through the ice.
But it wasn't THAT cold, it was cold, granted, but not as cold as falling through ice.
Though I'd never fallen through ice before, so maybe icy water wasn't as cold as I'd presumed.
I realised my eyes were shut. I opened them and water flooded in and stung. I blinked and tried to shake my head but it wouldn't move. I realised I was paralyzed.
I opened my mouth to call out for help, water flooded in and I coughed and choked, barely able to breathe.
Oh god.
I COULDN'T BREATHE
"Michael?"
Who was that? It was echoey, far away, but I could see no one. Then someone grabbed my body and lifted me up, up, up.
Was I going to heaven? I think I was. I sighed sigh of relief, shut my eyes and relaxed as my body was lifted higher and higher and -
"MICHAEL!"
I opened my eyes.
Suddenly I was coughing, coughing and hacking and retching. It felt like my lungs had been lit on fire and were trying to escape my body through my mouth.
Someone was hitting me on the back and I heard a woman yell "Get the oxygen!"
I can't really remember the next few minutes but an oxygen mask was being held to my face, and I tried to take in several breaths but I still couldn't breathe.
I was in agony, when would it stop?
I looked around, I was in the bathroom. Which bathroom? This wasn't my bathroom. Then everything came back. I was in a psychiatric ward, and I'd tried to drown myself.
There were loads of people in the bathroom, I didn't recognise them. Night staff, I guess?
I wanted to be in my warm bed and go to sleep, but they had to get the doctor to check me out, as I was practically unconscious when they found me, floating beneath the water.
They let me have a hot shower to warm me up, but someone stayed with me in the bathroom. It was humiliating but I knew that it was because of my bath incident.
I held my skinny body as I stood under the shower naked, shutting my eyes and letting the water run through my curls and down my body.
Half an hour later i was warm in bed, but still shaking. I had a hot water bottle in my arms and a mug of hot tea on my bedside, but I was cold. So cold, much too cold to sleep.
I felt nauseous and knew if I drunk the tea I'd probably bring it back up, but I was so cold.
My cold damp hair wasn't helping matters, and I had a staff member watching me, writing notes while occasionally glancing up at me.
I stared at them, dissociating. I had failed again.