"Xiǎoèmó! Xiǎoèmó! My name is xiǎoèmó ~ " walking beside her, Sungchan looked down at her petite figure whilst tutting his head at her little sing song. It had been two nights since Kun gave her that name and she had been obsessed.
"Little demon mwahahaha ~" she cracked out, thrashing the teddy bear in her hands aggressively. "Ok that's enough" Sungchan snatched it out of her hand and grabbed onto it tightly. Letting out a grumpy exhale he rubbed the side of his temple. "Don't tell me you're going to change your name now or something"
"Huh? Of course not. My dad gave me my name so I would never. But instead 'I'm going to call her Xiǎoèmó" she pointed to the teddy bear that was now in his hands. Kun and the others insisted the two stay longer. However, Sungchan and Deiji refused, explaining how their parents would be worried. Kun was a sweetheart. He not only dropped the two off at the train station but also bought their tickets.
And this teddy bear that is with them at the moment was a gift Ten gave to Deiji. He made her promise to come back again and next time with her mother. "You don't own any plushies or fluffy toys. You hate the fur" the boy stated in awe to see her seemingly attached to the one in his hand. "Yes I know, but I like this one"
She grabbed a hold of it and jogged a little further away from him. Watching her from a few feet behind, Sungchan chuckled.
Tilting his head to the sky, he watched the clouds float lifelessly in the vast grey. The view of the city pollution drifting around even though it was quite a clear sky compared to most. He was home.
They were home
But those brief few days roaming around the countryside with fresh air and just mother nature made him feel more lively then he had ever before. The simple views of the boundless plains of greenery with herds of cattle and stallions helped him question unspoken thoughts that he never knew he had.
Such as what life is and the importance of it. What and why we are doing the things we do. It made him realise the mere significance we even have in this world . . in this universe. We are literally nothing and perhaps that is why we really should just live to our fullest and find happiness in all the small things.
Digging deeper and deeper, Sungchan embedded what he had to change about himself. He acknowledged the mistakes he had made in the past. And watching Deiji was exactly what he needed to remind him of those plains. She was the embodiment of freedom and that was exactly what he had to find within himself.
He had to let go free and stop stressing over the tiny things.
Because that is all he ever did. Try hard again and again over lines of paragraphs in order to understand them thinking that it will get him a good job in the future. He had to throw the textbooks aside and focus on the present because in the end you will leave empty handed anyway. The only thing you'd take with you is the memorable moments in life.
○
Gripping the handle of her large beach shoulder bag in her palms, Deiji kept her lifted hand hovering in front of the lock. Key standing in between her thumb and index finger, she did not enter it into the lock.
This was it. Like she hadn't prepared herself when entering into the mansion, she hadn't prepared herself when returning back home. She was clueless on how to approach her mother and talk about everything that had happened the past few days.
At that moment, she understood how difficult it must have been for her mother. Deiji constantly demanded for answers but she never came clean. The overwhelming feeling of hiding something for such a long time takes over. And Deiji couldn't even compare her situation to her mothers.
Deiji stole her mothers diary, read through it and went on a trip to find answers. No words could come to her lips in order to explain what she had done. Just then, the handle of the front door clicked open. Eye bulging out, Deiji took a step back and dropped her hand down. When it opened, her mother had a welcoming expression along her features.
"Why didn't you enter?" she asked her daughter who stood there still. Not receiving any response, Joo ri cleared her throat and moved to the side for her daughter to walk inside. "I saw you through the window. I waited for you to come inside but you didn't"
Awkwardly letting out a chuckle, Deiji placed her bag onto the sofa and glanced behind her shoulder for a second towards her mother. "I uh . . I was looking for the keys that's all" smiling widely, Joo ri carefully sat down on the couch and observed her daughter. "How was the beach?"
Completely avoiding her eye contact, Deiji nodded while pressing her lips together. "It was good. Very . . sunny" with no spirit behind her words, the younger girl clumsily dropped beside her bag and began rummaging through it to take out the items. "You finished the swiss roll?" Joo ri asked.
"Yeah. It was good"
Her answers were blunt and short. Joo ri could tell something was wrong. Something was bothering her. Something had happened. The thrill and excitement that was found in every movement in her body when she left had perished to non existence. Furrowing her brows, Joo ri tilted her head looking carefully at her daughter. "Did you get into an argument with Sungchan?"
Snapping her head up, Joo ri connected her orbs with her mothers and sent a smile. One that held secrets behind. "No, not at all" she laughed it off. Standing up, Joo ri took a few steps and sat right beside her daughter. "Then why do you look upset?"
It was strange to hear her mother genuinely caring. Back then, the old Deiji would've believed that her mother was faking it because she rarely asks about how her daughter's day had been or if she was feeling good. But now, after knowing what kind of person her mother is and the meaning behind her behaviour, Deiji knew that she was genuinely worried. She only asks when she knows that something is definitely wrong. And there was. But the girl just couldn't bring herself to talk about it.
Lifting her hand, Joo ri gently placed it on her daughter's cheek. "Have you been eating well? You look like you lost weight" she asked. A hint of concern yet anger behind her words. "Let me make you something" she stood up and walked towards the kitchen. "Only a few days and you look pale" she muttered under her breath.
Gulping, Deiji bounced her legs up and down frantically as droplets of sweat made a path down her temple. Throat dried up and nerves were screaming. She bit her bottom lip as voices were heard in her mind. Her heart tells her to speak up. She feared to do so not knowing what sort of reaction she'd receive. But unable to control it anymore, she blurted out in a spree.
"I met Kun"
Halting in her steps, Joo ri froze upon hearing her daughter's confession. A tension filled the room. Joo ri did not move a muscle nor speak a word and this scared Deiji. The silence was daunting.
Lips gaping, she shut them once again to take a small gulp before speaking. Slowly, lifting herself off the sofa, Deiji took a step towards her mother. "I didn't just go to any beach. I went to the one that you did with . . ." voice wavering, Deiji's muscles shook uncontrollably as she pulled out the diary from her bag.
Moving her foot back, Joo ri turned her head towards her daughter to find her diary in her palms. Heart dropping, she darted her alarmed sight to her daughter. " . . . with Chenle," Deiji mumbled under her breath.
Deiji can tell that her mother was not happy. The tightening of her fist and gravelling jaw said it all. However, unlike the shout that she was expecting, Deiji was faced with a desperate laugh. "I thought that it was strange how you were acting differently recently but it all makes sense now." she glanced at the floor. "But still I'm happy that there has been a change even though you read through something that is so precious to me" pressing her lips together, she tried to calm down her emotions. "But I'm not mad at you. I knew this day would eventually come. I just never knew how."
Closing the gap between them, Joo ri stood right in front of her daughter and took the diary. Putting it aside, she held onto Deiji's hand in hers. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
"Because you never answer!" Deiji scoffed out. Is her mother seriously asking her that? Shutting her mouth, Joo ri nodded. "I wanted to tell you. I always have but I didn't know how to." She tried to explain and for the first time, Deiji actually understood it in her perspective.
"I couldn't tell you how he died because then I'll have to tell you that he was a criminal and-"
"You don't have to explain yourself anymore. I understand" Deiji comfortingly told her. But Joo ri shook her head in disagreement. "I have to. I can't keep on pushing it away." taking a deep inhale she tightened her hold on Deiji's hand. "For both of our sake"
Wandering her dark orbs between her mothers lighter ones, Deiji eventually nodded and pulled her down onto the sofa. Placing her palms on her knee's Joo ri rubbed them back and forth, feeling the thin layer of sweat accumulating. Spotting the nervousness her mother was displaying, Deiji gently placed her palm on top of hers to stop her from fidgeting.
"The reason I never told you was because I didn't want to upset you." avoiding her eye contact, Joo ri looked elsewhere. "You were bullied for not having a father and it hurt me to watch you be mistreated. You were only a kid when it started and I feared that it would get worse if they find out that he was a criminal"
"But how would they find out mum?" sending a disimpressed gaze to her daughter, Joo ri frowned. "You might not know but you had a big mouth. Always shouting and screaming and sharing every little thing with everyone. You were enthusiastic and cheerful and always talked and talked and talked and I know that you would have."
"Yes maybe when I was 5 or 7 but why didn't you tell me now? I'm 18" Deiji had a valid point. But it wasn't the fact that she didn't trust her daughter not knowing at this big age but it was also because she couldn't stop herself from saying it after all these years of being quiet. Deiji knew that was the reason but she wanted to hear it from her mother. However, she got something else in response. "His death was on the news."
Her mind didn't function. She had to repeat her mothers words again to actually take it in. "W-what?"
"After I had released him from the station, the police were cautious about him and kept an eye. But then they didn't find anything dangerous about him so he was off the radar. That was the case until after he married me and even when you were born. But after his death in the location of an illegal site, they understood that all the accusations they once thought were on him were right. The police realised that he really was a criminal"
"So he is a really really bad person," Deiji muttered under her breath. Joo ri softly smiled and shook her head. Tapping her daughter's head she caressed her hair. "He once did bad things in the past. But he was a man with a good heart" falling her hand onto Deiji's cheeks she rubbed it gently with her thumb. "And he would have been an amazing father" Sighing, Joo ri shut her eyes momentarily. "And he told me not to tell you as well."
Furrowing her brows she sent an astonished look. "What! Why?"
"He told me to keep you safe and never find out about his past life. Apparently there were high chances that people could be after the both of us."
"What?!" hushing her daughter, Joo ri calmed her down. "Don't worry. No one is. There was a time when there were but not anymore. Winwin had promised me that he had dealt with the situation and we are safe now."
"So you hid it for my safety?, '' Deiji cried out. There were tears visible in Deiji's eyes. All this time, her mother was protecting her. And what did she do in return? Be defiant, disrespectful and rude.
"I want to say that I miss him, but how can you miss someone that you've never met?" she furrowed her brows, questioning. "But I do, I really do"
It hurt her to watch Deiji cry in front of her. Pulling her daughter onto her chest, Joo ri patted her back soothingly and lovingly. "I miss him too."