"Phoenix 1, Phoenix 1! Get your NODS on!" "Huh? What? My face! I'm Ali-" "Yeah yeah, there's no kodachi through your face, because we are currently chilling your mindscape, god I wish everyone got as many chances at redoing life, but I guess your phoenix decided to pull some strings, basically, there is some deep thing in your mindscape that is slowly making you become more and more weaker, last time you died in such a badass way, now you get stabbed and shot once and boom here you are" "who are you?""Pseudo 1-2, we're in charge of plugging all the holes you seem to constantly puncture yourself with ""your nanotech ""yeah ""Who's the people in red?" "Sickle team, they are the multiple antidepressants that you constantly inject yourself with" "Stimshots" "yeah, now let's kick this off, your life LITERALLY depends on it" "kay" Pseudo 1-2 pulled out a breaching charge and stuck it to the metal door, "breaching h-campus" "copy, 3,2,1 execute" the charge exploded and we swept the room, "NVGs on" Sickle 7 yelled, "we got a runner!" Pseudo 2 shot a running woman, dressed in shrine maiden clothing, "hey! Dude!" I ran over to the body, thinking it was Kiriko, I turned it over and there was no face, then a geometric like spider, clawed out of the costume and grabbed onto me, bullets fly and the spider gets shot, Pseudo 1-2 ran over to me, "Careful, that is called a sprite, they disguise as loved ones who are alive or dead, they lure victims and rip them to shreds" "sorry" "Don't do it again, you may be versed in the hostiles of the outside, but here in the mindscape, best to stick with the pros" "roger" we moved through trippy levels, where we traversed through several stages of my life, including the famous overwatch base, everyone called it "OW overgrown base" where it is the gibraltar base, covered in vines and abandoned, I had to reluctantly execute Genji, Angela, and even Levi, quite tearfully I made it to the end, a sharp metal shaft protruding through the roof, "There it is! The kodachi!" I looked up at the thing, Pseudo 1-2 looked at me, "Destroy this thing, and you'll return to consciousness, also, stop throwing yourself into bullets, chill, like how Genji did, anyways, let's get this metal rod thing out" "Copy" I planted c4 at the base of the metal shaft, "watch the fireworks" I hit the button and the metal shard rocketed out, Sickle 1 said over the radio, "Phoenix 1 returning to consciousness in 3, 2, 1, now" I blinked and now I am in a box, a cramped wooden box, with a bloody Kodachi next to me, I grabbed it and began working away at the wooden box, I grabbed the fizzled watch next to me and frantically tapped, I then heard voices, "Hey! Down here! Hello??" I yelled, I heard a muffled, "do you hear that? Someone's under the ground!" "Yeah! Get me outta here!" "It must be a ghost!" "no! what?" "Let's get outta here!" I hear steps receding, shit, I remember my portals and began creating one, I made one and crawled out, I stood up and brushed the dirt off of my death suit, "it feels good to be back, for the 3rd time, maybe 4th, I really don't know, the writer's a dumbass who can't let go of characters, so there's that" Text shows up below my vision like subtitles, <Wexomb_lel>:"Kenji shut the fuck up I literally wrote all that stuff and you're still ungrateful, here, take this you spoiled brat" and then I got struck by lighting <wexomb_lel> "Diss me again lil boy I own u" "FINE!" <Wexomb_lel>"Anyways, I'll be your wingman, yeah I'm breaking the 4th wall, idgas" "bro ok,but this is my story" <"that I made"> "yeah, yeah whatever" <"Anyways, time to put your girl into a panic attack"> "yeah" <"Lemme help ya out>" A GIGANTIC MOUSE POINTER CAME OUT OF THE FUCKING CLOUDS, <"Hop on"> I grabbed onto the base and got launched at MACH 10 VELOCITY <"Airstrike inbound, payload: a weird ninja that is supposed to be dead, destination: Overwatch Base gibraltar"> The world flew underneath me and I see the base in the distance <"contact in 3, 2, 1"> I crashed into the base and came out the other side, <"Contaaa fuck too fast too fast"> I felt a grab and was gently set in front of the base, I pushed through the gate <"Yo, you're the only one who can hear me, anyways, say ("Why is everyone so dull? Did someone die?")> "that's a good idea" I pushed through and entered the lobby, everyone immediately noticed the tuxedo-wearing guy who's supposed to be dead, "Why's everyone so dull? Did someone die?" <"nice"> not a single word was spoken as everyone looked at me in shock, horror and a tiny bit of anger, and that anger is approaching hard and fast, and she just slapped me across the face, <Oh shit> I rubbed the spot where Kiriko slapped me, "ow Kiri why are y-" <Airstrike inbound> the gigantic mouse pointer crashed through the ceiling, at least that's what I saw, I started yelling "dude! Put that mouse away!" <Chill Kenji, only you can see it> "Oh" <Good luck with Kiriko, something tells me she isn't the most happiest person ever> "No shit sherlock" <It looks like you just said the the air, now she thinks your delusional> "just bail me out, you know, use some of those dumbass writer powers" <Copy that> I turn to Kiriko, who wore a face of confusion, "who were you talking to?" "Nobody" I pulled out a smoke grenade and pop it "WRITER GET ME THE FUCK OUT" <Jeez already? Fine> I hear some Mechanical keyboard noises and me being teleported to a rooftop, "what the fuck?" <Welcome to Kanezaka, again, just in the past> "past?" <yeah, basically you witness everything, the Hashimoto Massacre, you and Kiriko getting together, all that nice shit> "Nice" <Now grab some donuts and enjoy, T H E S T O R Y O F T H E 2 K S, W E ' D B E F U C K E D I F T H E R E W A S A 3 R D K> "The stroy of 2ks and we'd be fucked if there was a 3rd k?" <Figure it out> "K,K,-oh, oh hell nah" <have this> I felt a soft thud on my lap and saw an unpinned flashbang, "You motherfu-" BANG EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, as my eyes slowly slowly recalibrated, I watched as a battered clone of me stumbled out of a mansion, covered in blood and holding an a wound, "Oh?" <That's you> "I'm gonna go talk to him" <Cover your face, remember, he should not know that you are Kenji Rioku> I pulled up my mask and dove off the roof landing a clean frontflip on the way down, P-Kenji (Past Kenji) Immediately started shooting at me, I dodged and weaved his wavering shots, before dashing and grabbing his gun and throwing it away, "Chill! Chill! I'm friendly!" "Really?" "Yep" I released him, he tried to kick and stab me, but I pulled out my Balisong and blocked his stabs, before pointing it at his throat, "Kenji! Stop it!" "How do you know my name?" "I know how your mother and siblings died, I know that you punched your father on your 18th birthday, I know that you are into Anime Waifus, and in fact, you have a poster of Astolfo hanging above your bed, take it down, that's gay" "How the fu-" "Astolfo is actually a dude, now TAKE THAT THING DOWN!" "Fine fine" P-Kenji lowered his guard, I quickly stabbed him in the chest, "What the-" "It's a canon event" "that that a Spiderman reference?" I thought, yep, this is me, "I'll take down the poster, you will probably be carried home by a hot fox themed girl with blue hair, buy her a donut, then you can stop fantasizing about getting anime girls and get an actual girl". I grabbed his keys from his pocket, "I'll take the Supra, don't worry it'll be at your apartment, don't mention me" I spun the keys a couple of times before walking to the white Supra, I heard behind me "Don't scratch it! It was my last gift from the company!" "Don't worry!" I opened the door and slid into the driver seat, getting a grip on what was going on, <I'll tell ya, through the caveman language> "wha-?" <U help u but yung, so yung u can get poos-> "THAT'S ENOUGH" <fine> I raced down the empty streets of Kanezaka, man, it felt like it was yesterday when I was having fun, living in a tiny apartment with me and my phoenix, worrying about nothing, going out on dates with Kiri, well, now I'll watch from a distance, on queue, I see Kiriko and Yokai, her little superhero gang running out of a nearby warehouse, I tipped my night vision goggles down and turned off my headlights, stopping in front of my apartment, I portaled in and ripped the poster off, grabbing the shreds, and tossing them in the trash can and I activated active camo, that makes me invisible, I started cooking some noodles but then I hear the door open, I quickly turned off the gas and served my noodles, grabbing the bowl and holding it to my face, absolutely motionless, I hear me groan, "who're you? Wait, you're the fox girl that he was talking about!" "Yep! Kiriko's the name!" I started slowly slurping my noodles, but then their footsteps stopped, "What's that amazing smell?" I quickly set down the noodles and swap out the chopsticks, staying silent. Kiriko slowly walked over to the kitchen, Kunai in hand, she walked over to the bowl and took a sniff, "oh! This smells nice! Say, Mr.?" "Kenji" "Where do you keep your chopsticks?" "What?" "Where do you keep your chopsticks?" "2nd Drawer near the cooktop" "thanks!" "I'm still bleeding" "oh yeah" Kiriko threw an Ofuda and it landed on P-Kenji's chest, "How'd you do that?" "The fox spirit!" "You have a spirit?" "Yeah?" "I do too! Phoenix! Come out!" My phoenix started coming out but I quickly shoved him, "not you dummy! His phoenix!" A copy of my phoenix zooms out, locking in on the fox, which was still confused af, "no way!" P-Kenji slides up to the kitchen counter, "Say beautiful, wanna go out for some donuts sometime?" I cringed so hard I almost broke the active camo, please don't fail please don't fail PLEASE DON'T FAIL! "Sure! I LOVE donuts!" "Great, tomorrow 10:00?" "Is this a date?" "If you want it to be" "Oh-kay!" Kiriko was blushing a bit, Coming off a bit too strong aren't you Romeo? After Kiriko finishes her noodles, (which is really mine) she leaves "bye!" "See ya!" I deactivate my active camo, scaring the shit outta P-Kenji, "DUDE! You were there the whole time?" "Yep!" "So you saw everything?" "Hell, Kiriko stole my noodles!" "Holy hell, teach me how to cook" "What?" "If Kiriko goes crazy over some bare ass noodles, imagine what would happen if I cook her a whole meal!" "Sure" I whispered to Writer, "yo, I want to take off my mask" <Fine, I'll make another book or something about this stupid ahh AU> "don't" <Ok, but you can't go around tampering with the temporal loop> "man shut up this is a Wattpad book it doesn't fucking matter" <That's true, people really just want to Read a Lemon of you and Kiriko> "A lemon? What's that?" I hear P-Kenji mumble "What's a Lemon? Like the fruit?" <SEGGS! PEOPLE WANT TO READ YOU AND KIRIKO HAVE SEGGS!> "WHAT?!" <I have to write it man> "Don't do it" <I'll fucken do it man, I kept Genji and Angela Fluffy, this shit ain't gon' go popular without some good ol' fashioned seggs> "This feels illegal to listen to" <yea this feels illegal to write, I'm gonna bleach my GPU> "don't the story won't save" <It's on a Google Doc we're good, and no, I'm not gonna Bleach my AMD Radeon RX580, I'm broke asf> "Fine" P-Kenji piped up "Who're you talking to?" "Nobody" I slowly removed my mask, revealing my amazing chiseled jawline and "What is Love" by Haddaway Slowed version plays in the background, "I KNEW I WAS GONNA BECOME A PIRATE! ALSO ARE YOU A TIME TRAVELER?" "No, I'm the commander of a powerful army, and yes, I am a time traveler" "Whoa" "Don't do Kiriko yet, that's my thing, which will be your thing" "wait I date Kiriko in the future?" "Yep" "WOOO!!!" "YEAH!! AND THEN YOU GET CONSTANTLY STABBED,SHOT AND KICKED DOWN FLIGHTS OF STAIRS!! WOOOO!!!" "WOO-wait what?" <I don't remember you getting kicked down flights of stairs> "WELL IT FEELS LIKE THAT! YOU KNOW, WHEN I EAT A 50 CAL SNIPER ROUND TO THE MOUTH, NOT A SINGLE SOUL SAYS "Yo Kenji? You Good? Do you need healing?" I FEEL LIKE I GET MORE DISRESPECTED THE MORE I TAKE BACKSHO- I MEAN FRONTSHOT- I MEAN SHOT" "Ayo?" "I'm not gae" <Cap> "What do you mean?" I hear some tapping and a voice coming over <Listen to this> (Queue very drunk Kenji slurring his words) "oh no" "I bEt I cAn SuCk DiCk BeTtEr ThAn HaLf ThEsE bItChEs HeRe, On mAh MaMah'S gRaVe" followed by a bunch of crashing and yelling I grab my face with my hands "There's no way I Unironically said that I suck Ding Dong better than all the women of overwatch, hell, some of them don't even suck!" <I'll delete this part later> "Please do" (Writer has failed, because you are reading this) This feels so wrong "say, let's hit the sack, I'm tired as fck" "yeah, I'm gonna need a wingman for this date, I don't wanna fumble this" I take out a pair of microphones, "take this, they are microphones, I'll tell you what to say, as long as you don't say something extremely off, I think you should be fine", "Great" "You hungry?" "Yeah, kinda", I began to think of something to make, "Have you tried Indian food?" "Nah, there aren't any Indian restaurants in Kanezaka, and I'm too busy to make it myself" "let me introduce you to something heavenly" I made a portal and grabbed a bunch of stuff, A block of Paneer, some green chili, a bit of ginger, red chili powder, onions and all purpose flour, after closing the portal and setting everything down on the counter, "Damn, this counter can't fit anything" I touched the counter and my nanotech extended the counter, leaving a nice clean finish "Where did that come from?" "Nanotech, ya like it?" I began with the dough, combining water, flour and some salt, after pummeling and rolling the dough for a bit, I set it to the side and began preparing the mix, I grated some paneer, then cut up some green chilis and added those, sprinkled a bit of red chili powder, and chopped the onions I tossed all those in a bowl and began mixing, with my hands of course, I made another portal and stole a "Tava" from an indian mother, BIG MISTAKE, she pulled off her slipper and threw that thing like a throwing knife with such speed and accuracy, It hit my square in the face, "OW!" I closed the portal before she took off her other slipper, I promptly decimated the slipper, and went on with cooking, turning the gas on, after a while, I stuffed a bit of the mix into a dough circle and flattened it, throwing it on the hot pan, before you knew it, I had made paneer paratha, I served it to P-Kenji, and put some butter on it, "Enjoy" I sat down with my Paratha and began chowing down, "MM!!!" I looked over to see P-Kenji wide-eyed "Dude this is amazing!" "I know right?" Fast forward an absolute munch-fest and both of them fall asleep.
DE MORNIG
I woke up feeling blessed, and never stressed, and then Writer held another flashbang to my face, <Rise and Shine Princess, It's 9:45, get a move on> "OH SHIT!" P-Kenji wakes up, "HUH?!?!?" "DUDE GET READY BRO YOUR DATE'S IN 15 MINUTES" "FUCK!" I stood up and grabbed a T-Shirt, Hoodie and a pair a pair of pants, "Kenji, get dressed, your not going in a bloody suit" "Fine" I grabbed the keys and headed outside, I plugged in the mic, "Mic check 1-2 Mic Check 1-2" "Loud and clear" "Splendid, now get your ass down here" "Roger" P-Kenji jumped down 5 stairs and ran into the car, I hit the gas and we peeled out of the parking lot, "The cafe's down the road" "I KNOW!" "Jeez okay" I drifted through a stop sign and almost collided with a hover truck, I swerved out of the way, then stopping in front of the shop, "out, you got 5 minutes, hustle, don't use any cheesy pickup lines, don't talk about what happened after she left, if she asks who dropped you off say your twin brother" "Thanks man" "Just looking out for myself" he exited the car and headed in the shop, My job is to watch and help, I parked the Supra and Grappled to a nearby building overlooking the cafe, I pulled out my sniper, not to shoot, but to observe, "I'm up, I can see everything" "great"
P-Kenji's POV
The smell of Chocolate and Coffee penetrated my nose, people were chattering amongst themselves, almost creating an atmosphere of tranquility and peace, I felt as if I'm in good hands, A watchful guardian watches from above, I would never think it would be A future version of me, but here I am, I spot Kiriko, she's wearing a blue and white, with a touch of red jacket, "Over here Kenji!" I made my way over to her, and sat in front, atop a comfy barstool "Hey Kiriko, what's up?" "Not much, I just woke up like 15 minutes ago, I was about to go back to sleep but then I remembered Oh wait! I have a Date!" "Really? Same! Just my brother reminded me "Dude! Don't you have a date?"" I let out a little chuckle, "say, would you wanna order something?" "I'd love that!" I tapped on the table, and a menu popped up, "What'll you have?" "4 dozen donuts" "Excuse me what?" "it's light work" "Okay, I'll have a cheese sandwich with tomato soup and a Coke" I order the stuff and we wait, "What do you do for a living?" "oh me? I work at the Shrine!" "Cool! I worked as a manager for an IT job(this is a lie), but then I quit and moved here ""Where are you from?" "Osaka,I lived there for most of my childhood" "I've never been there, I heard it rains a lot!" "Eh, not really" The waiter arrives with the food and sets it down "Thank you sir!" "Yeah, yeah whatever" Kiriko was a bit taken aback, "What's his problem?" "No idea" I hear a crackle {"Tell her that she is looking nice"} "Kiriko I must admit, you are looking fine today" I can visibly feel my face warm up after saying that {"Take a sip of Coke, she can see your blush"} I took a quick sip and my face cooled down, "You look handsome too!" "Really? All I'm wearing is a hoodie." "It's the face I like" Her face turns crimson red "Oh I'm so sorry that came off so creepy!" Kiriko covers her face with her hands. "Hey, Hey, It's fine, I was gonna say the same, I just didn't have the courage" {"You're doing great, however, we got trouble, Hashimoto APC is approaching your position, get ready for a gunfight"} My eyes widen, I grab Kiriko's hand "Kiriko, we may have some company" "what?" The APC emerges from the turn, revealing itself to the 2 of us. I pulled her down as the APC fired off a shell, piercing through the cafe's glass, flying over my head and an explosion erupts behind me, {"Shit! They spotted me! Engaging!"} Hashimoto Elite soldiers pour out and begin firing on the cafe and other buildings, "Why now?" I jumped over the table and ran at the soldiers, dodging and weaving, "This kid's trying to be a hero!" I stab the soldier in the neck, grabbing his rifle and shooting his friends next to him, wrenching the rifle from the corpse and ducking. Kiriko stabbed a soldier and I shot him, "I Didn't know you knew how to fight!" "My dad was a Yakuza, I had to protect my family somehow" I racked the charging handle back, before wearing the soldier's armor, {"Be advised you got an Elite inbound, I'll take care of him"} Future-me jumps on top of a juggernaut and started stabbing him with a Kodachi, he dropped on the floor and FM got up (That's what I'm calling him) Kiriko threw a Kunai at FM but he sliced it in half, "Chill! I'm with Kenji!" "Who're you?" "Kenjo" "Kenjo??" "I'm Kenji's Twin brother" "No way" FM took off his mask, "Whatever, let's take out these Hashimoto scum!" Kiriko whispered to me, "Say, why does Kenjo look older?" "he just came back from the military a couple of days ago" I am an amazing liar, Kiriko shrugged and said "anyways, let's speed this up!" Kiriko summoned her fox "LET THE KITSUNE GUIDE YOU!" Torii gates surrounded us and I felt a strong wind behind me, and was powered up, FM felt it too and went crazy, shooting and slicing every which-way, "oh wow, combat training huh?" "Oh heh- yeah" "You want to do a make-up dinner?" "What?" "A make-up dinner, you know, since the Hashimoto clan sabotaged this one?" "That sounds great" {"A little help would be nice"} I shot a crawling Hashimoto soldier, and went back to talking, "when?" "7:30" "Sure!" She gave me a little peck on the cheek and teleported away, I touched my cheek. FM walked out "she left huh?" "Yep, she left me a gift" "what?" I pointed at the lipstick mark on my cheek, FM was excited asf "DUDE!" I high fived him "Achievement unlocked!" "Dude you sound like D.Va" "Sorry I just play a lot of Tekken" "I know" FM nodded to follow, "It's a shame the Hashimoto ruined this by all accounts, good day" FM pulled out a tape deck, and played Ice Cube's "Good Day" "good choice" we walked down the street listening to the song, "I haven't been this happy in a while"
"Same bro, same"
<Literally same man, well, this is it, here>
A flashbang drops from the sky in front of me and FM,
"You Son of A Bi-"
BANG EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
<Anyways, this is my stop, I've tampered with the story enough, the when you are ready to return to your future, which is really the present, you can use the Flashbang to go back, flash it in your eyes, and you'll return to Overwatch HQ, as an added bonus, I'll make the return really emotional>
"Thanks Writer, for everything"
<Hey, just looking out for my OC, plus the Lemon Chapter is coming soon>
"Oh lawd"
<Peace>