celibacy, n.
n/a
They were in the lounge, while their daughter's still fast asleep in one of the rooms of their suite. Michelle was lying down on the couch while Anntonia was on her side, almost on top of her.
Quick pecks on the lips that turn into a full make-out session and then talking. More talking. Both of them are fully aware that just because they are back together, doesn't mean that everything's going to be back like the things were before.
Maybe a part of it; but this time the two of them want to be better than what they had in the past. This time they're both determined to make it right, not only for themselves but most importantly for Dani.
Michelle hoped her daughter would never experience what they went through and she's beyond ecstatic that their daughter would have a family that was intact.
"I had a session with Dr. Smith a few days ago." Anntonia started, while staring at Michelle.
"Oh?" she asked nonchalantly.
That action reminded Ann to thank the woman beneath her.
"Thank you."
"For what?" Tucking loose hair behind Ann's ear.
She raised an eyebrow at her, "I know you still check on Dr. Smith if I attend my therapies. I'm really grateful for that. It makes my heart happy that you still cared enough to think about my well being and my mental health, when in return I was doing the opposite to you," she mumbled.
"Baby, of course, I still cared for you. I don't think I would ever stop caring for you."
Her eyes downcast not meeting the brown orbs that she loves so much. "Hey, what's going on with that beautiful, artistic head of yours?"
Shaking head from overthinking, "nothing, I just- I thought you didn't care for me anymore. When you stopped talking to me after what happened when Jia arrived. It made me really think that you don't want to be around me anymore and that scared me to the bones. Because I pushed you away too many times already and in my mind I've succeeded, when, in fact, I want you."
"I thought it's the right thing to do because she's your girlfriend and you know what happened." She closes her eyes as she recalls what happened. "She told me she's going to propose to you. T-that I had my chance, and I blew it, so now it's her turn."
There's still pain visible on her features when she thinks about that time. Soft lips encased Michelle's lower lip, nipping it slightly. "She told me about that. You have no idea how much I wanted to run to you and tell you that what she said is not for you to hear. That it was me who blew my chance because I left."
"But I let you go, so I guess it makes the two of us. I've avoided you because I thought it would be the best action to do so, thinking you also don't want to be with me. I," she exhaled, "I thought about moving on from you, well, start moving on from you. Look for someone who can help me start over, help me get over you."
Anntonia's chest tightened, hearing it from her make her heart constrict at the picture of Michelle being with someone else in her thoughts. It frightens her. She never wanted to ask with whom, not wanting to know if that had already started.
"Heather." And that made Anntonia's green-eyed monster come out. Just by the mention of her name. Now she gets it. She now understood how it must have felt like for Michelle when she first found out about Jia. It made her insides go crazy. Had she not stuck her head out of her ass, Michelle would have been on her way to move on from her and try with someone else.
She swallowed thickly, "were you interested in her?"
Michelle did not answer her right away, and it made her anxious about what her answer would be. The short-haired woman pondered.
"Would you like the answer you'd like to hear? Or the honest answer?"
Right. Ann wanted to feel annoyed about that answer because why would there be a question like that when it should just be answerable by a simple 'Yes' or 'No'? She stared at Michelle, trying to convey what she felt about this one. It's as though she's regretting that she asked her this question.
If she said the former, Michelle's answer would be just to ease her already anxious mind and if she chooses the latter, then there's a possibility that she already knew what her answer would be and Ann doesn't know if she can handle sharing Michelle's attention with another woman.
The artist pursed her lips, while Michelle was studying her lover's face, already sensing her discomfort. "You have those choices? Can't you just answer the question with a yes or no?"
Michelle nodded, "Well, I'm still going to explain why either way, right?"
"Okay, hypothetically, what's the answer that I would like to hear?" She asks so seriously.
Wetting her lips before answering, "That I, hypothetically, like her but I won't make a move because I'm still hung up on you, I'm still really getting over you and there's a chance that I won't do anything because she'll probably get tired of waiting for me by then. Only if I asked her to wait for me."
The woman lying on her side remained quiet. 'That wasn't the answer I was expecting', Anntonia thought inwardly, that did not calm her already simmering feeling about this conversation.
She doesn't know if it's great because it seemed like a part of Michelle still wants to be with her but what did not sit well with her was there's a possibility that they might've gone out had she not admitted that she still loves her.
"And the honest answer?"
"I'd like to get to know her better and see where it would take us." It was a simple answer, but it conveys the truth and everything Ann needed to hear.
Michelle could see the change in her demeanour.
"Have you- have you been on a date with her?"
"Meetings. She considers it as our date."
Hearing that, Anntonia looked down. Questioning herself if she did the right thing or if she ruined Michelle's plan to move on from her and try a relationship with someone else. It hurts; God, it hurts hearing Michelle's honesty about what she feels for her colleague.
"I'm sorry." Is all she could say because her chest feels heavy. This is it, she thought. A fucking karma biting her in the ass.
Michelle furrowed her eyebrows, curious to know what she was sorry about? Ann cleared her throat to get her, like the woman beneath her, she also has to explain.
"I'm sorry for ruining it. Sorry for ruining your chance with her." She said in a low and dejected voice that made Michelle's frown deepen. Especially when Ann untangled herself from her hold and she stood up, towering over Michelle, looking anywhere but her.
"You can say no to me, you know? You can tell me you'd like to try a relationship with her, maybe she's better. Maybe she can take care of you and your heart better than I do. When all I did was to break it. I'm sorry. M-maybe this is a wrong idea. I'm sorry."
The room became silent. Ann was waiting for Michelle to say something and she didn't know what it was that she wanted to hear. She wanted to run away again, but she promised herself on her way here that she's not gonna do that again. That no matter how difficult it gets, she'll fight as hard and stay.
Right now though, her self insecurities heightened. And Michelle sat abruptly, her eyes alert and scared. Because Ann was capable of leaving her, what if she leaves again? She just got her back a few hours ago and now it seems like she's on the verge of running away again.
"Why would I say no to something that I really wanted for the longest time?"
"Should I give you time to think things through? Because though you wanted me for the longest time, there's someone out there who's not as damaged as I am and you like her. Both of your answers were glaringly obvious that you're starting to like her. So by all means, if you're not sure that you can do this with me, I'll step aside. Let's just celebrate Dani's birthday." Ann smiled tersely. She walks over to the room where Michelle put her luggages to unpack some of her clothes and her toiletries
Leaving Michelle in the lounge of their suite alone. She closed her eyes and went back to their conversation and she's right, it both sounded like she's admitting to liking Heather. Feeling stupid to actually ask her which answer would she prefer? It's easy, way too easy, but she opted to make it more complex between the two of them.
What makes her heart beating faster and nervous is that Ann might slip on her fingers again and this time there would be no turning back and she didn't want that. She's here now, and that's more important. She strode inside the room, standing by the door, watching Ann take her things out quietly, careful not to wake their sleeping daughter in the next room.
"Can we talk about it again?" She asks.
Ann didn't turn her head in her direction, she just continued sorting her things out because if she did, Michelle would see that she's been crying and she didn't want to be a bummer and ruin this trip that she wasn't even included in the first place.
"It's okay, we don't have to. I understand. You don't have to explain it to me any further."
"No. Those were hypothetical answers. I want you and this, us. You have no idea how happy you're making me right now. We're going to figure things out and make this work because you're not walking out that door anymore. I won't let you leave, I love you."
"They're not hypothetical answers and you know it."
"But it is. Sure, she's pretty and it would be interesting to get to know her, but I can do that without being romantically involved with her. I was thinking about when you're not with me yet, when I thought Jia had already proposed to you and in my head, you said yes. So I was thinking of giving you up, my feelings for you."
She took a deep breath because Ann's still not looking at her.
"Baby, look at me, please." She pleaded, so Ann tilted her head and looked at her.
"I really believed that you don't love me anymore, so then I thought maybe it's time for me to look for something that could take my mind off of you, something that would help me at least heal. Not a relationship, you know I won't jump on something like that right away." Michelle sauntered to her closer and wrapped her arms around her waist.
"But you're here now, you followed us here and you want me. God, Anntonia, I wanted this to happen so bad. I really, really do. I want us to be family again. Heather's fine, sure. But she's not you."
The artist rested her forehead against Michelle's. Their breaths mingled as Michelle noticed the tear tracks on her cheeks.
"Hey." she whispered.
"I love you, Mrs. Dee" That made Ann pull away for a bit and gazed at the woman in front of her. That's what they call her at Michelle's office in New York, where everyone knows her as their boss' wife.
That made her chuckle. "You know I still get called Mrs Dee whenever I bump into Cassie and your team whenever I'm in town, even after we divorced."
"Well, they must have known that after everything, you're still the woman I've introduced to almost half of the staff in my office in New York. Or maybe because you always fed Cassie each time you visit me with food, that's why her loyalty is still with you, baby." She joked.
"I love you too, Michelle."
And it's her turn to feel as if she couldn't breathe for how that always takes her breath away. The way she said it made her heart flutter and it won't slow down beating.
"I love you too." Having to say the word 'too' at the end when Anntonia says those three words is the most beautiful feeling in the world. When it was only impossible before, now she's allowed to utter those words again.
"I know this is like the nth time, but I'm sorry. Just how jealous I could get and it's not fair to you because I literally dated someone else while you, you haven't even made your move to get over me and I'm already on the verge of losing it with just the thought of you liking her. I love you, baby. I'll stay until you want me to be by your side, I won't leave until you ask me to because just like you, I couldn't stay away."
Michelle grinned, there's still fear in her mind and her heart but she doesn't want to dwell on that for now. Anntonia's here to celebrate Dani's birthday and to have a fun family time. Forget what's bothering you for now. She told herself inwardly.
So she leaned in for a kiss. Thinking it's been a few minutes since she kissed those full lips and she wanted a taste of them again. Ann kissed her back so tenderly that it makes her forget all of her fears now that the woman she loves is back in her arms.
Feeling Anntonia's tongue probing against her lips, and so she parted hers without thinking twice. Her warm body pushed against Michelle as their kiss deepened. She teased the tip of her tongue with Michelle's, and they both groaned. Long fingers found its way to her waist and pulled her really closer if she could, feeling her breasts pressed firmly against her.
Blood rushed behind Michelle's ear when Ann took her bottom lip between hers; nipping and tugging it towards her. She wanted her tongue again, but Ann didn't let her have it, so she groaned. She felt her love chuckling through the kiss because she's like being a kid for not getting what she wanted.
She shuddered when she felt Ann's fingers in her hair, raking and holding Michelle to her, kissing her firmly and steadily. It feels good, fuck; it feels really good. Ann let one of her hands wander through her body, inserting her warm hand inside Michelle's shirt, touching her stomach and she whimpered. She felt the tingles run up her thighs and settled on her core. Her touch was tender but bold and Michelle felt confident about how sure Anntonia's touch made her feel..
She's moaning softly, and that made Ann more determined on her ministration. The soft and light touches became more fervent, all the while the tongue that she was seeking is back inside her mouth and Michelle kisses her back with such bruising intensity and fervour.
Short-haired woman groaned when she felt Ann's hand slid south across her abdomen. Wanting to also to cop a feel, Michelle's hands fell from her waist and wandered down, revelling in the feel of her partner's shapely ass in her palm, kneading them with vigour. Michelle didn't think she could get aroused so quickly.
"You'll ruin my dress." Ann mumbled in between kisses. It made Michelle halt their kiss and raised an eyebrow at her love, before grinning at her cheekily.
"Then get naked and take it off." She grunted resolutely.
Anntonia paused and looked directly into the now obviously aroused and darkening orbs. She brushes a stray of long wavy hair, while Ann's fingers combing to her short ones made Michelle calm down with just feeling her fingers on her scalp.
Michelle could see it too, Ann wanted her too with the way she's looking at her right now. The way she touched her while they kissed in the lounge a while ago. Unlike before, they were just into doing it, not being mindful of the consequences when she was still with Jia and now that she can have her fully without thinking that they'll regret their actions after making love, Michelle would want nothing more than to have her right here, right now.
She knew Ann could feel how much she wanted her and she's aching to delve into the moist heat between Anntonia's legs.
"I want you so much." Ann whimpered to her mouth needlessly and boy, did Michelle feel the coiling in her stomach. She pressed herself closer to her and to ground herself against her enticingly. Fuck, she's so sexy.
"But Dani's going to wake up on her nap soon." Ann says, halting Michelle's movements. She closed her eyes because, yes, their daughter was about to wake up soon, but she was desperate to feel and be closer to this beautiful woman she loves.
The very strong desire to have her way with Ann in the bed or on top of the mini dresser is overwhelming. She groaned on Anntonia's neck after, "but I need you" and untangled herself to sit down on the bed, leaving her standing in front of her.
The object of her desires, took a deep sigh and studied Michelle's face, to her slowly heaving chest down to where she can see her desire for her visible in her hooded eyes plainly. The woman on the bed stared at her, following her gaze down on her, meeting her eyes, and she throbbed.
But what made Michelle rest her body all the way on top of the bed and some piles of clothes were Anntonia's breasts. She groaned, and her lover frowned.
"What's wrong, baby?" she asked, not sure if she should be worried or be amused at what she was doing. She walked over to her closely, but Michelle closed her eyes. How could she even wear a dress like this when it's winter in Paris?
"Michelle?"
The other woman huffed. "You're not wearing a bra." She lamented.
Anntonia burst out laughing loudly inside the room, before covering her mouth, remembering that they have a sleeping daughter in another room. Fits of giggles filled the room and Michelle glared at her. Fucking lace dress. She can see the side and underside curve of her breast, noticing the two hard peaks on the lace.
"Come on, stop that! You're going to hurt your eyes." Ann chuckled as she watched her frustrated lover dig her knuckles into her eyes to cover them.
Ann sat down on the floor with her legs crossed in front of Michelle, who's still covering her eyes. When she took off her hand, she scanned the room and didn't see Ann standing in front of her anymore.
"I'm here." Ann giggled when Michelle sat up straight.
"You're going to cum in your knickers and your pants if you keep on squirming like that." She pointed out, watching her discomfort. Those words sent another tingle to Michelle's spine and she might really cum if Ann kept on talking about it.
Standing up on the floor, she walked closer to Michelle, parting her thighs so she could stand in between. Strong arms automatically encircling her full waist.
"Or you can take the pants off so I can eat you out."
Her mind went blank at first with that suggestion and in an instant, her mind filled with images of Ann on her knees, dark brown eyes gazing lovingly and hotly at her, full lips and tongue lapping at her while one of her hands is on what she imagines is a soaked centre touching herself. While the other is groping her breast. Just when she thought her centre wouldn't throb more than it's throbbing now, she hugged Ann's body firmly, grunting on her braless chest. "Oh, my God." She bit her lower lip hard as she came undone, just like what her lover had already predicted.
"Fucking hell, fuck your filthy mouth." She groaned on her Anntonia's chest.
Soft hand, raking her hair back and forth.
"Baby, I'd let you. That's the general idea of eating you out."
Another growl and she pulled Ann onto the bed, switching their positions. Quick hands bunched the fabric of her dress upwards and a warm mouth found its way to one of her erect nipples, laving her tongue before sucking it then onto the next one, giving her bosoms the same attention, talented hand pulled her own panties and pants down, still throbbing and excited even after cumming just a few minutes ago.
Before Ann could protest that Dani might walk in on them while in a very compromising position, long fingers find their way to her now soaked, barely there thong and played with her bundle of nerves. Not waiting for permission, Michelle slipped Ann's panties to the side and entered her with her index and middle fingers.
"Fuck!" they both moaned loudly.
Michelle paused, which made Anntonia frown because, dammit, she wanted her to drill into her faster. "Baby, I know it feels so good, but I need you to be quiet right now."
"If you can be quiet, too. Move." Anntonia retorted, hooking her legs behind her as high as she could and with that action, Michelle's fingers inside of her went in deeper.
And move she did. She kissed her hard, almost bruising before she stood up, unhooking Anntonia's toned legs, parting them wider and holding them upward as she continued to go in and out of her, squelching sounds and their quiet moaning filled the room.
Michelle looked down, watching her fingers as it disappeared in and out of Ann's tight cunt.
"God, I've missed you." She mumbled, not slowing down on her ministrations. Ann rolled her eyes at how good it felt to be like this again, to feel each other like this again.
She canted her hips and Ann whimpered as Michelle hit her spots over and over again, making the woman beneath her make a loud grunt. She leaned over and fused their lips together, swallowing her moans. Moving her body with each thrust, fucking her harder and deeper.
Ann came, shaking at how powerful that orgasm hit her.
The woman on top of her grunted. So, Ann sat up and pushed Michelle off her, making them both groan for the lost contact of her fingers.
Ann kneeled in front of her, and then with no warning, a warm mouth enclosed her clit, sucking her off. Moaning at the taste of Michelle's as she licked and sucked, her head bobbing up and down, her hands groped Michelle's breasts and that made the woman who's watching her throw her head back, hand holding firmly at her hair, her hips moving carefully, meeting Ann's mouth and it was her turn to reach over the edge, coming into Anntonia's mouth, taking everything she could give her.
After, Michelle helped her sit in the bed and though her knees felt a bit wobbly after fucking the love of her life and also being eaten out so intensely, she pulled her pants up and ran into the washroom, to get a wet towel and ran back into the room and she cleaned Ann's face, thighs and her centre.
—
"Are you okay?" Michelle asked, as they came back to the lounge for some more cuddling after she helped Ann unpack her things and both of them changed into clean pyjamas. Still tired and high for how good it felt to be reunited with her, her lover nodded her head.
"Are you?" She asked back, giving her a peck on the lips.
Michelle grinned, her cheeks bunching up like a chipmunk. "Okay is not the word I'd use, baby. I feel fantastic, excellent, marvellous-"
"All that for me giving you a head after sex, huh?"
Michelle giggled, hiding her face at Anntonia's neck.
"Awe.. are you being shy, baby? After you literally just yanked me to the bed and hammered into me?"
Blush creeped into her neck up to her face. She chuckled shyly. "Sorry. I just- I couldn't help myself."
"Don't say sorry about wanting me, baby. Do not apologise for that ever. Because it feels great that I have this effect on you and you do the same to me. Why do you think I let you have me during those times that we made love?" She smiled at Michelle gently.
"We'll talk more here and when we get back, okay? But for now, let's enjoy our holiday here in France. Which reminds me, that we have to wake her up now because it's gonna be hard for her to fall back asleep later and I'm starving with all those sexing each other that we just did." Ann smirked.
God, this woman and her mouth.
"Just.. you're gonna make me want you again when I can't have a round two right now, so stop." She whined as Ann snorted. Michelle connected their lips for a few seconds. Before getting up to wake up Dani.
"Do you want to wake her up and surprise her?"
Anntonia nodded her head, standing up and interlacing their hands together as they made their way to their daughter's room.
Dani's still sleeping, she's lying in a fetal position with her tiny and chubby legs resting on top of a pillow. She already kicked the comforter out of her.
Her mummy sat down beside her, combing her long, shiny locks. "Wakey, wakey." She mumbled closely to her daughter's ear. "Dani, time to wake up, baby."
The child hummed, turning to where her mummy was and then she put her arm to hug Ann's head, causing her parents to giggle. "Dinner time, baby. Time to eat." Dani opens her eyes when the voice that's waking her up registers to her brain.
"Mummy." She rasps.
"Surprise! Mummy's here with you and mama." She said, peppering her face with kisses. The child laughs at her mummy's antics.
"That tickles, mummy." She whined, but was still laughing. "Mama, help!"
Michelle jumped on the bed and joined in their fun, she looked at Anntonia and winked at her before tickling their little girl on her onesie covered tummy.
"Oh, no! Tickle fight!" She laughs boisterously. Trying to fight her mama as if her short arms could reach her for a tickle fight.
Ann watched her- what should she call Michelle now? She pondered. Are they going to date or is she her girlfriend now? Definitely not her wife, yet? Because they were still divorced in papers. She was so busy overthinking about it until a soft pillow smacked her in the face.
Dani shrieked at how funny her mum's expression was after getting hit with a pillow. It was so contagious that Michelle was also brought into stitches.
"Sowwy, mummy!" The child said in between fits of giggles.
Her mummy squinted her eyes at her two babies in the bed ganging up on her. With the largest grin on her face. This is what she wanted, she thought. This life, like this with her two loves. She could live with this, she knows there's gonna be more bumps along the way but she's willing to take on that road with them, who knows maybe there will be more of little her and little Michelle in the future, but right now, Dani is more than enough. She'll fix it. Whatever it was that needed fixing in her relationship with Michelle, this time she'll stay. This time she knows she's stronger and really ready to fully heal and forgive herself.
—
"I wuv this food. See, mummy. Wike this. Turn, turn. Then- oops." The pasta falls back on the plate while Dani's trying to show her mummy off her tiny fork and tiny spoon skills.
They didn't want to go out for dinner since it's already getting late, so Michelle just called in and ordered for food to be delivered to their suite. After their strenuous activities and the tickle fight, it all made them exhausted and hungry.
They both can see how happy their daughter is being with her parents in the same room with her, having dinner and playing fun games with them.
"Are you happy that mum's here?"
"Uh-huh. She sleeps here, mama?"
They both smiled. "Yes, she sleeps here with us. Is it okay?"
The child nodded her head, busy feeding herself with pasta.
Ann had asked her about their room situation earlier while they were waiting for the food, she said she can sleep in the other room but Michelle didn't like the suggestion because she wants her to sleep with them.
"I just thought that you'll feel weird if we share a bed right away."
"It's fine, baby. Dani's gonna be happy to see us sleep in the same bed, although she's getting used to sleeping in her own bedroom at home because she thinks she's a big girl now." Michelle lamented, and it made Anntonia frown.
"But I don't want her to be a big girl yet. She'll always be my little buddy. Five is still a baby." She lamented. It's a great thing that their daughter is learning to be independent and she's more than proud of her, but it's kinda sad that she's really growing up faster and soon enough she's going to want to do stuff on her own.
Michelle chuckled, kissing her temple. "I feel the same, baby. So let's cherish all the moments while she's still young. Let's spend more time with her."
—
Dinner was great and Michelle couldn't wait to spend Dani's birthday the next day with her and now with Ann. She's beyond excited that this time Dani won't be celebrating her birthday, Christmas and New Year's Eve and New Year's day separately and all the coming holidays and important days in her life.
It was already half-past 11:00 p.m. when Dani got tired and fell into a deep slumber again. Her eyes got exhausted from watching the reruns of her favourite T.V. shows.
The couple stayed on the couch longer, catching up on work stories, personal stories and more Dani silly and funny stories that they couldn't talk about then. Sometimes Michelle gets distracted just by gazing at her lovingly and so she'll miss whatever Anntonia was telling her or sometimes in the last couple of hours that she'll interrupt Ann's story telling by kissing her and it will turn into a full make-out session.
Ann did the same, though, listened to her intently until she'd get lost staring at Michelle's beauty. It's like they're on their dating stage back in college, they love talking and the quiet at the same time. Until exhaustion got into their system and so they went on a quick shower together without doing anything funny because Ann promised her she can have her tomorrow if she behaves in the shower and so she did.
When they got into the bed, Dani in between them, Ann reached for Michelle's hand before her eyes felt heavy.
"I love you so much. You and Dani."
"I love you too, so much."