A/N
I HIGHLY RECOMEND LISTENING TO THE TANGLED SOUNDTRACK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE FOR YOUR METAL HEALTH.
BEST MOVIE EVER.
ANYGAYS ENJOY MLS.
ITS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING...
**
It was a weird relationship the two of them had. There were no labels on it, they hadn't told anyone other than the ones that already knew, and hadn't gone on any more dates but as far as Louis knew, they hadn't kissed anyone else. Well, at least Louis hadn't.
He was scared to ask Harry if he was being honest. And their last conversation about love hadn't gone down well obviously, seeing as they hadn't see each other for three years.
It felt just like old times, whenever they hung out, though there was a certain tension in the air, like there was an unsettled matter they were both dying to discuss and Louis didn't know if Harry wanted to as well, but Louis really wanted to ask Harry about love.
The end of term can to a close and that night Louis decided to stay in. It was raining outside, the end of autumn nearing, winter around the corner. The sky was starry, patches of dark clouds not dulling the light of the moon.
Louis calls Harry. He doesn't really know why, he knows Harry will be probably be going to some party with Niall. Harry picks up after two rings.
"Hi," Harry sounds like he's smiling, "How are you?"
"Good." Louis fiddles with a hole in his jeans, grinning too. "Are you going out?" Harry laughs.
"No, actually, Niall's sick. We cancelled...." He trails off, "Why?"
"Did you want to come over? If Niall's not too sick."
"Is this your way of politely asking to sleep with me?"
"No..." Louis smirks to himself, "Well, yes, but also I wanted to see you."
"Um, yeah. Sure-" Something crashed on Harry's side and Niall swears loudly. "Sorry, hang on. I'll be over in twenty?"
"Yeah," Louis smiles softly. I love you. "Bye." Harry says bye and hangs up. Louis smiles and sits up, swinging his legs onto the floor from his couch. He feels all warm inside and he doesn't know why. Then something dawns on him.
Wait.
His breathing quickens, panic floods his body, he picks up his phone and throws it at the wall, as if that'll erase the thought. He grabs the nearest pillow and screams into it. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK.
His throat feels tight, his lungs feel weak, his head feels fuzzy and his blood runs cold.
He must have been there for a while because there's a knock on the door. Louis debates saying, sorry, no, no ones home, Louis died due to resent events including absolutely hating himself and throwing himself onto a highway.
But he opens the door, because of course he does.
Harry's standing there, smiling, holding what looks like a bowl of soup. He leans forward and kisses Louis quickly, "Hey there." Louis holds his breath, but Harry just pushes past him and goes into the kitchen. "I brought left over soup because I thought maybe you hadn't eaten yet today, well, at least, nothing healthy, and Niall didn't want it anymore so I thought you should have it and..." He glances back at Louis, "You okay?"
Louis stares at him. How was he not going insane as well?
"Um. Yeah."
Harry studies him. "Okay. Do you want me to heat this up?"
"No, that's okay, just put it in the fridge." Louis mutters and walks into the lounge room, feeling like he's in a daze. "Thank you though."
"Are you sure? You look pale."
"I'm fine." Louis says, sitting on the couch. He was absolutely not fine. Harry shrugs and puts it in the fridge, walking over and sitting next to Louis, watching him softly.
"Did something happen?" Harry whispers. Louis swallows.
"No." Louis decides to have a crisis later. "Just tired." Harry smiles at him gently and hold out his arms. Louis falls into them like he's just come home from war. Harry holds him close, Louis can hear his heart beating rhythmically. How is he not affected in the same way Louis is?
He draws swirls on Harry's shirt, clenching his fist around the maroon materiel. "Do you want to sleep?" Harry says quietly, "Or watch a movie?" Louis shakes his head slowly. He can feel Harry exhale on his hair.
"Just..." Louis' mouth feels dry. "Can we stay like this? Please?" Harry nods and squeezes Louis tighter. Louis feels tiny wrapped in Harry's arms. He doesn't mind it for once. He tenses when Harry kisses his forehead. He doesn't know why but his eyes tear up slightly.
"Lou..." Harry sounds so small. "Can we um... talk about something? Important."
Louis purses his lips. He really doesn't want to. Not right now. Not when one word will ruin everything. Not when... not when he loves Harry this much.
"Do we have to?" He whispers. Harry inhales.
"I want to. Please, Lou, I don't want it to come out like it did last time." So. Harry doesn't love Louis back. That's what Louis' getting from this. Harry-
"I don't know if I'm coming back next term."
Louis' brain freezes. He goes cold, all warmth left Harry's body. "What?" Not this. Not everything all over again.
"Or. Um. Ever." Louis sits up, staring at Harry in shock. Harry continues, "There's nothing for me here, really and-"
"What about me?" Louis' body is numb. Harry's expression softens.
"Well I mean... we're not, like, togeth-"
"Don't say it." Louis' voice hardens. Suddenly he wants Harry to leave. Right. Now. "Go. Please."
"Louis, can we talk about this? I wanted to say I-"
"Go!" Louis yells, he doesn't know where this is coming from, or if this angers always been there. Maybe it has. Harry's eyes water and Louis bites his tongue. Fuck. Harry swallows and stands up, shoving his hands in his pockets before walking out.
The door slams shut and Louis' tears escape. He falls back onto the couch and closes his eyes, allowing himself to sob himself into the depth of darkness.
**
As much as Louis hated to admit it to himself, he missed Harry. He woke in the middle of he night wanting to touch his hair and hold him close, or even just kiss him again.
God, if only Harry had told him a month ago and Louis could have stopped himself from falling.
The days grew shorter, which was fine by Louis, seeing as he spent most of his time in his bed wallowing and time was irrelevant to him now. Day and night blended into each other and he's pretty sure Lottie called him a hundred times. Something about her being worried.
Harry called too. That's when Louis turned off his phone.
Harry called obsessively, looking back on it. He sent texts too, asking to talk. Asking if he's okay. How dare Harry have the absolute audacity to ask him that after he not only ripped out his heart, but tore it painfully slowly from his chest, ate it, threw it up, chopped it, cooked it, stomped on it, threw it on to a highway and ran it over with his own car.
Louis lay in the dark and wondered if this was his destiny.
Unrequited love forever and ever. He tried to think positive, but all he could think about was Harry.
It was a week later when he turned on his phone for things other than checking in with his mum. Niall had left him three calls and seven texts he didn't read them, sighing and calling him back.
Niall picked up after the first ring, "Hey, mate, look-"
"No." Louis sat up and rubbed his eye, his hair looking like an outright catastrophe. "You look. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know how Harry is. Okay? I'm in enough pain."
Niall butted in. "Man, I know you're hurt but you need to call him back. He's leaving today and I think you should say goodbye. Not like last time. A proper one."
"He doesn't want to see me."
"Has he told you that or did you imagine he did because I think the fact he's been clutching onto his phone for dear life and checking it every one thousandth of a second says he wants to see you."
Louis groans and flops back onto his pillow, "What if I don't want to see him?"
"I don't care. He..." Niall hesitates, "Look, I really think you guys should talk this out together but he hasn't been great, Lou, he really misses you."
Louis feels guilt creep into his stomach. He stares at the stream of light coming through the gap in between his curtains. Dust floats in the air, looking like glitter. Louis remembered Harry telling him they were fairies when they were younger. Then they'd spent hours trying to catch them under small plastic tuber ware containers.
He remembered laying beside Harry on the grass of the football oval, only thirteen and Louis had fallen deep. He was staring at the boy while he was talking passionately about a new album coming out and his cheeks were flushed a pink, his curls fanned out around his head, his hands in the air, talking with gestures. Louis could only swallow and look away, his face a maroon red.
He remembered the same situation happening four years later, laying next to him by their lake. Harry's bare chest glowing under the sun light, his eyes happy. He talked loudly, quickly, expressing his excitement so beautifully and Louis couldn't believe he had him. He could kiss him, and if Harry let him, love him. He'd reached over and tilted Harrys face towards him, Harry's sentence coming to a stop when he looked into Louis' eyes, but they flickered closed when Louis' lips met his and he wrapped his arm over him, their bodies getting tangled on the grass.
He remembered Harry's smile, his laugh, his eyes, his blush, the little thing he did with his hands when he was anxious. The way he looked in Louis' clothes and his skin, his lips and the way his hair felt when he wrapped his fingers through it, and the way Harry's lips parted in the most beautiful way when he tugged on it, looking so pretty under Louis.
He also remembered the way Harry made him cry and Louis couldn't help but wonder if that meant he really loved Harry more than he ever had before.
"Mate?" Niall's voice interrupted, "Are you still there?"
Louis made a decision then and there he hoped he wouldn't regret. "Where's Harry?"
"Actually..." Niall coughs, "That's why I called. He just left for the train. He's leaving in twenty minutes and-"
"Niall I have to go. It take twenty minutes to get there."
"I, um, yeah. Go!" Niall hangs up before Louis can and Louis rushed to his cupboard, tugging on clothes as he runs to the door, he grabs his keys and rushes outside. He bolts through the crowds of people, mostly students, leaving.
"Fuck!" He shouts and sees a cab out of the corner of his eye. He waves to it and it stops beside him. He jumps in, "The train station please!" He clicks his seatbelt. The man stares at him blankly, oblivious to his anxiety.
"That'll be-"
"I don't care! Go! Now! Please!" the man rolls his eyes and mutters something about romance being stupid before taking off faster than Louis was sure the speed limit was. When they arrived Louis leaned forward to pay but the driver told him to leave it and go. Louis shrugged and ran into the station.
He jumped over the ticket railing, sprinting into the crowd in desperation. Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Tears welled in his eyes, waiting to attack...
Then he saw him.
He was standing, looking nervous out of his mind. Under his eyes were slightly red and Louis wanted to throw himself onto the train tracks at the thought he caused them.
His eyes looked greener than the ocean and his hair looked windswept naturally even though Louis knew he spent ages styling it. He was wearing his usual clothes but Louis recognized that hoodie. It was the one Louis had given to him a couple of weeks ago so he didn't have to walk home cold.
Everyone else blurred and his vision tunneled.
If Louis was being perfectly honest, he did not expect to ever see that face again.
That perfect, god like face that infuriated him to death but had eventually become endearing.
Suddenly, in that moment, standing on that train platform, autumn leaves curling around his feet, flannel shirt rippling in the breeze, time stopped as he stared, like a goldfish, at the boy who was looking right back at him from across the crowd, he realised just what to do.
Like the idiot Louis was, he ran towards him.
"Harry!" He yelled over the announcement for the train, running in between people and tripping over bags, he was finally reaching the love of his life. He grabbed Harry's arm and vowed to himself to never let go. Metaphorically speaking, he would physically have to let go eventually.
"Louis?" Harry called, frowning, "What are you doing here? I thought-"
"You thought wrong." Louis huffed, "I'm such an idiot and stupid and a dumbass and you were so, so, right Harry. You've always been right, actually, well maybe not always but like a solid ninety percent of the time you're right and that's one of the things I love about you and I'm getting off topic here but-"
"Is there a point to this?" Harry glances from the train back to Louis and Louis tries to focus on what he was going to say and not the fact that there's a curl resting on Harry's jaw and Louis wants to brush it away. He hesitates and Harry raises his eyebrows, "Look, I really have to go-"
"I love me." Louis blurts out. And Harry stares at him.
"What?"
Louis replays it in his head trying to figure out where he went wrong, "Wait. Fuck! Sorry, no." He swallows and inhales deeply. "I meant to say, I love you. Harry."
Harry drops his bag on the ground, "Tomlinson, you better not be fucking with me."
"Harry! God! No, I love you! So much, so much it hurts to look at you, and you don't have to say it back but I think you're the best person on this earth and you're so beautiful and kind and funny and smart and Christ, I love you so, so much and-"
Harry leans forward and kisses him. Louis makes a startled noise, shocked. Then he puts his hand on Harry's waist and pulls him in closer, kissing him back. Harry sighs into his lips and pulls back. Louis stares at him.
"Please say that was an I love you too kiss and not a goodbye kiss because I swear, to God, Styles, I will kick you in the balls-"
Harry laughs and runs his fingers through Louis' hair, "Fuck, Louis shut up for once, Jesus, you're frustrating." He smiles and kisses Louis slowly. He pulls back and rests their foreheads together, "I love you too."
Louis lets out a shaky sigh, "Oh my God, thank fuck. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't said that. It would have been so embarrassing. You're not going to leave now?"
"Lou?" Harry whispered with a soft smile on his lips.
"Yeah?" Louis grinned.
"Please, I love you, but you have to be quiet you're ruining the moment."
"Sorry, I was just so nervous." Louis watches Harry giggle into his shoulder and pick up his bag. The doors of the train close behind Harry and Louis sighs with relief. "Should we go?" Louis murmurs. Harry nods and intertwines their fingers, an invisible string knotted between them.
For the first time since Louis had arrived at this station, it seemed less grey, and the world had a splash of colour.
**
How do you know someone really loves you and isn't just saying it?
Louis thinks about this one night as Harry lays next to him sleeping, the blanket falling delicately over the curves of his body. Louis combs the hair out of Harry's face gently Harry hugs him tighter in his sleep.
Louis hopes he's dreaming good things. Summer days, or perhaps autumn ones. You know, because it's the season they both fell in love in.
Maybe Harry was even dreaming of him. Like a few days ago, when he woke up and made coffee in the kitchen and told Louis that he'd had a dream that wasn't very PG. Louis said they'd have to do it someday and Harry had blushed, shaking his head. I think dream me is more kinky than real me.
Louis loved Harry so much it was becoming unbearable, he fell for him a little bit more every time he saw him. There was a sweetness to life now. Being without Harry was painful at this point, and Harry had said that almost verbatim when he called Louis while he was shopping.
Small, domestic things they did made Louis unexplainably happy, like washing the dishes together, or when he came home to Harry cooking and very nearly died.
Niall had gotten a girlfriend and few days ago, after going on a couple of dates, he'd finally the guts to ask her and she'd said yes. Harry said to Louis that this was the reason he spent so much time at Louis', rather than the fact he loved him. Then he'd laughed at Louis' pout and kissed it away, saying he was joking. Louis loved him.
Life was better with Harry in it. And Louis would try and be with him no matter what. Even if he moved to the other side of the fucking universe Louis would stay with him because he wasn't blind anymore.
"What are you thinking about?" Harry's voice said softly. Louis had been staring at him so long he hadn't noticed Harry had opened his eyes.
"You." He drags his fingers through Harry's hair, Harry snuggles closer. He sighs.
"Hm, I love you." Louis smiles and Harry giggles, "I can say that now. I was so scared to before." Louis kisses his forehead.
"Yeah, and I'll never stop telling you baby. I love you." Louis feels the soft skin of Harry's waist under his finger tips and scotches closer, Harry resting his head on Louis' chest.
"Does that mean you'll make me pancakes?" Harry kisses his chest, "With strawberries?" Louis hums.
"Um, do you have a death wish?" Harry snorts and runs his fingers up the side of Louis' body.
"I'll eat it anyway baby."
"I'll eat your ass baby."
"Already did, last night."
"Yeah, keeping well fucked, aren't I?" Harry blushed and kissed Louis delicately. "Love you." Louis whispers into his kiss and Harry says it back.
They shower together, soapy hands running down each others body and soon Harry's moans fill up the bathroom, his hands gripping Louis' wet hair while Louis opens him up, licking the cum off his fingers and kissing Harry open mouthed, hands on his ass, Harry's back against the wall. Harry arches him Louis, moaning loudly. Louis turns off the water and they rush into the bedroom.
Louis is perched on the counter, watching Harry sing along of a Taylor Swift song whilst making pancakes. Louis cuts up the strawberries and pours the maple syrup on top. Harry scolds him so the amount he puts on. And Louis kisses his words away.
They make coffee and go back to Louis room, laying on their stomachs facing each other, the cinnamon Harry put on the coffee making it taste even better than usual. Louis watches Harry, their hands tangled between them.
Autumn leaves fall down outside from the trees and onto the ground below.
Louis wishes he could stay this way for the rest of his life.
**
A/N
SO WE'RE ALL SUCKERS FOR CRINGY ENDINGS, RIGHT? RIGHT?????
WELL LUCKY FOR YOU THIS ISNT THE END. THE EPILOUGE IS. COS OFC I WROTE MORE THAN INTENDED.
XXX