Jaywon AO3 stories :)

Dont wanna fall; margiela

I feel so bad for not updating likeeee I swear. But this was is a longggg one but it's good I promise
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don't wanna fall
margiela

Summary:

Jongseong has always known what he wants.

(And Jungwon is slow on the uptake.)
Notes:

this really got out of hand...idk how it became so long lol. title comes from don't wanna fall by seven lions, last heroes & haliene. give it a listen!

also, some cultural notes!
– lambda phi epsilon, or lambdas is an asian-american interest fraternity with several chapters at some southern california universities, such as UCI, which is where this fic is loosely set
– arena ktown is a nightclub in koreatown, los angeles and is well known for their mostly-asian demographic, and are famous for their "i do it for the ratchets" LED sign

also! special thanks to mai for listening to me complain while writing this<3
(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:
It's not a well-rounded university experience if you don't completely ignore your homework and procrastinate until the very last second. There is something barbaric about the way professors toss out assignments and deadlines without any warning, aside from the syllabus that Jungwon definitely reads so thoroughly that doesn't have to check it every time he breathes. 11:59 PM deadlines can eat Jungwon's a–

Well, you get the picture.

Jungwon wishes that he could say that he's a good student. He wishes he could say that he and his friends are studying and doing their homework on this wonderful, joyous Thursday night and getting everything done before the weekend so they can relax and have fun. Alas, he, Sunoo, and Riki are laying around in various spots in their living room. None of them had even attempted to do any of their work, and it was just an understanding between the three that none of them would be productive tonight. Nothing like solidarity between three lazy best friends.

"Are we going to that party Sunghoon-hyung invited us to?" Jungwon asks suddenly. He only remembers because a banner notification from his chat with Sunghoon-hyung appears on his screen. Jungwon is laying on his stomach on the couch, arm hanging off and resting his phone on the floor as he scrolls through Instagram.

Jungwon recalls the early part of his day, when he was half asleep and in line at the coffee cart in front of the chemistry building where he was about to have a lecture and lab class back to back. He desperately needed to submerge himself in caffeine because he had stayed up late the night before doing absolutely nothing. Well, technically not nothing since he had been scrolling on Tiktok long enough for the sponsored videos from content creators to come up on his for you page, telling him he needed to get a life and go touch some grass and maybe drink some water.

As the healthy young adult with healthy lifestyle habits that he is, he never listens, of course.

Sunghoon had cut the whole line to stand next to Jungwon. There were minimal grumblings because the guy is untouchable and gorgeous and how is anyone going to get mad at a face like that? Sunghoon had flashed that beautiful smile of his at Jungwon and invited him and the others to a party that Lambda Phi Epsilon were having on Friday night.

Jungwon remembers sleepily texting the group chat to let them know about the invitation and then promptly forgot to follow up on it until right now. Jungwon has a hard time remembering anything, honestly, so this isn't a surprise.

"Do you guys want to go? I wouldn't mind. Free alcohol and all that." Sunoo is lying on the floor, phone held high above him as he watches videos on Tiktok and sends them to both Jungwon and Riki, since Tiktok has not created a group chat function yet. Such an inconvenience.

"I don't really have anything else to do, so why not?" Riki says, lifting his head from where he's been resting it on the coffee table as he plays some mobile game on his phone. "I think a few people I've talked to in one of my classes said they might be going. Maybe I can meet up with them or something."

"We're a group of extroverts and it shows," Sunoo says, giggling. "I swear my friends that I met before you guys were so hard to get out of the dorms. It was like pulling teeth."

"Sunghoon-hyung isn't even a party person, why is he going?" Riki pauses his game, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Probably because that Jongseong guy is making him go," Jungwon replies, not looking away from his phone screen. He barely notices the way his nose scrunches in distaste as he speaks.

Sometimes there are just those people that you don't even know who give off some...vibes. Neither good nor bad, yet there's usually something about them that makes you a little wary. Park Jongseong is one of those people for Jungwon. Maybe it's the way that he's gorgeous, not in the untouchable, undeniable way that Sunghoon is, but in a way that feels intimidating and almost cocky. Or it could be the way that he is always surrounded by people and is the constant center of attention. Or maybe it's the way that he doesn't seem to have a relationship that lasts longer than a few months and the rumors that he talks to multiple people at once.

There are more than a few things that give Jungwon some pause, and he doesn't think he deserves the reproachful looks he's getting from Sunoo and Riki.

"'That Jongseong guy,'" Sunoo mimics. "You mean his best friend? You make Park Jongseong sound like some random."

"He's a random to me," Jungwon says simply, snorting. He shrugs, turning back to his phone. "I'm sorry I'm not a Park Jongseong stan like everyone else."

"He's actually really nice. I don't know why you hate him so much," Sunoo says, his tone sounding reproachful.

"I don't hate him. I don't even know him like that. I just hear things, that's all," Jungwon says, shrugging.

"Like what?" Riki sets his phone down on the carpet, looking as interested as Jungwon has ever seen him.

"Lots of things. Like the fact that he gets around."

"What is this, the 1950's?" Sunoo snorts, sitting up and shaking his head.

"Shut up, you know what I mean," Jungwon sighs, sitting up properly on the couch now.

"And I've been telling you, he's a super sweet guy and what you said is just a rumor. He's smart too," Sunoo insists, rolling his eyes. He talks about the guy so much, Jungwon is sure that he worships him or something.

"Sweet, hot, and smart? Unheard of," Jungwon says, sounding doubtful.

"No man is all three," Riki agrees.

"So which are you?" Sunoo asks, eyebrows raised. He looks like he's about to laugh already.

"Smart and hot," Riki says, puffing his chest out. Jungwon covers his mouth as he tries not to snicker.

"You wish you were hot. Or smart." Sunoo wrinkles his nose.

"Okay, which are you then?" Riki is glaring at the elder and Jungwon sighs, preparing himself for what is probably going to be a long night of arguing and hurt feelings.

"Sweet and hot," Sunoo says, smiling and turning his nose up.

"Wrong," Riki says immediately, no hesitation.

"Which part?"

"Both," Riki says, grinning.

"I'm going to beat your ass."

"I'd like to see you try," Riki snorts. "I could step on you, easily."

"And I could make your life a living hell, long term," Sunoo scoffs.

Jungwon thinks it's time to distract them. "I'm probably sweet and smart," Jungwon says, projecting his voice a little louder to be heard over their bickering.

"Aw, sweetie, you're definitely both," Sunoo says, smiling warmly.

"Wait a second," Riki says suddenly, looking like he's found out a big secret.

"What." Sunoo and Jungwon say this at the same time.

"You just said that Jongseong is hot. Completely unprompted."

Jungwon rolls his eyes and sighs. "I'm wary, not blind."

"Ohohoh." Sunoo has this look on his face, mischievous and smug, and both Riki and Jungwon know what that means.

"Uh-oh," Riki says under his breath, and Jungwon thinks the same. "Please stop whatever plotting you have started," Jungwon says, and even he can hear how tired he sounds.

"It is now my life goal to get you and Jongseong-hyung together," Sunoo announces, like the other two don't already know that's what he was thinking. Sunoo is beyond predictable.

"What is this, an enemies to lovers fanfiction?" Riki scoffs.

"I don't hate him, he's not my enemy," Jungwon protests.

"Then you should have no problem with me setting you up with a hot man," Sunoo says cheerfully. "Why do you have to meddle all the time," Jungwon complains, rubbing his temples. He can feel a headache coming on.

"It's my life's calling," Sunoo says simply.

"Your life's calling should be minding your own business," Riki mutters, and it doesn't go unheard by the elder.

"I'm going to beat your ass."

"You are not wearing that." Sunoo looks Riki up and down and his nose is scrunched up.

"And why the fuck not? Riki sounds highly offended, which he is understandable since Sunoo is being so mean about his outfit.

"Are you trying to embarrass us? You already dress horribly on normal days, but you have to bring out the worst for special occasions too?" Sunoo shakes his head.

"Anyone tell you you're rude and mean and a bully?" Riki grumbles, crossing his arms.

"Just you," Sunoo says cheerfully.

Jungwon has been hearing their bickering from his room as he gets dressed. Now, he steps out and shuts his door behind him, walking down the hall and into their living room. Sunoo looks him up and down and Jungwon just rolls his eyes, used to this routine every time they go out anywhere.

"Acceptable," Sunoo says finally, nodding once.

"Didn't know I was looking for your acceptance," Jungwon says drily, shoving his hands into the pockets of his corduroy pants.

"See? No one cares about your opinion," Riki says, grabbing his phone from where he had tossed it onto the couch.

"I'm going to beat your ass, I swear to god," Sunoo warns, shaking his fist in the air.

"You look so intimidating," Jungwon quips, snorting.

"If I took a shot for every time you've said that to me, I'd be blacked out in an hour," Riki says, and Sunoo glares at him.

"Sounds like a good time to me," Sunoo says. "Then I wouldn't have to babysit your ass since you'd be done so early."

Riki opens his mouth to respond, but Jungwon just interrupts, asking, "Are we going to make it to this party, or are you guys going to suck the fun out of everything all night."

Sunoo sticks his tongue out at the younger boy. "Rude. Fine, let's go."

As they step out their door and head to the elevator to get their night started, Riki suddenly turns to Sunoo. "Do you think Jungwon's outfit is a Jongseong-magnet?"

"God, can you guys just let that go. It's never happening," Jungwon groans, closing his eyes.

"It is definitely happening. Just accept it now," Sunoo insists, jabbing the lobby button a little too aggressively than what is warranted, as if proving his determination to set Jungwon up with Jongseong.

"What makes you think we'd even be compatible," Jungwon says tiredly. "He's not even my type."

"Oh, you have a type," Riki says, shit-eating grin on his face. "And what's that? Because if Jongseong is smart, sweet, and hot, that must mean you like the opposite." Jungwon shoves him, but the younger boy just laughs.

"I just have a feeling," Sunoo says loftily, and Jungwon doesn't like that small smile on his face one bit.

"Your feeling is wrong," Jungwon says with some finality, staring determinedly at the numbers displaying the floor numbers as they descend.

"We'll see," Sunoo says simply.

"Okay, you did not tell me this was a Lambdas party," Sunoo says as they approach the frat house.

They're still a little ways down the street, but they can hear that the music is already thumping, and from what they can see, there are some people standing around on the lawn and talking, but it seems like most everyone is in the house and in the backyard.

"Well, I mentioned Jongseong was making Sunghoon go, so I figured you'd just know," Jungwon said, a little confused.

"Why would I know just based on that?" Sunoo sounds equally confused.

"Isn't Jongseong in Lambdas?" Jungwon says this slowly, because now he's unsure himself.

"No?"

"Oh. Then which org is he in? Pineapples?" Jungwon genuinely thought Jongseong was in Lambdas, and it didn't help that Jongseong fit the type.

"None." Sunoo says this and tilts his head to the side, an incredulous smile starting to form on his face.

"You're telling me The Park Jongseong isn't in a frat?"

"Nope," Sunoo says, the 'P' sound popping.

"Hm. Interesting," Jungwon says thoughtfully.

"Are you interested in him now that one of your icks about him has been proven to be false?" Riki looks way too amused and Jungwon fights the urge to deck the kid.

"What the fuck, no?" Jungwon doesn't like how defensive he sounds because it is just not that serious.

"He's lying, he's definitely interested now," Sunoo says, and Jungwon smacks his arm in protest.

"I am not," Jungwon says firmly, trying to level his voice and rid it of that thread of defensiveness. Sunoo opens his mouth to say something else, but Riki saves him and interrupts him, effectively distracting the elder.

"Can we just go inside before all that's left is that nasty Eddy's Lemon Vodka," Riki says, and he sounds genuinely worried about the prospect.

Jungwon thinks back to the time that the boy had chugged half a bottle of the stuff on an empty stomach and then promptly spent the rest of the night with his head over a toilet in the Pineapples house. Of course that meant Jungwon was sitting on the bathroom floor beside him while Sunoo was taking selfies in the mirror. It's mostly a fond memory.

"God, that's so true, let's go," Sunoo says, and they all start walking faster.

"I think it's kind of slander if you think they'd provide Eddy's," Jungwon says, snickering. "You never know with these meatheads," Sunoo says in a low voice.

"Don't let them hear you say that or we'll get banned," Riki says quietly.

When they reach the house and head towards the door, they see Theo standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame on his phone and looking bored, red Solo cup in his other hand. The lighting from his phone and the dim light above the door illuminate the lightest parts of his platinum hair and highlight the rainbow streaks.

Theo looks up when they approach, and he looks like he's trying not to laugh as he asks, "Who do you know here?"

"Hyung, you know we know Beomgyu-hyung. How many times are we going to do this?" Sunoo sounds reproachful and Theo finally snorts, moving out of the way.

"You know it's more of a formality than anything," Theo says, flashing a grin. "I have to set a good example for the pledges. Or whatever." He definitely does not care about setting a good example.

"They're having seniors do the door check?" Jungwon asks, surprised.

"Nah, I'm just covering for my little. He needed to use the bathroom," Theo says, sipping from his cup.

"That is uncharacteristically nice of you," Sunoo observes, looking suspicious.

"I'm in a good mood," Theo says simply, and his gaze shifts to behind them, where a couple of other people are approaching. "I'll see you guys later."

The three of them say their goodbyes and head towards the kitchen. They look for Sunghoon on the way, but don't spot him. Riki encounters the people from his class and tells them he'll come back after he grabs a drink, and Sunoo does the same with some people from his theater class. Jungwon is made to promise he'd come talk with Geonu and some others after he grabs something from the kitchen as well.

When they reach the kitchen, Riki grabs a White Claw and Sunoo a Truly before each of them head off to their other friends. Jungwon takes longer deciding what he wants to drink. He's eyeing the jungle juice that is in the drink dispenser on the counter.

Jungwon is startled when someone steps into his space and reaches across him for a cup.

"Um," Jungwon says, turning to look at them and raising his eyebrows. He'd be lying if he said his heart didn't start beating faster. Because what else is it supposed to do when Jungwon is now face to face with one of the most beautiful people he's ever seen in his pathetic life.

"Oh, sorry," Park Jongseong says, flashing him a smile. Jungwon notices that one side goes higher than the other, and he's flustered. But he refuses to be defeated by a smile like this, especially one from him.

"Didn't your mom teach you to wait your turn?" Jungwon's eyebrow arches as he speaks, and he's a little impressed with his ability to play it cool at this moment.

"Damn, you're bringing my mom into this?" Jongseong doesn't look offended, in fact he looks amused. The corners of his mouth are curled up again, and Jungwon decides he doesn't like it.

"Yeah, since you're being rude," Jungwon says drily, tilting his head to the side.

Jongseong takes a few steps back and bows dramatically, waving his hand with a flourish and offering him the new cup he had grabbed. "My apologies, princess, please go ahead."

Jungwon feels a spark of irritation, but beneath that sensation there's also a jump in his heart and he tries his best to ignore what it means. "Do not call me princess," Jungwon says, ignoring the cup he's offered and grabs his own.

"Sorry, I'm just playing around. Seriously, I'm sorry," Jongseong says, and he at least looks like he means it. Jungwon relaxes the slightest bit.

"You can make it up to me by telling me what's in the jungle juice," Jungwon says, nodding at the dispenser.

"Um, from what I can recall. Fruit–" Jongseong begins.

"Yeah, I can see there's fruit," Jungwon says, just to be a little shit.

"You're so mean. Let me finish," Jongseong says, almost in a whining tone. Jungwon fights so hard not to smile. He refuses. "I think it's all vodka. And I think someone added hennessy in."

Jungwon's nose wrinkles. "Interesting."

"I had some and I'm still standing, so. It should be okay," Jongseong offers up.

"I don't know about that vodka and henny combo," Jungwon says slowly, making a face.

"I know. But if it makes you feel better, you can't even taste the henny," Jongseong replies, laughing.

"Uh-huh." Jungwon sounds doubtful even to himself.

"To be fair, you can't taste much of anything after taking some tequila shots," Jongseong admits.

"How are you still coherent?" Jungwon tilts his head and looks Jongseong up and down. "You seem pretty alright."

"I ate and drank a lot of water. I'm responsible like that," Jongseong says, sounding almost proud of himself. Jungwon snorts and watches as Jongseong serves himself some of the jungle juice.

"Hm. Well, I guess I'll have some," Jungwon says finally.

"Don't you think I'd be such a good salesman?" Jongseong asks suddenly and Jungwon furrows his brows.

"What?"

"I'm a business major," Jongseong says, as if this is sufficient explanation. Hm. Another ick of Jungwon's.

"That explains so much," Jungwon replies finally, snorting.

"Whoa, what does that mean?"

"Nothing," Jungwon says, shrugging.

"Oh wait," Jongseong says, tilting his head to the side. "You're Sunghoon's friend, right? Yang Jungwon?"

Jungwon freezes. Why does Jongseong know who he is? Jungwon swears if Sunghoon is out there talking to Jongseong about him...

"Yeah, I am," Jungwon replies after a moment. He decides to take some power back. "And you are?"

Jungwon doesn't know why he's pretending not to know how Jongseong is, but it's definitely funny seeing Jongseong's face fall a little bit.

"I'm Park Jongseong. Some people call me Jay," the older boy says, offering him a small smile. Jungwon wants to stomp his foot. Just another reminder that the pretty boy has a pretty name.

"Like Jay Park."

"Yeah."

"The racist one?" Jungwon is mostly messing with him at this point.

"Definitely not like the racist one." Jongseong looks alarmed and Jungwon can't help it; he laughs.

"I'm joking," Jungwon says between giggles. He feels warm when he notices the way Jongseong is looking at him. The older boy looks absolutely endeared, hopelessly so.

"I hope so," Jongseong says reproachfully, playfully pushing Jungwon's shoulder. He watches as Jungwon scoops a little bit of ice out of a cooler and begins to serve himself some of the jungle juice. "You're gonna hurt my feel–" He stops because Jungwon is chugging from his cup and finishes it in an alarmingly short amount of time. Seconds. "Uh."

Jungwon grabs a paper towel from the roll sitting on the kitchen counter and wipes at his mouth delicately.

"You're kind of crazy," Jongseong says, eyebrows raised.

"That's not very nice," Jungwon says, almost reproachful.

"I'm joking."

"There seems to be a lot of that going around," Jungwon says dryly, unable to help the smile that forms on his face.

"Can I take you on a date?"

The world seems to stop for a second and it's like Jungwon has forgotten how to breathe. "What."

"Damn, is there a lot of that going around too? You get asked out a lot, don't you?" Jongseong is smiling, and Jungwon can't help but notice how pretty he looks, even in the harsh, almost fluorescent kitchen lighting.

"I," Jungwon says, then stops.

"Take your time rejecting me, it's okay," Jongseong says, laughing quietly. "I'm a big boy, I can take it, I promise."

Jungwon hates to admit it but he's infuriatingly charmed by the older boy. Something about that smile of his draws him in. "You don't even know me."

"I could. If you'll let me," Jongseong says, and his voice is quieter, softer, and he sounds so, so genuine.

"You're drunk," Jungwon tries again, gnawing on his bottom lip.

"I thought we established that I'm not," Jongseong says simply, slipping a hand into his pocket.

Jungwon's brain isn't working and he has run out of excuses. He genuinely thought he had the upper hand in this conversation, especially since he had pretended not to know who Jongseong is. But now his heart is beating a little too quickly for comfort and he thinks his hands have even gotten a little sweaty. This is embarrassing.

Jongseong smiles at him, soft, gentle, and Jungwon feels like the ground has fallen out from under his feet. "It's okay to say no. We can forget this whole conversation if you want, just say the word. I'll just refill my cup and walk away."

Jungwon swallows over the lump in his throat and clears it a little, avoiding eye contact. "I just. Was not prepared for you to ask me out," he admits, and the nervous laugh that comes out takes him by surprise. Jongseong ducks his head, trying to meet his gaze again, and something about that has Jungwon's heart fluttering.

"You're cute and you're kind of giving me a hard time. I'd be stupid not to ask you out," Jongseong says, laughing.

"Stop it," Jungwon says, rolling his eyes.

"Here," Jongseong says, setting his cup down on the counter and pulling a pen out of his pocket. Which. Weird.

Jongseong steps closer and he's in Jungwon's space again, but this time, he finds that he doesn't mind. Jongseong takes his hand and begins writing something in his palm, his fingers gentle on Jungwon's skin. When he releases Jungwon's hand, he sees a phone number written there.

"Just think about it and text me if you want. No pressure," Jongseong says, clicking the pen and sticking it back into his pocket.

"You carry a pen around in your pocket at parties?" Jungwon asks, raising his eyebrows.

"I shoved it in there this morning after a class because I was in a rush and never took it out. I'm not a creep, I promise," Jongseong says, looking as serious as Jungwon has ever seen him throughout their conversation. He smiles wryly. "I know the rumors. I'm not like that."

Jungwon looks down at his palm again, studying the neat print of Jongseong's handwriting. "Okay."

"I'm gonna go find my friends, but have a good night. Maybe I'll see you around on campus," Jongseong says, and he's smiling that smile again, the one where one side of his mouth quirks higher than the other and Jungwon feels that swooping in his belly again.

Jungwon watches as Jongseong picks up his cup and walks out of the kitchen, speechless. What the fuck just happened?

Jungwon and Riki are sitting on the floor of their bathroom at the end of the night, watching as Sunoo takes off his makeup and goes through his elaborate skincare routine.

"I didn't even have to lift a finger and Jongseong asked you out," Sunoo says, and he sounds satisfied.

"I mean, are we surprised?" Riki snorts.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jungwon asks, looking up from his phone and raising an eyebrow.

"True," Sunoo says, ignoring Jungwon's question. "What was it that he said again?"

"'You're cute and you're giving me a hard time. I'd be stupid not to ask you out' or something like that," Jungwon says tiredly. This is probably the third time he's had to repeat himself since they've gotten home from the party. He wants to go to bed so badly, but he cannot abandon their routine post-party rehashing. It is tradition.

"How were you giving him a hard time?" Riki asks, not looking up from his phone.

"I don't know, I just wasn't drooling all over him like he's used to, I guess?" Jungwon thinks about that thing Jongseong had said, the thing about how he knows the rumors. He feels a little guilty when he thinks of the sad smile Jongseong had given him. He shakes himself out of it. "I also pretended not to know who he was."

"You what." Sunoo turns his back on the mirror to face him, fingers delicately dotting on eye cream under his eyes.

"You should've seen his face when I asked for his name," Jungwon says smugly, sounding almost proud of himself.

"How'd the conversation even start?" Riki asks, setting his phone down finally.

"I told him he was being rude and asked if his mom never taught him to wait his turn," Jungwon says simply, snickering when Sunoo's mouth drops open.

"YOU WHAT."

Damn, you insulted him and his mother and he was charmed by that?" Riki sounds impressed.

"Apparently," Jungwon snorts.

"So did you say yes? You never said," Sunoo says, sounding tired.

"No."

"What." Both of them say this at the same time and just look at him in shock.

"I was hesitating and then Jongseong wrote his number on my fucking hand like some corny teen romance movie," Jungwon scoffs, but he feels a flutter in his chest when he thinks back to it. Stupid heart. Useless heart. Weak heart.

Sunoo squats down suddenly and aggressively grabs Jungwon's hands, turning them over and frowning. "Where the fuck is the number?"

"Oh, I washed my hands when I went to the bathroom, so it's gone," Jungwon says casually, as if he's talking about the weather.

"Did you save the number before you did that?" Riki raises his eyebrows. Jungwon smiles.

"No."

Riki gapes. "Bruh."

"I'm going to beat your fucking ass, Yang Jungwon," Sunoo says, and it even sounds like his voice is shaking with what Jungwon would say is misplaced anger.

"Wow, it isn't me this time," Riki says, snorting.

"You're lucky I have his number," Sunoo grumbles, snatching Jungwon's phone from him and putting in the passcode.

"What the fuck, how do you know my passcode," Jungwon protests, watching as the older boy creates a new content and outs the number. Why does Sunoo have Jongseong's phone number memorized? This is the real question. "And why am I lucky?"

"How do you have his number?" Riki sounds baffled, and so is Jungwon.

"Firstable, you're lucky because I am giving you a second chance at hitting him up and getting romanced by him." Sunoo rounds on Riki. "Secondable, fucking rude. Why is it so surprising that I have his number?"

"Who says I want to be romanced by Jongseong?" Jungwon says flatly, trying to act indifferent.

"Please stop pretending to hate the guy. You've met him now and I'm sure you were charmed, it's impossible not to be," Sunoo says tiredly. "Do yourself and us a favor and get over yourself."

"I'm going to bed," Jungwon says, glaring at him. "You guys are exhausting."

Jungwon gets up and begins walking away towards his room, but he can still hear the other two talking.

"He didn't deny being charmed," Riki points out, sounding amused.

"He's going to text Jongseong," Sunoo says. "I know it."

Jungwon has not texted Jongseong.

However, he'd be lying if he said he hadn't considered it over the past couple weeks. Yes, it has been weeks since that night at the party and Jungwon could say that he hasn't texted Jongseong because he doesn't have a single ounce of interest in him, but that'd be a lie.

He'd also be lying if he said he didn't go on Instagram and do a little bit of stalking. Upon exploring Jongseong's account the first time, Jungwon discovers that the older boy has over five thousand followers. He had scrolled down all the way to his oldest posts, noting the difference in the way Jongseong carried himself over the years and how he could visibly tell when he began to gain more confidence.

There's nothing wrong with lurking on other people's profiles, especially if Jungwon has been avoiding going to the past few weekends' parties just in case he bumps into one very infuriatingly charming boy.

Jungwon chalks all the profile lurking up to him being extremely bored. Of course, he could solve that by doing his schoolwork, but that's no fun. So, stalking it is. He's also determined to prove Riki and Sunoo wrong – he will not give those two the satisfaction of being able to predict him and his actions in the name of romance. Or not-romance. Because he's not interested in Jongseong like that, duh.

That being said – Jongseong is very, very good looking. Jungwon admits this fact grudgingly, and looking at the older boy's face brings upon him an unreasonable amount of irritation. All these emotions can't be good for Jungwon's skin. So troublesome, really.

Jongseong posts a lot of outfit photos and selfies, and Jungwon thinks that if he was that beautiful he'd do the same. Unlike Jungwon's expectations of corny rap lyrics as captions, Jongseong actually uses stupid puns and meme references and it's getting harder and harder to find things to dislike about him.

The current stalking session is taking place at two in the morning when Jungwon has given up studying for the night, section quiz be damned. This time, Jungwon goes through Jongseong's tagged pictures and isn't too surprised at what he finds there. Jongseong has taken part in many large group photos, and it seems that his immediate friend group consists of fifteen to twenty other people, and it boggles Jungwon's mind.

Many of the pictures seem to be at raves and different music festivals, and there's several of Jongseong with some people at Arena Ktown. Those particular photos make Jungwon's nose wrinkle. There's a stereotype about the kinds of people who go there, and having spoken to Jongseong, Jungwon thinks that it probably doesn't apply to the older boy, but he couldn't be too sure. Jongseong isn't as greasy as those guys, but then again, Jungwon talked to him for what, a good ten minutes at most? You never know.

When Jungwon scrolls back to the very top of Jongseong's profile, the ring around his profile picture is lit up, and it hadn't been when Jungwon had started his lurking session. He reasons to himself that with five thousand followers, Jongseong wouldn't notice if he took a little peek at his story would he? He should be fine.

Jungwon taps on the story and begins looking through. Except tragedy strikes. His phone slips out of his fingers and he goes to catch it, which he succeeds in doing, but when he looks at the screen, his heart stops. There's a little pop-up gray bubble that says 'Reaction Sent' and immediately, Jungwon wants to smite his own existence from this Earth.

No, no, no, no, no–

Jungwon screams in horror and throws his phone across the bed and scrambles away, as if his phone is about to come to life and attack him like that one scene from the second Transformers movie.

Jungwon's bedroom door flies open and Riki stands there, gaming headset still on his head, eyes wild and worry etched into every feature of his face. Belatedly, Jungwon realizes that the younger boy has his model katana in his hand, ready to strike. Sunoo files in slowly a few moments later, half asleep and sheet mask rumpled on his face.

"Are you okay? What the fuck happened? You made it sound like you were being murdered in here," Riki snaps, shaking his head.

"This better be good – I was in the middle of sleeping, brat," Sunoo says, glaring at Jungwon.

"I reacted to Jongseong's Instagram story," Jungwon says, whisper-yelling and pointing at his phone. The other two just look at him for a long moment, then look at each other.

"I'm going to beat your ass when I wake up in the morning," Sunoo says, walking away and heading back to his own room.

"You screamed because of that?" Riki says tiredly, shaking his head.

"This is horrible. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me," Jungwon says, still whispering.

"You're pathetic," Riki says, using his katana to point at Jungwon. He turns around and walks out of Jungwon's room, shutting the door behind him.

A moment later, Jungwon's phone buzzes and he flinches. He stares at his phone in fear for at least three minutes before he finally inches towards it, reaching out slowly and taking it into his hand. The notification reads 'Message request from @asapJongseong.' Vaguely, Jungwon thinks to himself what a stupid username that is. Jongseong is not the A$AP Rocky he thinks he is. Jongseong may be as pretty and beautiful and charming, but he does not have Jungwon's heart like that man does.

Jungwon stares at the request notification for what feels like at least ten minutes in his head, but he is nothing if not dramatic. He opens the message.

J: Are you lurking around on my profile :]

J: I'm flattered really

J: But if you missed me, you could've just texted

JW: anyone tell u that ur annoying

J: Yet here you are

JW: i'm going to block u bye

J: >:'(

And Jungwon really does block him. He feels better for all of thirty seconds before he gets a text message notification.

J: You can't get rid of me that easily muahahaha >:)

J: Ew wtf why is it green do you have an android O_o

JW: ur opening line is insulting the kind of phone i use?

JW: not off to a good start are we park jongseong

J: I'm not judging but also i am why do you hate yourself

JW: i'm too independent and i'm scared of commitment and also i'm bad at math

J: Damn came in with the grocery list

J: Should i start listing my insecurities too

JW: no how did u get my number

J: Sunghoon is my best friend duh

Jungwon clenches his fist and shakes it in the air and thinks about socking Sunghoon in his pretty face the next time he sees him.

JW: who said u could give ur stupid friends my number

SH: I'm just a good wingman ;)

JW: i'm going to put nair in ur shampoo

JW: watch ur back

SH: WTF NO

Jungwon huffs and goes back to his messages with Jongseong and finds that the older boy has texted him again.

J: Why didn't you text me after that night :(

JW: oh i didn't think u cared that much or that u were serious

J: Um I asked you out ofc I care

J: ...So it's a no huh

JW: i didn't say that

Jungwon's heart starts beating way too fast for that late at night. He can't believe Park Jongseong is making him feel like this – this can't be allowed. Absolutely no way is Jungwon becoming one of the many masses that are attracted to Jongseong. There's no way he's becoming a statistic.

J: OH???

JW: don't get too excited i haven't said yes either LOL

J: Oh

JW: wait

JW: if u got my number from sh why didn't u text me first then

J: Bc that'd be creepy and pushy smh

JW: ...

J: THIS IS DIFF THOUGH we were already talking on IG

JW: is it though LMFAO

J: Okay maybe it isn't that diff since i DM'd you first

J: You were the one that was being creepy anyway

J: Lurking around on my profile and reacting to my story

JW: THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT

J: Uh-huh

JW: fine we're even

Jungwon finds that he's smiling, and once again, he must admit that Jongseong is infuriatingly charming, and it's hard not to be drawn into him.

J: I'm going to be honest and say I've been thinking about you since that night

He is not exaggerating when Jungwon thinks that he has stopped breathing. He can feel it, the breath caught somewhere in his throat as he reads the message over and over again. This isn't real life, right? Jungwon must be dreaming. He must've fallen asleep over his organic chemistry textbook and he's about to wake up at any moment. He shakes himself, pinches his leg to snap out of it, but the jolt of waking up from a dream doesn't come. What the fuck.

JW: i bet you say that to all the girls

J: Don't forget the guys

J: Wouldn't wanna leave anyone out :')

JW: bye ur so annoying

J: No seriously though idk what you've heard but I am not out here saying shit I don't mean to people

Jungwon's brows furrow. Jongseong knows what people say about him? If he knows the rumors, why doesn't he do anything to disprove them? If the rumors exist, then there must be some kind of truth to them right? Jungwon's brain hurts from it going into overdrive wondering what exactly Jongseong knows.

JW: if u know the rumors then why don't u set ppl straight ??

J: Like they'd believe me

J: People have already decided what I'm like in their heads

J: Sorry i am oversharing way too much

JW: no it's okay i asked

Jungwon feels a strange kind of pang in his chest. He knows he shouldn't have just believed rumors about someone he hadn't even known or spoken to before, but like he said. For the rumors to exist, there has to be some kind of truth. Jungwon kind of feels like a terrible person, but he thinks that he's valid for being wary. It's not like he's been straight up rude and mean to Jongseong.

J: Anyways my point is

J: I would like to get to know you :')

JW: are we gonna play 20 questions

J: EW NO

JW: LMFAOO IM JOKING

J: YOU BETTER BE BC THAT IS ICKY

J: It's late why aren't you sleeping

JW: i'm always up late :]

J: Bad go to sleep

JW: i thought u wanted to get to know me

J: Yeah that's why I want to take you on a date

J: I don't do that "talking phase" bs

JW: ur really serious about that date huh

J: Yes >:(

JW: i'm free fri night

J: OH???

J: I'll pick you up at 6

JW: O_o where are we going what are we doing

J: I'll tell you when i see you hehe just dress casual

JW: i hate surprises >:(

J: You'll learn to like them with me

JW: we'll see

Jungwon puts his down phone and lays down, staring at the ceiling because what the fuck. Why does every conversation leave him feeling so charmed? Something about Jongseong is magnetic. That has to be the reason he's so drawn to him. The ease with which the other boy makes Jungwon smile without even trying is terrifying. Jungwon does not like this feeling.

And still, Jungwon continues to feel guilty for believing the rumors about him, but he will continue to be wary, because he refuses to become a statistic (of the number of hearts Jongseong has broken).

Jungwon thinks about how Jongseong said he doesn't say things unless he means them. It's hard to believe, especially because it seems like most people will say just about anything to get what or who they want. Jungwon isn't like that, and he doesn't like being around people like that.

He wasn't lying when he said that he's scared of commitment either. It's not like he goes around talking to a bunch of people or dating people at the same time. Jungwon is too independent and that can be something that pushes a lot of people away. And it doesn't help that he easily loses interest in prospective romantic partners. Sometimes, even just one thing bothering him about the person can push him to lose interest almost immediately. Jungwon is the cliche – It's not them, it's him.

But above everything, Jungwon is afraid of commitment because it's all or nothing for him. Jungwon does not half ass when it comes to his feelings.

Jungwon shakes himself because what the fuck. He's overthinking it. One little date is sending him into a spiral. It's just one date.

Jungwon is convinced that the entirety of last night was some twisted dream and his subconscious is thinking way too much about Park Jongseong. His brain is soup. There are no thoughts being had.

He grabs his phone, goes to his messages and reads through the conversation that he apparently had with Jongseong last night and then stares at his ceiling. He wishes he could black out and not have to acknowledge the fact that he is going on a date with Jongseong. He agreed to go on a date with Jongseong and do who knows what and he doesn't want to acknowledge that he may or may not be looking forward to it. Curse Park Jongseong and his stupid face and charming personality.

Jungwon's bedroom door crashes open and Sunoo stands there in his door jamb with his hands on his hips like some mom coming to wake her child at 7AM on a weekend morning.

"Explain yourself," Sunoo demands, sitting down on the edge of Jungwon's bed and crossing his arms.

"Explain what?" Jungwon plays dumb because he really would rather not relive what has transpired.

"Why were you screaming at two in the morning?"

"I reacted to Jongseong's story," Jungwon says, staring at the place between Sunoo's eyes. He thinks he's going cross-eyed.

Sunoo rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I got that. What else."

"Uh, we messaged for a bit on Instagram and then I blocked him." Jungwon says this like he's talking about the weather. No big deal.

"You what now." Sunoo's eyebrows raise.

"I blocked him but then he texted me," Jungwon grumbles, glaring up at the ceiling.

"What the fuck," Sunoo says, aghast.

"Right? He said he got my number from Sunghoon-hyung."

"He asked Sunghoon for your number," Sunoo repeats, as if he needs clarification.

"Apparently."

"Why didn't he text you first then?"

"That's what I said. And then he said that it'd be creepy and too pushy," Jungwon snorted.

"Aw, he's hot, smart, sweet, and respectful," Sunoo sighs dreamily. Jungwon just looks at him.

"The bar is on the ground for you, huh? Your expectations of your fellow man are pathetic," Jungwon says, wrinkling his nose.

"Shut up, I know you were thinking the same thing," Sunoo snaps.

"Actually, unlike you, I love myself," Jungwon scoffs.

"I'm going to kill you," Sunoo says. "How did the rest of the conversation go?"

"Well. We're going on a date Friday night, if that tells you anything," Jungwon says haltingly, barely able to say the d-word out loud. Absolutely bananas.

"OH? RIKI GET IN HERE," Sunoo bellows. They wait a minute and Riki does not come. Sunoo huffs grumpily. "Well, what are you guys going to do?"

"I don't know, he said it's going to be a surprise," Jungwon says, wrinkling his nose.

"Oooooh," Sunoo says, looking thoughtful. "Wonder what it'll be."

"I hate surprises," Jungwon sighs, staring up at the ceiling again.

"Maybe you'll like his," Sunoo says, and Jungwon makes a face.

"Bye, that's what he said," Jungwon groans. "He was like, 'you'll learn to like them with me.'"

Sunoo raises his eyebrows, looking thoroughly impressed, and Jungwon wants to wipe that look off his face. "He's smooth."

"I don't like it," Jungwon grits out.

"Why do you insist on lying to yourself?" Sunoo sighs sadly, as if this is a thing of tragedy, which it is.

"Because I'm stupid," Jungwon admits glumly.

Sunoo pats Jungwon's head and gets up. "It's good that you know."

When the elder leaves, his phone buzzes and instantly his heart rate spikes. Why does Jongseong make him so jumpy? He doesn't like it. He sits up in his bed and stares down at his phone, staring at his wide-eyed reflection staring back at him and he thinks he's disassociating. Jungwon finally musters the courage to look at his phone screen a few minutes later, after a few rounds of breathing exercises because he's dramatic like that.

SH: Pls don't put nair in my shampoo i'm too hot to be bald

JW: ur fate will be determined by how this date goes

SH: I will whip Jongseong into shape

JW: u better

Almost immediately, his phone starts ringing and Jungwon just stares at it because it's Jongseong calling and he's wondering why the fuck he can't breathe suddenly. Jungwon has a feeling he'll be asking himself this question a lot and WebMd will not be very helpful.

Jungwon is sure it is on the last ring when he finally picks up the phone. He hears Jongseong let out a sigh of relief, and can't help the tiny smile that has fought its way onto his face. Stupid Jongseong.

"Hello?" Jungwon says, and he even sounds like he's smiling and he hates it. He hates it so much.

"I was scared you weren't going to pick up," Jongseong says, and he sounds like he's pouting. Jungwon's smile gets even bigger and he curses Jongseong in his head for what feels like the fifth time this morning. He lays down because he's sure that this conversation will be easier to have in that position, lest he passes out and dies.

He's so dramatic – he should probably work on that, he thinks belatedly.

"What would you have done if I didn't pick up?"

"Cry, probably," Jongseong says reproachfully. "You're so dramatic," Jungwon snorts, but he is fully aware that it is like the kettle calling the pot black. Or the pot calling the kettle black. Whatever. But this is about Jongseong, not him.

"Wrong, I'm just sensitive and in touch with my feelings," Jongseong sniffs dramatically.

"Cute," Jungwon quips. There's a pause, and Jungwon worries for a second before Jongseong suddenly clears his throat.

"Anyways. I was told that I have to get my shit together, or else Sunghoon is going to be bald," Jongseong says, and he sounds mock-serious, clearly not taking the matter seriously at all.

"He's fast," Jungwon comments, impressed with Sunghoon's message-relying skills.

"We live together. He came barging into my room yelling some shit about me having to take you on the best date you've ever been on in your whole life, or you'd put Nair in his shampoo." Jongseong says this in an overly deep voice, meaning to mimic Sunghoon, Jungwon assumes.

In the background, Jungwon picks up on some indistinct yelling, and he hears Jongseong yell back, "SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'M ON THE PHONE WITH JUNGWON. I'LL MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GET ASSAULTED WITH NAIR."

It seems that Jongseong has pulled the phone away though, since the yelling didn't sound too loud to him.

"Anyways," Jongseong says in a normal tone, as if he hadn't been yelled at by Sunghoon from somewhere in their shared apartment. "It'll be a good date. In my opinion, at least."

"I'm telling you, I don't like surprises," Jungwon says in a sing-song tone, but he can feel the soreness in his cheeks from the smile that hasn't dropped from his face since the phone call started.

"And I'm telling you that you'll learn to like them with me," Jongseong says simply, and Jungwon can hear the smile in his voice, the confidence in his tone and Jungwon finds that intensely attractive. Stupid Jongseong.

"We'll see."

"Okay, I gotta go get ready for class but I'll talk to you later or something," Jongseong says, and Jungwon hears the sound of sheets rustling, and for some reason that makes Jungwon's cheeks feel warm. Suddenly, this phone call seems a little too intimate, since both of them are in bed.

"What if I don't answer?" Jungwon teases, and he can hear Jongseong sigh dramatically.

"Damn, you just love giving me a hard time, huh?"

Jungwon finally lets himself laugh, and he can hear Jongseong chuckle softly on his own end.

"If you don't answer, I'll be sad," Jongseong says simply, and Jungwon rolls his eyes. Stupid Jongseong.

"I guess I don't want to make you sad..."

Jongseong laughs again, and Jungwon revels in the sound of it. "Bye Jungwon, have a good day."

"You too."

D-Day. It is date day.

It didn't hit Jungwon that this date was actually happening until Jongseong had texted him in the morning asking for his address so he could pick Jungwon later that night. They ended up texting throughout the day after that and Jungwon finds himself smiling down at his phone like a stupid idiot a lot more than usual.

It was worse during his morning class because he completely zoned in on his phone for the whole hour and fifteen minutes and Sunoo wouldn't leave him alone. The older boy kept trying to look at his screen and blocking his view and at one point nearly knocked his phone out of his hand. Sunoo is a menace.

He was only able to escape when he headed home for the day at noon, but then came the matter of choosing what to wear. Because Jongseong was keeping what they were doing on their date a surprise, he really had no idea what would be suitable. They could be going on a hike for all Jungwon knew and he'd show up in some dressy sweater or something. Stupid Jongseong.

JW: what are u wearing

J: Whoa whoa i'm in class O_o

JW: SHUT UP THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS ASKING TT

J: LOOOOL

J: Jeans and a sweater probably

JW: u are no help

J: Wtf i literally just answered your question

JW: -_-

J: Just dress casual -_-

JW: whatever

J: Like what you wore when we met would be fine

JW: o okie

This still doesn't help much and he sits on the floor in front of his closet and stares at the contents for a good ten minutes before he gives up and lies down on the floor. He doesn't like the fluttery feeling he feels in his stomach and curses Jongseong for making him feel like this. He's starfished on the fucking carpet and staring at his ceiling becaue of some boy. How could he let himself get like this. This is Jongseong's fault. Stupid Jongseong.

Jungwon only gets up from the floor when he hears the apartment door open and Riki tossing his keys down on the kitchen counter. He corners the younger boy in front of the fridge and admits to him that he may be losing his mind.

"Uh, why?" Riki looks confused, as he should be because Jungwon has just backed him up against their tiny fridge with wild eyes and hair that is sticking up in the back from laying on the carpeted floor. He looks insane.

"Because I think I might actually like him and I'm fucking nervous and I'm going on a fucking date with him tonight and what if I don't like the surprise and it ruins how I see him and I can never go on a date ever again." Jungwon says this all in one breath and he feels like he's gasping for air by the end of it.

"Ohohoho, wait until Sunoo-hyung hears this shit," Riki snickers, grinning that shit-eating grin of his when he's plotting and being extra annoying.

"Are you ignoring the last part of what I said?" Jungwon snaps.

"Yes. Those are issues for you to address with a licensed mental health professional, not me," Riki says flatly.

"Well, I don't have one of those so I'm telling you and now you know."

"There is a literal mental health office in the Wellness Center on campus, hyung. They help you for free," Riki sighs.

Now it's Jungwon's turn to ignore what he said. "Do not tell Sunoo or I will kill you."

"What is it with you two and threatening my life. Should I be applying for the witness protection program or something?" Riki shakes his head. "Plus, if I tell Sunoo, it's not like it'll change anything. He'll just be happy for you."

"No, he's going to fuss and embarrass me," Jungwon counters, grumbling.

"That just means he cares, or whatever," Riki reminds him, and Jungwon makes a face.

"Ew."

"God, get over yourself," Riki scoffs. "And stop cornering me against the fridge, it's weird."

Jungwon showers and then lays in bed for the rest of the afternoon. He distracts himself by scrolling on Tiktok and he succeeds so well that he doesn't even realize it's almost time for Jongseong to come get him until the older boy texts him to let him know he's on his way. Jongseong is going to be exactly on time. If Jungwon wasn't so panicked he would find that extremely attractive.

Jungwon goes back into the insane frenzy mode that he thought he had rid himself of that afternoon and runs out to the living room where Sunoo and Riki are playing Super Smash Bros on their TV.

"HE'S COMING, HE'S ON HIS WAY, WHAT DO I DO." Jungwon is standing in front of the TV and yelling and he knows he looks absolutely unhinged from the way that the other two are looking at him.

"HOW ABOUT GET DRESSED, DUMBASS? WHY ARE YOU STILL IN YOUR PAJAMAS?" Sunoo begins yelling too and looks like he's about to join Jungwon in panic mode.

"I ONLY HAD A MORNING CLASS TODAY AND DIDN'T WANT TO SIT AROUND IN OUTSIDE CLOTHES ALL DAY," Jungwon yells back, glaring.

"Why didn't you just get ready like an hour ago like a smart person?" Riki always comes in for a punch when Sunoo and Jungwon are arguing. It is the only time that the two of them get along. This occasion is no different.

"Did we not establish that I'm stupid."

"Sometimes we have hope and you disappoint us every time," Sunoo replies simply.

"What the fuck." Jungwon is a little offended.

"GO GET DRESSED." Sunoo is getting red in the face and it'd be funny if Jungwon wasn't panicking.

Jungwon runs to the bathroom and brushes his teeth again and then goes about brushing his hair and making it look decent. He's in his room and in the middle of putting on his pants when he hears the buzz of their apartment doorbell.

Apparently Jongseong doesn't just text "here" like most guys, he actually walks up to his fucking door to pick him up. God, this gets worse and worse. Jungwon can't believe there are so many things to like about Jongseong. Stupid Jongseong.

Sunoo gets to the door before Jungwon can even unfreeze from hearing the doorbell. "I'm gonna give him a talking to," Sunoo says in a sing-song voice, and Jungwon's heart stops while he processes for 0.5 seconds.

"YOU'RE GOING TO WHAT."

Sunoo doesn't even answer because he's already opening the apartment door and letting Jongseong into their fucking home with Jungwon only having one leg of his pants on. "Jongseong-hyung! Jungwon is just about ready. Come on in."

Jungwon's stomach just about falls out of his ass. His fingers shake as he hastily attempts to put on his socks. He stands in front of the mirror and stares at himself for a minute, wondering just what he has gotten himself into. He truly is about to shit himself and that will not be cute.

And then he shakes himself. Stupid Jongseong and his ability to make him nervous.

Jungwon grabs his phone and wallet, slipping both into his pocket and inches his way down the hallway so he can try and listen to whatever conversation is happening in the living room. All he can hear is the tail end of what Jongseong is saying.

"There's nothing to worry about, I promise."

Jungwon walks fully out into the living room just as Riki says, "Good, because otherwise I'd have to kill you."

Jungwon glares at the youngest. "I hope I didn't just hear Riki threaten to kill anyone."

Jongseong looks up at him, and the way the corners of his mouth quirk up, and Jungwon swears his heartbeat stutters a little. Jungwon sees the way the older boy's gaze sweeps over him, and he can feel his cheeks warm. He stares down at his feet for a second.

"I honestly don't think he could hurt a fly," Jongseong says, laughing a little, and Riki snorts.

"Hopefully, we don't have to find out," Riki says, wagging his finger at Jongseong.

"I am. So sorry," Jungwon sighs, cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Jongseong just laughs again and shrugs. "It's okay, they're just looking out for you," Jongseong says, getting up from the couch. When he steps towards Jungwon, he hands the younger boy a bouquet of what look like peonies.

Jungwon just stares. What the fuck.

"What the fuck," Jungwon says dumbly, sputtering.

"You're not allergic to flowers, are you?" Jongseong looks just as worried as he sounds and Jungwon is so hopelessly endeared by him, it's infuriating.

"He's just never been given flowers before," Sunoo says for him, and Jungwon glares.

"You make me sound like a loser," Jungwon grumbles, putting the flowers up to his face so he can smell them. Also to hide his face for a second so he can die.

"It's okay, I've never gotten flowers from anyone either," Jongseong reassures him, laughing. "You're not a loser."

Jungwon and Jongseong head to the door to put on their shoes, and Riki and Sunoo follow them like they're his fucking parents or something. God this is so embarrassing. Jungwon hands the flowers over to Sunoo so he can go put them in a vase or something. As soon as the door shuts behind them and they start heading to Jongseong's car, Jungwon apologizes again.

"I am so sorry."

"I did not expect to meet your parents so soon, but it's fine," Jongseong says, smiling. He laughs when Jungwon smacks his shoulder.

"Shut up, they're so embarrassing."

"It's fine, really. Sunoo is scarier than Riki anyway."

"You're a fast learner. Also, I'm sorry I didn't get you anything," Jungwon says, gnawing on his lower lip.

"Don't be. You didn't have to get me anything, I just felt like getting you flowers," Jongseong says, smiling over at him.

"I'll get you something next time," Jungwon promises, and then he realizes what he says and feels himself get hot at the way Jongseong grins at him.

"Next time? We've barely started this time. Have you already decided that I'm worth seeing again?" Jongseong sounds so amused and smug and Jungwon smacks him in the shoulder again.

"Don't get too cocky," Jungwon says, trying not to smile. "It all depends on what this surprise is. Are you going to tell me what it is now?"

"Hm, I don't know, should I? Or should I just take us to the place and have you figure it out?" Jongseong pretends like he's thinking and Jungwon rolls his eyes, smacking his shoulder again. Jongseong laughs like it's the funniest thing in the world. "I'm just kidding. If you keep this up, you're going to leave a bruise or something." Jongseong is pouting, and this time, Jungwon allows himself the tiniest smile.

"Dramatic," Jungwon says, following Jongseong up to his car. It's a shiny black Lexus, which tells Jungwon all he needs to know about the rumors that say Jongseong is rich. Jongseong unlocks the car doors and even opens the door for Jungwon, shutting it after the younger boy has gotten in. He comes around the side and gets in himself and starts the car.

As he's backing out of the parking spot, he puts his hand on the back of Jungwon's seat as he looks out the rear window. Jungwon is a little flustered at Jongseong's sudden proximity and the way his jawline looks from this angle is mesmerizing. Jongseong smiles down at him like he knows the younger boy is looking and Jungwon immediately looks ahead of him. His cheeks are burning like never before.

"We're taking a cooking class tonight," Jongseong says, and he sounds genuinely excited. Jungwon looks over at him and almost instantly looks away because the older boy is so, so handsome.

"A cooking class...This is not going to go well," Jungwon says, and Jongseong laughs.

"Don't tell me Sunghoon is going to be bald..."

"I am not good at cooking," Jungwon admits sheepishly.

"I'm sure you're not that bad. Plus, that's what a cooking class is for."

"I'm telling you – I can't crack an egg without completely smashing it and getting shells everywhere," Jungwon says, laughing helplessly, because it's ridiculous how bad he is.

"If you really are that bad, then you can just watch me and see how hot I look when I'm cooking," Jongseong says, and Jungwon just looks at him. Jongseong looks over at him and winks, but then he cringes at himself.

"You're disgusting. I'm going to jump out of this car," Jungwon says, trying his hardest not to laugh.

"Please don't, I'm just joking," Jongseong says, sounding fake-forlorn.

"What kind of cooking class is it?"

"Korean comfort food stuff," Jongseong replies as he makes a turn.

"Oh!"

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah, maybe I can learn and then cook for my mom some time," Jungwon says, smiling a little because he's sure his mom would like that. She's always worrying about him and his eating habits while he's at school and is always sending him back from visits home with containers upon containers of food to share with Sunoo and Riki.

"Cute," Jongseong says, and he's smiling over at Jungwon as they sit at a red light. Jungwon feels shy suddenly. He attempts to change the subject.

"Are you good at cooking?"

"I don't smash eggs into smithereens like the Hulk if that's what you're asking," Jongseong says teasingly, and Jungwon scowls.

"I don't know how much more bullying I can take," Jungwon says dramatically.

"Um, you're always bullying me, so I don't know what you're talking about."

"That just means I'm comfortable with you," Jungwon huffs, and Jongseong looks over and smiles at him, and once again, he's rendered Jungwon breathless.

"I'm glad."

The class is being taught by a doting, motherly elder woman who dotes on Jungwon and Jongseong as soon as they walk in. Most of the other people taking the class are older than the two of them, and there are plenty of couples.

Jungwon stays away from the eggs and it goes mostly fine.

Jongseong seems to take cooking seriously and throughout the class, he pays close attention whenever their teacher was giving instructions and or when different steps were being demonstrated to them. He even teaches Jungwon how to properly hold a knife so he doesn't chop his finger off while he's cutting up the carrots.

"What, you're not going to try and make a move on me and physically guide me on how to use the knife?" Jungwon is joking, mostly, but he almost half expected for this to happen, since this is a date after all and it just seems like something that would occur.

"Are you joking, or are you just pretending you're joking because you secretly want me to do it?" Jongseong's smile looks way too knowing and amused and Jungwon's cheeks burn.

"Um, what the fuck, no," Jungwon sputters, blinking rapidly

"Which part are you saying no to?" Jongseong is laughing now and Jungwon would smack him if he wasn't covered in carrot bits and holding a knife.

"The second one," Jungwon grumbles, going back to his carrots.

"Uh-huh."

The pair continue to do the rest of their vegetable chopping prepwork side by side, and Jungwon has suspicions that this class was meant for couples because of how small the workspace is. He and Jongseong are forced to stand close together as they work, their arms brushing and pressing against each other, and Jungwon feels like his skin burns when they make contact.

Jungwon finishes up his part of the vegetable preparations and watches Jongseong as he finishes up. He takes in the way Jay does this little pouting thing when he's focused, his brows furrowing a little in the middle. Jungwon finds it infuriating how cute he looks, and feels like he has to physically clench his fists.

Jungwon pulls off one of his plastic gloves and presses his thumb against the furrow between Jongseong's brows to smooth it out, and he looks up, causing his eyes to cross a little. The younger boy can't help the giggle that he lets out, and Jongseong smiles down at him.

"You're going to get wrinkles," Jungwon says, wagging his finger.

"Oh, no, wrinkles, what will I do," Jay says with mock-devastation. "I simply do not care about societal beauty standards."

"You're so annoying, I'm just trying to look out for you," Jungwon huffs.

"Have you seen the way you scrunch your nose and eyebrows?"

Jungwon sputters. "Um, this isn't about me."

"Leave me alone, I have a knife," Jongseong says, making a face.

"Um, are you threatening me?"

Mrs. Choi comes over to their little cooking station and smiles warmly at them as she looks over their work. All throughout the class she has been praising the two of them for being good boys for learning how to cook and telling them how handsome they are.

"You two are such a cute couple," she says simply.

"Oh, we're not–" Jungwon starts, but Jongseong interrupts.

"Thank you."

Mrs. Choi winks at them as she walks off to the next station and Jungwon turns to the older boy.

"She hears you threatening me with a knife and calls us a cute couple?"

"She's right," Jongseong says cheerfully.

"We're not even a couple yet."

"'Yet?' Seems like you're thinking about it, though," Jay observes thoughtfully.

"Shut up and chop your onions," Jungwon grumbles, prodding his arm before he puts his plastic glove back on.

"I've been trying, but you're been distracting me." Jongseong is smiling and Jungwon is captivated.

"How have I been distracting you?"

"You're cute."

"Shut up, stop saying that."

"Why?"

"It's embarrassing."

"But why?"

"What are you? Four years old? It just is," Jungwon insists, grumbling.

"You have pretty eyes too, has anyone told you that?"

"Bro."

"Oh my god, did I just get bro-zoned after I told you that you have pretty eyes? Oh my god, how am I going to recover from this. Look, I'm crying," Jongseong wails dramatically, but at a low volume so as to not attract any attention from the surrounding couples.

And Jongseong really is crying, but it's because of the onions he's chopping and Jungwon can't help but laugh, a full-body laugh that has him hunching over for a moment and closing his eyes. When he straightens up and looks at Jongseong, he finds the boy laughing with him, cheeks streaked with onion-tears. Jungwon discards his plastic gloves and uses his fingers to wipe them away.

Jongseong watches him do this, eyes watery and a small smile on his face. Jungwon grabs a paper towel and uses it to gently dab at Jay's eyes. Jungwon thinks to himself about how pretty Jongseong is. Apparently, he says this out loud, but not loud enough for him to hear.

Jongseong leans in, his ear turned towards him a little as if to help hear. "What'd you say?"

Jungwon thinks about the way Jongseong's skin feels beneath his fingertips as he says again, whisper-quiet, "You're pretty too."

When they're done cooking, they're able to enjoy their food. It turns out pretty well, despite Jungwon's previous reservations when he first heard they were taking a cooking class. But he guesses that it's hard for their food to turn out bad with Jongseong there doing most of the legwork.

Later, in the car when they're on the way to get boba, Jongseong asks the question of the night.

"So, is Sunghoon going to be bald?"

"He's safe...for now," Jungwon concludes, laughing.

"For now...Does this mean you'll go out with me again?"

"Maybe, if you ask me nicely."

"Yang Jungwon, will you please go on another date with me?"

"I guess."

"Can you at least pretend that you like me?" Jongseong pouts over at him.

"Why do I have to pretend if I already like you?" Jungwon wonders, enjoying the way Jongseong's lips part a little in surprise.

"Oh."

"Have I finally rendered you speechless?" Jungwon thinks he has the upperhand now. He really hadn't planned on admitting it so soon, but he thinks that it's better in the long run if he's at least honest with himself and Jongseong about this early on. It's a little terrifying.

"Hey, what do you mean finally?" Jongseong is pouting again, and Jungwon finds that his cheeks hurt from smiling.

"You talk a lot."

"Well, so do you!"

"We're perfect."

"For each other?"

"Shut up."

Jongseong walks him all the way to his apartment door. They had finished their boba drinks while at the shop, sitting there for nearly two hours talking. More like bickering, but Jungwon thinks this is how it's always going to go for them, and he can't say he minds it.

Jungwon had started to get nervous from the moment they started the drive to his apartment. Is Jongseong expecting a kiss? Jungwon isn't really a 'kiss on the first date' kind of person. Yes, he likes the boy, but he's not sure if he's ready to fully suck face with him yet. He's overthinking and he's also lying. He kind of does want to kiss Jongseong but a part of him is still wary, still unsure of what to believe. No, that's just an excuse. Jungwon is scared and he's using the rumors about Jongseong as an excuse.

When they get to his apartment door, Jungwon unlocks it, and then turns to Jongseong.

"I had a really good time. Or whatever," Jungwon says haltingly, tacking on that last part because he's shy and can't bring himself to be fully sincere because it's embarrassing.

"Or whatever," Jongseong repeats, but he's smiling.

"I'd like to see you again," Jungwon amends, and Jongseong smiles even bigger, so big that Jungwon wants to memorize the happiness etched into every feature.

"I think that could be arranged," Jongseong says and Jungwon snorts.

"Stop trying to be cool."

"You just told me you 'had a good time or whatever,'" Jongseong huffs.

"So?"

Jongseong just laughs and rolls his eyes, shaking his head and looking down at his feet for a moment. Then, he says, "Can I give you a hug?"

Jungwon's heart fucking flutters. Flutters like some corny teen romance movie over the prospect of a hug. And the fact that Jongseong asked first is so unexpected and it makes Jungwon feel safe, makes him feel nine thousand times more comfortable. He hates it because it's so bare minimum, yet here is, charmed.

Instead of answering, Jungwon wraps his arms around Jongseong's waist and pulls him in. If Jongseong is thrown off, he doesn't show it – he wraps his own arms around Jungwon, hand cradling his head. Jungwon's heart races when he feels the unmistakable sensation of Jongseong's lips against his temple for the briefest moment before the boy is pulling away.

Jungwon feels like he's frozen solid, and Jongseong laughs at what must be an astonished expression on his face.

"Goodnight, Jungwon. Go inside so I can make sure you're safe," Jongseong says, his voice soft.

Jungwon just opens and closes his mouth dumbly and does what he's told, and when he turns back to close the door, Jongseong gives him the softest of smiles and a small wave before he's walking away. Jungwon is still watching as he goes, dumbstruck, and Jongseong turns around and walks backwards, eyebrows raised.

"Go inside, Jungwon," Jongseong calls, nodding towards him.

As soon as the door is closed, Riki and Sunoo pounce. It's like they were watching through the peephole like a bunch of creeps or something. Freaks.

"HOW'D IT GO." Sunoo's voice is too loud and everything around Jungwon feels as if it is buzzing.

"Do I need to beat his ass?" Riki's voice is at least at a normal volume, but the kid has his model katana in his hand again and it's hard to take him seriously..

"No one touch me...He just hugged me and kissed the side of my head...I'm going to pass out," Jungwon whispers, hand on the wall like he's catching his breath. He's nothing if not dramatic.

"I told you you'd fall for him," Sunoo says smugly, and Jungwon doesn't even have the ability to smack him.

Jungwon wishes he could say that he collected his wits and didn't think about the stupid kiss to the temple for the next twenty four hours straight, but then he'd be lying.

He also can't stop thinking about the conversation that he and Jongseong had over text. The older boy texted him as soon as he got home.

J: I had a really good time

J: Thank you :')

JW: why are u thanking me omg i should be thanking u

J: I'm thanking you because i'm happy duh

JW: stop omg

J: Stop being happy ? :o

JW: no shut up i'm happy ur happy i'm happy too

J: Heheh you're cute

Jungwon thinks Jongseong isn't very good for his sanity. He wishes that he could say their next date wasn't for at least another week, but clearly Jungwon is just a wishful thinker. He texts Jongseong about hanging out a few days later following their Friday night cooking class date. Of course, they had talked since then, whether it was over text or a few minutes over Facetime in between classes.

He's secretly grateful for all of Jongseong's calls because a tiny, secret part of the back corner of Jungwon's brain was missing the older boy's voice and it's nice to hear it from time to time. Or something.

JW: what's your class schedule like

J: [Image Attachment]

JW: do u wanna study in the library with me tonight ?

JW: i booked a small study room but niki n sunoo bailed on me

J: You miss me already? :]

JW: we're just studying it's not a big deal

J: You asked for my class schedule and not just whether i was free tonight :]

JW: i take back my offer you're so annoying

J: No wait :'(

J: I wanna study with you

JW: fine 8pm room 213

J: Can't wait to see you

Jungwon screams silently in the middle of his statistics class.

Later that night, while he's waiting for Jongseong to arrive and for the people in the study room session before him to clear out, he's nervous. His hands are balled up in his pockets, fists clenching and unclenching. He said it himself earlier – they're just studying, so he doesn't know his body is reacting as if it's something serious.

Jungwon pulls out his phone to distract himself and doesn't realize Jongseong is walking towards him until the boy speaks quietly,

"Hey," Jongseong says, his voice soft. Jongseong looks so handsome, so soft in his hoodie and beanie and Jungwon is finding it hard to stop staring.

"Hey," Jungwon replies, looking down at the canvas tote bag that Jongseong is carrying in addition to his backpack. "What's that?"

"I bought snacks and drinks because I figured we'll probably be here awhile and get hungry," Jongseong says simply, shaking the bag a little as if to emphasize. Jungwon kind of feels like crying, he's not sure why.

"How much do I owe you?" Jungwon asks, beginning to take out his wallet.

"Nothing," Jongseong says firmly, and Jungwon frowns.

"What."

"You don't have to pay me back." Jongseong's tone has some finality to it, like he isn't willing to argue any further about the issue.

"But you paid for everything on our date. You have to let me pay you back for half of this, at least," Jungwon says, brows furrowing as he thumbs the pebbled leather of his wallet.

"Nope."

"Jongseong."

Jongaesong raises his eyebrows and Jungwon rolls his eyes.

"Jongseong-hyung."

"Nope."

At this point the previous room occupants have left and the two of them file inside.

"Is this how it's always going to be? You're not going to let me pay for anything?" Jungwon grumbles as he begins to unpack his things, setting his laptop and textbooks on the table. Jongseong does the same thing across from him.

"Pretty much," the older boy says simply, chuckling at the dirty look he gets from Jungwon.

"I'm not okay with that."

"Why not? Most people would jump at the opportunity," Jongseong wonders.

"I'm not most people."

"No, you definitely are not," Jongseong agrees, and usually Jungwon would feign offense to this, but Jongseong is smiling so warmly at him that it's hard to even pretend to be mad.

"And you're not just an opportunity," Jungwon adds, shoving the other boy's shoulder lightly,

"Oh. Well, when you put it like that..."

"If you want us to keep seeing each other, then you need to let me pay for stuff sometimes. I have a job, I can afford to pay for your boba or for dinner once in a while at least," Jungwon grumbles.

Jongseong bats his eyelashes at Jungwon and puts a hand over his chest, all exaggerated and annoying. "Are you saying you'll take care of me?"

"You make it so hard to be nice to you," Jungwon sighs, rolling his eyes and pulling out his earphones.

"What the fuck," Jongseong says, offended.

"I'm just kidding."

"Good, because I was about to start crying," Jongseong says soberly, earning himself a light kick under the table.

"Oh my god."

"Oh, by the way, Heeseung-hyung is coming by in a bit to grab my laptop charger because he has a late class. And because he's stupid, his laptop is dead," Jongseong says, setting the charge in question at the end of the table closest to the door.

"Oh. I look like shit," Jungwon says, looking down at his wide-leg sweats and hoodie.

"Impossible," Jongseong says dismissively, rolling his eyes.

"I look like I just rolled out of bed."

"Wrong."

"I'm meeting your friend and I look bad," Jungwon says, pouting.

"It's not that serious. Plus, Heeseung-hyung looks like shit most of the time anyway. You should be fine," Jongseong shrugs, and Jungwon just looks at him.

"Easy for you to say. You met my friends looking all stupid gorgeous," Jungwon grumbles, opening up his laptop.

"Stupid gorgeous?" Jongseong repeats, a big smile beginning to form on his face. The corners of his eyes are crinkling and he looks so pretty – Jungwon thinks it's unfair.

"Don't push it," Jungwon warns, scowling.

"Fine, I won't, but I will have you know that my ego will be fueled by this for the next ten years," Jongseong says, the smile on his face all dopey and goofy.

"Oh my god, I can't believe I like you," Jungwon murmurs, rubbing at his temples.

"I can't believe it either, to be honest," Jongseong agrees, sounding thoughtful. When Jungwon looks at him, he realizes Jongseong's cheeks have a pretty pink flush to them. He's so overwhelmed by the feelings flooding over him that he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

"I really want to leave," Jungwon says. Real nice one, Jungwon.

"Please don't, I already spent money on these snacks," Jongseong says glumly.

"See, you do care about the money," Jungwon points out, shaking his head.

"No, I just don't want to take these home. Sunghoon wouldn't eat them, Jaeyun doesn't even like these, and Heeseung-hyung," Jongseong sighs heavily, "I just don't want to give these to Heeseung-hyung."

"What'd he do?" Jungwon asks, snorting.

"He's annoying," Jongseong replies simply.

"Now you know how I feel," Jungwon says cheerfully, laughing when Jongseong pouts.

"It's like you want to hurt my feelings," Jongseong sighs, and Jungwon rolls his eyes.

"I'm joking."

"I know, because you called me 'stupid gorgeous.' No take-backs," Jongseong says smugly, and Jungwon shakes his head, but doesn't have it in him to deny it.

Eventually they stop bickering long enough to start studying, and they lapse into a comfortable silence except.

Jungwon tries so hard not to look at Jongseong but it's hard when he looks like that when he's focused. Jongseong's eyes are moving rapidly as he reads whatever is on his screen, and he keeps putting the top of his pen in his mouth, and usually Jungwon finds this disgusting, but. But.

Jongseong's lips look glossy in the overhead lighting, and they look so soft and Jungwon finds it hard to keep his imagination away from the idea of what it'd be like to kiss him. What kind of kisser is Jongseong? Would he be the intense type or the innocent and sweet type or–

No. No more of that. Jungwon physically shakes his head as if doing this would rid him of his thoughts.

"It's hard to focus when you keep staring at me," Jongseong says suddenly, and Jungwon startles, feeling warm when he sees the corner of the boy's mouth quirk up.

"I'm not staring," Jungwon says, eyes snapping away and back to his laptop screen.

"Uh-huh."

"I'm not," Jungwon insists. "I wasn't."

"Okay, so what happened in the hallway literally two minutes ago?" Jongseong asks, looking up from his laptop, looking and sounding oh-so infuriatingly amused.

"What."

"See if you hadn't been staring at my mouth, then you would've noticed that some girl walked straight into the glass door of the study room across the hall," Jongseong says simply, says the beginning bit like it's no big deal but Jungwon wants a hole open up beneath him so he can disappear and never have to face Jongseong ever again.

"Staring at your what."

"You heard me. And you know what you were doing," Jongseong says, sounding way too amused and pleased with himself. "I'll spare you the embarrassment of repeating it."

"Whatever. Be flattered," Jungwon mumbles, looking away.

"Oh, I am," Jongseong says, laughing softly.

Jungwon can feel the heat traveling over his skin and he can only imagine how red he is right now. He wants to sink into the floor so fucking bad right now. Instead, he pulls his hood up over his beanie and pulls the string so it scrunches up around his face. Jongseong laughs again and it only makes him feel even worse.

"You are so cute."

"Are you going to get more creative with your compliments, or is that all you can think of?" Jungwon sounds muffled because of how tight his hood is around his face. He realizes he's also pouting and stops it immediately, because doesn't think he's ever done it that much around anyone who wasn't Sunoo or Riki.

"I told you that your eyes were pretty and you didn't like that, did you?" Jongseong points out, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table and propping his chin up in his clasped hands.

"Yeah, well. Think of something else," Jungwon grumbles.

"Okay. I think you're probably the prettiest dude I've ever seen, and I'm best friends with that Sunghoon asshole," Jongseong says after a moment.

"I don't think Sunghoon would like that," Jungwon says, and he's struggling not to smile.

"And I think you're prettiest when your cheeks are a soft pink like this and you're doing that thing where you try not to smile," Jongseong continues, and the way he's looking at Jungwon right now makes him desperately want to hide.

"Oh." Jungwon pulls his hoodie sleeves down over his hands and covers his cheeks with them.

"Is that better?" Jongseong is smiling the softest smile right now, with this look in his eyes that Jungwon can't quite decipher. Or he's telling himself he can't because his heart is racing and he's a little terrified of the rush of emotions that are hitting him.

"I need you to stop looking at me like that," Jungwon blurts, covering his face completely with his hands.

"Like what?"

"That."

"This is just my face."

"No, it's not."

"But it is."

Jungwon leans forward across the table and puts his hand over Jongseong's face and he sputters.

"Um. I hope your hands are clean. I invest heavily in my skincare."

"Are you calling me dirty?"

"I just said that I hope your hands are clean, I didn't say anything about you being dirty."

"That's calling me dirty."

"Oh my god, it is not."

The pair are so distracted and caught up in bickering with one another that they don't notice the tall, pretty boy standing by the door until he knocks loudly on the glass. When they turn to look at him, Jongseong gestures for him to come in. Jungwon quickly takes his hood down and hopes that his beanie isn't astray or there isn't anything on his face. He doesn't know why he wants to make a good impression on Jongseong's friends so badly but here he is, caring.

"Why are all of your friends pretty?" This is the first thing Jungwon says, and Heeseung looks taken aback.

"Um."

"That's a good fucking question actually," Jongseong says, nodding at the charger cords at the end of the table. "But looks don't mean shit when you're an idiot who forgot to charge their laptop when they have class."

"That seemed a little aggressive – are you mad about something else?" Heeseung sounds amused as he puts the charger into his backpack. Jungwon covers his mouth with his hand and tries not to laugh.

"Stop letting your shit die," Jongseong says simply.

"This is the first time," Heeseung complains, and Jongseong just looks at him.

"Your phone the other day? I had to drop your charger off at the coffee shop across campus when I had class?"

"That's different," Heeseung says, unconcerned.

"Literally how the fuck is it different," Jongseong snorts.

"Okay, why are you so mad?" Heeseung sighs, bending down so he can be at Jongseong's level. "Your boyfriend is right there, shouldn't you be in a good mood?"

Jungwon's ears burn.

"Dude, just go to class," Jongseong sighs, pointing out the door.

"Fine, god," Heeseung snorts. As he turns to go, he spots the snack bag and takes two whole bags of chips and a pack of candy and now Jungwon understands. Heeseung is a menace. A funny one, but a menace all the same.

Once Heeseung is out the door and it is shut behind him, Jongseong just lets out a heavy sigh.

"Do you see now?"

"I do," Jungwon agrees somberly.

Eventually, they get back to studying and Jungwon manages to get focused enough to work through his statistics homework and start on his readings for a history class. It's not until he has started to take notes on his reading that he realizes Jongseong has been staring at him. The only difference between him and Jongseong's staring is that the older boy has no shame.

When Jungwon looks up to meet his gaze, Jongseong just smiles, the softest flicker of some sort of emotion in his eyes that Jungwon does not want to explore further.

"Who's staring now?" Jungwon mumbles, and his ears begin to get warm.

"Definitely me," Jongseong says easily, propping his chin up in the palm of his hand.

"And you're not even embarrassed. What is that," Jungwon says, dumbfounded.

"Why would I be embarrassed?"

"Because you got caught staring."

"Yeah, because you're pretty," Jongseong says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world and thinks Jungwon shouldn't even be questioning it.

"God, not this again," Jungwon mumbles, covering his face.

"Have I hit the compliment usage limit? Do I need to think of something else again?" Jongseong is teasing him, he knows, but Jungwon can't help the feeling that he wants to get under the table and hide from him. Jongseong isn't just looking at him, but he's seeing him, and it's a little terrifying.

"I don't know."

"Why do you keep mumbling?" So Jongseong has noticed. That is even more humiliating.

"Are you making fun of the way I talk now?"

"You do not mumble when you talk, so why are you mumbling now?"

"I'm shy," Jungwon grumbles, looking away and off to the side.

"About what?"

"You saying nice shit about me," Jungwon says, sneaking a glance at Jongseong and seeing that the older boy is smiling the softest of smiles.

"Well, get used to it because I'm going to keep doing it. My love languages are gift giving and words of affirmation," Jongseong says, leaning across the table and poking Jungwon's cheek with a strangely bent finger.

"Jesus," Jungwon groans, rolling his eyes.

"Jongseong, actually," he says, shit-eating grin appearing.

"My god, you are so annoying," Jungwon says, before he realizes he's set himself up again.

"I guess, if you're into that," Jongseong says thoughtfully. "But it is a little weird."

Jongseong is laughing now, eyes scrunched nearly closed and Jungwon can't even find it in himself to act annoyed. Jungwon is giggling too as he reaches across the table and puts his hand on Jongseong's face again and gently pushes him away. Jongseong catches his hand and presses a kiss to his wrist, lips soft and Jungwon feels a spark of electricity where they make contact with his skin. Jongseong goes back to his work, finally, but he looks up after a moment and finds Jungwon just sitting there, stunned.

"What?"

"You're infuriating," Jungwon grumbles, reaching for his water and taking an aggressive pull from it.

"Why?" Jongseong looks amused and Jungwon wants to wipe that look off his face somehow.

"Why don't you just kiss me?" Jungwon definitely did not plan on saying that, and it makes it worse when Jongseong just laughs. He sees the way the harsh overhead lighting looks on Jongseong's skin and it's just unfair how breathtaking he is, like it's his sole job to make things difficult for Jungwon. He decides to bite the bullet. "You clearly want to."

"Of course I want to. I've wanted to since you gave me a hard time back at the Lambdas party," Jongseong says once he's calmed down a bit and his eyes shining a little with mirth.

"Oh." Jungwon was not prepared for that response. He needs to stop saying things and not expecting something in return because it renders him frozen like this.

"I just don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with," Jongseong says, shrugging. He begins playing with his hoodie strings and usually Jungwon would think he's doing that to hide his nervousness, but Jongseong looks as confident as ever, as self-assured as ever and it looks like this conversation is not doing a number on his head like it is with Jungwon.

"Well, you haven't," Jungwon says finally, pulling his sleeves down over his hands.

"Good. I'm just trying to take it slow. For your sake." Jongseong grabs his own water bottle and takes a long sip, and even at this moment Jungwon can't take his eyes off that jawline. Stupid, beautiful Jongseong.

"What do you mean, 'for my sake,'" Jungwon asks, furrowing his brows. Maybe he's overthinking it, but the wording definitely grabs his attention.

"You just seem like the kind of person that doesn't jump into things like this," Jongseong says simply, placing the bottle back on the table.

"Things like this," Jungwon repeats, and it feels like Jongseong is mincing his words now, as if avoiding broaching a certain topic.

Jongseong gives a small smile, one without any real warmth, and leans back in his chair. "I'm really trying so hard not to scare you away here."

"Try me," Jungwon says, even though he's sure he'll regret encouraging the conversation to go down this route.

"Okay. So I lied," Jongseong starts off, smiling wryly when he sees the look on Jungwon's face.

"Not a good way to start this off," Jungwon says, trying to sound as neutral as possible. This is not going to go well, he thinks. Not at all.

"I know, I'm sorry."

Jungwon just sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. "So, what did you lie about?"

"I kind of. I kind of had feelings for you before we met?" Jongseong says this haltingly, tips of his ears reddening, and it's the first time tonight that Jungwon thinks he's seen him embarrassed.

"What?"

"Sunghoon is our mutual friend. We've been to the same parties and I've seen you around. Across the room at those parties or on campus. I've seen you," Jongseong says, and even if he's embarrassed, he doesn't shy away from eye contact like Jungwon would if he were in his shoes.

"So you had a crush," Jungwon clarifies, eyebrows raised. He's not sure how he feels about Jongseong having seen him around and had this crush on him, all the while Jungwon has had this sense of, maybe not disdain but, wariness towards him.

"Is that not the same thing as having feelings?" Jongseong asks, and his brows are furrowed. Jungwon wants to lean across the table and smooth it out with his fingers, to feel the warmth of his skin beneath his fingertips.

"That is not the same thing," Jungwon says firmly, because to him, crushes and feelings are different.

A crush is someone you see in passing, someone you think is pretty or someone you may have talked to a few times and find funny. Having feelings for someone is different from that, it's more meaningful than that, goes deeper than that.

"Well, for me, it's the same thing. You don't need a reason for falling for someone, it just happens1," Jongseong says simply.

"So what are you saying? You're in love with me already or what?" Jungwon jokes, but he thinks he probably shouldn't have, because Jongseong looks as serious as he's ever looked and something in the pit of Jungwon's stomach drops, somewhere beneath his sternum, his heart jumps.

"I don't know. Maybe," Jongseong says, and he sits up from his slightly slouched position, leaning his elbows on the table and resting his chin on his clasped hands. Jungwon doesn't know why, but his instincts want him to lean back, lean away.

"Oh."

They're quiet for a minute, and if it were Jungwon, he would have gotten out of here as quickly as he could, would have escaped, would have ran away. But then again, if it was Jungwon, he wouldn't have said anything at all. But he's been quiet and he hasn't said a thing, and yet here Jongseong is, patient as ever, confident as ever, and he hasn't taken it back.

"See, I told you it'd freak you out," Jongseong says finally, and he's still not taking it back.

"I guess I didn't expect you to be so honest," Jungwon admits, staring down at his lap.

"I don't say things I don't mean. I've told you that before. And I thought you should know how I feel up front."

It's quiet again as Jungwon figures out what he wants to say. There really is not a single sound to be heard, except he feels like he can hear his own breathing and his own heartbeat and truly this moment is so terrifying.

"I like you," Jungwon begins, and he realizes how dry his mouth feels. "I do like you, but I'm just not on the same level as you yet."

"I know that and I don't expect you to be," Jongseong says. "At all. I don't want you to feel pressured."

"That's a little hard because I feel like this is unfair to you," Jungwon says, and there's a tightness in his throat.

"Hey, I got into this already knowing how I felt and fully expecting you to not even want to go on one date with me."

"Yeah, but now you're saying that you more-than-like me and I don't want to disappoint you or hold you back when you could easily find someone who returns your feelings the same way. You deserve better than to have to wait and see." Jungwon picks at the stray thread on his sweats.

"That's the thing, though – you don't get to tell me what I deserve when I already know what I want. Who I want," Jongseong says, smiling wryly.

"How could you be so sure? You say you've liked me for a while and we've only just started actually getting to know each other. What if you find something you don't like?" Jungwon feels like the tone of his voice almost sounds desperate, like he's finding a reason for Jongseong to change his mind and make the decision for him. Like he's begging Jongseong to go before it starts.

"I don't mind waiting and seeing," Jongseong says, shrugging. "That's the thing for me. I'd rather get my heart broken knowing I gave one hundred percent, than regret not giving enough."

"So you went into this knowing that I may break your heart. You're going into this knowing that and you're okay with it?" Jungwon can hear the disbelief in his own voice, the incredulity.

"I have to be. I don't mind taking that risk." Jongseong smiles a little, the warmth back in the way the corners of his mouth quirk up. "And because I'm being honest with you from the get go, you can go into this if you want and maybe have more-than-like feelings with the reassurance that I feel the same way."

"You have a lot of faith in me."

"I know, and I know it must be scary for you and you might be thinking about how to get out of this whole thing right now. All I'm saying is that the ball is in your court, and it always has been, since the moment I gave you my number and gave you the option."

"You DM'd me on Instagram," Jungwon reminds him with a wry smile.

"You were already stalking me," Jongseong reminds him in turn.

"And then you texted me because you already had my number from someone else."

"Okay, that's true. But then when I asked you on a date, you said yes," Jongseong says gently.

"That's true," Jungwon admits.

"Do you regret it?" For the first time, Jongseong looks unsure of himself, and Jungwon hates that he's the cause of this.

"Not at all," Jungwon says quickly, and he means it. There has not been a single second where he had regretted his decision in saying 'yes' to the date. He doesn't even regret the way he had been caught lurking around on Jongseong's profile.

"Then that's all the reassurance I need," Jonseong says, and Jungwon thinks he should be honest when he sees how earnest Jongseong looks right now, how undeniably genuine he is.

"I should be honest. I lied too."

"About what?"

"I already knew who you were when we met and just pretended I didn't."

"Why?"

"This is where you're going to change your mind about me."

"You don't know that."

"You said you know the rumors about you, right? I just. I had an idea of who you were in my head already because of them and didn't want to play into it. I didn't want to be one of the people that you had supposedly played and broke the hearts of," Jungwon admits, and he's staring at the table now, unable to look at Jongseong.

"But then you talked to me and knew I'm not like anything they say," Jongseong says, and he doesn't sound like he's particularly bothered.

"We've gone on one date and we've texted and Facetimed, but by all standards we really don't know each other that well," Jungwon says quietly, and he hears Jongseong let out a noise, something like a cross between a gasp and a scoff, and that's how he knows he's done it. He's ruined it.

"Are you saying you still think I'm the person that everyone else makes me out to be? When I'm sitting right in front of you and you've gotten to see firsthand that I'm not?" Jongseong's voice is quiet now.

"No, I don't think that anymore, not really. But I told you before, right? I'm scared of commitment and it's like my brain is telling me to use this as an excuse to cut this off before it's even started for real." Jungwon laughs bitterly. "I told you this would change everything."

"But it doesn't, not for me at least," Jongseong says, and Jungwon looks up in surprise. "Because you still gave me a chance, right? So I'm going to ask again. Do you regret giving me a chance?"

All at once, Jungwon's chest feels tight, like the air is stuck there and his eyes begin to sting. He tries to take a deep breath, but it feels as if it just gets trapped in his throat.

"No, I don't, but. Why are you being so understanding about all of this? Honestly, if the tables were turned, I'd already be gone," Jungwon says with some difficulty.

"Because I like you and I know you like me, at least somewhat, and you haven't done anything to make me think otherwise," Jongseong says gently, and then he smiles. "Other than bully me every other second."

That seems to be what breaks Jungwon. All at once, the tears start to fall.

Jongseong's face falls. "Hey, why are you crying?" He comes around the table and stands by the chair next to Jungwon. "Is it okay if I sit next to you?"

And the fact that he even asks makes Jungwon let out a stupid, embarrassing sob.

Jongseong moves his backpack onto the table and sits, scooting the chair in close. "What's wrong?"

"I just feel so bad," Jungwon says, his voice thick with tears.

"It's okay, I promise," Jongseong says, and his voice is so gentle that Jungwon wants to scream. He wants Jongseong to be mad at him.

"No, it's fucking not. God, I'm so sorry. You're being the sweetest, kindest person and people fucking spread rumors about you and I'm just out here believing them? And then you more-than-like me and it freaks me out and I'm inevitably going to ruin everything and you're just okay with it." Jungwon says this all in one breath, which is a mistake because now feels like he can't breathe again.

"What are you scared of?"

"It's not like I'm out here playing everyone and basically being what ppl say in the rumors about you but. I always find reasons to end things before it gets serious. Right when my feelings get stronger, I cut it off. I'm scared of giving myself to anyone and I'm scared of getting hurt the second I do."

"I don't want to hurt you." Jongseong is being so patient with him that he can barely stand it.

"I know you don't. But it always ends up that way. Whenever I've given in, I end up being the one that felt more and was hurt more when it ended, and I'm tired of that happening," Jungwon says, and he closes his eyes because even just saying this out loud makes his heart constrict with the ghost of the pain he's felt before because of everything he's talked about. "I'm tired of people changing their minds the second I've already decided to be all in."

"I really don't think it's possible for you to like me more than I like you," Jongseong says, and when Jungwon looks at him, eyes still blurry with unshed tears, Jongseong smiling a little.

"Are we making it a contest now?"

"Maybe, if it means it'll keep you in the game."

"So we're making this a game."

"One where both of us win, yeah."

"I can't believe I just bared my soul to you and now you want to make this relationship thing a game," Jungwon sniffs. Jongseong pulls his sleeve over his one hand and uses it to wipe at Jungwon's face gently, and uses the other hand to tilt jungwon's chin up, his fingers unbearably gentle on his skin.

"Do you want this? With me," Jongseong asks, cupping Jungwon's face with his hand, thumb brushing over his cheek.

"Yes, but–"

"If your answer is yes, then that's enough for me. We'll work through this together. It's okay," Jongseong interrupts lightly.

"Are you sure about this? About me."

"I've been sure about you since we met," Jongseong murmurs, pushing Jungwon's hair out of his face.

Jungwon starts crying again.

outtake

"Are you ever going to unblock me on Instagram?"

"No."

"Baby, please." Jongseong sounds so tired and done with him that Jungwon can't help but giggle as he looks down at him.

Jungwon is sitting in Jongseong's lap and scrolling through his phone while they wait for it to be socially acceptable for them to leave Jongseong's friend's birthday party. Neither of them had wanted to be here in the first place, but Jongseong had already agreed to come and decided to drag Jungwon along.

"Why do you need me to unblock you, hm?" Jungwon locks his phone and puts it down, turning his full attention to his boyfriend. He begins fixing Jongseong's hair as he waits for a response, unable to help the smile that appears on his face when he realizes Jongseong is pouting at him.

"So I can tag you in pictures and send you cat videos," Jongseong complains, and he's still pouting. Jungwon laughs, unable to keep the giggles at bay any longer, leaning down to peck at Jongseong's protruding lower lip.

"Is it that important to you?" Jungwon presses his thumb into the furrow between Jongseong's brows.

"Yes," Jongseong grumbles. "And give me a real kiss for my troubles."

"You. Are. So. Annoying," Jungwon says, punctuating each word with a kiss on Jongseong's forehead, nose and both cheeks.

"I said a real–"

Jungwon cuts him off by pressing his mouth against Jongseong's, slotting their lips together and probably kissing him a little too intensely for what was appropriate in public. He pulls away, giggling at the dazed look on his boyfriend's face. Jongseong blinks a couple times.

"Um," Jongseong says dumbly. "Thanks for that."

"Can we go now? I'm hungry and I want real food. Not stale Takis that everyone has had their hands in," Jungwon says, wrinkling his nose.

"Where do you wanna go?" Jongseong says, watching as Jungwon stands up and holds a hand out to him.

Jungwon shrugs, pulling Jongseong up off the couch. "Surprise me."

"I thought you hated surprises," Jongseong says, his mouth quirked up in his signature lopsided smile that Jungwon thinks is his favorite in the whole wide world. He squeezes Jongseong's hand as he leads them out of the house.

"Not if they're with you."

Notes:

Footnotes
1 En-Connect: Companion, Park Jongseong, 2021

don't wanna fall — the director's cut and commentary