He groaned, pulling her against him tighter before stretching his entire body out. The warmth enveloped him, and contentment washed over him—a stark contrast to what he had felt less than twenty-four hours ago. It had been far too long since he had experienced such restful sleep. If he were honest, he desired nothing more than to keep his eyes shut and return to the peaceful embrace of slumber. However, reality nudged him; he needed to get back to work, especially since he had decided to come home instead of reporting to the Commission, as he normally would after a mission like that.
Oh, fuck.
The realization hit him like a ton of bricks, nearly stopping his heart. He shot upright, scrambling out of bed so fast he nearly tripped over. Fear clamped down on him so fiercely that he felt nauseous, though there wasn't much in his stomach to even throw up. He couldn't recall the last time he had eaten since leaving the site of the landslide. He was going to be in a shit load of trouble for deviating from the standard protocol, and he should have known better than to come home instead of reporting directly to them. What the hell had he been thinking?
"Keigs?" she called after him, but he ignored her, stumbling his way out of the bedroom. His legs felt shaky as he crawled along the wall toward the bathroom, likely the result of standing up too quickly. But he needed to grab his phone from his pants pocket, needed to call Mamoru and apologize. He needed to beg for forgiveness because there was no way he wasn't absolutely fuming. He was honestly surprised that he hadn't shown up here looking for him already.
What time was it anyway? How long had he been asleep? The light in the hallway suddenly flipped on, blinding him for just a second as his eyes struggled to adjust to the change in brightness. He was about to move forward again when, suddenly, her hand wrapped around his wrist, tugging him back toward her.
"Keigo, come on. Relax. Everything is okay," she said softly, and he turned his head to look at her, furrowing his brows.
"No, I can't. I need to call work. I... I messed up. I shouldn't have fucking come here." He said, yanking his arm roughly from her grasp and opening the bathroom door. She followed him inside the bathroom, frowning as he looked around. It was clean, but it shouldn't be. He'd dragged in mud everywhere, and the tub had been disgusting when he was done with it. What fucking time was it?
"Where are my clothes? My hero outfit?" He asked, turning to face her, his panic obvious in his expression.
"In the washing machine. Though I'm not really sure your shirt is—"
"My phone!" He cried out, turning to face her with wide, desperate eyes. "Please, I need my phone." His eyes burned, a combination of the bright lights and the tears he was struggling to keep at bay. She blinked at him in surprise, stepping back slightly as she frowned.
"Keigo, that's enough," she said firmly, crossing her arms before taking a deep breath. "You need to calm down. Your phone is in the bedroom on the charger, but nobody at the Commission is looking for you. You need to relax, please. It's one in the morning, and you stomping around like that is going to wake up your neighbors!"
"Shit," he hissed, his mind racing. Was it seriously one in the morning? He had gotten back yesterday around eight; he remembered seeing the time in the taxi before he stepped out. Had he really been asleep for that long? Forget just Mamoru; it was a wonder they didn't have search parties out looking for him at this point. "Of course they're looking for me. I didn't report to work for my debriefing. I need to call them. I need—"
"To go sit down so I can make you something to eat," she said with a sigh, leaning against the doorframe as he blinked at her in confusion. "I talked with the Commission this morning. Me and Mamoru had a lovely little chat, and it turns out you've got the next two weeks off. Now go sit in the living room, and I'll make you a sandwich or something. I'm sure you're starving." She turned, walking from the bathroom without another word, leaving him staring in confusion. Had she just said that he has the next two weeks off? Since when did the Commission give him vacations?
He stuck his head out into the hallway, watching as she made her way into the kitchen before sneaking into the bedroom. She had been telling the truth; his phone was lying on his nightstand, plugged into the charger. He swallowed, trying his best to keep his nerves at bay before grabbing the device and swiftly unlocking it.
They had definitely been looking for him this morning, with nearly seventy missed calls from Mamoru and ninety-nine plus messages. He scrolled through them, anxiety tearing at his stomach as his mind raced with the consequences he would now be facing due to his impulsive choice to seek comfort instead of pushing his feelings down and reporting to work as he was supposed to. That was, until he got to the very last one.
Mamoru:
Great job on the landslide efforts. You did awesome. Enjoy your two-week break. It's actually kinda nice to see how much she cares about you. The President seems to agree too and sends you well wishes.
He shook his head in disbelief before rereading the message. She had seriously gotten them to agree to giving him two whole weeks off? And what the hell was with Mamoru being nice like that? What was she, some kind of fucking miracle worker?
He put down his phone, letting out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding when a sudden growl from his stomach caused him to grimace. Y/N had been right about that too; he was absolutely starving. He walked from the room, making his way towards the kitchen quietly and peeping his head inside to watch her.
He took just a second to appreciate her figure as she worked. Her pajamas were cute, a shade of blue that seemed to tickle his brain in just the right way. Her shorts were fairly short, and her tank top hung loosely on her frame, showing him just a glimpse of her bra. She was absolutely beautiful; even now, it was enough to nearly take his breath away. She turned her head, and he quickly averted his gaze, his face flushing as she chuckled at him.
"Come on, I made some eggs and toast. Just something small for now, and then we can talk about everything that happened yesterday."
And just like that, his nerves struck again, freezing him to the spot as they looked at each other. The last thing he wanted to talk to her about was everything that had happened this morning. It was hazy, but he knew what a mess he had been. Completely unhinged when he had shown up on the doorstep yesterday morning—stuttering, crying, scenes from the landslide blurring with that poor girl from all those years ago. She had to literally bathe him, for heaven's sake, as he dissociated and stress-gripped the bathtub. It was embarrassing, unheroic, and he very much did not want to talk about it.
But what could he do to keep her from bringing it up? He sucked in a breath, the tightness in his pants suddenly giving him his answer. He could use that to his advantage now, right? He was Hawks, after all, the flirty number two hero. How hard could it really be to charm her back into bed? He'd seen enough porn to have a decent idea of how this was supposed to go, and besides, he wasn't a total novice anymore. He had gotten a blowjob now after all. If he could just convince her to go back to bed, he could delay this conversation for at least a few more hours. It would give him some more time to figure out a better solution anyway.
So he took a deep breath, steeling himself before putting on a flirty smile. He could do this, and if he was totally honest, he wouldn't even mind trying it, especially if it was as good as the other day in the Commission car. He sauntered into the kitchen, came up behind her, and pulled her against him. His arms encircled her, his head coming to rest on her shoulder as he let out a small chuckle against her ear.
"Or," he said suggestively, hoping he didn't sound like the total idiot he felt like, "we could go back to bed, and you help me out with my problem. I owe you a thank you for the other day and my surprise vacation after all."
She laughed, wriggling free from his grasp and turning to lean against the counter. He followed suit, his arms coming to cage her in against it as they locked eyes. She blinked at him, her amusement fading slightly before confusion took its place.
"Are you serious?" she asked him, and in response, he leaned forward, kissing her instead of answering. She leaned into it, her arms coming to wrap around his neck, and he could've cheered. It was actually working!
That was until she broke it, looking at him as she bit her lip before letting out a deep sigh. She frowned at him, his brows pinching in confusion. What was happening? It had been working; why the hell was she stopping? She shook her head, blinking up at him before giving him a soft smile. "Keigo, I will absolutely do this with you if that's what you really want to try tonight, but you still need to eat, and we have to talk about everything that happened. Sex can come later."
He clenched his jaw, moving away from the counter before shaking his head. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Do you think I honestly wanted to tell you about Kuro or Himari?" she asked, her tone firm as he walked away from her, settling at the table. "What was it that you said that day? That honesty was the best policy? So I was, and you helped me, and it felt so good to finally be free of the burden. So now it's your turn; it's time to talk about it."
"No," he said firmly, his temper starting to rise as he watched her clench her jaw.
"No isn't an answer here," she said back, and he crossed his arms, sucking in a breath before suddenly standing back up. He was growing agitated, and the last thing he wanted was to yell at her, to fight with her over this. She didn't need to deal with his issues; he certainly didn't need anybody's help. He smiled and pushed forward; that was how he dealt with these things. That was what he had been taught. Nobody was going to coddle him; the only thing that did was encourage weakness, and he was not weak. He was a hero, for God's sake!
"I'm not talking about this. I was tired, I hadn't slept in days. I needed to sleep, that was all it was," his voice rising as he struggled to keep his temper in check.
"No, we are talking about it because it was more than that, and you know it!" she retorted, her own voice starting to rise as he huffed.
"Why won't you just let it fucking go?!" He yelled, finally losing his temper. She blinked at him, and he sucked in a breath as he watched her eyes start to fill with tears, and she started sucking in deep breaths.
Oh...oh no.
His stomach twisted as he watched her, her body rigid as she looked at him, tears starting to drip down her face. Had he triggered her by yelling like that? He hadn't meant to; he had just wanted her to drop the topic. But he should've thought about it; how could he have been so dense? Kuro must've yelled at her all the time, she didn't need him to do that to her too. God, he had really messed up this time, hadn't he?
"Because it wasn't your fault," she suddenly whispered, her words cutting through the air like a dagger, freezing his breath in his throat before he could even apologize. Their eyes locked in an intense gaze, his widening as they connected, desperately trying to process the weight of what she had just uttered.
"What did you just say?" he whispered, the words hanging in the charged silence as she reached up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. His heart pounded against his chest, the intensity growing as she sniffled, drawing in a shuddering breath.
"It wasn't your fault, Keigo," she repeated, moving over to engulf him in a hug. Her arms wrapped around him, but his body felt frozen. His arms hung by his sides, his fist clenched as she held him tightly. Tears streamed down his face, he could feel them tracing their way down his cheeks as he just stood there, paralyzed.
"Please don't be mad, but Haruki came over after I got you out of the tub and asleep. She told me everything. About your stutter, about the Commission, about that little girl, all of it." She shook her head against his chest before sucking in a deep breath. "You've been through so much and I probably don't even know the half of it. But Keigs, nothing that happened to you is your fault. You were a fucking child, taken away from your mother by people who you were supposed to protect you, to love and train you and they didn't give that to you. And that little girl? Nobody could've seen that coming. It was a horrible tragedy and you weren't given the help you deserved to get through it. But it's time to try and heal now. We can get help, we can find someone for you to talk to about it. It's time to move forward from this, together."
He let out a shaky breath, his body finally allowing him to move enough to wrap his arms around her in return, holding her tightly against him as he tried to find his words. His throat felt impossibly tight, anything he wanted to say getting stuck there. So instead, he just nodded, resting his chin against her head as they held each other. It was overwhelming, having someone who cared so much about him. Someone who was obviously so willing to fight for him. Hell, she'd gone toe-to-toe with the Commission this morning for him, to get him time off. And maybe, just maybe, she was right. It was time to talk about it all, to work through that trauma.
They could get through it all as long as they were together.