Sirius Black stood in the Lupin living room long after nightfall on his Birthday, flicking through the pages of book after book after book, searching for something to help him help Harry. But there was nothing about the Triwizard Tournament in any of the books that Remus Lupin had lining his shelves. Sirius felt let down, once again, by books and libraries.
If you want to find something out, you've got to just jump in and get involved - books can't tell you shite, he thought.
He sighed and plucked the next volume off the shelf and when he opened the cover a Polaroid fluttered out from between the pages and down to the floor in front of him. He stared down at it, then bent to pick it up.
It was a photo of him and Remus from early on in Fifth Year, when Sirius's hair had been shorn off by the Slytherins, when he and Remus had been together - before the prank, before the adventure with James and rescuing the Minister for Magic as they'd done together that year. In it, Remus and Sirius were laying on their backs in the grass, heads together, staring up at the camera. He could remember Marlene taking the photograph during Care of Magical Creatures and Sirius's face kept turning to kiss Remus's cheek, their eyes shining and happy and the world around them bright and warm. She'd given them the photograph and Remus had claimed it. He'd had it beside his bed for a good long time, until the prank, at which time he must've shoved it into this book - their fifth year DADA text.
Sirius held the Polaroid in his hand, staring at it, and he looked down and saw their handwriting on the title page.
This book belongs to Remus Lupin was written neatly beneath the title in Remus's cursive. And below it, in block lettering was Sirius's handwriting, AND ALSO TO --- and here he'd scratched out SIRIUS BLACK and below written in FREDDIE PINEAPPLE.
In spite of himself, Sirius laughed as a memory flooded him.
"I've decided to shed my birth name and assume a new identity by which I shall be known forthwith."
Raised eyebrows all around the dormitory.
"And what, pray-tell, is this new identity which you'll be assuming... forthwith?" smirked James, imitating Sirius's regal tone and dramatic words.
"Freddie Pineapple," Sirius replied, voice completely level - not a joke in it.
James's smirk deepened, his eyes bright with amusement at just how serious Sirius was being.
"Freddie Pineapple?" Remus asked. "What sort of name is that?"
It was during that time when Remus and Sirius were at odds, when Remus was still hurt from Sirius's betrayal with the prank and Sirius was still spiraling without a catch net below him. He had a half dozen cards and letters in his desk drawer from his mother, most of them never even opened to know what her latest ode to hatred read. It was a time when he, Sirius, felt like he belonged no where at all.
"The sort that my parents would despise to their very cores," Sirius answered. "It's ridiculous, their least favorite thing to be, despite their impeccable ability to be ridiculous themselves."
James snorted, trying to hold back his laughter.
Remus said, "I mean, I've never met anyone with the last name of Pineapple."
"Precisely why I ought to be named it," Sirius replied. "After all, you've never met anyone like me, have you, so I ought to have a name that nobody's ever had before, too, right?"
"Freddie on account of Freddie Mercury, yeah?" asked Peter, piping up.
"Of course on account of Freddie Mercury!" Sirius said, "What other Freddies are even worth mentioning?"
"Flintstone," James spoke up instantly.
"He doesn't go by Freddie," Sirius retorted.
"Might've done when he was a lad," James shrugged. "You know - before he met Wilma and started working at the Quarry and all. I'll bet him and Barney got into a good deal of trouble back in the day."
"I think it's a brilliant name," Peter said.
"I think it's dumb, but whatever you want," Remus said, shrugging.
Mean Moony phase. Sirius flared up. "Yeah? You think it's so dumb then you name me!"
Remus stared at Sirius.
"Seriously! What would you call me if you were to name me?"
Tell me you'd give me your name if I wanted it, Sirius thought. But he knew Remus wouldn't.
Remus would've worded it that at the moment he couldn't.
Remus shrugged and turned back to his homework.
James said, "May I have a go at naming you? I've got a good one."
"What is it?" Sirius asked, turning to James.
James sat up, grinning, eyes sparkling. "Ima Dunghead."
Remus's head lifted up in dismay but he didn't say anything, just glared at James and raised an eyebrow at the back of Sirius's head as he replied dumbly - "But Ima's a girl's name," Sirius protested.
James was snickering.
"It at least ought to be a boy's name what you give me."
"Did you not –? Sirius, did you notice the last name –?" Remus stammered.
Sirius turned 'round, "What? Dunghead?"
James's snickers deepened.
"Conversation starter, that is," Sirius said, grinning.
Remus shook his head and turned away again.
"Ida Dunghead?"
"Ida is feminine also," Remus spoke up without looking away from his paper this time.
"Why do the ladies have all the fun names?" James murmured.
"Freddie Pineapple is a fun name," Sirius input.
"It isn't a name at all," Remus said, "It's a fruit!" Remus rolled his eyes as his pen scrawled across the parchment, ink rubbing against his hand, dirtying his wrist.
"Well maybe I'm a fruit, too!" Sirius said.
"Are you ever," James snickered.
"Takes one to know one, darling," Sirius answered slyly.
"How did fruit even come to mean gay anyway?" Peter asked curiously.
James hummed, "Hmm - good question, Wormtail." He was rolling to open the drawer of the nightstand between his and Peter's bed and pulling out the gold snitch he kept there. "Remcyclopedia?"
"You always assume I know everything," Remus said.
"Because you usually do know everything," James replied.
Remus was quiet a moment.
"C'mon, out with it," Sirius grinned at the back of Remus's head. "We all know you know the answer."
Remus sighed and turned around, sliding sideways in the desk chair. "It was a term that meant queen in Polari cant. As a slang, it started being used for particularly flamboyant and overtly over-the-top people among the Polari - these being traits that are frequently associated with gay men, the term slowly evolved into the slur it is today. Are you happy?"
"Very," James replied, playing catch and release with the snitch.
"Queen!" Sirius grinned, "See? This is all the more proof that I ought to be Freddie Pineapple. Freddie is a Queen. Freddie is in Queen, yes, but he also is a Queen, and that is his greatest trait."
"You think every trait of Freddie is his greatest trait," James accused.
Sirius shook his head, "No. No, I don't. He likes cats. I think he should convert to being a dog person. Like me. I'm a dog person."
"You're a dog, that's for sure," James said.
"Imagine if I was Freddie's dog? Then he'd like dogs more than cats. I could be a two-for. A lover and a pet."
James and Peter laughed, but Remus once more turned 'round to face the desk, not laughing but staring at his homework with a sick look on his face.
Sirius climbed onto the bed at the far end of the room - his own bed, where he'd been sleeping ever since the prank - and stood upon it, balancing wobbly. James stared up at Sirius, who looked like he was posing for a statue. "Freddie Pineapple is thusforthly my name and all you plebes shall call me by it, effective immediately."
"You can't be serious?" Remus groaned from the desk.
"That's the point isn't it?" Sirius said, laughing, "I shant be Sirius."
"May the serious-Sirius joke rest in peace," Peter said.
"It had a good run," James said, crossing himself, then hurrying to catch the snitch, which had nearly buzzed away in the time it took him to move his hands across his shoulder, forehead and chest. He grinned at it as his fingers caged it and the tiny gold ball fluttered extra hard in irritation at him. James glanced to see if Sirius or Peter had seen his catch, but neither had, and he sighed, releasing the snitch again to continue his cat-and-mouse game with it.
"I will miss that joke," Sirius admitted. "But what else is to be done? I don't wish to be associated with the Blacks anymore - especially not now with Regulus being such a --" He made a violent gagging noise. "Don't need anybody knowing I'm that little sodcake's brother."
"Everyone already knows you're Sirius Black," Remus said, "And that Regulus is your brother. Neither one of you are exactly subtle. You're both dramatic..."
"I'm what now?" Sirius feigned offense.
"You're too well-known about the school, though, so it would have to be him who changed, not you..." Remus continued on, "I don't foresee Regulus running about the castle telling all his little friends that his name's Freddie Pineapple."
"First of all, Regulus is not cool enough to be called Freddie Pineapple, so that's where your argument starts going off the rails. Secondly, Regulus doesn't have friends. He has verminous cohorts."
"Verminous cohorts?" James laughed.
"What's wrong with cohorting with vermin?" Peter spoke up, looking offended.
"Sorry Wormtail," Sirius said.
"They're snakes, not rats anyway," James said. "He has... amphibious cohorts."
Remus shook his head. "Snakes aren't amphibians. They're reptiles."
"Are they?" James looked surprised.
Remus muttered, "Read a book for Godric's sake."
Sirius grinned. "I knew they were reptiles."
"Good on you," James threw a pillow at Sirius and in the motion of throwing it, the snitch got away and James leaped up onto his bed in a flash, jumped across the gap onto Peter's bed, disrupting Peter's divination books, and across onto Remus's bed, which made a cracking sound from James's weight hitting the already tired wood frame, and he tripped, catching himself on the poster, but reaching out and somehow managing to grab the snitch from the air. He grinned, hair fallen over his forehead, looking 'round to see if the other lads had seen his grand capture of the little ball.
"Smooth," Sirius offered as Peter clapped.
Remus turned 'round, "Is my bed in one piece?"
"I'll fix it," James offered.
"That thing was on it's last leg anyway," Sirius said, "With all the mileage we've put on it, 'ey, Moony?"
Silence fell over the room.
Uncomfortable silence.
Because for a moment Sirius had forgotten that Remus didn't want him anymore.
Just like now, looking at the Polaroid.
For a moment, Sirius had forgotten that their happy memory making times were, yet again, over.
Remus was gone wherever he was and Sirius was left picking up pieces of the small moment of the life he wanted so badly.
Sirius pushed the Polaroid back into the pages and slammed the book shut. He shoved the book back into row with the others on the shelf and stared at it as though it was a trusted pet which had bit him viciously.
Somewhere, Remus Lupin had stacks of his letters and wasn't writing back.
Again, it was Sirius's own fault for what he'd done - the first time because of the prank, this time because he'd left with little notice from their comfortable little place in Costa Rica... but this time at least had been for noble reasons, yeah? It had been because Harry needed him. That was a good thing that Sirius had responded to Harry's needs. Remus should've appreciated that, should have respected that at least, shouldn't count it as a reason to --
Sirius turned away from the books. They weren't helping, he didn't know much more about the Tournament than he'd known before he started looking through them. No, better to get in touch with Harry directly and find out from Harry what was going on. He had to get to Hogsmeade and talk to Harry himself. But he didn't dare to just disapparate there. If the Ministry was still on the lookout for him - and they were, he knew they were, they were still publishing articles in the Daily Prophet about the search for Sirius Black and their latest so-called sightings of him in Liverpool and wherever else... No, Hogsmeade would still be on high alert for him. Especially with school in session, with them assuming he was after Harry... He would have to go on foot.
Sirius sighed and went back to the kitchen, his eyes landing again on the Wok on the table that had been Remus's idea of a penseive. Sirius didn't need a penseive to see his memories. He saw them everyday. Constantly. Flashing through his mind like a film reel that never stopped, a movie with a terrible ending.
He dug out a parchment and a quill from the drawer and quickly started writing out a letter to Harry. He'd have to find a Floo. Somewhere in Hogsmeade so he could connect in. Somewhere that had clearance for Hogwarts. That would be the Hogshead Inn - that was where Dumbledore went to, so surely they'd have clearance... if he could just get in there and he could talk to Harry in the fireplace... had to make sure Harry would be alone... How long would it take to get to Hogsmeade? Had to be before the Tournament's first task... Harry would need the pep talk, of course, but still had to have enough time to get North and figure out the floo situation... How would he break into the inn? He'd figure it out when he got there...
Sirius's scrawl ran across the page.
Harry --
I can't say everything I would like to in a letter, it's too risky in case the owl is intercepted -- we need to talk face-to-face. Can you ensure that you are alone by the fire in Gryffindor Tower at one o'clock in the morning on the 22nd of November?
He hesitated. Two days before the tournament task? By that point, Sirius would only be to give Harry some of that good old fashioned Moral Support. He wouldn't be of much assistance otherwise. He wished he could get there faster, like a regular godfather would - one who wasn't being hunted by the Ministry. He wished James was there.
God did he wish James was there.
James would know what to do. James always knew what to do. James was able to hold his own in any situation, and Sirius had watched him pull together and succeed against all odds so many times... The bleakest moments, it seemed James shined brightest with his quick thinking and determination... And Harry was so like his father... Of course he had that same knack as James had. Sirius had seen it in his eyes that night at the Shrieking Shack, just a few months ago.
I know better than anyone that you can look after yourself, and while you're around Dumbledore and Moody I don't think anyone will be able to hurt you. However, someone seems to be having a good try. Entering you in that tournament would have been very risky, especially under Dumbledore's nose.
Sirius paused, staring at that small comfort and wondered if it was really the comfort that he intended it to be. Well, Moody was. Moody was a fierce lion of a man. But Dumbledore... Things had become rather shaky in the end times back in those last few years. James's trust had faltered, hadn't it? For what reasons, Sirius still wasn't sure to this day. Remus's trust never had, though, so surely Dumbledore really could keep them safe if they stuck by him. Surely Harry was truly safe with the old Headmaster. If for no reason besides the fact that You Know Who feared Dumbledore... yeah?
Just to be certain...
Be on the watch, Harry. I still want to hear about anything unusual. Let me know about the 22nd of November as quickly as you can.
Sirius
As he signed his name, Sirius wondered if things would've been different if his friends really had adopted the name Freddie Pineapple for him, if his life would've gone any different if he hadn't been Sirius Black.
Probably not, he thought. Whatever the people of the world thought his name was didn't really matter, did it? But even if he'd somehow managed to evade people and their prejudiced opinions, the Fates still knew it was him, and the Fates never forgot once they held a grudge against someone. He reckoned that Freddie Pineapple would've been just as damned as he was as Sirius Black.