✦Sankaar✦
"Sanskaar, are you even listening? We're talking to you. Where are you lost?" My mother's voice broke through my thoughts, pulling me back from the abyss of memories. I looked up and realized I was still at home, surrounded by the familiar confines of our mansion.
But was I really lost? Nah, I had discovered a part of me that I didn't know existed—the ruthless, vengeful side that had surfaced after her departure. Could that be considered being lost? Maybe, if it meant being consumed by this darkness until my very last breath, and being damned to eternal suffering...
"What were you all discussing?" I inquired, my voice tinged with confusion, though deep down, I already had an inkling.
"Your marriage, Sanskaar. Look at the girl's picture." Chachi handed me the photograph, and despite the warning bells in my mind, I accepted it. As I gazed at the image, all I saw was Siya in that girl, her presence haunting every corner of my heart. Anger surged within me, tearing at my insides and flinging the shattered remnants of my emotions into the abyss. I wished I could rip her memory from my heart with the same force, but I couldn't. And for that, I despised myself even more.
She left me shattered, a pitiful wreck of a man. It fills me with rage, with hatred, with a desire to unleash destruction upon the world. Yet, as they say, no matter how much someone detaches themselves from you, if you've ever loved them, you can't truly hate them.
"Marriage! Marriage! Marriage!" I sighed, shaking my head. "Don't you people get tired of chanting the same word all day long? What's with the obsession with it? If you need someone to look after, just let me know. I can hire a whole line of servants. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here too. But please, spare me from the constant barrage of marriage talk."
"Sanskaar, watch your tone! That's your mother you're speaking to," Papa reprimanded.
"It was your choice, Sanskaar. Why are you taking it out on everyone else?" She chided gently.
"I knew it, damn knew it! I'm always the wrong one, aren't I? It's not that my choice is wrong, but I am myself a wrong choice. I'm living with that fact, but don't point it out again and again. Let me wallow in my own guilt!" I shouted, my eyes blazing with anger, as I pounded my fist against the wooden table.
"Aapne man ki toh karke dekh liya, ek baar bado ki bhi sun lo"Dadi added, moving her wheel chair towards him.
(You've followed your heart's desires, now listen to the elders for once)
"Please, Dadi, I beg of you. For God's sake, I'm done with it. I'm done with my life. Stop wasting your time on me. A rejected piece is not worthy of your love and care." I replied and closed my eyes before I loses control over my body.
"I have a girl in mind" Ma said, her voice heavy with resignation but I kept focusing on my memories.
"Who?" Dadi asked.
"Anant Chauhan's daughter"
"Well, that's promising. He is the Minister of Culture, after all," Papa remarked, showing a sudden interest in the conversation.
"Adhir, it's not about who her father is; it's about who your son is. There is very less chance that any girl would want to marry him."Ma countered, her tone laced with concern.
As my eyes remained closed, I could still sense the presence of everyone around me. Amidst the blur faces, one stood out, hauntingly familiar yet painfully forgettable. Tears welled up in my eyes, betraying the facade of composure I tried to maintain. With a swift motion, I brushed them away, masking my turmoil before anyone could notice.
"Well, we can at least try," Papa replied, a hint of determination in his voice.
"You can try, but be prepared for rejection," I know it was Dadi, she always teased me.
"He'll agree, don't worry. After all, we're college friends," Papa assured.
"Oh, Adhir, can't you see? You're the one who's friends with him, not our son. This is about your son's marriage, not yours. Stop dragging his father into this. No girl would want a father-in-law like you."
"A father-in-law like me?" Papa mimicked Ma. "And who would want a mother-in-law like you?"
"No one, because I will be a mother, not a mother-in-law,"
It seems like they have their own fight going on. My parents, can never stop acting like kids.
"Arey pehle Bhabhi to le aao" Aahan entered with wide grin at his face which turned into a pout, but his large mouth closed with my intense glare.
(Arey, first bring a sister-in-law)
"Hmm.. Tumhare Bhai jaise ladke ko girlfriend na mile, tumhe bhabhi kaha milegi"
("Hmm... If boys like your brother can't find a girlfriend, where will you find a sister-in-law?")
Did my own mother just mocked me? Gazab bezatti hai, apne hi ghar mein izzat nhi hai yaha to. (What a humiliation! There is no respect even in my own home.)
Leaving them to their chatter, I grabbed my coat and strode out. My car was already waiting outside, its engine humming softly in the chilly night air.
My office is the only place where I can find some damn peace. There will complete silence, a numbness in the environment. And that's exactly how I like it.
For the past year, I've been running like this, trying to escape the harsh reality that she left me. Sometimes, I forget and start to think she might still be waiting for me. Oh, my silly heart.
It hurts, even when it shouldn't. I lost everything in that one day, as if I lost myself. No, I am not Sanskaar Suryavanshi; he wasn't like me. He was a bloody fool who trusted people. This world has no place for such dumb hearts; they are just pawns. And I was that silly pawn who fell for the queen.
The screeching of car's brake brought me back to reality, thankfully and again a cold aura covered me. I walked out, correcting my coat.
"Good morning, sir," greeted many of the clients, but I ignored them. There was nothing good about any morning. Didn't these people get tired of wishing me daily and getting ignored like this? Bloody fools!
"Sir, you have 3 meetings today," Aniket, my manager, tried matching my pace, almost running behind me. I slowed down for him.
"Good. Fix the industrial visit today as well," I commanded, my tone curt and businesslike.
I should say fix everything for today. I just don't want to go back home today. They will start that topic again.
"B-but sir, it will be too late," Aniket hesitated.
"Don't be scared, I will drop you home. Anything else? You just piss me off sometimes, Ani. Why do you act like you are missing out something ,by not going early?" I asked, entering my cabin and placing my coat on the armrest of the chair and he stood near the door.
"Sir, I do something. I miss my home," he admitted before leaving, and his words felt like a brutal assault on my heart.
Well, even I used to go back early but not anymore. What will I do at home? Everyone will be busy in their own work.
"Sir?" he knocked, and I allowed him to enter again, but not to apply any salt to my wound.
"Shashwat sir is here."
"That fucker doesn't need my permission," I replied, chuckling, before he went out to greet my idiot friend. He's another man who knows how to piss me off.
"Saale, kutte, kaamine, dagabaaz. Dost ko itni jaldi bhul gaya, chu..." I growled at him as he started his usual banter, and my gaze met my sister entering inside. This idiot would spoil everyone's vocabulary.
(Idiot,dog, scoundrel, betrayer. You forgot your friend so quickly, you...)
I smacked his neck, pushing him away until he almost fell and sat on the nearby chair, effectively shutting his mouth. And now it seems like two good friends talking about random stuff.
"What's going on, Bhai?"
"Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. What's going on? This guy promised me that he would never marry again, or if he did, it would be me. And now look at him, changing his tune so quickly." He started acting innocently.
"Unholy Shit! You two are g-gay. Ooh..." She covered her mouth in shock.
"That's precisely why I complain that you siblings are teaching my family improper words." I retorted.
"But aren't you our teacher too, Sanskaar? Don't you sometimes use improper language?"
"Navya, we have to discuss something, so could you please step out for a moment?" I requested, and she nodded, her gaze lingering on us with all the scrutiny of a CCTV camera.
"But, you two, don't get up to anything unholy while I'm gone," she added, a hint of mischief in her tone.
As soon as she left, I seized his collar, unable to contain myself any longer. "Have you ever taken a good look at yourself? Do you honestly think I'd marry you?"
"Saanskar, my friend, looks aren't everything. Sometimes it's about... some extra inches" he replied with a smirk, adjusting his collar nonchalantly.
This was precisely why he got under my skin. Not just him, but his entire clan—the Khurana siblings—were a handful to deal with.
"Oh, shut up! I don't want to hear about measurements from you," I retorted, feeling my temper rising.
"Was that a challenge?" he teased, and I had to physically restrain myself from throwing a punch.
"You're impossible, you know that? Do you have no shame, spreading those rumors about me?" I accused him, frustration evident in my voice.
"Rumors? You said that yourself, albeit under the influence of alcohol. And what about you spreading rumors about me and leading to my breakup?" he shot back, a glint of mischief dancing in his eyes.
"Oh, for heaven's sake, Shashwat, you were barely 8 years old at the time!Bachpan ka pyaar pachpan tak nhi chalta" I scoffed, shaking my head at his antics. "Also, she was just playing ring around the rosie with you, nothing more. And you were dreaming of marrying her. Your thoughts had always been this filthy."
(Childhood crushes don't last beyond adolescence)
"And what's filthy in that? You imagining marrying me is good? Good knows how you have been looking at me, with all your wrong intentions? I hope you haven't crossed the line imagining about me." He smirked again saying this.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his persistent teasing. "Oh, please, spare me the melodrama," I retorted, unimpressed by his smirk. "Imagining marrying you? That's the last thing on my mind, believe me. And as for how I look at you, it's certainly not in any 'bad way' you seem to be insinuating. You're not exactly my type, if you haven't noticed."
His smirk remained, undeterred by my response. "So, if I had been "your type" you would have looked at me like that? You are interested in men as well, right?"
I shook my head, refusing to engage further. "Dream on, Shashwat. Dream on. " I turned away, dismissing his taunts with a wave of my hand.
"That's what I've been saying all this while. My dream got shattered, you're getting married, and not once did you think of me? Did you really think you could escape the treat?"
He completed his threat with a hint of menace, "Koon chos lunga, bhoot ban jaunga par apna haq nahi chodunga, Sanskaar."
("I'll suck your blood, I'll become a ghost but I won't give up my right, Sanskaar.)
I couldn't help but scoff at his melodramatic statement. "Still stuck on that, are you? Well, as for your so-called 'rights,' you're barking up the wrong tree. And your threats? They're as empty as your pockets. You won't even get one time meal, let alone any serious 'treat' " I countered, my tone laced with disdain.
I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Maybe it was just another one of Shashwat's jokes, his usual banter. But as I sank into a chair, my fingers pressed against my temples, I couldn't shake off the unease gnawing at me. With trembling hands, I turned to Google, desperately searching for any confirmation.
And there it was, staring back at me from the screen in black and white.
"Sanskaar Singh Suryavanshi to marry Vaidehi Chauhan."
My blood boiled at the sight of those words, and before I even realized what I was doing, I hurled my phone across the room in a fit of rage.
As Shashwat approached me with the medication, concern etched on his face, I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze. Taking the tablets from him, I managed a weak nod of acknowledgment.
"I was just joking, yaar. Sorry, if..." His voice trailed off as he sensed the weight of my distress.
I raised a hand to halt his apology, my eyes still closed, the turmoil within me too overwhelming to confront head-on. "No, it's not your joke, Shashwat. It's... it's the reality of it all. My family, they'll never understand. It's not just difficult; it feels almost impossible to navigate. It's like living in a nightmare, hoping to wake up to everything being normal again."
I slowly opened my eyes, meeting Shashwat's gaze with a mixture of gratitude and uncertainty. His words resonated with me, piercing through the fog of despair that clouded my mind.
"You will stay stuck there if you don't allow anyone else to walk with you," he urged gently, his voice carrying a note of sincerity. "Sanskaar, leave that maze, come out of it."
Perhaps it was time to stop wallowing in my own misery, to find the courage to step out of the labyrinth of despair I had built around myself.
I'm not ready to marry right now. No, I am not.
As Shashwat's phone continued to buzz incessantly, I tried my best to focus on my surroundings, to distract myself from the overwhelming emotions threatening to engulf me. But then, I saw her—Siya—standing in a corner, her laughter echoing in my ears. That same wicked smile sent a pang of pain through my heart.
"Why Siya? Why won't you leave me alone?" I whispered, almost to myself, but Shashwat's attention was suddenly drawn to me.
"Get out from here! Get out Siya!"
"Sanskaar, there's no one there. Come on, let's go home," he urged, his voice filled with concern.
"No, I need to see how much she can laugh at me," I insisted, my voice trembling with a mixture of anger and despair.
"Sanskaar, you need to rest," he said firmly, gently placing my hands on his shoulders, his touch grounding me in reality.
As Shashwat led me out of my cabin, my gaze kept darting back to where Siya stood, her presence haunting me like a specter. Despite the turmoil within, a bitter smile twisted my lips, a facade masking the turmoil within.
"Bhai, what's going on with him?" I heard Navya's voice, her concern palpable even though I couldn't see her.
"Nothing, just call his driver," Shashwat replied tersely, his tone betraying a hint of worry.
Finally, succumbing to the effects of the medication, I closed my eyes, allowing the darkness to envelop me, if only to escape the torment of my own thoughts.
Baaton ko teri hum bhula na sake
Hoke judaa hum na judaa ho sake
Dil mein hai zinda har ghadi tu kahin
Hoke judaa hum na judaa ho sake
Kitni chahat hai dil mein tu jaane na
Kaise dil ko samjhaaye dil maane na
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
How was the chapter?
What are your views on Sanskaar?
Don't forget to vote and comment as that is the only thing I can earn by my writing. love you all !