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"How could I have killed your sister? I wasn't even alive!" Snowpaw exclaimed. Thrushblaze snickered and didn't move from her position.
"Oh. That fox that killed your father because of your dang curse. It even killed Lilybloom, too. Don't act dumb." the queen snarled. Snowpaw was taken aback for a second. She had never thought this entire time that Thrushblaze hated her just because of her sister's death. I thought it was because she had to take care of me! Suddenly, anger spiraled around her.
"You can't hate me for something I did when I was not even alive!" Snowpaw screamed. She did not care anymore if it woke up her clanmates. "All of this fox-hearted curse stuff is fake! I did not kill my mother or father! I miss them every day and wonder what life would have been like if I still had them. Maybe I would have been happy!" She noticed cats began to come out of the dens. Tired and confused. "You were supposed to be my mother even if we were not bound by blood, and you instead treated me like dirt." Snowpaw turned to the Clan. "All of you did!" She screeched.
What happened next, Snowpaw herself couldn't control. Her paws, mind, claws, and teeth all went to Thrushblaze and sank into her throat. She had attacked Thrushblaze and had clawed at her throat as much as she could around her fastened jaws. Snowpaw was in shock as she kept going. Thrushblaze let out a bloodcurdling scream as she kept clawing at her neck. Cats had begun to yell and run over for her to stop. Snowpaw wanted to stop, but she couldn't. Not because of anger, but because she physically couldn't!
There you go Snowpaw. There you go. This is the little push you needed. The push to be one of us... To her horror, the voice of the cat was the one with the amber eyes from her dream. Tears began to come to her eyes. Frustration and fear welled up in her throat.
Then just like that she fell to the ground. The power from the amber-eyed cat had left her body and she was back in control. Snowpaw had fallen on top of Thrushblaze's body. the she-cat's eyes were glazed over. Snowpaw then threw up. Her clanmates grabbed her scruff and tossed her to the side.
Sorrelwing was in front, her eyes were filled with pure anger and disappointment. She looked at the cats behind her.
"One of you, get Pikestar. And wake up the rest of the cats, Duskpaw." Sorrelwing demanded them. Snowpaw made eye contact with Duskpaw for a split second, he looked hesitant and fearful. He turned to do what his mentor said. When Snowpaw turned back she was startled to see Sorrelwing staring deep into her eyes.
"Why did you kill Thrushblaze!?" Sorrelwing spat. More cats around began to hiss and growl and ask more questions. And not long after, the Clan had cleared a path for Pikestar who was coming up to her apprentice. Sorrelwing bowed her head to Pikestar and then moved to the side for her leader.
Pikestar looked down at Snowpaw with deep disappointment.
"I tried to look past the curse when I made you my apprentice, Snowpaw," Pikestar told her calmly. Snowpaw hung her head.
"Is Thrushblaze really, dead...?" she murmured. Pikestar sighed and nodded. Snowpaw looked up again, eyes full of tears. "You have to understand that I did not kill Thrushblaze!" she pleaded. A couple of cats snorted and some wrinkled their noses. "Something took control of me! A cat that I had dreamed about once did! He told me he gave me a push when he did that! I never dreamed of ever killing. Let alone a Clanmate... Please, you have to understand! I know it sounds crazy but-"
"Everyone saw you do it, Snowpaw!" Pikestar interrupted. "There is no better choice when it comes to this. I should have listened to Thrushblaze and Stormstep long ago and exiled you! I kept you here because Silvermoon and Sparktail were the best cats I knew. And you might have been just like them. But those red eyes only see ambition and blood. They reflect your personality, you know?" Snowpaw let out a cry and shook her head.
Snowpaw saw Flampounce looking somewhat sorry for her. Rookkit and Fernkit looked beyond furious and upset. Snowpaw could not even see Thrushblaze's mate or Smokekit. Snowpaw looked back up at her leader. She knew there was nothing she could do.
Pikestar growled. "Snowpaw, I hereby exile you from RiverClan. Leave our territory and never return. If you cross our borders, we will attack." Snowpaw stood up, her legs felt like water beneath her, but she walked out of the camp, her home. Murmurs from her former Clanmates filled the dark sky as Snowpaw was swallowed by darkness.
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Snowpaw had come to the border, her senses numb. She stared at where the invisible marking lay. She had never stepped foot outside of RiverClan territory before. Cold clung to her pelt as she looked beyond. She had come to the place Pikestar had called the Green-leaf twoleg place when showing her around RiverClan territory. Grief overwhelmed Snowpaw. She hoped she would wake up for all this to be a dream any second now, but as each second passed realization crept into Snowpaw's mind.
RiverClan may have been mean to me, but it still was home. Snowpaw then stepped over the border and took a deep sigh. She was a loner now. Loner... I'm a rogue. Snowpaw was not sure where to go, but she just followed the path that the twolegs had made to the Green-leaf twoleg place.
As she walked alongside the trail, Snowpaw looked up at Silverpelt. The stars twinkled happily in the sky. "Is this what you wanted!?" she yelled to her ancestors. "Why did you let this happen? Why did you take control of me to kill Thrushblaze? Did you know I was a danger?" Snowpaw had lowered her voice and began to whimper. She did not care about being tough. Today was the worst day of her life. To act tough would be like acting like nothing ever happened.
She still could not explain where all the power had come from when the amber-eyed cat had taken control of her. Snowpaw knew if she herself attacked Thrushblaze, she would have been defeated easily. The moves her body had done were unfamiliar and the fierceness of the attacks was beyond powerful.
What had happened to her was unexplainable, and she did not even really care. Snowpaw was still focused on why her ancestors had let her down. Out of everyone in all of the Clans, she heavily relied on StarClan, where her parents were, to make her happy again. Maybe my parents hated me, too. They must. I am cursed after all... Snowpaw stopped walking. Her legs suddenly gave out. Snowpaw's feelings had overrun her.
"I can't go on," she whispered to herself. She closed her eyes and felt a solitary tear seep into her white fur. Tears fell down her cheeks and onto the Earth below her. The almost-full moon shone down on her and made her tears shine. Everything around her, from the scent of her former Clan wafting around her as the wind blew. To the smell of Thrushblaze's blood, still coated on her fur. Snowpaw realized that she was unscathed and that the amber-eyed cat had been so fast that Thrushblaze had not had time to land a blow.
Snowpaw rested her head on her blood-soaked paws. She knew she would not sleep. The tang of blood was too powerful anyways, and Snowpaw did not have it in her to wash. Life seemed pointless now. maybe she could go to the ThunderClan camp and jump off the gorge. Or maybe drown herself in the river and a few fox lengths away?
"Everything is pointless." she sang in a sing-song voice. "I will be eaten by the buzzards in the morninnnnggggg. Eaten by the buzzards in the morninnnngggg." she sang. Snowpaw curled herself up even tighter and then stood up. Something in her felt different. Snowpaw looked to her side and saw a small ladybug on the ground. The lady big kept tumbling down as it tried to climb over a pebble. Each time it fell it got back up and tried again until it finally made it over. Then she realized what it was trying to tell her, to keep trying.
"Maybe everything really isn't gone," Snowpaw whispered. She looked up at the trail. The moon was about to set and the sun's light would pierce the night sky. The sun is hope. It returns every day after hours in the dark.
A smile spread across her face, and warmth traveled through her body like wildfire. From now on, we forget about the past... somewhat. Okay, Snowpaw we will never forget about the past, but we need hope. An entire life is ahead of us! It may only last a few more seconds or many seasons to come! Grief and guilt will always hang with us, but we must carry on. The sign from StarClan told me so. And it was what my parents would want.
Snowpaw looked to the horizon and smiled. She padded on. Snowpaw planned that once she got to a water source she would catch some fish and clean the blood off of her pelt. A pang of sadness went through her as she thought about the blood, but she shook it off. Snowpaw knew she could not let feelings stop her.
Suddenly, the bracken to her right shook. Snowpaw jumped back, fur spiked. "Fox!" She screeched. Then a tiny figure stepped out. And then she realized it was Smokekit.