juxtaposition, n.
It scares me how hard it is to remember life before you. I can't even make the comparisons anymore, because my memories of that time have all the depth of a photograph.It seems foolish to play games of better and worse. It's simply a matter of is and is no longer.
--
When love ends, one may think that it's all about just one person's fault, that's why the other person leaves the relationship, the partnership. What's worse? The marriage. You build and create this life into thinking maybe, just maybe, you are not cursed in life after all. It could be that this life of having a wife, a family, is what you deserve.
Because as you were growing up with a broken family, having to witness your parents fight over you for custody, buying your love by giving you all the material things they can give you. That leaves an impact. Separate birthday parties, separate holiday vacations, alternate sleepovers.
That leaves an imprint inside of you that as you grow old and having to understand everything that went on to your family, you make a promise to yourself that one day, when you have a family of your own, you will never make the same mistakes your parents did.
Or it was just an empty promise, after all. Not when you're the one who's signing the divorce papers one day. Not when your own marriage falls apart at your own feet, right where you stood. Definitely not when the person you love the most walks out of the door, carrying everything with her, not leaving everything behind, except for one thing, the only thing, the most precious thing that you both share.
--
Michelle Dee has been working nonstop ever since she graduated from college. Her friends, most especially her mother, remind her she doesn't need to overdo it. She's already a successful businesswoman, but she doesn't listen, she loves working but not to the point that she's neglecting everything and everyone that's in her life.
Alarm blares inside her room. She's a little awake now, aware of what is happening around her. She feels her huge bed dip slightly, already making her smile, even though her eyes are still shut.
Cold and tiny fingers poke her cheek one, two, three times. Then the hand moved to her eyelid, forcing it to open.
"Wakey, wakey!" an angelic voice murmured in front of her face. The person who's trying to wake her up, thankfully turned off her alarm by the nightstand. She's not sure how they figured it out, but hey, this one is smart.
"You're gonna make me blind if you keep on poking my eye like that, kid." She mumbled.
"Wakey now."
She groaned. Why does she have to wake up this early? "You were waiting for my alarm to go off, aren't you?" She asks, opening an eye to see her daughter sitting on top of her. The child looks at her innocently. "Good morning, buddy."
"Morning, mama. We go to granny?" she asks her mother cutely.
She beamed at her daughter, "are you excited because you know you'll get a new toy from granny?" she teased the toddler, tickling her fat, onesie covered tummy. She always tells her mum to stop spoiling the kid.
"Don't spoil your child, Michelle. But she is in my house, so everything that my beautiful granddaughter wants, she'll get. You be the firm and strict parent all you want, but not when you're under my roof," her mother argued. She just heaved a defeated sigh, knowing she's not gonna win that one.
She put her daughter on the other side of the bed so she could sit up. "Should we eat breakfast first, Dani? Or do you want granny's pancakes?"
The four-year-old toddler's face lights up. "Pancakes wif granny and.. Choco milk, mama?" Dani asks her mother.
"No. Warm milk first, okay? Then I'll tell granny to give you chocolate milk for snacky, deal?"
Her baby smiled, her round cheeks bunching up. "Deal, mama. Thank you."
She sighed. God, she has the most adorable and smart baby.
After changing Dani's clothes, she puts her daughter on her cot in the room so she can get ready. Dani has her own room, but she hasn't slept there yet. Since there's only the two of them living in an enormous house, Michelle wants her daughter to sleep beside her. For her, it's better this way so she can see her, especially when she's sick, plus she doesn't need to get out of her room when Dani cries at night.
Her mother lives in the same neighbourhood as them, Michelle has been asking her if she wanted to move in with them but her mum refuses. All set to go to work, a day she knew would be full of meetings, she picks her daughter up, along with her child's duffel bag filled with snacks, change of clothes, nappies and some of her toys.
"You behave at granny's house, alright?" Michelle tells her daughter, setting her down on the booster seat. She and Dani were still adjusting to living in Makati after living in America. Her mother took her there after she graduated from high school. Applied in various universities until she graduated and was ready to handle her father's business that was based in the US.
It wasn't a long drive to get to her mother's house, she could see her already waiting for them on her lawn. Smiling, excited to spend the whole day with her granddaughter.
"Okay, Dan, ready?" the toddler clapped her hands, already wanting to get out of the booster seat.
They went inside, not a minute later Dani had already been snatched in her arms.
"Hello, my sweetheart. Granny missed you! Because your mother is too lazy to visit and bring you here. Did you have breakfast?" Michelle rolled her eyes.
"I was just trying to spend more time with her since I'm gonna be more busy here now. Unlike in New York, mum."
"Are you excited to work here in your father's office?" Her mother questioned, looking at her daughter.
Michelle smiles a little, "yeah, he came by last night to visit Dani. Which reminds me, the two of you really should tone down on bringing her gifts whenever you visit, I don't know where to put those toys anymore."
"Oh, please. You have a big house, dear. I'm sure you have a lot of space for where to put them." She handed her mum's helper the duffel bag, and she's ready to leave for work.
"Have you heard from her?" Her mother asks her daughter quietly.
Michelle put her hands in her pockets. The mother of her child is busy touring the world, probably doing exhibits. "No, I haven't. Have you? Well, she calls only for Dani, so."
Anntonia and her mother have become very close since Michelle introduced them when they started dating. Even after their divorce, Ann stayed in touch with her ex-wife's mother.
Fact of the matter is they actually didn't have a nasty divorce, both of them loved their daughter so much that they didn't want her to have a hard time as she grew up. That's why they settled and compromised everything in terms of the welfare of Dani.
"She's in Europe right now, I think. She said she'll come back here to see your daughter. Even planning on staying here the whole year because I told her you won't be back in New York not until next year."
"Mum.." Michelle sighs. Ann has been living her life now. After what happened to them, she's glad that her ex-wife has found her way back to what she's been passionate about.
"Dear, you don't need to be around her every day and you can't avoid her, she is the mother of your child and if she wants to settle here in the Philippines to be close to Dani, then let her be. Your child needs her other mother as much as she needs you, okay?"
Michelle nodded, getting her mother's point. But that doesn't change the fact that it's gonna be a little tough for her if she sees her here. Checking her watch, she's already running late, so she bid her farewell to her mum and Dani before leaving, giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek and driving off.
—
"Michelle Dee, finally in the flesh!" Rhian yelled inside the conference room, getting anyone's attention. Her father smiled at her, happy to see his daughter now in the Philippines and is going to be working with them for a year.
"Good morning, everyone. I am Michelle Dee. I will be working with all of you until next year. I hope we all have a good teamwork and understanding of each other's works. Looking forward to achieving what our goal is with all of you. And.. one more thing, the people who work with me in the US know this, that even though I'm the chairman's daughter, I will not be treated with exemptions and special treatments. If you have a problem with what we're doing, feel free to reach out to me so we can discuss it."
Everyone nodded their heads, including her father, who always looks at her proudly. How could he not? He has an intelligent daughter who handles their business in the US by herself and that business became successful under her directive and most importantly; she gave him a beautiful and smart granddaughter too.
Rhian is her cousin and her classmate when she attended Columbia University. "So good to see you again, pal! I know you'll adjust quicker. If you need anything, you know where to find me. Also, mum and dad want me to tell you that they're expecting you and your daughter to visit." she said, before giving her cousin a hug.
This isn't as bad as she thought it would be.
—
Truth be told, it's a lot busier in her father's office. It's her first day, and she's already swamped with meetings and paperwork.
She has a nice office. Located on top of the building, just like her office, in one of the tallest skyscrapers in New York. She's also been introduced to her work secretary, Audrey. She is nice, very polite and attentive.
"Ma'am,-" Audrey opens her door, getting inside.
"Please, Audrey, you can call me Michelle or Ms. Dee, 'Ma'am' is for my mother and.." she pauses "I'm only thirty-four, 'ma'am' makes me feel a bit older." Michelle quipped, making her secretary get a bit flustered.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Dee. It's lunchtime now, would you like me to get you something from the restaurants outside? Or I can order something from the cafeteria."
Michelle smiles at her, "Whichever is fine. Get something for yourself too, okay?" Michelle whispered, "Just put it under my dad's tab."
"I heard that. Still so frugal, I thought that when I let you handle the business in New York, you'd stop spending my money. You have your own now, use it." They both turned their heads at the door, seeing her father standing there. Audrey bowed her head to the chairman, leaving them alone.
The old man walked over and sat in one seat in front of his daughter's desk. "How was your first day? Great?"
She chuckled. "You're expecting me to say it's great, aren't you? Well, it's okay. Almost done signing papers and going into brief meetings in my schedule."
Her father hummed. "Dani's with your mum? How is it you let her stay there in her house and let her babysit and you won't let me?"
"You? Babysitting my daughter? She's on her run, climbing up, reaching for anything, stage dad. I'm not sure if you can handle that. Besides, I let you babysit her when you're in my house."
"Does she ask for Ann?" That made a little tug at the mention of her name.
"Yeah, she calls for Dani every night before bedtime. She doesn't understand it yet, you know? Why is her mummy not at home with us? But mum said she's gonna go back here to the Philippines to be near our daughter."
Her father studies the look on her face. "Are you gonna be okay with that?"
She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Why wouldn't I be? I mean, it's good for our daughter. I'm not against it, it's her right to see Dani." Her father nodded, but he could see the way her eyes became a little sad whenever they talked about Anntonia.
The chairman didn't ask her about her ex-wife any further, changing the topic back to business, until Audrey came back with her food.
—
It was an exhausting and fulfilling first day at work in the Philippines for her. It wasn't that hard, but there are times that she hates going into meetings and conference calls, but it's a part of the job.
She's ready to go home to pick up and see her daughter. Collecting some of the work she still needs to do at home with her, Michelle gets out of her office just to see Audrey still there with her, busy typing something in her computer.
"Audrey, you're still here."
"I was waiting for you to leave.." she trailed off.
"Was that the rule here? You have to wait for me to leave, and that's where you're allowed to go?" She chuckles. "Next time, if you don't have anything to do and if we're not so busy, just let me know so I can send you home."
Her secretary couldn't hide her blush, doesn't even know why she's blushing whenever her new boss is talking to her. "Yes, will do Ms Dee. Thank you."
"Let's go. You can continue whatever you're doing tomorrow."
"You can go ahead, Miss. I'm not going to the parking lot, anyway. My car is at the shop, so I'm taking the subway."
Her boss nods her head in understanding. "Do you want me to drop you off?" Michelle offered.
"Huh? No. No.. it's fine, Ms Dee, I'm probably out of your way. Though, I'm fine."
Michelle bobbed her head up and down. "Okay, see you tomorrow then, Audrey. Thank you for today."
—
When she arrived at her mother's place, Dani was already dressed for bed. Michelle knows Dani has her own closet in her grandmother's home.
"Gucci, wow," was all she uttered.
Her mum cleared her throat. "It's not that expensive and I thought it would look cute on her."
"I don't know what to do with you and dad anymore, honestly. Anyway, thank you for buying that for her, mum. But we gotta get going."
When they reached home, Michelle went for a quick shower then wore a white t-shirt and just in her boxer's shorts.
Dani is busy watching something on the T.V., but her mother knows she's about to fall asleep soon. She settles on the bed, lying down beside her daughter.
"Did you behave yourself at granny's today?" She asks, kissing her daughter on the cheek.
"Yes, mama. Go there again?" That made her laugh out loud because her mum is really making her granddaughter love her too much.
"Sleep first, then tomorrow you go back, deal baby?"
"Deal." Her daughter yawned just in time as her phone rang.
Already knowing who it is. She answered the FaceTime call, showing her ex-wife's face.
"Hey." Michelle rasps.
"Hi." Michelle didn't wanna make it awkward, so she tilted her phone to their daughter.
"Hey, buddy, it's mummy. Say hi."
Their child sits up, grinning as she sees her other mother on the screen.
"Hey, ducky. How are you? Did you go to granny's?"
Anntonia and Dani spoke for a few minutes, the toddler telling her mum how her day was though she couldn't say some other words properly yet. Dani yawned once again and Ann told their daughter it's time for bed and told her she loves her.
Michelle was about to say goodbye to her and hang up the call when Anntonia called her name.
"Yeah?"
"H-how are you? How was work?" This is new. Ann doesn't usually do this. Since they've got divorced and she left, they don't really talk that much, though deep inside they both have a lot they wanted to say to each other.
She's looking at her expectantly, like she wants to really know how she is. "Work is good, I've seen Rhian. I'm gonna be working with her and dad. I still need to adjust, Dani too. But I guess it's gonna be fine." Michelle wanted to ask her how she is, but she refrained from doing so. She wanted to tell her so many things, but as always, she kept it to herself.
Anntonia has been dating someone else now, and what could Michelle do? She can see that her ex-wife is happy without her. "I'm gonna go back to Manila next week, is it okay if I'll have Dani stay with me for a few days?"
Michelle didn't think twice, "Sure, she'll love that. Let me know when and send me the address so I can drop her off."
"Okay, Michelle. T-thank you..." Anntonia lingered, as if she wanted to tell her something, but the silence was palpable and getting more awkward as time went by.
"U-uhm.. Dani's already sleeping... I still have some work to do.." she made an excuse. Trying her best not to look directly at the screen of her phone. Afraid that if she did, Ann would see that look on her face and she didn't want to complicate things between them anymore.
"Oh, okay. I'll send you the address." Her former wife muttered quietly. "Bye, Michelle.."
"Bye." she mumbled, glancing at Anntonia's face just once before hanging up.