Chapter 26-II
"Nakasalubong ko nga nung sinama mo siya nung isa. Sinabayan ko na makalabas ng campus." Kwento sa akin Ellie mula sa kabilang linya. I am on my bathroom returning the medical kit I just used. Pang-ilang beses ko na naman ginawa to." I tried asking Ronald about things, to try to calm him.He did mentioned he dropped out of school------he must hate being back.
"You think he's also upset I force him to go inside?"
"Sobrang uncomfortable niya sa mga nakakasalubong namin, ni hindi nga siya lumalapit o tumitingin sa iba .Did you say he always prefer being alone? He must have been severely bullied back then."
"I think that make sense, he doesn't talk to anyone here except me and my boyfriend."I opened the trash can to throw all the bloodied cotton balls. Napansin ko napaparami na ang mga naitatapon kong ganto sa basurahan. Halos mapupuno na." He have mean eyes and sharp tongue---but that's it. He's not violent or anything, b-but he was just really so kind and courageous to save me in our first meeting."
Ellie paused from the other line." May nangyari ba kaya mas nag-aalala ka?"
I glance towards the stairs, Ronald's currently on the rooftop. Wala pa akong ibang napagsasabihan sa nalaman ko, na naglayas siya." ...Nagtalo Lang kami. Paano na lang kung mas layuan niya ako ng ganun ang lagay niya?"
"Teens nowadays would feel concern to be intrusive.." I fix more of my things as I talk with my bestfriend.Babalik na sana ako sa rooftop pero nadistract ako sa bukas na pinto ng attic, hindi ko pa pala nasasara." Just come in between if you feel it's getting out of hand. Pero hay! Ang rami kong sinasabi di ko nga masabihan kapatid ko."
"You're a good sister, El---they should be happy to have you."
"Aw, how about you, Shin? Are you happy to have me?"
I smiled eventhough my bestfriend can't see my expressions, pakiramdam ko yun ang tama yung ngumiti para sa katulad niya. "You're more than what I deserved, El."
"Thank you, Shin...I love you." She replied like she used to, but I can't understand why her voice is breaking. Napasinghot pa nga siya at natatagalan magsalita. Because of her shift in tone I couldn't close the attic's door." Goodnight, bukas ulit...Pasyal tayo nila Ralph."
"Goodnight, bye... I love you too."
"See you tomorrow, Shin."
"Now...I still have lot left to paint, pero... Parang hindi naman tamang ito pa ang unahin ko." I whispered to myself as soon as my call ended. I have the urge to just hide my canvases but the paint I have used is still wet. Masisira lang ang pinaghirapan ko pag tinabi ko yung agad. "...There's my classworks, yung pinapagawa sa akin sa theater...And real people in my life."
I snickered bitterly." I can't trade reality for painting."
"Pwede pa naman kita balikan, but I can't make time go back...So just wait a little, I'd finish painting you... I talk to the canvas in front of me as it can understand me, I even trace its outer frame as if it can feel my touches. Halos silhoute pa lang ko, sobrang layo sa rough sketch. May smudge at stains pa sa gilid. " You're made after real people in my life, kaya maiintindihan mo naman kung sila uunahin ko diba?"
Finally, I step back----lumabas ako sa attic.
I called Ronald's name as soon as I climb up the stairs to the rooftop. But felt sick on my gut when I saw his visible bruises because of his sleeveless shirt. Hile-hilera ang mga pasa niya at kakapal pa rin ng benda at mga band-aid na suot niya. He's passively gazing at the skies while his old point-shoot camera is on his hands.
...Why does he look like as if he've given up?
"Hindi ka ba nilalamig? Ayaw mo gamitin yung binigay ko sayong jacket?" Tinatanong ko si Ronald pero hindi ako sa kanya makatingin. Instead my eyes is on my music playlist all while ignoring the notifications I have. Pumili ako piece at saka nilakasan ang pagpapatugtog nun." Baka magkasakit ka nyan, lalamig na lalo kasi malapit na ang December..."
Umiling siya, his shorter hair being blown by the wind." Mamaya na lang."
I hope he won't keep refusing if I do something nice for him, I tried again. Naaligaga ako na hindi niya tinatanggap ang mga alok ko." Kapag art month na namin pwede ka bang pumunta? Sasamahan namin kita the whole time. Para makita mo din yung mga props na tumulong ka gawin at yung paintings sa exhibit namin..."
"Mag-papaalam po muna ako sa trabaho..."
"Sana makapunta ka talaga. At! Gusto kong sulitin na nandito pa ako sa tabi mo. Tingnan mo kasi g-graduate na din ako at aalis dito eh. It's getting better for me in school, I have people again. So I wish the same for you. I don't want you to be all alone in this world."
"Hindi naman ako mag-isa..." He aloofly said.
"But you're alone, ginagawa mong mag-isa ang sarili mo..."Komento ko.
I heard his camera click, pointing downwards the house. He's just been with camera all the time he's up here. Ayaw niya akong bigyan ng pansin." Hindi ko naman pinagtutulakan ang iba... Paulit-ulit na ako neto, ayaw ko lang masanay na nakadepende sa iba o isiping sila lang dapat ang ikot ng mundo ko
"Masama bang gawing mundo ang isang tao?"
"Hindi ko po alam, Ate." Malamig na tugon niya.
"Napaka-independent at honest mo. You're sometimes making me feel...So guilty and small." I told him as I remember that there's almost no day that I don't see him hurt. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kanya." Gusto ko bumawi sayo kaya dito ka na muna. Use me to learn how to rely to people..."
"Bakit ba ang rami mong gusto baguhin at ipagawa sakin?"
"You see... You're just like one of my artworks, Ronald."
"Palagi na naman tayo magkasama kung sa ganyan ang gusto mo..."
I breathed in, that set up can't be wrong. I want to assure him that. Kaso nung saktong paghakbang ko may napansin ako, may parang maliit na paso sa likod ng kamay ni Ronald. I only notice it now since it's his dominant hand and he's holding his camera. His punishment perhaps. I tried to be calm and ask him about it." Am I smelling cigarette? Naninigarilyo ka na naman ba, Ronald?"
"Hah? Hindi na! Bakit ba?" Ronald denied, more aggressively than I expected. Kalmado naman ang boses ko pero tinago niya bigla ang kamay niya at ang camera niya." Tumitigil na ako nung palagi kang nangungulit...Hindi na ako naninigarilyo..."
I bit my lips, inilahad ko ang kamay ko." Akin na, Ronald."
Nanlaki ang mata niya, he shook his head defiantly. I am being lenient, I'm trying to be calm. But as much as I want to support him, I also want to be Ate Sheena for him. Ayaw ko siyang kunsintihin." Wala na nga! Tangina, bakit mo na naman iniiba ang usapan? Kung ano-ano lang ang tinuturo mo?"
"Ronald, huwag mong kausapin ng ganyan si Sheena."
Percival's voice startled both of us---nakabalik na pala siya..
In the corner of my eye, I saw his figure by the doorway. I flinched, and as I turned around, I expected to see a monster. I imagined that he's change to something else. But it's just him—the man who proclaimed himself to be my painting—and his fake smile. Nakasanday siya sa may pader na may matang puno ng panghuhusga. And as always, he's felt out of the ordinary. Even the music in the air wouldn't disperse his uncanniness.
Most importanty, his mere stare made Ronald back away from me.
"You're making him uncomfortable... Don't meddle like this. Ikaw pekeng boyfriend ka lang, siya totoong kaibigan ko." Kinokontrol ko na lang ang boses ko nang makaharap ko si Percival, we're already on the other side of the rootop just to have this talk." Nothing is going on so don't overreact... May tinatanong lang ako sa kanya, at napataas lang boses niya."
"Now, I'm the one making him uncomfortable?"
"What? Who else but you? Ronald is wary of you since day one. And maybe I should be too...Baka ako lang ang manhid, na di nakakaramdam kung anong klaseng abnormality ka... Stop being being weird and talking nonsense... I don't need you to act as possessive or protective boyfriend."
Percival bit his lip."...You don't like the way I'm acting? Towards him?"
I scoff, raising my hands." Well, I'm sorry my dear painting----pero hindi."
"Ronald's hurt again. I'm also just as concerned. Don't think he's okay with you and shift the blame to someone else." Percival made excuses just to defend himself, pero alam kong naiinis siyang kaibigan ko na naman ang usapan."Also, you're always moody. Your personality change when you're with him. He's a kid; he's more confused by his own emotions than you are by yours, so don't play with it."
"He doesn't have anyone but me..."
"Then maybe it's better to leave him all alone."
"I can't! He's out of school because he was bullied. He doesn't have friends or even adults in his life! "I explained Percival in a hush voice, all while remembering all the time I cleaned and treated Ronald's wound. Halos duruin ko siya." Don't fake your concern for him.Ikaw dapat ang lumalayo sa kanya at hindi ako. Kayo at ang pamilya niya ang dapat lubayan na siya."
Percival smiled, now of all times." Says you, you're the one judging his family."
I hate his expressions. I loathed how his eyes became more vacant as he stared at me; it's as if he's waiting for me to completely meltdown when he's apathetic like this. "RONALD.DOESN'T.HAVE.A.FAMILY."