Lucia
We were travelling from Monaco to Barcelona, which would only take an hour and a half.
Since I was to travel with the team that meant we were leaving on Tuesday, 2 days before the actual race weekend.
I didn't mind though, it meant I could explore the city a bit more. I had been lucky enough to travel to Barcelona before, but with my brother of course.
This time I could walk the streets by myself and speak to all the locals, not thinking if I was tarnishing his image.
The flight was going to be a quick one, so I thought I may as well just read instead of speaking to anyone. Part of me thought I would have enough time over the weekend to get to know everyone on the team and the other part of me didn't want to talk to anyone because of the conversation with Charles.
To him I probably over reacted. He didn't know my past and he didn't know how much those words would hurt me.
No one did.
I always put on a brave face. I never showed my weakness. One thing that my father taught me that I am grateful for is to never show anyone your weaknesses.
But no one can always live a lie.
And I couldn't keep this facade up forever.
I had to let someone in eventually, if I wanted to find true love.
Minding my own business on the jet, I suddenly had the feeling that someone was looking at me. I was meet with his green eyes, when I looked up. For a split second I saw something flicker in his eyes. Like it was hope. It gave me a warm feeling in my stomach. I hadn't felt that feeling in a long time. I used to think that feeling terrified me. But for some reason I didn't mind it. I didn't mind that those green eyes were giving me this feeling.
Without thinking I was smiling at him and he seemed shocked at my actions.
This made me giggle.
For someone who puts on this persona that he can win girls hearts over at the touch of his finger, he was quite shocked that I was smiling at him.
Turning back to my novel, my eyes fell onto this particular line which made me hold my breath for a second.
'Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all'
Looking back up, I paused as my gaze fell on him. I saw him laughing at something Carlos had said.
Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to just get to know him.
I hated thinking that I didn't deserve to try and find happiness.
What if I just trusted the universe once in my life and see what she has planned for me. I mean everyone deserves a chance right. Maybe all the rumours aren't true. I had to make up my own mind about it. I owed myself that much, to be able to think for myself. I'll put aside Max's warnings and all the gossip and rumours about him.
I'd give him a chance, but only one.
I'd been fooled before.
Fool me once shame on you, but fool me twice shame on me.
The captain put out over the speakers that the jet would be landing in 15 minutes. I took off my head phones when I saw Bella trying to get my attention.
"You know it's a bit ironic you reading that novel"
"How so?"
I said whilst smirking
"Oh come on the title gives it away, a story about how two people who start off being strangers and then turn into lovers"
She gave me goo goo eyes as she said 'lovers'.
I fake gagged at back at her.
"Alright I know the word 'lovers' gives me the ick the out too"
"Yeah, never say that shit again"
We both laughed.
"No but seriously, you being here in Barcelona, you should put yourself out there and be open minded to all the possibilities. How romantic would it be to be walking the streets and bump into a stranger and then boom you're lov-, oops almost said it again. You was up finding your soulmate."
This was Bella for ya. She was always feeding my delusions about love.
I guess you could say she was a sucker for a hopeless romantic story. She believes in soulmates and that there is only one true love for you in this world. That when you meet them and look into their eyes for the first time, fireworks will go off and you'll walk off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
She's the one who got me into manifesting and trusting in the universe. She taught me that the whatever you speak into the universe, she will make come true. At first I was very sceptical.
But as I started to speak my dreams to the universe, they started appearing into my life. As long as I keep a positive mind set and pushed myself to achieve my goals, I was getting what I wanted.
I just could never think about being in love again. Or I wouldn't let myself. I hadn't grown up with great role models on what a loving marriage was supposed to be like. My parents fought all the time, whether they knew I had noticed or not. It started off as being something that happened behind closed doors.
My father would yell at my mother for not achieving anything in her life. He would constantly reminder that she wasn't the woman he married anymore. Telling her she was mediocre in her career, that she hadn't left a mark in history. She stopped her career to look after my brother and I and she never went back to it. She didn't think she could after my father kept critiquing her appearance.
My mother very quickly resented my father.
I remember the amount of times I had caught her crying after they had fought. He'd blamed her for putting on the water works so I'd end up hating him. She eventually started using me as a venting system. She'd find me after they fought and tell me how much she hated my father.
He'd do the same. He'd take me on a walk to get out of the house and tell me all about the flaws my mother had and how if I end up like her, I'd never live a happy life.
When I was 11, I became the family therapist. Everyone came to me to vent about each other.
I had to suffer through all the pain, stress and evil that they had caused each other. I loved my parents but it became difficult to keep loving them when my mother wished my father was dead and when my father never divorced my mother because my brother wouldn't be able to cope.
But even though my brother wouldn't survive their divorce, that he'd be forever scarred and unhappy, I had to suffer and be used as a witness in all there fights. I had to live with this pain of being the glue that kept the family together.
No child should be subjected to hearing all the flaws of their parents and have to hear why one hates the other.
The jet landed and luckily Carlos and Charles had to end off and attend a meeting before going to the hotel, which meant Bella and I could catch a ride by ourselves.
For some reason, it felt think this was the calm before the storm.