Wednesday, April 23, 2014.
Harry's POV
I finish writing the last word on the piece of paper before I carefully fold the paper into a small square. I throw the paper in my back-pack, and wipe the tears off my face. I grab my bag from the unfamiliar floor, and open the unfamiliar door. I walk out of the room, and end up at the bottom of the stairs. I look down at my feet as I exit the home, not wanting to look back. I run through the pouring rain, and enter the car.
"I know it's hard right now, but it will get better. We'll get through this, Harry." He reassures me as I lean my head on the window. I watch as the rain hits the glass, protecting me as if it was some kind of shield. I look past the droplets of rain splattered over the glass, and watch as everything becomes blurry as the car begins to move faster and faster.
"Harry, I'm sorry." Liam tries to apologize. He continues to repeat himself, expecting me to accept his apology. I don't have the strength to tell him to stop apologizing, even if it is annoying. I block him out as I continue to watch the rain scatter all over the window. I close my eyes, and try to prevent the tear from coming out. I open my eyes, allowing the tear fall onto my cheek. I don't have the strength to wipe it away.
Liam eventually realizes what he was doing was completely useless. He stops bugging me, and lets us drive in silence for the rest of the car ride. I close my eyes again, losing track of time. I start to fall asleep before Liam wakes me up after a few moments. "We're here." He whispers to me. I open my eyes just for me to close them again when the dim light hit my eyes. "Harry, you're going to be late." He reminds me. "And you hate being late."
I open my eyes once again, and smile at my boy friend. "I hate you sometimes." I mean to say it as a joke, but it ends up sounding like I was serious.
He looks at me, offended but I ignore it, and exit the vehicle. I place my book-back on my one shoulder, and somehow find the strength to walk into the large building. I keep my head up, despite how many people point me out, and look at me as I walk passed them.
"Is that Harry, the man who had a child?" I hear one girl ask another girl in proximity to her. I start to lose my strength as I hear a few laughs from the people who overheard her.
One more day, one more chance.
"I heard that the child died because he didn't want everyone to know he had a child." I hear the other girl say back to the original girl.
I ignore their lies, and somehow make it to my locker. I quickly open the door, throw my shit in the locker, grab what I need for the next class, and close the locker door. I take my books to the same Science class as everyday, and take my seat in the same seat as I always sit in. To my surprise, only the teacher and I were the only people in the classroom. I was earlier than usual because Liam and I didn't have to worry about getting Mikey and Dylan ready for the day since we already had Daphne there to watch them while we are gone.
I grab a piece of paper from one of my notebooks, and take out the pencil from my back pocket.
One more day, one more chance. I will use one more chance I didn't have to spare for one last time. One more day of memories, one final chance. I ran out, and owe one. One chance to change my perspective. One more chance.
I close my eyes again, inhaling and exhaling. I open my eyes once I gain the strength to continue writing.
My life crumbled into pieces, every part of me turned into dust. On the edge of the universe holding onto a string destined to break in half, perplexed when it will break. When it does, let fate be fate. Not everyone gets a fairy-tale ending.
"Harry?" Someone snaps me out of my thoughts. I place my hands over the paper, and look up.
"Niall?" I let out, confused why he even wanted to talk to me.
He stares at me, appalled with my appearance. He continues to stare at me dumbfounded. I look down at my hands that was covering the paper. I look back up at Niall, who was looking down at my hands.
"Harry...Are you okay?" He whispers, knowing something was wrong.
I swallow the saliva that set in my mouth, and try to hold back the tears. I want to be honest, I really do. I really want to say something, but I'm afraid if I speak that I will end up crying again.
"That was a dumb question..." He stops talking noticing the tears in my eyes. He sighs, and takes one of my hands from on top of the paper. He wraps his fingers around mine, and holds my hand against his chest. "I want to do more than this, but we're in school." He says with a slight smile. I smile at him, and use my other hand to wipe my tears that were still in my eyes. "If it helps any bit at all, I love you."
I laugh at him, and pull out my hand from his.
"Hey, I wanted to hold your hand." He teases. I smile at him, which eventually fades into a frown. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but I'm going to take this paper and just-" He says before taking the paper that was beneath my other hand.
"Niall-" I let out as I try to take it from him, soon realizing it was too late when he started reading the words I wrote aloud.
I frown at the words he speaks, and try to hold back the tears.
I have a reason why I am emotional, deal with it.
He stops reading it and says, "The fuck, Harry. This is the shittiest suicide letter in history."
"Niall-"
"Like no one gives a shit about how you feel before you died, all they care about is what you had to say about them. I know that's rude, but humans are selfish as fuck." Niall mocks me.
"What, Niall, this isn't a suicide note-"
"Yes, it is. And it's shit, so let me help you. Here is what you say; Liam, you tried to rape me, you are an asshole. Daphne, you helped me take care of Liam's mistake which meant everything to me...Just lose some weight, yeah? Niall, you are a narcissist and a hypocrite, but I love you and I can't wait until you kill yourself too so we can fuck each other in heaven everyday." Niall keeps interrupting me.
I can't help but laugh at Niall, "It's not a suicide note, it's just a way of expressing my feelings."
"Harry, I'm going to read this again for you. You tell me which part doesn't sound like you are going to kill yourself tomorrow." He says before repeating what the paper says. I ignore Niall, noticing the bell rang, and the teacher was taking attendance just like she does everyday.
"Now you tell me which part of that doesn't sound like you are going to kill yourself. None, exactly. So-"
"Niall, stop talking." I interrupt abruptly.
"What-"
"Niall Horan?" The teacher calls out.
Niall turns around, and says 'here' with great confidence. He turns back around, noticing my snickering.
"Thanks." He smiles at me, earning a wink afterwards. "Wait, you weren't listening to me rereading your suicide note?'
"Ni, shhh." I shush him, hearing my name called. "Here." I say on time, with no arguments. Mrs. Jones smiles at me, and sits back down at her desk.
"You need improvements to this-"
I interrupt Niall again, "Niall, I'm not killing myself."
"Yes, you are." Niall teases me. "Okay so this is what you should write-"
"Niall, stop." I say seriously. He gives me the look. I stare at him, and he ends up staring right back at me. "Stop." I mumble, earning a laugh from Niall. I look around the room noticing Luke wasn't there. "Where's your boyfriend?" I ask changing the subject.
"He's not coming today, he's sick." Niall rolls his eyes.
"Did you give him your herpes?" I tease him.
"I bet I did, actually..." He mumbles, looking guilty. I laugh at him, eventually he joins me. "Do you want to go somewhere after school? You and I, no one else. Just like it used to be." He offers. "You don't have a choice, you are going to play with me." He says with a straight face.
"Play? We're not ten year old, Ni. I have work, so no." I state.
"We can pretend, and I can wait."
"What about your job? What happened to that?" I ask confused.
"Oh, I got fired. But don't worry, my boyfriend gives me everything I want so it's not necessary." Niall admits.
"It must be nice..." I mumble.
"Oh, it is." He nods his head, happily.
I hear the bell ring again as I watch everyone stand up, and leave the room. I stand up, and Niall walks out with me.
"After school, right?" He asks.
"Yeah-" I start before I am interrupted with Niall's arms wrapped around my body. I close my eyes, feeling the pain in my heart disappear. I sigh, feeling a sense of relief.
"I fucking love you, motherfucker." He whispers in my ear before pecking my cheek. He pulls away from me, and smiles. I watch everyone who was passing by's reaction. "Oh yeah, ignore them." He says before walking away.
I stand lonely in a crowded hallway. I sigh, feeling the pain come back. It hits me that I'm lonely again, and I look around at everyone who was staring at me. I look down again, and walk myself to class.
Some things never change, while others are constantly changing. This is something I need to get through, it won't be an abrupt, drastic change for a long time. But I guess it's better than my original plan.