It was dark. So dark. And silent. The only sound being my ragged breaths and racing heart. I was running, but I had no idea what I was running from. I could barely feel my feet as I ran as fast as my legs could take me. Wait.. I was searching for something. Or someone.
All of a sudden, a feeling of dread washed over me. Panic settled in the pit of my stomach, causing adrenaline to pierce through my veins.
"CED!" Someone was screaming.
"CEDRIC! PLEASE!" I heard it again.
"CEDRIC!" It was then that I realized I was the one screaming.
***
I awoke with a jolt, drenched in a cold sweat. My chest was heaving up and down as I struggled to catch my breath. Glancing at the clock, I realized it was three o'clock in the morning. I wiped at my face and realized I had been crying. Tears continued to pour from my eyes. Unfortunately, the panic I felt in the dream didn't subside upon awakening. Despite my frantic state, I was able to grab my wand and cast lumos, breathing a sigh of relief when I was no longer in the dark.
Natalie groaned before sitting up in bed, removing her sleep mask and looking at me in confusion. When she took note of my frazzled expression, she sprung to her feet and made her way to my side.
"What's wrong?" She asked in a tired voice, sitting on my bed.
I shook my head, still trying to pull myself together. "It was just a nightmare," I whispered, willing myself to believe it. "It was just a nightmare." I repeated for good measure.
She nodded in understanding. "Right. Well, try to go back to sleep. It's barely Witching Hour."
***
After the nightmare, I tossed and turned until sunrise, so I was running on barely four hours of sleep. Throughout the day, I found that the unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach never went away. The sensation worsened anytime I so much as thought about Cedric or the final challenge. That day, I knew I could no longer keep my feelings for him a secret. If something were to happen, I couldn't handle him not ever knowing the depth of my love for him. I owed it not only to myself, but to him, to make my feelings known... Right? Yes.. I convinced myself of that much.
Which was why, despite being a bundle of nerves, I found myself approaching him in the courtyard. He was sitting by himself at one of the picnic tables, pouring over a textbook.
"Cedric," I breathed out his name, my cheeks flushing as his stormy eyes locked with mine.
He quirked a brow, waiting for me to continue.
"Can we talk? Please?" I bit my lower lip nervously.
He nodded once. "Of course. What's up?"
He closed the book he was reading and shoved it in his bag before standing up, towering over my five-foot-one stature.
I gulped. My heart was already thumping wildly against my chest.
"Can we, um.. Talk somewhere more private?" My voice wavered slightly, earning a confused look from my friend.
"Yeah..." He trailed off slowly. "Is everything okay, Elliana?" His voice was laced with concern.
I was quick to nod. "Y-Yeah. I just really need to talk to you is all."
It was then that Chang rounded the corner (of course), locking eyes with Cedric and giving him a stern look. She bounded over to us and linked her hand through his, casting me a glare that went unnoticed by him. He kissed her temple, causing my heart to drop to my stomach. I felt like I was going to be sick. Perhaps I shouldn't go through with this?
"What's going on, Ceddie?" She asked in a sickly-sweet voice.
He wrapped his arm around her and brought her to his side. "Elliana and I are going to go for a quick walk, okay? I'll be right back."
Her lips pulled down in a frown. Anger flashed in her dark eyes as she stared me down. I wasn't one for confrontation, so I shrunk back under her vengeful gaze.
"Don't be long," she spoke through clenched teeth, though she still somehow managed to sound sweet. "You promised me a picnic, remember?"
He smiled down at his girlfriend with such tenderness that it made my heart clench painfully. He lightly tapped her nose with his index finger and chuckled.
"How could I possibly forget, darling?"
I turned my head when he kissed her forehead. I couldn't help but grimace at the pet name he used for her.
Why? Why did it have to be Cho Chang? I wasn't the type of person to hate anyone; I wasn't even sure if I was capable of doing so, but Chang was certainly testing that theory. I couldn't help the surge of jealousy that coursed through me anytime I saw the two of them together.
Still, I felt guilty. Cedric was happy with her. That much was plain as day. He had stars in his eyes anytime she was around. Shouldn't his happiness be enough for me? If I truly loved him, shouldn't that be all that mattered? Was I making the right choice by making my feelings known for him? Or was I being selfish?
My stomach churned anxiously as Cedric and I walked side by side through the courtyard. We stopped walking when we got to a giant tree that provided ample shade. This was about as private as we could get. He leaned against the tree and folded his arms across his chest, looking at me with pure curiosity.
"So, what do you need to talk to me about?" He asked, his eyes dancing with anticipation.
I cleared my throat nervously and stared down at the ground. There was a tiny pebble that caught my eye. I focused on it as I tried to collect my thoughts. "Um. I-uh," I trailed off.
It felt like my heart was trying to fly away. My face flushed immediately. No doubt, I was as red as a tomato. Cedric chuckled in amusement at my frazzled expression.
"Elliana, what's going on? You look like you're going to pass out," he teased.
I knew I shouldn't be doing this. By admitting my feelings for him, I would be ruining everything between us. Our friendship would crumble like the walls of Jericho. He would never look at me the same again. Still, for some reason, I knew I had to tell him regardless of the outcome. With the third and final challenge coming up, I had to confess my feelings for him.
"The final challenge is coming up," I blurted out, earning a confused look from him.
"Yeah?" He flashed me a smile. "Are you worried? I'm going to be fine, you know."
A pit formed in my stomach. "I certainly hope so, Ced. I don't know what I'd do if something were to happen to you," I admitted, blushing like a fool.
His smile grew, making his grey eyes dance. "Well, you won't have to find out."
Butterflies engulfed my stomach, fluttering about so violently that I thought I was going to get sick.
"Regardless, Ced... There's something I need to tell you. Tomorrow is never guaranteed and I just.. I just.. need to tell you..."
I could feel my face heating up even more if that was even possible. My hands flew to my cheeks as I blinked rapidly at Cedric's bewildered face. He stepped away from the tree and stood directly in front of me. My heart was pounding as he knelt down so he was face to face with me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze, unknowingly causing my heart to skip a beat.
His gray eyes poured into mine as he spoke, "You can tell me anything."
Can I? I knew that I was about to ruin everything, and I knew I was being extremely selfish, but I had been in love with this boy for six years and I couldn't not tell him. Despite knowing that my feelings were unrequited- Despite him having a girlfriend that he was crazy about- I had to tell him. Because tomorrow isn't guaranteed for any of us. And with the third and final challenge looming in the horizon, I felt that much more desperate to confess. If something happened to him without him knowing how much he meant to me, I wouldn't be able to live with it. I sounded like a broken record..
His warm hand on my shoulder was all that was holding me together in that moment. As I opened my mouth to speak, the words tumbled out, desperate to escape the confinement of my heart-
"I'm in love with you."
All I heard for a good ten seconds was the sound of my heartbeat echoing in my ears as if to taunt me. Eventually, his jaw went slack. All the color drained from his face as he slowly removed his hand from my shoulder and dropped it to his side.
He ran a hand through his hair and stared out into the distance. His face was void of all emotion. I could feel myself starting to panic, so I inhaled a deep breath, trying desperately to calm myself. Since that was out on the table, I might as well continue with my confession.
"The truth is... I've had feelings for you since first year. It was always you, Ced. I know that me telling you this puts you in an awkward situation and I'm sorry," I breathed out, fighting against the tears that were welling up in my eyes. "But I had to tell you. I hope you understand."
He pressed his lips into a thin line. His gray eyes locked with mine. My heart was in my throat as he finally opened his mouth so speak, "Elliana... I... I'm with Cho."
"I know," I was quick to say. "That's why I didn't tell you sooner."
He exhaled loudly. His face twisted into a grimace. I watched as a 'v' formed between his eyes and I knew what that meant- He was stressed; he was frustrated. He ripped his eyes from mine and stared out into the distance once again.
"I love her, Elle," he stated firmly, his mouth turning down in a frown.
I furrowed my brows in confusion when he called me by my nickname. He always called me by given name; that was the first time he had ever not called me 'Elliana'. My heart dropped to my stomach.
"I know that," I whispered around the lump in my throat, blinking against the tears.
He ran his hand through his hair again, causing it to stand up on end. "Why are you telling me this? I mean, why you are telling me now?"
I inhaled slowly, letting the air fill my lungs. "I just.. I don't know. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed for any of us and with the third challenge coming up, I just felt like I needed to tell you. I needed you to know."
He clenched his jaw. I shifted my weight anxiously from one foot to the other.
"Well, I know. Is there anything else?"
I shook my head. I could feel the back of my throat burning from fighting back the tears. It was just as I'd feared- I ruined everything.
"Ced, I'm sor-" Before I could get the words out, he stormed away.
I could no longer hold back the tears. The dam broke as tears spilled from my eyes and ran down my cheeks. Was it worth it? Was getting it off my chest worth losing him completely? As I stood there with my heart pouring from my tear ducts, I realized- It wasn't.
***
I wiped at my tear-stained face before walking into the common room with my head hung low. Luckily, Cedric wasn't anywhere to be seen. I had stayed under the oak tree until the sun went down, allowing myself to cry my heart out. My head was pounding from sobbing uncontrollably. I walked by several first and second years before I walked into my shared dorm with Natalie.
She was sitting on her bed with her head in a book when I walked in and threw myself on my bed. I buried my head in my pillow and inhaled a shaky breath.
"Elle? What's wrong?" She asked me.
I heard her get up and sit down beside me on my bed. She placed a hand on my back as she spoke, "Talk to me, Elle. What happened?"
I lifted my head and met her kind brown eyes. "I-I told Ced."
She immediately knew what I was referring to. She didn't need further explanation for which I was grateful.
"Oh, Nat! I've ruined everything," I choked out between a sob.
She rubbed soothing circles on my back as I cried into my pillow.
"You're his best friend, Ellie. You two are super close. There's no way you've ruined everything," she assured me.
She was wrong. "You should have seen his face," I whispered hoarsely. "We'll never be the same again. I should have kept my big mouth shut."
"You've kept this to yourself for six years. You were bound to tell him eventually. Things may be a bit different between you guys for a while, but you'll end up exactly where you're meant to be- Where you need to be."
Her comforting words somehow made me cry harder. "I knew he didn't feel the same, but I didn't think he'd react like that," I admitted to her, exhaling shakily.
She passed me a tissue which I gratefully accepted, dabbing at my eyes and nose.
"How did he react exactly?" She wondered in a soft voice.
I sat up in the bed and wrapped my comforter around me like a burrito. "He was absolutely horrified, Nat! Horrified."
She gave me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think."
"Oh, it was," I breathed out, frowning as I recalled the horror in his stormy eyes. "It most definitely was."
***
Natalie, who was sitting directly across from me, frowned as she stared at the fog in the crystal ball. Cedric was sitting at the table to our right with one of his Quidditch buddies, Brent Lyons. If I hadn't destroyed my friendship with Cedric, I knew that he would be the one sitting in front of me with a solemn frown as he stared into the empty abyss that was the fog.
"Do you see anything?" I asked her as I started tapping my pen against my notebook in a nervous manner.
"I see....." She trailed off, closing her eyes as she rubbed the crystal ball in a dramatic fashion which earned a slight chuckle from me. "Fog," she stated firmly, her mouth twisting into a mocking smile before she continued, "Fog. Fog. Fog. And more fog."
Another giggle escaped my lips. I shrugged a shoulder half-heartedly. "Maybe you're predicting the weather?" I teased with a smile.
She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "Who knows."
Professor Trelawney waltzed over to us with wide eyes and a quirky grin.
"Miss Kingsley, what do you see?" She asked excitedly, placing her hand on the back of my chair and kneeling down.
I furrowed my brows in confusion. Why was she singling me out like this? I could feel several pairs of eyes on me as they awaited my answer, but it was Cedric's that had me worse for wear. I felt my face heating up in embarrassment as I stared into the fog.
"I-I don't see anything, Professor Trelawney. I'm sorry," I mumbled apologetically, desperate to get the attention off of me.
Her eyes seemed to dance in anticipation. "What do you see?" She asked again, her voice wavering with excitement.
Now, the entire class was invested. I felt my peers staring at me in curiosity, causing my blush to deepen. My palms grew sweaty and my heart started racing. I absolutely despised being the center of attention. I blinked rapidly and chewed on my lower lip before I focused on the crystal ball with every ounce of concentration I possessed.
As I stared into the swirling fog, vague shapes started to form. A gasp flew through my lips, causing Natalie's eyes to widen and Professor Trelawney's smile to grow.
"Keep seeing," she urged; her voice was dripping with giddiness.
I swallowed against the sudden lump that had formed in my throat as I continued to focus. As the fog continued to swirl and dance, the shapes began to take the form of eyes. My mouth fell open when the details became clearer. All I could see was a pair of eyes, but they were unlike any I had ever seen before. They were piercing- as though they could see straight into the very core of my soul. They were the color of honey- shining vibrantly, yet they were full of sorrow.
"Share with the class what you see, Miss Kingsley," the delighted voice of Professor Trelawney flooded through my ears, breaking me out of my trance.
I gulped. "Eyes," I whispered, pressing my lips into a thin line before speaking up, "I see eyes."
Natalie's brows flew up her forehead. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Cedric staring a hole straight through me.
"Care to describe the eyes?" Professor Trelawney asked with her voice full of hope.
I tilted my head to the side as I gazed at the honey-gold eyes that were full of undeniable sadness.
"They're...." I trailed off, feeling my heart lurch in my chest as I continued, "Sad."
I felt my own eyes well up with tears as I stared into the golden orbs. It was as though they were holding me captive- Like they were staring into my eyes as well.
"They're... the color of honey. They're.. beautiful. But they are so sad," I breathed out.
My brows knitted together as I continued to stare at the golden orbs dancing back at me. They seemed familiar somehow, but I knew there was no way that could be. The entire room was silent- No doubt, they were surprised that someone actually 'saw' something for once.
"Excellent! Wonderful!" The professor exclaimed as she clasped her hands together and flitted away, causing me to tear my gaze away from the crystal ball.
When I looked into the fog once more, the eyes were gone. Natalie quirked a brow at me.
"You saw eyes?" She asked in disbelief.
The rest of the class turned their attention back to their own crystal balls. I breathed a sigh of relief when the attention was no longer on me. I nodded in response to Natalie's question. My gaze flickered in Cedric's direction. We locked eyes for a brief moment before he tore his gaze from mine. My stomach twisted in response.
"So, like.. What do you think that means?" She asked, clearly fighting back a smirk.
I simply shrugged. "I don't know. I'm no psychic, so I haven't the slightest idea."
She pressed her lips together tightly before she could no longer contain the smirk that broke out across her face. "Were they sexy?"
Heat flooded my cheeks. "I-I don't know, Nat. They were eyes."
She wasn't buying it. She laid her arms on top of the table and tilted her head to the side. "Just answer the question."
I sighed, feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. It wasn't a new feeling. Talking about such things always made me feel self-conscious.
"I mean. As far as eyes go.. Yeah, I guess. I-I guess they were... sexy?" The word felt strange rolling off my tongue.
A huge smile spread across her face. Her eyes were lit with excitement. "I knew it!" She squealed, causing several students to turn their heads in our direction.
Cedric, of course, was one of them. He looked over at us and shook his head before saying something to Brent. I couldn't help but narrow my eyes in his direction. What I would give to be able to hear what they were saying. Has he told anyone about me confessing my feelings for him? I surely hope not. I was horrified by the idea. Surely, he wouldn't. No matter what, he's still Cedric; he's still my friend. He still cares for me, right?
When class was over, I hurried to gather my belongings. Natalie was already packed up and waiting for me outside the door. I shoved my book in my bag and stepped forward without looking up, causing me to collide with none other than Cedric. I stumbled back, blushing like a fool.
"Sorry," I mumbled, dropping my eyes to the floor.
I refused to meet his gaze as I practically ran out of the classroom.
***
I wasn't surprised to see that Fred and George were sitting at the Hufflepuff table next to Natalie. Her eyes lit up when she saw me. Cedric was seated several seats down, causing my stomach to churn anxiously. I sat down next to George and took a bite out of an apple. Natalie and the twins were staring at me intently, causing me to furrow my brows.
"Is there something on my face?" I asked with a chuckle, feeling even more self-conscious than I already was.
George beamed at me. "We heard you actually saw something in Divinations."
"I don't know if I believe it," Fred teased with a cheeky grin. "No one ever sees anything in that bloody crystal ball."
I narrowed my eyes at Natalie and chose to ignore their comments. "Why are we sitting over here instead of at the Gryffindor table?" I asked them.
"She's trying to change the subject, Fred," George said with a shake of his head.
"I see that, George. Pretty pitiful attempt if you ask me," Fred's smile grew.
Natalie rolled her eyes playfully and nudged Fred's shoulder with hers before she locked eyes with me. "Tell them what you saw, Elle."
I shrugged in faux nonchalance. "I saw eyes. No big deal," I said before taking another bite out of my apple.
Although I couldn't get those eyes out of my head, and I wasn't sure why.
"Were they creepy?" The twins asked in sync.
I shook my head. "No."
At this, Natalie lit up like a Christmas tree. "She said they were sexy."
I nearly choked on my apple before shooting a glare her way. Fred and George started cracking up at the horrified look on my face. Cedric hesitantly cast a glance in our direction. My eyes locked with his for a moment; his lips twitched before he turned his attention to Cho who was leaning against his shoulder.
Natalie was reaching for her drink when her hand brushed against Fred's. Fred's face turned cherry red while Natalie bit her lower lip. I eyed the two of them curiously. I was sensing a new dynamic blossoming between the two of them.
"Sexy, huh?" George teased with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes. "It's like I told Natalie-They were eyes."
"Real eyes realize real lies," Natalie responded with a smug smile, causing me to quirk a brow at her.
"Huh?" The twins and I said in sync.
A moment passed before the four of us started cracking up. Between fits of laughter, I almost didn't notice the way Cedric's eyes were sorrowfully trailed in our direction. But, this was Cedric we're talking about, so of course I noticed.