Touya ached. He ached everywhere it was possible for him to even feel the ache.
His lower arm was gone, the first limb to have actually burned off completely, which was only a matter of time considering the extent of his burns before he'd gone full bore into battle.
Luckily, thanks to the nerve damage, he was barely even aware of it, but that just meant he needed to be more cautious of it, even if he had managed to get to a hospital that Spinner had opened up.
Ujiko would be back soon, free from the confines that the heroes had put him in, and he'd be able to sort him out with a prosthetic arm, hopefully top of the range seeing as they'd managed to recover his damn hospital and underground laboratory.
He looks at his bandaged remains of an arm, even the slight movement of his neck makes the rest of his skin feel taut.
"Are you in pain? I can ask for more medicine." Zero speaks up from his bedside.
"I'm alright." Touya replies dismissively.
He already had a line of painkillers going straight through his veins. Any more would knock him out, and he wasn't quite settled yet.
It was too quick, too perfect. Everything had gone too smoothly.
He was on edge, waiting for something bad to happen, and he needed to be awake in case something did happen.
"I can tell you're uncomfortable, and you can relax, the area is well guarded." Zero insists.
"Don't make me say it." Touya warns, the 'fuck off' sitting right on the tip of his tongue.
"Even if you say it, I've been instructed by Shigaraki to remain by your side." Zero replies, and if Touya didn't know any better, he'd say it was smug.
"He could just come an' do it himself." Touya huffs, leaning back in the hospital bed again.
"He's busy. You know that." Zero responds. "He's currently replacing the staff in the HSPC building, and then later, in the evening, he's going to be working on taking care of the media, and tomorrow-"
"Shut up." Touya sighs, the words a concise and clear order.
And so Zero does shut up, leaving Touya alone with his thoughts for a little while.
"Can't wait for Ujiko to come and sort this out." Touya says, lifting his injured arm with a wince. "Gonna freak Star out wi' it when I see her."
"She'll cry." Zero says as though it's a fact.
"Yeah, probably." Touya chuckles dryly, a small smirk pulling at his lips. "She's cute."
"What will you tell her?" Zero asks.
"The truth. Burned it off." Touya shrugs. "She doesn't need to know why."
Zero hums a little, offering no judgment or advice as a response.
The short peace is interrupted by the buzzing of Touya's phone against the wooden table next to Zero.
Touya frowns at the noise, turning his head to look at the phone clattering on the table. Zero reaches for it, glancing at the screen.
"Who is it?" Touya asks.
"It says 'pops'." Zero relays.
"Hand it over." Touya replies, holding his hand out for it, clicking the answer button and holding it up to his ear, wincing with each movement. "What's up, old man?"
"How's it goin' son?" Is the gravelly answer back from Giran.
He sounds tired, Touya knew the sound of Giran's sleepless night voice all too well from being the cause of it in the past.
"On top'a the moon, pops." Touya smirks, remembering the feeling of taking down Endeavor. His arm, the aches and pains? Nothing compared to the ecstasy that came with the knowledge that flaming piece of trash was gone. "How's Star?"
There's a pause on the other end of the phone which immediately makes Touya's stomach turn.
"Well? At least tell me you have her." Touya sneers.
"I got her, she's fine." Giran replies defensively. "S' jus'..."
"Spit it out." Touya snaps.
"Fell asleep watchin' the news last night an' all the sirens outside spooked the lil' love." Giran says quickly. "She saw... a lot. Tried ta explain, but she's all confused an' she wants ta talk to ya."
Touya himself is silent in return for a second, turning over the words in his medication-hazed brain.
"She knows." He can't help but find himself saying, his voice eerily calm.
"Kinda?" Is the awkward response back.
"You couldn'tve just fuckin' waited 'til Tomura sorted out the media?" Touya snaps, his temperature beginning to rise, alerting Zero, who's face immediately drops the constant smile. "You couldn't manage one day keepin' her safe an' unaware?"
"Hey, now." Giran warns on the other end of the line.
"Nah, don't 'hey now' me. She's fuckin' fragile, she's already not eatin', an' she's got a fuckin' rash 'cause she's stressed out, an' you do somethin' so sloppy? She's a fuckin' kid!"
Giran doesn't answer, knowing better than to add fuel to Touya's rage.
"Fuck're you doing watchin' the news anyway?!" Touya asks angrily.
"Was worryin' about you all." Giran replies.
"Well don't worry about us at the expense of her!" Touya fumes.
"Do you wanna talk t' her or not?" Giran asks coldly, marking the end of his patience.
"Fuckin'..." Touya takes a deep breath. "Hand her over then."
Now he was going to have to answer her questions on the fly. He doesn't have time to think of answers that'll sate her curiosity without being too honest that she'll be scared or have nightmares again. If she saw the news, despite the censoring, she was bound to be scared anyway.
"Damn it." Touya mutters under his breath, hanging his head back.
He can hear Giran telling the little girl her 'paw' is on the phone, and although he knows she's probably expecting answers, and is probably more than a little upset, the sound of her little voice responding to him makes Touya's aches fade a bit.
There's the crackling sound that comes with the phone being handed over to someone else, and then Star speaks.
"Dabi?"
Dabi. Not 'pawpaw'.
Something inside Touya cracks a little bit, but he swallows it down.
"Hey hon. How're you? Uncle Giran said you didn't sleep very well." Touya fakes being upbeat, grimacing where she can't see.
"The sirens were loud." Star replies, mumbling, nervous.
"Yeah." Touya tries to feign sympathy. He kind of feels like he needs to apologise, too, but can't bring himself to.
"Uncle Giran said it's because there are riots, because people are mad at the government." She pauses. "Which means people are ruining shops and fighting because the people in charge of Japan have made them angry."
"Very smart, doll." Touya smiles softly, his heart breaking at the fact Giran had clearly had to explain that to Star.
She hums a little at the end of the phone, and he hears her taking steps, getting away from Giran maybe?
"Are you okay?" She asks quietly.
"I'm alright hon." Touya lies. "Are you?"
She pauses. "I'm scared and confused."
"About what, Starshine?" Touya asks, taking a deep breath in preparation for the response.
"I saw you on the TV, they said you killed Endeavor. They used your name... how do they know your name? It was our secret..."
He goes to pick at one of the staples at the side of his cheek with his non-existent hand before catching himself and sighing.
"Stuff happened when you were gone, hon. I... I had to tell everyone my name, 'cause Endeavor doesn't- well, didn't, deserve to be number one. Didn't deserve to be a hero. I wanted to hurt him, ruin his life like he ruined mine, an' it was just the perfect timing." He replies, biting the inside of his cheek at his staples instead. "Ended up jus' upsetting myself, 'cause he didn't even recognise me, an' everyone took his side anyway."
He gives a choked laugh, but Star doesn't respond.
"I'm sorry you hadta see that darlin'. I talked to Giran' bout leaving the TV on like that..."
"Why'd you do it?" She asks, her voice small and scared.
Touya stares at the blanket covering his legs, taking a moment to try to get an answer together.
"He was a bad guy, Star. He hurt me, my brother and sister...My ma. Even my other brother. I saw it happenin' when I woke up. Shoto was his favourite. If he can do that to his favourite..." Touya trails off. "He'd have killed me if I didn't kill him first."
"Heroes can't kill people though, 'cause it's against the law." She argues.
"Hawks tried to kill Jin." Touya argues back without thinking, offended that she seems to be defending Enji. "He could've killed him if I'd been a little slower."
Star goes quiet again, and Touya begins to taste blood from his inner cheek from how harshly he's chewing at the staples.
"Sorry. Sorry, hon." He sighs at himself. "Jus'... Get a little edgy when people defend him. You don't know..."
"Are you going to hurt me?" She asks, her voice still small and nervous.
"What? No. I would never-" Touya begins. "Star. I would never lay a finger on you. When have I ever?"
"Your flames burned me once by accident, what if you kill me on accident?" She asks, genuine nervousness in her tone.
Touya has to take a moment to collect himself yet again.
After all, he can't exactly tell an eleven year old that whenever he saw the scar left behind from the PLF incident he wanted to repeat what happened at Sekoto Peak all over again.
"Hon. I can't begin to tell you how awful I feel 'bout that." Touya says, genuinely beginning to choke up at the mere idea that she would even think he could be capable of such a thing.
She goes quiet again, for long enough for Touya to realise she just... wasn't going to talk.
She didn't believe him.
"I love ya darlin'." He says, like it's an oath. A promise.
"I love you too... but I think that's bad." She mutters, her voice so faint he barely hears it.
"What? Why?" He asks.
"You did a really bad thing..." She explains slowly. "You're not meant to love bad people."
Touya's temper flares, his fist gripping his phone tight.
Zero immediately sits up a little straighter in response to Touyas anger.
"What? 'Cause I took out the trash, I'm a bad person now? Even though all I ever did was look after you, an' love you?" Touya asks, his hurt moving to anger. "Your mom was fuckin' awful to you, she was a bad person, an' you still insist on lovin' her."
"Mom wasn't bad, she was sick." Star defends. "And I have to love her, she's my mom."
"That ain't-" Touya snaps, catching himself. "Star. That ain't always how it works."
"Is too. TV said so." She replies stubbornly.
Touya bites the back of the staples on the seam of his chin.
"Starshine..." He sighs. "Look-"
"You swore at me."
"I'm sorry doll, that wasn't nice'a me." Touya replies, scrunching his eyes up in frustration at himself. He was only behaving in a way that would be proving her point in her head. "Can you listen, please?"
She goes quiet, which he takes as a sign that she's listening.
"I'm sorry. I've been hidin' a lot from you, 'cause you're my baby, an' I don't want ya learnin' too much too young, 'cause you deserve a childhood. You deserve what I never had." He says, trying to force himself to be calm even though he's hurt. "I'm just tryin' to protect you. That's all I've ever tried ta do."
"Don't mean I got it right all the time. I'm only human, jus' like everyone else." Touya admits. "But I'm trying, Star. Everythin' that happened... everythin' I, and everyone else did, that was to try an' make Japan a better place. A place where we can all live happily, without bein' dragged down."
"I wanted to be able to adopt you, to make it all official. I wanted to make sure you could go ta school, or at least get proper tutorin'. I wanted you to be able to go to art college like ya want without worryin' about anyone gettin' into trouble. I want you ta go to the parks without havin' to cover your hair an' face. I-"
"Can you just not hurt any more people? Please?" She asks. "It scares me that you do that."
"Star, I've only hurt people that've hurt me first. I don't just walk around pickin' people at random." Touya says, almost pleading with her not to give up on him.
It's not entirely true, but she didn't need to know that.
She didn't need to know the amount of people he'd killed in his temper, or at least seriously maimed when they'd assumed the League was some kind of child abuse ring.
At least those days were over now.
"You're not lying to me?" She asks quietly.
"We don't lie, do we?" He asks in return.
She goes quiet, but he can hear her scratching her face.
"Oi. Stop that." He warns, trying to keep his voice gentle.
"You promise you love me and won't hurt me?"
"Cross my heart an' hope to die." Touya promises. "Star, if anythin' happened to you, I'd lose my mind. I can't even think about it.
"Okay... Can you come and get me soon?" She asks, her voice soft like she's moved away from the phone.
Touya looks at what remains of his arm from the corner of his eyes for a second. "I can't, baby girl. I'm sorry. I don't know how long I'm gonna be jus' yet."
"But Giran said you were all done fighting..." She says, disheartenedly.
"We are, doll, but..." Touya pauses, and then decides he should just keep being honest. "Alright, look, I wasn't gonna tell ya, 'cause I know you'll freak out, but I'm in the hospi-"
"You're hurt?" She asks immediately, her voice wobbling.
"Star. 'M fine, otherwise I wouldn't be talkin', would I?" He tries to reassure. "But it means I can't come and get ya just yet."
"The doctors need to make sure you're okay?"
"Exactly, doll. Tomura's got the best doctor on the case, so everythin's gonna be fine."
"Everything's going to be okay?" She repeats.
"Yup. Everythin's gonna be a-okay." Touya repeats again for her. "We got this hon. Everythin's gonna be okay from now on. No more hidin', no more kidnappin'. Okay?"
"Okay..." She murmurs, clearly unconvinced. "Can I come and see you?"
"Sure hon, when things outside have settled down a bit I'd love'ta see you." Touya can't help but smile softly, the tension in his body releasing. "You gotta be good 'til then, 'kay?"
"Okay." She agrees easily. "Pawpaw?"
"Yeah, hon?" He says, releasing a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.
"You mean it? About adopting me?" She asks quietly, like she's embarrassed.
"'Course I do, hon. Woulda done it sooner if I coulda." He laughs breathily. "S' that okay wi' ya? 'Cause..."
He swallows nervously. "If you're still scared, f' ya don't wanna be with me anymore, you can stay wi' your Uncle Giran."
"I wanna be with you. And pa. And Uncle Zero and Jin and everyone else." She replies quickly. "I just don't want you to hurt people..."
"Alright, hon." Touya says, looking back down at his covered legs again. "I'd miss ya loads."
"I would too." She confesses shyly.
"Touya!" Himiko calls enthusiastically as she skips through the door.
Zeros head snaps towards the blonde, and he motions for her to be quiet with his index finger pressed to his lips, and she pouts, but obediently shuts up, flopping into a seat on Touya's other side.
"Alright Starshine, I gotta go. You feel better?" Touya asks, shooting Toga a sharp look when she stares for a little too long at his bloodied bandages.
"A little." Star replies.
"Alri' hon. I'm not going anywhere, so if ya wanna talk to me, tell Uncle Giran, okay?"
"Even if it's not important?" She asks.
"Even if you jus' wanna tell me what you got up to that day." Touya reassures her. "Be good."
"Okay. You too." She replies. "Love you."
"Love you too, Star." Touya smiles disingenuosly, even though she can't see it.
And then the phone clicks, and Touya's left with the empty feeling left behind.
The thing he'd been so happy about, finally being good enough to best even his father, he, and his power finally being seen... All made into a shameful act that had scared the one, precious thing he had left in this life.
He'd been forgiven, and she wanted to stay, but the sour feeling is still left behind, caged behind his ribs.
"Can I keep them?" Is the first thing Toga asks.
"The fuck're you on about, weirdo?" Touya responds sharply.
"Your tears!" She announces, pointing at the blood spilling down his cheeks that he'd been unable to feel. "Just in case. Maybe I could use your quirk next time I try!"
"Piss off, leech." Touya replies, more in humiliation than annoyance, and he wipes his face with his now free arm. "An' you're never usin' my damn quirk."