I have a particular tick that makes me want to chew jeans. When people are so quick to throw scripture, or life advice, or something in that line when it comes to talking about forgiveness.
Oh, forgiveness is for you~
Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die~
Okay, but what about me? Why am I, the one who has been hurt, the one to be the 'bigger person'?
Why do you think saying "I'm sorry" is going to fix anything? And even if you meant it, my feelings and wellbeing were not in your consideration. You didn't care. You didn't think that for all your good or bad intentions, that this will hurt me.
But you have the gall bladder to talk to me about forgiveness. In the name of what?
People are so quick to dismiss pain they don't feel, or pull martyrdom when your 'hurt' doesn't compare to theirs.
Oh, you lost your favorite pen? Well, I lost a toe, my house, my life, and I am not complaining
...... right
————- *
I started writing this rant in February. It's mid-March now and I have had time to revisit my thoughts.
There is nothing inherently wrong with forgiveness. I think the issue is people blur the lines between forgiveness and tolerating something they don't like.
Forgiveness is thrown around with the end goal of 'closing' a problem. But forgiveness never fixes anything. It's one thing to apologize, and another to intentionally move forward with a someone else's wellbeing being your concern.
You can forgive someone and not let them have access to what you gave them. If you allow behavior to keep on occurring, and all you accept is an apology, knowing full well that nothing will change, what is your end goal?
Every day, *you* literally have to prove to yourself that you too are a human being capable of feeling and thinking. You do things for others you will never do for yourself. How about letting people prove they are worthy of your time too?
Job interviews exist for a reason, for better or worse. You wouldn't let any random person into your bank account, don't do that with your time.
That said, what does any of this even have to do with forgiveness?
By definition, forgiveness is letting go of resentment. Honestly, I don't know what that is like. I have never sat down to say I am going to forgive someone. I think it's a gradual inner process that will take a while, depending on circumstances. Sometimes never. Sometimes out of pity, sometimes out of happiness and love. Or sometimes unconsciously by forgetting.
And I am not here to tell you to forgive people, nor am I here to tell you to hold grudges.
All I'm saying is, don't mistake tolerating nonsense with forgiveness.
Take care of yourself, yeah?