June 2023
From the moment Aria agreed to see me again, I had been dying for this moment, but now that it was actually here, my blood seemed to be pumping anxiety instead of blood. Our first meeting had been something, but she still managed to remain relatively guarded. I worried that I wouldn't be able to find topics of conversation that were comfortable for her, spending most of that day trying to rehearse questions in advance.
The door swung open, Aria's bright smile greeting me. It felt like hours, but probably seconds later, my mind finally managed to send a signal to my mouth to display a nervous smile.
"Come in."
It was welcoming, kind and possibly a little bit sympathetic. I could tell she had immediately recognised how unsure I was about this, but the second she stepped to the side and opened her arm out to offer me a comforting hug, I knew this was going to be okay.
We broke apart after a few seconds, finally making it along the hallway and turning left into the living room. The decor wasn't what I expected, I'm not sure what I expected. It was warm, cosy and not at all extravagant. The television was playing faintly in the background, and the coffee table had a few candles alight on it.
She let out an embarrassed laughter as we made our way to the sofa, which was covered in cushions.
"I thought you might need a pillow for your leg, but I went a bit overboard."
My heart tripled in size watching her sheepishly remove the cushions, and even though I didn't need a pillow for my knee, I wasn't going to tell her that. We sat down and I propped a pillow under my foot on the longer part of the corner sofa, thanking her for the gesture.
I knew I needed to break the ice, but I couldn't stop myself from giddily smiling at her, unable to believe that I was actually here after so long of thinking about what it might feel like. I'd always known that she was beautiful, but seeing her inside the safety of her own home, free from the false facial expressions and frown lines, she was radiant. I wasn't sure how I'd never noticed the faint freckles across the bridge of her nose, or dimples that she had when she meaningfully smiled.
"So, how was the tour?"
She sat back on her seat, bringing her knees up to her chest and turning her body to face me.
"It was good. I'm glad to be home, though."
Do I pry? Does she want me to pry?
"Tiring, I imagine..."
She nodded, widening her eyes to add some dramatisation to the agreement.
"I enjoy the shows, but the time in between is difficult. You can't go anywhere or do anything really. You just sit around, and then we end up just going out every night and doing everything the tabloids want me to do."
Everything the tabloids want her to do. That was the first time I had experienced jealousy with Aria. I knew she lived that lifestyle, but until now, the only time I ever had to hear it was when others were saying it about her. I wasn't even sure why I was jealous, it's not like I knew her well enough, or at all, to have any kind of feelings towards her. Sure, I found her attractive, but was that enough to warrant the reaction in the pit of my stomach right now?
"You managed to do pretty well at keeping things out of the tabloids this time."
Why did I say that?
"Oh, did you keep check?"
Her grin was cheeky, maybe even a little flirty. I quickly started to piece together what this night was for her, I was a booty call. If you can call a prearranged meeting that, but my mind was in overdrive. I hadn't come here with the expectation of that, and even if technically I might be easily persuaded, I knew I wasn't in action right now because being a woman sucks.
"What? No!"
It wasn't a secret that I was embarrassed, I could feel redness flush my cheeks at her insinuation that I had read every tabloid story about her. I had, by the way.
"Leah, I'm joking."
Letting out a louder laugh, she placed her hand on my shoulder to comfort my frazzled frame. My heart exploded at the touch, I couldn't think of anything but how dry my mouth was.
Aria guided the conversation from then on in, taking a genuine interest in my ACL recovery. She didn't just ask the standard questions that everyone else did, she asked deeper questions, like what it meant for my career, what my realistic timeline was, how it impacted my retirement age. It was refreshing to have more conversations that weren't surrounded by the World Cup and whether I would keep my captaincy at England.
Time rolled on and although Aria hadn't seemed to notice, it was getting closer and closer to midnight. I had noticed because time was going too quickly for me. If I could've stopped it, I would've done so.
Aria's phone bleeped just after midnight, she groaned as she pulled it from her pocket and apologised. She typed a reply to the person who had messaged her and then let out a slight gasp.
"It's midnight!"
I laughed at her realisation.
"I know. Where did the time go?"
"Are you hungry?"
I silently sighed in relief when she asked that, it meant that she didn't want to say goodbye just yet.
"I am."
"I don't cook. How about I order us something?"
"I don't cook either, so takeaway sounds great."
"You're the first person who hasn't criticised me for that."
Everything was effortless with her. She made it effortless. When I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat, she ordered us a selection. When I asked to use her bathroom, she noticed my nervousness at wandering around her home and showed me to the bathroom door. And when the food came, she placed everything onto a single plate in a pile and reminded me it was about the taste, not the presentation.
We talked into the early hours of the morning, even finding time to put on some of her records and finding even more things we had in common. I got the feeling she might've been lonely, and maybe I was someone she felt she could trust in an industry designed to make you be anything but yourself. She stayed guarded, though. Every time her mind threatened to delve deep, she would make a joke or singalong to the song that was playing in the background dramatically, like she was afraid of showing too much of herself.
"You can stay if you want."
Those words would rattle around in my head long after I left. I wanted to. I would've stayed with her for days if I could've, gotten to know her better and prised some of that realness from her heart that I knew so desperately wanted to escape.
I couldn't stay. I could listen a million reasons why I shouldn't: Aria already filled me with so much curiosity that I worried she would quickly become someone I liked more than I should, Aria would likely have someone else here the next night, Aria didn't do longterm anything, Aria, Aria, Aria...
In spite of all the reasons I shouldn't, my period was the reason I couldn't. I didn't know her well enough to tell her about that, about how unrelenting they could be and how it made it difficult for me to stay anywhere for fear of ruining bedsheets other than my own.
"Thank you, but I've got a date with my bed."
Why did I say that?
I saw that look in her eyes, one that screamed she felt rejected. Her cheeks flushed slightly, not enough to lose her composure, but enough to let me know she wished she'd never offered.
She showed me to the door, stopping briefly before she opened it and smiling at me. She came towards me slowly and for a second I was foolish enough to think she might kiss me. Her hand reached for my face, my heart growing at the thought of her slender fingers cupping my cheek and her lips melting into my own.
"You have..."
Beautiful eyes?
She rubbed her thumb at the side of my lips, giggling a little to herself before continuing.
"Pizza sauce."
She turned away again, opening the door and telling me to drive safely. She insisted I send her a message to let her know I got home alright, watching me as I walked towards my car before shutting the door and turning off the hall light.
Ouch.