Then Came Fame (Leah Williamson)

Aria: Ups and Downs

April 2023

I won't lie, when Leah liked my message on Christmas Eve, I felt gutted. I guess it was a good thing, if we were ever going to start speaking, I didn't want it to be on those terms. Still, I found myself waiting in anticipation as she repeatedly typed and deleted, then eventually stopped completely. I think I left that chat open on my screen for the next hour before I accepted that she wasn't going to respond.

The second leg of my tour began in January, travelling all over the country with just one days rest in between most of the gigs. The final show was taking place in London on 6th May, a date that would end up being significant for more reasons than just being the final show.

Before each new venue, we would spend the evening before getting familiar with the venue. It wasn't anything special, just a walk around the stadium and a tour of the backstage facilities. The team were usually more interested in it than I was, most of the time I was just patiently waiting to go back to the hotel for drinks and food, but Manchester was different. Arsenal were playing United that night, and each delay in the pre-show tour was heightening the chance that I wouldn't make it back to my hotel room for kick off.

With just two minutes to spare, I finally made it back to the hotel. I followed my usual routine of ordering room service, flicking on the tv in the room and scrolling through the channels until I found the match. Less than 15 minutes in, Leah went down. I didn't know much about football, but I knew enough to know that a non-contact injury wasn't good. The commentators were trying to play it down, likely knowing a media shitstorm was on the way if this was what it looked like.

What mesmerised me about football was the resilience that the players showed. It was common knowledge that these teams were like family, but just seconds after Leah hobbled off the pitch, the team pulled together and carried on playing like it hadn't happened. I didn't know how they managed it, how they managed to keep playing with that grey cloud looming over their heads.

The thing about Leah was, I didn't even know her that well, but that day in the dressing room had felt so natural. I found myself wondering if we met under different circumstances, could we have been friends? More? That was the problem with fame, every meeting was nothing but an audition, and that's all I did now. I auditioned women in the darkness of clubs, heading back to my hotel with them for the main performance and then parting from them the next morning with the promise of a text message that I knew I would never send. People like me, people watched by the world, didn't get to have a repeat. We had one night stands and I had to learn to be alright with that, even if it was lonely.

The days that came after I watched Leah wince in pain as she exited the pitch, I couldn't help but feel a twinge in my chest that wouldn't fade. It was never far from my mind, constantly wondering what the outcome would be and whether or not she was going to miss the World Cup that I knew was any footballers dream.

By the time we arrived for our show in Liverpool, the news had been announced that she had suffered an ACL injury. I didn't actually know what that was, just that Beth and Viv were currently out with the same injury. Maybe it was ignorance, but I didn't feel the need to google it when it was them, but knowing that Leah now had one, I found myself reading through web page after web page. It was obvious that she wasn't just going to miss the World Cup, but she was going to be out for a long time. I thought back to that day in the dressing room, the way she was shrivelled up like she wanted to hide from the world back then, and I knew she would feel so much worse now.

But what was the etiquette? What do you say to an injured footballer? Get well soon?

I settled for a simple heart. I thought it would show that I was thinking of her, without putting pressure on her to reply with some long, painful message about what it meant for her. The truth is, I knew that in moments like this, when you felt like the world was just taking from you constantly, the last thing you needed was questions. Sometimes you just needed to know someone cared.