ISABELLE
I looked up from finishing my dinner as my husband walked over, carrying our small newborn in his arms. He was smitten, he had barely left our sides. His smile was as big as ever, and his blue eyes were glassed over. I could count the times Ashton had cried on one hand before Noah was born, and since he had been born, he was a very teary man.
"He's all changed and ready for bedtime." He said softly as he brought the little wrapped in blue bundle closer towards me. Ash has zero issues changing him, he was very hands on, but I guess he had experience with all of that.
"He's so cute." I reached up and ran my finger down his tiny nose.
"You cooked him well." He smiled. "Do you want to try and give feeding another go?" Noah wouldn't latch on to start with and had to be fed with a syringe while I was in surgery. I so badly wanted to feed on my own, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, if it happens it happens.
I nodded and asked a little embarrassed. I didn't know what I was doing and didn't feel confident. "Can you help me?"
He looked at me with his brows dipped in a confused state. "Of course I will help you."
I had a pillow beneath my arms and around the front of my chest to lay him down on. The latching part was the hardest, it would take some time to get the hang of it. My shoulders relaxed when he latched and began to drink. Finally.
"Have you spoken to your mum and dad? Was mum coming back?" I asked.
"Mum and dad will come and visit when we're home, and yours is coming back to tomorrow morning I think." He smiled. "Parker said he'll come visit once we're back at home also."
"Just your parents?" I looked at him, not wanting to say her name out loud just yet.
He nodded, sitting back in the armchair beside the bed. "Don't worry, I've made it clear. You're to take it easy, I won't let anything upset you."
I appreciated that, but I was more worried about him. As traumatic as things had been for me, he was the one who also witnessed all of this unfold. I don't remember a whole lot of it, just giving birth and then feeling very lightheaded and then waking up in a different room.
We watched tv quietly as I finished up feeding, and once Noah was in a deep sleep, I laid him on the bed gently as I moved to stand up and place him in his crib. I just stared at him smiling, he was the spitting image of his dad. His hair was dark brown and stuck up in the middle like a little mohawk, we tried to flatten it but it just dried that way.
Feeling absolutely stuffed, I laid back in the bed and rolled to my side reaching out for Ash's hand. "I love you."
He bent forward, pulling my hand closer to his lips. "I love you more."
It didn't take long for me to fall asleep. There was nothing better than going to sleep and waking up hours later without needing to go to the toilet. Noah was starting to wake, so I fed and changed him, and we had cuddles for a moment. I needed to move my legs a bit, and walked around the room slowly as I rocked him gently back to sleep.
"I can't believe I'm your mummy." I just couldn't believe it.
Noah woke once more, and we did the same thing, feed then change and cuddle. I didn't wake Ash, there wasn't anything he could do. He had done so much already. Noah fell asleep and I didn't want to move, I just loved this. His little cheek asleep on my chest. We didn't have much of this bonding time after his birth.
When I woke again, it was morning. I did have an insane headache though.
He must have heard the bed creak as I moved because he was shifting in the chair and stretching out his arms as he woke up. "Sorry." I whispered.
"What time is it?" he asked.
"It's almost 7am." I spoke.
His eyes shot open more and he looked around. "I feel like I've slept ten minutes," he half laughed. "The need better chairs for this."
I grinned, agreed. "You'll be excited to go home and sleep in our bed again."
"How did you sleep?" he stood up and stretched and walked over to Noah. "How did he sleep?"
"We were up a few times. I think the last time was around four." I didn't really check the time.
His brows dipped. "He was? Did you try and wake me up?"
"No, you needed to sleep. We were fine, he latched a lot better too." That made all the difference.
"Oh," he came by the bed and sat down, cupping my cheek. "You can wake me up, I won't mind."
"I know. There's going to be plenty of nights where you're awake with us."
He laughed quietly. "I can't wait." Then he grinned wider. "I still can't believe that-" He pointed to Noah "Came out of that." He then pointed to the spot between my thighs.
"Trust me, I felt every bit of it."
After the shower I felt a lot better. My headache had subsided, and I was in fresh clothing. It was strange putting on clothing and not having my belly there. Ash told me it felt strange when he hugged me as there wasn't anything pushing against him.
His mum and dad facetimed, and they both were ecstatic to come and meet him. I was just eager to go home, and I think I would feel a lot more relaxed once we were there and settled into our own routine.
I knew he didn't want to discuss Jenna, but she was still going to be an issue for us until we spoke about her. Was she staying with his parents still? Was she wanting to still come back here? And the whole child support claim was ridiculous. How could she think she would be entitled to it. Even if she signed over all rights, that doesn't mean she receives a payout. That right there made it seem sketchy.
Mum came to visit; she walked in with a bunch of flowers and box of chocolates. A card, and a present for Noah which was a cute baby blue onesie. It was so good to see her, she took so many photos to show the other relatives. She didn't stay too long; she wanted to go home and organise dinner for us.
We were allowed to leave once Noah passed his checks, and the doctor had given me all clear.
"Home sweet home." Ash grinned, carrying the capsule as he held the door open for me.
I walked inside carrying nothing. I wasn't allowed to do anything except take it easy. I could smell something cooking, roast chicken. It smelt so good, and I couldn't wait for dinner. Mum walked out to greet us with open arms. "Welcome home mum and dad." She looked so proud.
"Hi." I beamed. "God, it feels good to be home and out of the hospital." I didn't want to go back.
"Go sit down. I'll make you a cup of tea and some sandwiches." She gives us both a kiss on the cheek and hurried back to the kitchen. I loved mum, she knew how to give us space without us asking. She would come back to us soon enough ready for cuddles with her grandson.
"Were do you want me to sit him down?" Ash asked. "Do you want go to and sit in the lounge or bedroom?"
"Let's go to the lounge room?" I was over sitting in a bed for the time being.
"Dad and mum will be here in about an hour."
I nodded. The last time I saw his mum it didn't end so well. I couldn't believe she thought that bringing Jenna here would be ok. It's like she had forgotten everything that's happened. Did she expect us to forgive and forget? Ash was probably waiting for me to flip out and go off, but I just didn't have it in me. "That will be nice."
"I haven't asked them about Jenna. I'm guessing they took her back."
"Well, I think that's the right thing to do. I'd hate for them to get in any trouble." I just had a bad feeling about Jenna being there and taking advantage of them somehow. "You must be pretty tired." I pointed out as he sat down beside me, and I reached a fistful of my hair and pulled it into a messy bun on the top of my head.
"A little bit." He slung his arm around my neck and pulled me closer until my head was resting against his chest. "I'll sleep later. You just make sure you rest whenever you're tired." I felt his lips brushing against my forehead. "You are a milk factory after all."
I laughed, rolling my eyes. "I'm going to feel like one in a week's time I bet."
"Do we need anything from the shops? I can go out and grab a few things later."
"I don't know, I think we're ok. Do we bath him later tonight before bed or in the morning?" I asked, moving to unclip Noah from the capsule and pulling him out gently as he still slept. I really had no clue.
"We could bath him before his last feed. Get him in a routine before bedtime?" he asked.
"That would be good, I'm going to ask a lot of questions, I think. I have no clue about so much." I thought once I had him, I would just know what to do. But I really didn't.
Frowning, he turned to me. "You can ask, but I don't know how helpful I will be."
"What do you mean? You've done this before." I pointed out.
"Not really, mum was the one who did it all. I was handed a baby I had no idea about and was too young to really give a shit. I didn't really start to get the hang of it until she was one." He sighed. "I was at Tafe, drinking with mates, I wasn't ready to be a dad." He looked down at Noah. "Pretty fucked up when I say it out loud."
I knew his mum helped, but I didn't know to that extent. "I guess you were thrown off a cliff." I said quietly.
"Yeah, the gift that keeps on giving." He muttered.