*Warning- Swearing! And sad...*
It was a long month since I found about Eleanor's illness and it had been a roller coaster of a time. The good thing is that I was finally aloud to move out of the care home and live with Harry and Louis, but the bad thing was that Eleanor wouldn't be with me for much longer, she had to go to hospice because the home couldn't look after her properly and give her the attention she needed, but I visited her every day. I had finally come to terms with the inevitability of Ell's death. I still found it upsetting, but I had to act strong for her. I hadn't been able to stop cutting since, and I didn't know if Harry was aware of it or not, if he was, he didn't say anything. As for me and Louis, nothing's really happened. He apologised for being a dick, and we're friends again, but nothing else has happened, but I could still feel chemistry between us.
I was pottering around our apartment getting ready to go see Eleanor, when I got a call from one of the girls me and Eleanor were friends with in school, Ruby, she visited Eleanor quite a lot too. I had always thought I would be ready for when Eleanor died. But I suppose I wasn't. The call from Ruby was to say to go down to the hospice as Eleanor didn't have much time left, I flapped around the apartment not knowing what to do, being scared of what Eleanor's going to be like. I finally sorted myself out and me and Harry got to the hospice. When I saw El, she didn't look herself at all. The steroids she had been taking made her whole body and face swell, and she looked so tired. I took a deep breath and sat in a chair next to her bed. I looked over to Ruby who just stared at El with tears in her eyes. Harry silently stood behind me and placed his hands tenderly on my shoulders. I grabbed El's hand as I don't think she had noticed me yet.
"Hello beautiful" I whispered
"Hey" She said so quietly I could barely hear her.
"How you feeling?" I asked not really wanting the answer
"Shattered," She replied bluntly.
I chuckled to myself, as even though El was dying, she was still as blunt as anything. I heard voices outside and realised it was the four boys Harry must've texted them or something.
"I think I should stand outside with them, leave you three to it." Harry whispered in my ear.
I didn't speak just shook, then nodded my head. Harry kissed my temple before going up to Eleanor and placing his hand on her cheek and kissed her forehead and left silently shutting the door behind him, We sat there in silence for a moment before Eleanor broke it.
"Amy, can I say something?" She gripped my hand tight
"yeah, sure! What is it darling?" I asked not really wanting to talk as it would just make me cry.
"I'm so sorry for all I've done over the years Amy. I was a bitch. But you still put up with me. If I was ever in a bad mood, I'd take it out on you. I didn't deserve you as a friend. Why did you let me treat you like that?"
"Don't be ridiculous, you weren't like that at..."
"Don't lie. Please." She interrupted
"Okay, maybe you weren't perfect, but neither was I. But that's the beauty of sisters. We can treat each other like shit and get away with it. Because we're family." I said, crying.
"S'pose so, I still am really sorry... I love you, Ames."
"Love you more" I whimpered through my tears.
She turned to Ruby and started talking about memories of school, and I stopped listening, as the wrenching pain in my gut became too much. After 5 minutes, she turned back to me.
"I don't have much time left Amy, so, I wan't you to promise me something."
"Anything."
"Please, please please, for the love of God, don't do anything stupid. I know you cna't just stop cutting, but don't do something you and everyone else will regret. Don't use me as an excuse for that. Make yourself a knew life. You have Harry and the boys now, you're not stuck in the hell-hole anymore. Live, Amy. Live the rest of your life. Marry that boy, have children together, love each other to death and die a happy old age." she said, her voice getting quieter and softer, the time in between words becoming longer, but still full of passion.
"I- I promise..." I said shocked
"oh, one more thing? Would you sing for me?" She asked slowly
"I'm not singing!" I giggled nervously
"Why? You're voice is beautiful! Please for a dead girl?" She pleaded
I sighed reluctantly and asked what song she wanted. She pointed to her ipod, which was still on the last song she played was Emeli Sande Read All About It Part III.
"Okay... I love you" I said quietly
"Love you more." She whispered with her eyes closed.
"You've got the words to change a nation but you're biting your tongue,
You've spent a lifetime stuck in silence afraid you'll say something wrong,
If no-one ever hears you how we gonna learn your song?
So come one, come. Come on.
You've got a heart as loud as lions, so why let your voice be tamed?
Baby, we're all a little different, there's no need to be shamed
You've got the light to fight the shadows, so stop hiding it away.
Come on, come on."
Then it struck me how much this relates not only to my life, but Eleanor's as well, She's always had confidence problems, and all the families she's been with haven't exactly been the best. I started choking up again.
" I wanna sing, I wanna shout, I wanna scream 'till the words dry out,
So put it in the papers, I'm not afraid, they can read all about it, read all about it, oh."
Eleanor was definitely getting weaker. her grip was getting lighter and lighter on my hand.
"At night we're waking up the neighbours while we sing away the blues,
making sure that we're remembered yeah, 'cos we all mater to.
If the truth has been forbidden they we're braking all the rules,
So come on, come on. Come on, come on.
Let's get the tv and the radio to play our tune again,
it's 'bout time we got some airplay on our version of events, there's no need to be afraid,
I will sing with you my friend. So come on.
I wanna sing, I wanna shout, I wanna scream 'till the words dry out,
So put it in the papers, I'm not afraid, they can read all about it, read all about it, oh."
All of the memories me and Eleanor shared together came flashing back, the good and the bad, all of the petty arguments when we were little about which barbie we played with, to primary school, to secondary school, her helping me through the Mr Smith trail, to going out together to our first club, and I was crying so much I though I was going to be sick.
"Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people,
so when did we all get so fearful?
Now we're finally finding our voices, so take a chance,
come help me sing this.
Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people,
so when did we all get so fearful?
And now we're all finally finding our voices, so take a chance,
come help me sing this,
I wanna sing, I wanna shout, I wanna scream 'till the words dry out,
So put it in the papers, I'm not afraid, they can read all about it, read all about it, oh."
Both me and Ruby were crying now, and Ruby was tough! Eleanor's hand felt cold.I checked her pulse, but there wasn't one. I looked at Ruby and she nodded, stood up, and left to get a nurse.
"I wanna sing, I wanna shout, I wanna scream 'till the words dry out,
So put it in the papers, I'm not afraid, they can read all about it, read all about it, oh." I finished the song. and sobbed, and started to scream. Harry came rushing into the room and took me into a tight embrace and pulled me away from her bed. I tried to pull away from Harry and look back at her, to stay with her. But Harry just grabbed me again and took me out of the room, to leave her with the nurse. Once I was out of the room, I felt like I was going to collapse. The rest of the boys hugged around me, telling me how sorry they were.
"Can we go home please?" I asked Harry, my voice hoarse.
"Of course darling." He said while I pulled away from him.
I turned to see Ruby, she was just stood outside the room, watching the nurse, crying silently to herself. I placed my arm around her waist and pulled her closer to me. She turned and hugged me, burying her face into the crook of my neck. Me and Ruby were never really close, we were friends fro a bit, but she started saying things about me once I'd left because of Mr Smith, everybody was though, so I don't blame her. Nevertheless, she was very close to Eleanor once I'd stopped going to school.
"If you ever need anything, you just call me okay? Anything, any time." I whispered. She nodded her head and stood up straight.
"Thank you, Amelia."
"For what?" I asked surprised
"I was such a bitch to you, and you're still being nice to me!"
"Oh, it doesn't watter, there's not point being bitter! Everyone's been a bitch at one time another, there's no point being angry at everyone!" I giggled.
Ruby gave me another hug, and we left together. I offered her a lift, but she refused as she could walk to her house in 10 minutes. The car ride home was blissfully quiet, Harry had the radio on, and Emelie Sande came on, and the it started raining, with the sun shining through the clouds. I smiled as Eleanor loved this sort of weather. Everyone decided to go to mine, Harry's and Lou's flat, and we all just sat in the living room, quiet and sombre. I didn't want to mope around because I knew Eleanor would want me to. So I suggested that we all go out to a club, everyone agreed, and we all started to get ready. I was quite looking forward to it! I'll just drown my sadness with alcohol!
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So there's chapter eight! Sorry I left it so long! And I know it's short, sorry! Hope you enjoy it! Please don't forget to spread the word please? Xxx Thank you! Xxx