✩ | CHAPTER 4
" It would've been better to live not knowing you at all.
I didn't know it would be insanely saddening like this. "
✩
☄. *. ⋆ 13TH OF DECEMBER 2008. ☄. *. ⋆
Myeong was getting on my nerves ever since SHINee debuted.
She constantly kept bothering me on how she wants to meet my brother and his friends.
I'm not even seeing my brother that much and yet I should make time for her to see him?
Hell no.
Their first studio album released this summer.
I got used to be welcomed with the screams as I would walk into the class.
On each day something new was happening and that's what kept my friend group away from me.
Not that they pushed me away, it was me who was pushing myself away.
I couldn't bother fangirling about my brother and his friends.
Why would I?
Isn't that weird?
I haven't seen them in awhile.
Minho visited us for my birthday, but he wasn't home for his due to busy schedule.
Not even others could make it for my birthday party.
That made me sad.
But I couldn't blame them. They were working really hard as rookies to make it through the industry.
I'm really proud of them.
I'm proud of Minho.
Their new music video was playing on TV each morning I woke up.
I always found myself sitting in front of the TV waiting for them to perform.
I admired them through the screen only and I didn't know how painful that feeling is until I experienced it.
They seemed so far away from me now.
As mom and dad were busy with their work, we couldn't attend their performances that much.
Mom wouldn't let me skip school to go see Minho.
But today is going to be a different day than all of the others before.
Mom and dad are going to visit my aunt in Busan. They will stay there for two days.
So mom called Minho to be the one to watch over me for those two days, since once again she didn't want me to skip school even tho I gladly would leave with them to Busan.
I was happy to finally spend some time with Minho.
Even if it was only for two days.
I couldn't hide my smile the whole time today and it was pretty noticable.
" Why are you so happy today, hm? " - Yoora asked, sitting in the chair in front of me.
" No reason. It's just feels like a good day. "
I couldn't tell anyone that Minho will be waiting for me after I'm done with school today.
They would want to meet him and ruin our peace.
Once I heard the announcement that the class is over, I almost ran through the door of our classroom.
Rushing out outside the gates, I saw a black van parked aside.
I stopped in my tracks, carefully watching it as suddenly the back window rolled down and Minho's head popped out.
I smiled, happiness consuming my body, as I walked towards the van.
" You look like a famous celebrity. " - I said.
" Who said I'm not?! Tch... " - he scoffed.
" Don't be so full of yourself. "
" Stop talking and get in. " - he whined, making me laugh as I quickly made myself comfortable next to him.
I politely greeted the man that was driving the van, hugging my backpack close to me.
" We're going home... " - he stated.
" Finally! " - I squealed happily.
" ... So you can pick up your stuff. " - he added, making my smile disappear.
To pick up my stuff?
" What do you mean? "
" I'm taking you to the dorms. "
I blinked twice, my brain not processing what he just said to me.
" What? Why? " - I asked, genuinely confused.
He looked at me. " I can't stay home with you for two days Chae. I still have to work and dorms are closer to the company than our house. "
I stared at him blankly.
" You want me to stay in the dorms for two days? " - I asked.
" Are you stupid? " - he whined.
I punched his shoulder with my fist. " Did you tell mom? "
He nervously gulped. " Well... Maybe I forgot. "
I widened my eyes at him. " Minho! "
" Chae, don't panic, she won't find out you were with us for two days. I'm still with you and I'm taking care of you, that's all she wanted in the first place, wasn't it? "
I sighed.
" I can't stay with all of you for two days! " - I whined.
" Why not? I already told the boys you are coming. " - he said.
Jonghyun.
Right.
I instantly remembered their debut day and the lady he was hugging after the performance.
That must've been his girlfriend. I wonder if they are still together.
But meeting his mother-
I blushed at the thought, feeling my whole face burning all of the sudden.
We arrived back home, me following behind Minho who unlocked the door.
Our parents left early in the morning, around the same time I left for school.
" Hurry up, I don't have the whole day, okay? "
I nodded, rushing up the stairs to my room so I could quickly pack everything that I needed with me for two days.
As we got back in the van again, I yawned sleepily.
" Are you sleepy? " - Minho asked.
" A little. "
" Don't fall asleep, we have a performance to attend today. " - he added.
I was awake immediately, looking at him with wide eyes.
" What performance? "
" Jonghyun hyung is performing at Hansarang concert at 6. " - he said.
" And what time is it now? "
" Around 2. "
I nodded, resting my back against the seat.
" Are you not performing with him? "
" No. It's just him and his solo song. " - Minho said.
Solo song?
What solo song?
" He has a solo song? " - I questioned.
" Have you not heard the album? " - Minho looked at me. " Is this your way of showing your support towards me, pff- " - he dramatically spoke.
" No! MinMin, you know that I'm your biggest supporter. I just didn't have a proper time to listen it whole. " - I pouted, grabbing his hand so he wouldn't get mad at me.
" Those are all excuses. " - he turned his head away from me, crossing arms over his chest.
I pouted, looking out of the window.
" You're so dramatic. "
The van was parked and we got out, entering the building as once again I closely followed Minho who carried my bag with him.
He rang the doorbell of the dorm and as the door opened, Kibum's face appeared.
" We're not interested go away- oh it's you. " - Kibum said, looking at Minho. " Still not interested for you. " - he glanced down at me and gave me a warm smile. " But you are welcome. "
I giggled.
" Yah don't act up now. " - Minho said, about to step inside but Kibum grabbed my hand pulling me in with him before closing the door in Minho's face.
" Yahhh! Kim Kibum! " - Minho shouted, banging on the door.
I laughed out loud, hearing my brother shout.
" I'm older! Be respectful! " - Kibum shouted back, his words barely coming out from how hard he was laughing.
" Open the door and I'll show you how respectful I am! "
Jinki appeared in the hallway and confusingly looked at the scene.
" What in the world is happening? " - he asked.
" We locked Minho outside. " - I said.
Jinki also started laughing, seeing that Kibum was leaning against the door.
" Yah, let him in, you know that he's able to break you together with that door. " - Jinki added.
" You're no fun, hyung. " - Kibum said to Jinki before unlocking the door for Minho.
" You- " - Minho stepped inside and was about to curse at Kibum.
" Don't curse, your sister is here. " - Kibum softly smiled.
Minho simply narrowed his eyes at him before walking further inside the room.
I giggled before hugging Kibum tightly.
" Ah I missed you. I'm really sorry I couldn't be there for your birthday. " - he said, hugging me back.
" Don't worry, I understand, at least we get to see each other sometime. " - I said, smiling.
" And no hugs for me? " - Jinki was still standing in the hallway with us when suddenly arms wrapped around him from the back.
" Here is your hug. " - Taemin said, giggling.
" Yah, not from you! " - Jinki whined.
I laughed as he pushed Taemin away from him.
" You're staying with us for two days, right? " - Taemin asked me and I nodded.
" That's going to be so cool we can bully Minho together. " - Kibum winked at me.
" No we can't bully him he'll kick us all out. " - Taemin added as we got inside the living room.
Minho was in the kitchen as I noticed my bag placed on the couch by the TV.
" I dare you to try! " - Minho shouted at us from afar.
" He's everywhere. " - Kibum said.
Where is Jonghyun?
" Are you also going with us to watch Jonghyun perform? " - Jinki asked, sitting down on the couch.
I nodded. " I just found out about it on my way here. "
" He has been practicing his vocals in the room for the whole day. Taemin go check on him. " - Kibum said, sending Taemin off to bedroom.
And not even a minute after, he came back with Jonghyun behind him.
Upon seeing him I felt the chills run up my spine.
" Moon! " - he said, a soft smile appearing on his face. " Long time no see. "
I looked away from him. " Ah, right. "
" I know you missed me. " - he smirked, sitting on the couch next to Jinki.
" No, I missed Key. " - I said, making Kibum happily giggle at Jonghyun's dumbfounded reaction.
" I think he's her bias. " - Jinki commented.
" As I should be! " - Kibum added proudly.
I noticed Jonghyun fixing his posture as he glared at Kibum.
" Well that can change. " - he added.
" No it can't. " - Kibum sassily replied.
" Didn't you change your bias in Brown Eyed Girls? " - Jinki questioned Kibum.
" No, shut up. " - Kibum rolled his eyes.
" You did! " - Jonghyun pointed out. " You biased Narsha then switched to- "
" Miryo. My bias. " - Taemin added, narrowing his eyes at Kibum.
" Y'all shut up, Chae won't change me as her bias, right? " - he looked at me.
I nodded. " I won't. "
" Is your throat sore? " - Jinki questioned Jonghyun.
" A little. I drank tea while practicing. I think it will be just fine. "
" Are you going to get ready? " - Minho appeared in the room.
Jonghyun glanced at his wrist watch. " I'll be leaving in 30 minutes. "
Minho nodded. " Who's hungry? "
" Yes! Me! " - Taemin rushed towards the kitchen.
" You literally don't know how to cook! " - Kibum followed behind him.
Jonghyun looked at me. " Are you coming with them to see the performance? "
I nodded, not looking at him as I tried my best to ignore his presence.
I heard him chuckle. " I hope you will cheer for me Moon. " - he said, leaving the living room.
Why would I cheer for him?
His girlfriend will do it for him.
I've only spent like an hour in the dorms with them and it was already a complete mess.
Jonghyun left an hour ago and the others were getting ready to leave just now.
" You look absolutely stupid. " - Kibum commented on Taemin's outfit.
" He's 15 leave him alone. " - Jinki added.
" That doesn't give him the permission to look stupid! "
Taemin sticked his tongue out at Kibum.
" I won't change. "
" Good, we don't have enough time now, we're leaving. " Minho said, grabbing his jacket. " Let's go Chae. "
I followed them out of the apartment and down the stairs which led out of the building.
" Don't push me! " - Minho shouted while taking the steps down the staircase.
" I'm not, that's Taemin! " - Kibum whined.
" Hyung, you're a liar. " - Taemin commented.
We made our way inside the same black van I was in when I got here as we drove off towards the busy Seoul streets.
This event is a huge thing and I was nervous to see other idols attending it.
" Min, what if mom sees me on TV? " - I panicked. She won't be happy to see me going alone at a huge event like Hansarang concert is.
Even though I'm not really alone.
" She won't see you, you'll be backstage with us. " - Minho said.
I nodded, a sigh of relief escaped my lips.
Will Jonghyun's potentional girlfriend be there too?
Do they know about her?
I felt stupid for even thinking about that. That wasn't even my business to know and not that I cared.
I guess I was just curious who the lady is.
Upon arriving at the scene, the van was parked away from the main entrance where bunch of people were gathered.
We entered the building from the back where no one would bother coming at us.
The backstage room is what left me amazed. It was way more bigger than the one at Inkigayo where most of us actually gathered in the hallway.
I hid behind Kibum as we made our way further inside the VIP room.
The staff welcomed them politely, talking with Jinki as Taemin spotted Jonghyun who came out of the room just now.
He smiled seeing us and his appearance made my heart skip a beat.
He was dressed so beautifully in a tight greyish jeans, sky blue shirt with the ashes colored coat, almost matching with his jeans. A bright scarf covering his neck, bringing out the contrast of the outfit.
He was perfect.
His appearance surely caught the eyes of so many fans out there.
As well as the eyes of my best friend Myeong.
" Oh hyung, you look so handsome. " - Minho said, giving Jonghyun's back a pat.
" Handsome voice, handsome face, it's a win-win. " - Kibum added.
" And a perfect song. " - Minho smiled.
" I'll try my best not to cry again. " - Kibum said, pretending to wipe the tears.
" Please don't. I can't let the recording room incident happen again. " - Jinki sighed.
" Jonghyun don't make the song sound sad. "
Jonghyun nodded. " I also wouldn't want Moon to cry today too. "
I ignored his words, tapping my foot against the ground.
" Is she mad at you? " - Minho questioned Jonghyun, noticing that I'm ignoring him.
" I support. " - Kibum laughed.
" Yah! " - Jonghyun warned.
" Don't shout at him, keep your voice safe, you have to perform. " - Jinki said.
The lady from the staff called Jonghyun's name out announcing that it's his time to appear on the stage.
" Good luck hyung! We'll be cheering for you! " - Minho said.
Jonghyun walked past me, his hand messing up my hair before he disappeared from the backstage.
Stupid boy.
We entered the monitoring room, that had two big black couches in the middle and a TV screen.
We all got comfortable in our seats as Jinki grabbed an iced tea bottle from the side.
The MC announced that Jonghyun is performing now and the camera showed all the SHINee fans cheering for him in the audience.
" Woah, there are a lot of people! " - Taemin said.
" Hyung is famous, I'm getting emotional. " - Minho added.
The stage light shined brightly showing Jonghyun who stood in the middle of the stage with the band who will play the instrumental behind him.
He held the microphone in his hand tightly, visibly taking a breath as the first notes of the song echoed in the hall.
Goosebumps appeared all over my body just by hearing the first beat enter my system.
The song already felt heavy for my emotions and it hasn't even started yet.
" Hyeya, won't you say you're sorry?
Sometime way later in the future,
at the end of the end.
Then we can laugh as we talk about this painful time right now,
later on as a good memory. "
His angelic voice entering the song made my heart beat faster, the chills tickling my body.
As she song flew beautifully along with his voice, my eyes unknowingly let out a few tears that rolled down my cheeks.
" Oh please, don't leave Hyeya. "
The high note he successfully accomplished in the song deeply touched my soul, my every emotion that I can produce.
It touched the places that can't be touched by the hand.
It made me feel the way I didn't know I was able to feel.
The song ended quickly, making me want to hear more of his magical voice.
I heard Kibum's sniffle behind me that pulled me out of the trance.
I felt the tears drying out on my cheeks and I quickly wiped them.
I haven't realized I was crying.
" Yah not again. " - Jinki whined, passing the tissues to Kibum.
" Shut up that was beautiful. " - Kibum cried, taking a few tissues to wipe his tears and clear out his nose.
" Gross. " - Minho said.
" You're gross. " - Kibum snapped.
Jonghyun opened the door of the monitoring room and Kibum was the first one to rush up to hug him, crying on his shoulder.
" That was beautiful hyung. " - Kibum sniffled.
" Yah, you're crying again? " - Jonghyun laughed. " We probably shouldn't sing this song ever again. "
" No, don't mind Kibum, he'll always be the crybaby. " - Jinki spoke.
" You wanna die? " - Kibum threatened.
Jonghyun's eyes met mine as he walked up towards the couch and took a seat next to me.
" As long as Moon wasn't the one crying, I can continue performing this song. "
My cheeks heated up. " What are you talking about? Why would I cry? "
Jonghyun smirked at me and I hated the way he made me feel.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
" We should celebrate this. " - Kibum announced.
" Shall we buy soju? " - Minho added.
" No, we're underage. " - Jinki protests.
" Jonghyun will buy it for us, he looks like a grandpa. " - Kibum giggled.
" Yah! " - Jonghyun whined. " It is all your fault for this. " - he looked at me.
I started laughing.
" No soju, we have to take care of Chaewol and Taemin. " - Jinki spoke like a parent.
" We'll lock them up in the bathroom. " - Minho said.
" Are you crazy?! " - I shouted.
" No, we won't lock anyone up, no drinking. Let's go. " - Jinki said, pushing Kibum out of the monitoring room.
We arrived back at the dorms.
The whole ride back was silent due to everyone feeling sleepy, along with me.
The whole day was eventful and that resulted in me yawning as soon as the dorm room opened.
" Psst, Chae. " - Taemin poked my shoulder while I was taking off my shoes in the hallway. " It's Jinki's birthday at midnight. "
My eyes slightly widened at the information as I was new to find out when Jinki's birthday is.
He's born in December too?
Why didn't he tell me that?
" What should I do? "
" Jonghyun hyung bought the cake this morning and we plan on surprising Jinki hyung. " - Taemin spoke. " I just want to let you know and be the part of the surprise. "
I nodded. " Thank you Taemin. "
He smiled softly at me as we entered the living room.
Soon enough, Minho and Kibum were fighting about something in the kitchen as Jinki and Taemin played games in the living room.
Jonghyun was once again no where to be seen and that triggered me.
I was sitting in the living room, watching Taemin and Jinki in front of the TV playing the Super Mario game.
My body reacted faster than my mind and I was already on my feet walking towards their bedroom where I was sure Jonghyun is.
I gently knocked on the door before opening it.
My eyes glanced inside the room, noticing Jonghyun seated by the opened window near the desk as he turned to look at me.
" Moon it's you... Come in. " - he said, his voice almost a whisper.
I slowly made my way inside the room, closing the door behind me.
I might be young, but I wasn't stupid to notice Jonghyun's eyes being red and puffy.
Was he crying?
Should I ask him?
" Key told me I can come get some of his plushies with me to sleep. " - I said, not looking his way.
My cheeks suddenly got hot under his gaze as I made my way up the ladder towards Kibum's bed.
I grabbed the bunny plushie with me, walking back towards the door.
My heart ached.
It somehow hurted to see him cry.
He was the one who comforted me when I cried, I should be the one to do the same.
I turned around looking at him.
" Jonghyun oppa. " - I called him.
That must've been the first time I ever called him.
His expression also surprised as his eyes found mine again.
I took small steps, walking towards the chair he was sitting on.
" Please don't be sad. " - I said, handing him the bunny plushie. " No matter what the reason is. Don't cry. " - he carefully took the plushie from my hand, his eyes never leaving mine.
I blushed, turning around then quickly making my way towards the door again.
" Thank you, Moon. " - he said, making me stop just as I grabbed the door handle.
I breathed in and out before opening the door then leaving the bedroom.
Please don't be sad Jonghyun.
Don't be sad ever again.
✩