_________
Omniscient
August, 2006.
School.
Laanville, Mississippi.
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"Recess is in 10 minutes. If the next person gets this answer correct then we can go out early" the 3rd grade class started cheering like they already won.
"Anna come on up" the class clapped and got excited because she was one of the smartest kids they had. "9 x 24" Anna grabbed the marker to complete the problem and a minute later she was done. "216" "good job. Clean off your desks and get in line" the kids cheered and did as told.
Sarahi was only eager to go so she could finally get the candy she had been thinking about since last night. Her grandma saved 50 cents for her to buy some gummy worms from the snack shack.
The kids spread out like roaches, all doing their own thing. Sarahi immediately went to buy her candy then she stuffed it in her pocket for later. There was no one on the play ground so she felt safe to go. Sarahi just kept going down the kids stripper pole. Liking how dizzy it made her feel. The tiny wind also felt good on her face.
"Like mother like daughter" she heard a kid whisper as she waited in line for it. By now recess had fully started and all the other 3rd graders were out. She tried to ignore the looks and laughs but it felt like too many. Sarahi went down one more time before she didn't want to anymore. Suddenly feeling icky about it.
"Come play four square with us" a group of kids told her and she didn't feel up to it but then she seen a familiar face.
Cateleya.
Sarahi did a small and barely noticeable wave and Cateleya gave her a small smile. Too busy focusing on how nice Sarahi's hair looked. Two braids going into a medium sized curly ponytail, babyhairs slicked like honey.
They started bouncing the ball around to each player and it was going well. Sarahi was actually loosing up and having a little fun and was laughing with the other kids. Her and Cateleya were the only ones still in from the original group. It felt great.
Till it didn't.
"How y'all let a guh who itches every two seconds beat y'all? Such losers" Sarahi heard and slowly stopped itching her irritated eczema arm. "Don't let this get to yuh head. Yuh still suck" Sarahi was told and she didn't respond. Ariel bounced the ball and passed it to Cateleya who then passed it to Sarahi and she bounced it towards Ariel, but it went farther then necessary and it almost made Ariel fall which made the kids in line laugh.
Ariel groaned and when the ball came back to her a second time, she hit it so hard that it didn't touch the ground and went straight to Sarahi's stomach. Since she was so small it knocked her down and made her loose her breath for a second. The crowd watching did a lot of "ouus" and looked worried.
"Estás bien?" Cateleya quickly bent down and checked on her. Worry all on her face as Sarahi held her stomach as she cried and tried to catch her breath. Her stomach ached.
"Come on" Cateleya grabbed her hand to lift her up and started walking her away from everyone else. "Leya? What about the game?" Ariel asked, panicked about seeing Cateleya caring about Sarahi. Cateleya ignored her.
"Are you okay?" She asked Sarahi again as they sat on a brick wall. "Mhm, just felt like I had to throw up but I'm fine now" Sarahi mumbled, extremely embarrassed.
Cateleya eyed her, trying to understand in an American way but she truly couldn't. She couldn't understand Sarahi not defending herself.
"You have to start sticking up for yourself. That
estúpida won't leave you alone if you won't" "huh?" Sarahi questioned and they made eye contact. Cateleya smiled "stupid girl" "ohh" "yes, how do the Americans call it? Oh right um p- punk" Cateleya said in a heavy accent. "I'm not a punk" "well you act like one" "nuh uh do not" "do too" "whatever" Sarahi sighed. Folding her arms, slowly itching the left one.
"See you give up too easily. Defend yousself" Cateleya rolled her eyes.
"Promise me you'll defend yourself" "I can't, I'm too small" Sarahi mumbled. "You can and you will. For me? Por favor. Please" Sarahi's whole body started burning up and her stomach started to feel funny. "Okay. For you" Sarahi whispered and Cateleya smiled at her as the bell rang.
🌊🌊
"Bye Ms." Sarahi gave her teacher a high five then left with the other latch key kids. She was about to go walk her route when she heard a whistle. Being the curious child she was she turned and looked around. She didn't spot anything different until she saw that sparkling blue Cadillac.
'Big man' she thought, a very small smile making a way on her face.
Juno saw that he was spotted and dapped up one of his homies then got back in his car. Rolling up on her. "Little one" he greeted with "Big man" Sarahi watched him as the name made him laugh. "Get in" he told her and she thought about it. 'He didn't hurt me the last time' she thought and slowly started walking to the car, getting in.
"Have you ever been swimming before?" He asked, taking a left and she took a minute to answer before nodding. "I used to go all the time. Granny stopped taking me when she caught some old man starring at me" Sarahi lowly answered, looking out the window.
"A old man was looking at yuh?" Juno asked, one of his brows raised, confusion all over his face. "Mhm" she replied and Juno nodded. Making a mental note to ask around about it.
"We're not too far, just the next city over" Juno made known as he seen the look on Sarahi's face as he drove into an unfamiliar area. He parked the car in the parking lot of a store that sold bathing suits.
"I don't see anything I like over here" Sarahi murmured, letting out a little sigh. She wanted to like the bathing suits that she saw all the other girls around her age in the store gushing over but she just couldn't. She felt out of place.
"Don't give up yet, let's look around more" Juno suggested, hating the look on her face. Feeling at fault since he brought her here. Sarahi didn't want to but still followed him with a small pout on her face.
She stopped when something caught her attention. "Wait" she said a little louder than usual making him pause. "I saw a Cars one" she said and went to it. Swimming trunks, that were bright red with Lightening Mcqueen all over them. "Please, please can I get them? Pretty please" Sarahi pleaded, praying Juno wasn't like her grandmother. It was also the first time she used her full voice with him.
"You sure? You know those shorts-" "yes I know b- but" Sarahi looked around as her eyes started watering. "What are you going to wear with it?" He asked and she lifted her tucked in uniform shirt to show him the white tank top she had on under. Now very thankful her grandmother always made her wear them. "Okay, let's get them" he agreed and she gave him a closed smile, tears still streaming and more forming in her eyes.
"But no more tears" he told her and she nodded and quickly wiped her face and eyes.
They were now back in the car. Sarahi kept her focus on the window, liking how big and clean this new place seemed. She saw different types of people, races of people she only sometimes saw at school.
They pulled up to an apartment complex, something Sarahi had never seen before. She was confused on why so many boxes were stuck together. Juno put in a code and the gate opened, confusing her even more.
The place they pulled up too had music blasting and kids running around. Adults laughing and playing some type of card game. It reminded her of when her neighborhood used to have huge parties. She would sit under a tree, coloring while her grandmother talked and laughed with her friends. There would be music playing from the 70s and 80s and eventually the 90s when the older folks went home. But now it was too dangerous for all that.
"Come on" Juno told her, bringing her back to reality by unlocking the car doors. Sarahi sunk into the seat, trying to shrink herself. Juno shook his head, not bothering and knew exactly what to do. He got out and locked the doors back.
2 minutes later Sarahi pouted as her door opened, she was about to cry until she smelled a familiar light Vanilla scent. She uncovered her eyes, embarrassed the pretty woman saw her like that. "You don't wanna hang with me?" Jayla playfully teased. "I ain't know you was here" Sarahi replied, eyes focused on the gold chain on Jaylas neck. "You want me to get you one?" She asked and Sarahi nodded a little too quickly.
"So shiny" Jayla smiled, "I will, if you come out and have a great time with us" Sarahi sighed. Jayla held her hand and Sarahi felt uneasy. She was in an unusual place, with people she barely knew and had never been.
They got her changed into her swimming trunks but she just wanted to sit with her feet in for now.
She watched the other kids closely, hoping one wouldn't come up to her and be mean.
"Are you scared?" She heard a soft and warm voice. She looked left and there stood a young darkskin girl, deep dimples. Hazel eyes. Pink two piece Hello Kitty bathing suit, 2 big puffs that were damp from the water. Sarahi shook her head no and kicked her foot.
"Can I sit?" The girl asked even though she wasn't going to wait for an answer. "I'm Rayven, you are?"
"..."
"Not the talking type? That's fine I got a big enough mouth for the both of us" Rayven continued. Sarahi cracked a little smile with a light giggle. Rayven smiled, content she made Sarahi smile.
"Are you Juno's daughter?" Rayven asked and Sarahi got serious. "No" she made sure to say.
"He's just big man" she continued, this time it was Rayvens turn to smile and giggle. "Big man?" She repeated, then nodded in agreement.
Juno was also on his way over, him entering from the other side of the pool. "Come" he held his hand out for her. Ignoring the doubt in her head, she grabbed it. Not wanting to look like a baby in front of Rayven. "Are you having fun?" He asked as they moved through the water. "A little, Rayven is nice" "she is, I think y'all would make great friends" "she wouldn't want to be friends with someone like me" she mumbled.
Juno held back the deep frown that was almost on his face. "Someone like you how?" "The type that looks at girls in the bathroom" she lowly revealed, her mind going back to the horrible whooping she got after. The harsh words of her grandmother playing in her head making her tense up, which Juno noticed.
"Do you wanna learn how to float?" he asked randomly, confusing her but she didn't stop him. He held her small body up "let your head rest in my hands" he lightly massaged the back up her neck. He saw a little panic on her face "I won't drop you, I promise" he reassured her. "In my hands I promise you'll be the safest" he whispered to her, meaning every word. She felt a little calmer. Trusting his words, the secure grip he had on her body.
"Take a deep breath and just focus on the water" she listened and felt her body loosen up. "Whenever you feel that horrible feeling or pain just remember this feeling. You floating, listening to the water, looking at blue sky" he moved her all around the pool then lifted her up.
"Whenever you feel like you're drowning, just try to float" "but I'm not drowning" "not physically, but it could be mentally too" "mentally?" "Yes, like in your head" "so like if I'm having a hard time getting a math question?" "Yeah, something like that or when one of those heathens hurt your feelings" "you know about that?" She asked real low "I do" "oh" Sarahi sighs, feeling exposed.
"Do you want to eat?" He asked, trying to distract her. Sarahi nodded "do they have hotdogs?" "Yes, do you want Mac and cheese too?" "Yes, please. Thank you" Juno gave her hand an extra squeeze before he sat her back on the side of the pool. "Rayven keep her company please" "will do Big Man" the two girls giggled and he shook his head, walking off.
By time they left it was dark. 8.
Sarahi was sleeping in the backseat, mouth open, drooling onto her seatbelt.
"I'm happy I asked you to bring her" Jayla brought up as she stared at Sarahi. Juno and Jayla were holding hands and he rubbed over her thumb. "Me too, I told myself to stay away but I don't think I can anymore" "I don't think you should. She had so much fun today, playing with the kids" "yeah I think her and Rayven might become friends, they were attracted to the hip all night" "that'll be good for her, Rayven is a character. I think you'll be good for her too..." "I know, it'll be hard as a bitch tuh get her grandmutha on board tho"
"True" "but for her.. I'll try" "I love you" "I love you more" they kissed as Juno stopped at a red light.
A block later he was in front of Sarahi's house.
Jayla gave Sarahi a kiss on the forehead as Sarahi clung to Juno as he was about to carry her to her door. He knocked, closing his eyes as he heard footsteps, he wasn't ready to face the woman he had been avoiding all these years. She opened the door and there she stood. Purple robe, and a look of confusion mixed with anger on her face.
"Father God" she closed her eyes and Juno sighed. "You done brought the devil to my house" she put her hands over her chest "Ms. Ray" he shook his head. "Why is my grandaughta in yuh arms?" "Can I help yuh, help me?" He asked and she eyed him, disgust all in her eyes but she allowed him in.
"So you want me to pimp out my grandaughta? I know how you do..." "What? No. I just want to spend time with her and in exchange yuh keep your bills paid" "I don't want blood money" "then I'll give yuh the money we clean out" he replied. His right leg shaking, because of how her gaze made him feel. So uneasy, and a little ashamed. Like he was back sitting on her couch at 16, hair in 5 straight backs, wearing oversized clothes that were far too big but the only thing that made him feel comfortable in his skin.
"Why?" He heard, the question making him come back to reality and straighten his back. "Huh?" "Why? Why do you want her? So you can make her like you? Have you left that life alone?" "What- No. I just feel responsible for her being here" "yuh are!" The older woman looked at him with pure hatred. "I haven't been in that life since the last time you saw me. Ms. Ray... Your daughter-" "don't yuh dare speak on ma daughter after what you've done" "okay" he held his arms up, knowing he was wrong. Guilt for multiple things ran through his body.
"Do we have a deal?" "I'll think about it" he sighed and nodded. That was fair. They stood up and he looked back at Sarahi, hopeful it wouldn't be his last time.
"One more thing" he rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm going to bring her some new school clothes tomorrow, no matter your decision. She needs those and you know it" he hinted to how her clothes tiny rips and holes in them, barely holding on. Ms. Claretha nodded, avoiding his eyes out of embarrassment, but she could admit that truth.
"Goodnight Ms. Ray" "have a blessed night" she replied even though they both knew deep down she didn't mean it.
But it was all worthy it to Juno as he remembered the smile on Sarahi's face today. He got back in the car, feeling a way he couldn't describe.
Progress.
i. Little One
Yall about to be pissed because Sarahi gon cry y'all to death lmaoo but I love my little gay crybaby 😭🤭
02/20/24