Thankfully, math class was quiet because most of the students dozed off mid-lecture. Like every other school, the teachers mainly went over the rules and explained a few things about the academy. So, at least there wasn't any homework. That would give me a chance to take it easy tonight.
Finally, my favorite part of the day rolled around: lunchtime. As soon as the bell rang, I hurried to my locker and stashed my heavy textbooks. The crowd piled into a fancy cafeteria with long tables and walnut chairs. A massive row of curved stained-glass windows plastered the walls, and colorful shards of sunlight reflected against the maroon carpet.
Four lunch ladies were serving trays to their own individual lines of vampires, werewolves, satyrs, and fairies. I wasn't really sure why each species was being served exclusively, but I walked over to investigate the food. And to my horror, the werewolves received plastic trays of red meat, kibble, and little dog treats that I recognized (because I bought them for Beanie once). For some reason, the guys seemed perfectly okay with the food they were served.
Speaking of guys, I noticed something a little unusual. There weren't any werewolf girls, so what was the deal? There were female satyrs, fairies, and even vampires. I decided to ask Rus about it later, but for now, I checked out what the satyrs were eating.
And for whatever reason, the lunch ladies filled their trays with shredded grass, dandelions, and granola. There was still a bug crawling on one of the grass clumps, so did they pick their lunch out of the backyard?
The vampires filled dixie cups with a strange lime green liquid from a drink dispenser. Gross. Out of all the options, the fairies were provided with the most normal meal—a leafy salad with nuts and berries. There was only one problem. I was human! So, what was I supposed to eat?
Thankfully, Rus came to my rescue in the middle of my dilemma.
"Rus! What are they eating?" I whispered.
"Lunch."
"I know, but kibble? Dog treats? Is that what werewolves—er, I mean, what you guys like to eat?"
"Well, I mean, our stomachs digest kind of differently. It's not any big deal. The school has it catered to meet our needs. That's all I know."
Did he seriously not realize he was eating dog food? I was almost too afraid to break it to him. There was no way this school was preparing kibble from scratch, so they must have been lying about it to save money. I was seriously starting to question the integrity of the schoolboard.
"Well . . . I can't eat this kind of stuff," I awkwardly mentioned.
"Oh, yeah, right. You should probably go for the fairy line."
He was right, so I waited in the long line until I received my salad. But as soon as the lunch lady handed me my tray, she told me, "Don't worry, dear. Since you're human, we'll start preparing special meals for you starting tomorrow."
A few of the fairy girls scowled at me, so I awkwardly nodded and escaped to an empty bench in the back of the cafeteria. Pretty much everyone hated me at this point, so I poked my plastic fork at my salad and glumly took a bite. Not long after, Rus returned with his food and sat down in front of me.
He popped a dog treat into his mouth and chewed with a straight face. It looked like a petrified meatball.
"Is it good?" I tried to make small talk.
"No. Does it look good?"
". . . You know, I have a corgi back home who really likes those things. I think he'd like to meet you one day."
"You think that just 'cuz I'm a werewolf, I like dogs?" he challenged as he ate a spoonful of the kibble.
"Well, you are eating dog food, no offense. I mean, my corgi eats better food than that."
"Yeah, right," he scoffed as if that was totally preposterous.
"I mean, do you even go shopping or anything? What do you eat?"
"Steak, mainly. We got a market in town."
"So, you've never been to a grocery store?"
"They're too far away from here. I mean, it's not like we're banned or anything. But it's not that easy to go somewhere with ears and a tail."
"So, you've never even had fast food?" I gasped.
"Oh, you mean like that place that sells burgers and fries? My mom makes 'em, but not like those kinda places."
Was this guy just reclusive? Or was everyone at this school the same way?
"So, you don't eat candy, either?" I pestered.
"Well, yeah, I love sweets. My mom makes stuff. Y'know, like cookies and fudge."
Wait, did this mean I was going to be cut off from my favorite candy the whole time I lived here?! What was I going to do without my bonbons?! Just when I started to panic, I did a few breathing exercises to calm myself down.
"Woah, are you okay?" His ears shot up with worry.
"Yeah, I just got a little worried about my bonbons."
He froze. "Your what now?"
"My chocolate!"
"Oh. So, going to a school full of vampires didn't faze you, but going without your bonbons is the end of the world?"
"You'll understand once you try this." I shoved my hand into my purse and pulled out a chocolate crème wafer. He watched me curiously as I tore off the red wrapper and gave it to him. He took it, gave it a sniff, and then chomped into the bar with a loud crunch. I actually managed to catch a glimpse of his little fangs.
The moment he swallowed, his reddish-brown eyes lit up with hope for the future. "Okay, this weekend, we're goin' on a road trip."
"But does this town even sell candy bars?" I asked.
"Not like that. We'll have to go to the human town."
I just giggled, but then I noticed something adorable. His tail was wagging!
"Aww, your tail's wagging," I pointed out.
"Shut up! It is not." He immediately tucked it under his chair and hid his blushing face.
"Oh, hey, Millie!" another friendly voice piped in.
Herb was standing there with a tray of salad. "Hey, you got a new friend! That's pretty cool. I didn't expect you to hit it off with a werewolf."
"Beat it, bug boy," Rus snarled.
"Hey, don't be mean," I chided. "He's a friend."
"Is he gonna watch your back?"
"Actually, I'd prefer to sparkle her way since I'm the school mascot." He then sat down.
Rus facepalmed. "Ugh. You did not just say that. See, this is why I don't hang out with fairies. They're just weird."
"Wait, you're the school mascot?" I asked.
"No, he's the school idiot," Rus snarked. "He's always tryin' to make everybody smile and get along."
"Exactly. I actually started the afterschool Paranormal Pals club. So, I'm always lookin' for new members since no one's joined yet."
"There's clubs at this school?" I gasped.
"Yeah, I'm also in the Mushroom Hunting club," Herb informed.
"That explains it," Rus deadpanned.
That actually gave me an idea. Maybe I needed to start a club. I mean sure, I could have joined the Paranormal Pals club, but I didn't want Herb to be in charge. I wanted to run things my way.
"Oh, Herb! I wanted to ask you something," I spoke up.
"Yeah?"
"Rus and I are going on a field trip this weekend. Do you wanna come?"
"Seriously? You're inviting the leprechaun?" Rus asked as if I had betrayed him. His ears started to droop.
"Oh. Did you wanna be alone?" I tilted my head.
"What?! No way! That's not what I meant!" He blushed furiously.
"Well, I feel kinda outta place now. Like a third wheel now. Are you two dating? Did I miss something?" Herb innocently asked.
Rus choked on his kibble and banged his chest. "Hyugh! What? You don't just blurt those things out, ya know! I wasn't prepared or anything!"
"What's to prepare for? It's either yes or no."
"No, we're just friends," I explained.
"Oh, well, anyway, sure! I'd like to come! Can I bring my mushroom collection?"
Rus looked confused. "What are they? Your dollies or something?"
"No, I just gotta take care of 'em. If I don't sprinkle them with fairy dust and socialize with them, they'll wither and become misshapen."
"Dude, you are never gonna get a girlfriend with that baggage."
I tried to suppress a snicker, but it was painful.
"Well, if they took care of their mushrooms, there wouldn't be a shortage. It's my talent. They told my parents I was the Mushroom Guardian at birth."
"Wow. I feel so bad for you. Thankfully, I'm a dog and my parents had no expectations," Rus droned.
The urge to laugh was getting stronger. It was too late. Rus and I started laughing, but Herb had a dazed look on his face.
"What's so funny?" he asked, bewildered.
Neither of us could reply. But eventually, I managed to catch my breath again—and then the school bell interrupted our chatter.
"Oh, it looks like I got art next," I chirped. "That's my favorite subject."
"Are you an artist?" asked Herb.
"Well, kinda. I like to draw."
"Cool, can you draw my mushrooms under the sunlight? With, like, a mountain in the background?"
"Dude, you're a freak about it! It's one thing that you gotta bless 'em and all, but a glamour shot? You need a man up a little if you wanna talk to us."
"But even the Elders of Olde take care of mushrooms. It's a sacred thing."
"Okay! Well, do we have to have a history lesson? I got it. Y'all take care of mushrooms. You're making pizza better for the masses everywhere. Without you, there'd be no pepperoni mushroom pizza."
"Oh, we don't harvest the mushrooms."
Rus slammed his fist against the table, causing the trays to clatter. "Don't you understand what sarcasm is?!"
I just laughed. "Don't worry, Herb. I can check out your mushrooms. I might be able to do a personal portrait."
"We're not goin'," Rus declared.
"What?" we both gasped.
"No bonbon is worth this hassle! If he brings those mushrooms, that's all we're gonna hear about the whole trip. And I don't wanna listen to him whisper sweet nothings the entire drive."
Herb frowned. "Okay . . . maybe I can get my grandma to watch them for me. I'll just need to fill a jar with my wing dust."
"Okay. Grandma it is."
"Rus! We can't make his grandma take care of his mushrooms," I scolded.
"Why not? My grandma takes care of my drunk uncle."
I still hadn't known him long enough to know if he was joking or not, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But around that time, the crowd was already scrambling back into the hallway.
"Can you show me to art class?" I asked as I stood up.
"Of course!" Herb cheeped.
"No, you get outta here. You'll just draw attention to her. I'll show her the way," Rus spoke up.
"Oh, alright. Cya!" He zoomed away like Peter Pan with his arms outstretched. "Wheeee!"
His cheerfulness was pretty contagious, so I laughed.
"Just follow me." Rus stormed into the hallway, so I sprinted after him.
"Oh, there's something I wanted to ask you," I mentioned as I walked by his side.
"Ask away."
"How come there's no werewolf girls at this school?"
"'Cuz they don't like us."
"Really? Then where do they go?" I badgered.
"Human schools. Y'know, to get a human boyfriend."
"Seriously? But what about their ears and tails?"
"Most of them get surgery to cut off the tails. And then they just wear hats or wigs."
"Surgery? That's a little dark."
"What? Don't human girls get plastic surgery?" he countered.
"Well, not all of us. Celebrities, mainly. And people on reality TV."
"Oh. Well, that's just how it is. I didn't invent the rules."
Soon, he stopped at a classroom that was more colorful than the others. After telling Rus goodbye, I skipped into the room and sat down at a paint-splattered easel. But when I looked at the other kids, Rus was right. Most of them were freaks.
A guy with a black bang that flopped over one eye was sitting next to me, but for some reason, he was sporting a grey helmet with two soda cans strapped on either side. He had a pale complexion and glowing purple eyes. He had to be a vampire, so I instinctively stiffened.
He must have started painting before anyone else because an abstract picture of peanut butter sandwich was splattered on his canvas. What did it mean?
"Don't worry, I don't bite," the guy reassured.
I held my breath. Did he just read my mind? Oh, no! He was one of those kinds of vampires.
"I can't read your mind. It's just written all over your face if that's what you're worried about." He then sipped from the straw connected to his soda can.
"Uhm . . . what are you drinking?" I feared it was blood.
"Iron-fortified soup."
What the—? Soup? "Uh, I don't think you can wear a hat in class."
"I got a doctor's note. I need to wear this thing at all times."
He had to be joking. It looked like something you'd find at a tacky novelty shop on the same shelf as a rubber chicken.
"So, I'm not making you uncomfortable with my smell or anything?" I fearfully asked.
"Nah," was all he said.
Was he lying? Hopefully, not. "So, what's your name?" I tried to be friendly.
He drank from the straw once more. "Asher."
"Cool. I'm Millie. Did you paint that?" I leaned over to check out his weird abstract peanut butter sandwich.
"I dunno, it's just somethin' I did."
Okay, then. This guy was a freak, so I decided to stop talking. But I was kind of curious. Why did he need the soup helmet when the other vampires didn't? I probably didn't want to know, but I asked anyway. Asking them questions was a part of my education. "So, why are you wearing that helmet? The other vampires don't have one."
"'Cuz I don't suck necks."
". . . They drink neck blood?!" I nearly fell off my stool.
"Well, they claim they do. But don't worry. The school gives 'em supplements."
"Oh. You mean that green slime they were drinking at lunch?"
"Hey, that's got all the vitamins and minerals they need. I just make my own 'cuz that stuff's disgusting."
"Oh, so they don't drink blood? Phew." That was a relief.
"Hey, I didn't say they didn't. So, don't go around showin' off your neck and then blame me if somethin' happens," he curtly warned.
"Oh. Well. At least you don't. So, wanna be friends?"
"Sure, why not?"
Yay! I was making so many new friends on the first day. "So, were you born a vampire? Or genetically altered in a lab?"
"I don't know. Were you born a girl or genetically altered in a lab?"
"I was born."
"Then we got that in common. We were both born."
"C'mon, be serious."
He groaned. "Okay, geez. Look, I was born this way. No bitten vampire's allowed here. They're rabid. Usually, secret service picks 'em up and they drop off the face of the earth. They're the ones getting genetically altered in Area 51."
"Seriously?!" I gasped.
He shrugged. "I'm just tellin' ya what I heard. But if you wanna know, I'm your age. I'm not ancient."
"Oh, good. I wouldn't want you to feel like you have to relate to me 'cuz I'm a teen."
"I don't' relate to you 'cuz you're a human."
I laughed. This guy was actually pretty funny. But honestly, it was a little hard to take him seriously with those soup cans on his head.
"Hey, me and my friends are going out of town this week. Wanna come?" I offered.
"Wait. Who's goin'? When'd you meet 'em?"
"Today."
"Are you crazy?!" His eyes glowed a little wildly. "You can't just get in the car and go off like Little Red Ridin' Hood in the woods."
"We're not going into the woods. We're going to the candy store."
"Are you nine? Whatever, who are these people?"
"Well, his name's Rus. And the other is Herb."
"Ughhh. So, you're inviting a werewolf, a vampire, and a fairy—all dudes that you just met today—to go on a road trip for candy?"
It sounded a little bad when he put it that way. But I trusted these guys. "It's fine. We're all friends."
He facepalmed. "Ugh. Well, you're in dire need of my help. So, I'll go. Even though I can't eat candy."
"You can just blend it into your soup."
"I don't know. It's not like I'm just on a liquid diet. I got a lotta allergies. I can't just blend stuff and serve it up."
"Well, you probably have allergies because of the goo the school forces you to eat. I mean, Rus was eating kibble."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's why vampires drink blood. 'Cuz their cafeteria meals sucked and that was their only alternative to survive through the ages."
I still felt like he was making fun of me, but either way, he was pretty cool. I didn't get a murderous vibe from him like from that other guy, so I just decided to trust my gut.
"Well, whatever you do, don't be alone with him," he advised. "Including broccoli head. Rumor has it that he grows shrooms. And not the good kind. I mean, face it, nobody can be that jolly through life. He's probably the biggest con artist here."
These guys really seemed to hate Herb. Or maybe they just hated everybody but themselves. So, I decided that it was my job this year to make them get along!