I woke up with a groan. My shoulder was sore, I had slept on it. I rolled onto my back and stretched. My head felt better after sleeping again. Looking out the window I guessed it was mid afternoon. My stomach rumbled, I slept through lunch. I slowly sat up. I decided it was time for a good long shower. Get some warm water before the guys took it all. Grabbing some clean clothes and my actual shower stuff I went to open the door, but stopped, something was different. Frowning I looked up. And then I smiled. Minho did say he had to talk to Gally. I laughed to my self. Minho had installed a lock.
Haha. Take that you jackasses!
I chuckled to myself all the way to the shower. Standing in the warm water felt good on my head. I stood as long as I dared. Washing my hair and body, and ran a razer over myself. I had to slow down and get dressed, my head was starting to spin. But I left so much better after I showered, and was dressed.
•×•
I sat at the picnic table with the others, it felt like it had been a long time since I ate with a full table of guys. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like I kind of missed it? Even if I don't participate...am I becoming a people person? Eww! I shuddered at my own thought. Minho glanced at me when I did. I just kept eating.
"So? Tommy, how was working with Winston?" Newt asked.
Unfortunately the Greenie had decided he was going to sit at the Keepers table. He was looking rather pale. And I smirked.
"Don't think he could...hack it." I smirked.
Winston snorted into his cup. Once he was done cough he gave me a high five, "Nice."
Thomas shivered, "Don't think Slicer is for me. And I bet you couldn't so it!"
The table went silent. He looked at the others slightly confused.
"Oh honey...I finger paint in blood." I smiled sweetly.
"It really does bring our your eyes." Minho piped up.
"Speaking of, since Greenie here is a pansy baby when it comes to blood, JayJay you up for helping' tomorrow"
"Absolutely!"
"Good. Cuz this Greenie really did suck. Chopped one Chicken and he left his lunch all over the floor."
"Noobies." I rolled my eyes.
"Guys come on!" Thomas pouted.
"That's what she said." I said dryly.
That got the table snorting and giggling.
"You guys are so immature."
"Remember when you burnt the guys for having the name Track hoed and you were savage and out sassed Minho?" Winston asked between his giggles.
I smirked and looked over up at him. He was sitting across from me, I raised an eyebrow.
"Ya Min. You remember I out sassed you?" I placed my chin on my hand and grinned at him.
He held a fork and pointed it to me.
"You did not out sass me. I just let you win."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Honey." I batted my eyelashes.
"I know what could help me sleep at night." He smirked.
"Eww guys stop flirting. It's gross." Thomas groaned.
"Hey Greenie?" I called, still staring at Minho.
I heard him sigh heavily, "what?"
"Shut up."
"Wow. Really? That's what you're gonna go with?"
I finally turned my eyes on him, "Don't push it Greenie. I have zero morals and I like knives."
"Am I supposed to feel threatened?"
"I dunno, do you?"
"No really." He shrugged.
"Well did ya know...it's only murder if they find a body..." I gave him a twisted smile as I casually spun one of my little throwing knives around my fingers, "otherwise it's just a missing person..."
"That...was slightly unhinged." Thomas muttered.
"Oh darling, you haven't even scratched the surface of my unhinged side."
"You're not funny." He frowned
"You're right...I'm actually really mean...and others think I'm joking."
"No...we actually think you're buggen' mean." Newt piped up.
"Shut it Newt. You love me just the way I am. I just have the guts to say what ya'll are thinking."
He sighed heavily. And I smirked.
"See Newton? You agree with me."
"Not really, but whatever." He shook his head and rolled his eyes.
The table was all sniggering. I went back to my supper and felt eyes on me. I looked up and meet dark intense eyes. Minho's handsome face was smirking at me.
"Can I help you?" I asked quietly.
"Maybe." He answered.
I folded my hands and rested my chin on them, "Are we gonna have another problem?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
"You're always causing problems."
I bit my bottom lip, and lowered my eyelids slightly, giving him what he calls my bedroom eyes.
"What can I say? I like to cause problems..."
He hummed.
"I'm also a problem solver."
I winked and picked up my water. Winston leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Dammit JayJay. I think you're gonna cause the rest of the table to have problems and three of them are very gay. Cut that klunk out!"
I snorted and choked on my water. I couldn't contain my laughter. I laughed so hard I had tears running down my face. Minho raised an eyebrow at me. I couldn't stop. The other guys all looked at me like I had finally lost it. Maybe I had. Maybe it was the pressure of being in the maze, or the concussion, or maybe I was getting my period again. But I just about died.
"Nah Winnie," I finally managed to get out, "everyone here is too stupid to figure it out. Just you...cuz you got a dirty dirty mind!"
"Right next to yours in the gutter." He smiled his twisted smile.
"Shucken rights!"
The rest of super was boring. I didn't say much else. I just kept catching Minho's eye and he would smirk I would bite my lip. He kept making my heart flutter and my stomach kept doing weird loops and a weird fluttery feeling.
I also felt Thomas's eyes on me. I don't know what his problem was. But I ignored him. It was just irritating.
I was done eating and I was done with people. I got up and left. Taking my stuff to the kitchen, I walked away from the dinning area. It was quieter in the Glade away from the roudy boys. I wish I was okay to climb, but I knew that was very unsafe. So I kept to the ground. But I wandered into the shadows of the forest.
•×•
I felt safe. I wondered the shadows. Going deeper and deeper. My tense muscles relaxed and I let out a breath. Sure I had a possible moment of enjoyment sitting with the guys, but it was too much. I preferred to be alone or in a small group. My emotions were all over the place. And the dark shadows always made me feel better. It's what I knew, it's what's familiar.
I still felt like I was a fake. Pretending that I was capable of love and that I was capable of receiving love. After so many years of being told to be strong on my own, too many years of being told trust no one, too many years being the only source of comfort...it was hard to shift that mind set.
I could feel my hands starting to tingle and shake. And my chest felt heavy. I needed to get back, I didn't trust myself alone out here when my anxiety hit. I turned around and made my way as quickly as I could in the dwindling light.
I had gone about half way when I heard a sound that made me freeze. I ran my sweaty hands on my pants. I cocked my head. I frowned at the sound. I turned in the direction of the sound and followed it. My curiosity got the better of me. Following the wild gasps and what sounded like sobbing.
I stepped from a shadow and stopped dead. Gally was crouched under a tree, his head in his hands. His hair was sweaty and sticking to his face. I could hear the effort it took for him to breath. I saw his body shaking and shivering.
Before my brain processed what was going on, my feet acted on their own. And apparently my mouth. I stepped out from the shadow of the tree.
"Gally?" I asked hesitantly.
His head whipped up. His usual intense blue eyes looked wild and terrified.
"...Jessie..." He gasped.
I stepped closer and crouched down beside him. I had to grab my head for a second. But once my head stopped spinning I focused back on the boy infront of me.
"Panic or anxiety?"
His eyes locked onto me. Like he was desperate for help, for some kind of grasp to reality.
"Panic? Or anxiety?" I asked again, slower.
"I...I don't...I don't...know!" He reached out and grabbed my wrist. Normally I would have pulled a knife or punched him, but I understood the need to feel like you had to hold something, like you need to try anchor yourself to reality.
"Memories?" I asked, slowly.
He nodded.
"Okay....good. Can you tell me?"
He shook his head.
"What's my name?"
He looked at me with glassy eyes.
"Gally. What is my name?"
"Jessie. Your name is Jessie."
"Good. Where are we right now?"
"Umm.. trees...trees..."
"Yes. But where? Where are there trees?"
He took a few wild gasping breaths. His eyes darted around.
"Deadheads."
"Right. Good job." I nodded encouraging. I tried to think what else Minho did to help me out of my panic.
"Gally. Can you tell me two things you can hear?"
I watch him close his eyes for a second.
"The...the wind and.."
"And what. What else can you hear?"
"You. I can hear you."
"Good."
His hand was still gripping my wrist. I slowly sat down and turned his hand so his wrist was facing up. With my other hand, I slowly ran my fingers up and down his forearm.
"Gally? What can you see?"
He was still breathing hard, his eyes were glassy.
"Talk to me Gally." I demanded, "tell me what you see."
"Trees...the leaves on the tree. And....I can see the sun seat." He was quiet for a second, I still ran my fingers up and down his forearm. "I can see you."
"Can you tell me about the memory now?"
"The Greenie...the...it's the greenie..."
"What about him? Other than I wanna punch his face."
That made Gally pause for a moment. He shifted and pulled his arm away. I learned back on my hands.
"You...you don't like him?"
"Shuck no. I don't like Greenies in a regular basis, but this nood...he doesn't get the leave me the shuck alone vibe. Or the I have a boyfriend leave me the shuck alone."
"Really?"
"Yeah. He slammed the door open this morning on Minho and I."
"That's... that's why...Minho wanted a lock?"
"But just the Greenie." I shrugged. "Guys keep trying to sneak peeks, one guy slammed the door open when I was changing. One guy tried...when I was reading..." I paused and gave him a pointed look, "You walked in on us..."
He looked away, his face going red.
"I didn't...we didn't...sorry."
"Well you guys got more of a show than anyone else. Except Mike...he tried when I was in the shower."
"A month ago?"
I smiled.
"It wasn't an after work accident was it?" He asked.
I raised an eyebrow and rolled my eyes. "Dude tried to bust into the shower. He was lucky I was already mostly dressed and he was a quick runner. Those 10 stitches were nothing compared to what I wanted to really do to him."
"And that's why someone stands outside your door now."
"Bingo. I knew you weren't as tick and slow as others say."
"Wait..what?"
I smirked at him. He narrowed his eyes.
"Now. What about the idot Greenie?"
Gally frowned and lowered his head. He pulled at some grass, just to give his hands something to do.
"I saw him iny memories."
I nodded. Waiting for him to go on.
"I don't know much, I don't understand what I saw. But...he was...was with them. I saw him...I felt like I was drowning, there was water everywhere, and I was stuck inside something...and I saw his face watching me."
I frowned. I chewed the inside of my cheek, trying to process everything.
"Are you saying he works with whoever put us here? With the Designers?"
"Okay it's Creators. And I don't know!" He huffed. He ran a hand through his thick blond hair. He pulled his knees up and leaned back against the tree. "I dunno. None of my memories make sense. I have no idea who he is or what was happening! I don't even know if those are real memories! Like what...what if they are just made up and implanted?! They can shucken erase our memories...they could give us fake ones."
I froze. I hadn't thought of that. What if it was all fake? What if none of it was real... I shook my sore head. No. Mine were real. I know that. I could feel it. My skills and knowledge told me so. With Gally who knows. They all seemed to be the same. I was the odd one out. In the girls maze and this one.
I shrugged, "I dunno Gally. I didn't see any of you in my memories. I saw nothing about this place."
"Well at least we both don't like the Greenie."
"We can start a 'I hate the Greenie club'"
"Kinda jealousy of you and Minho. You guys can leave when Greenies arrive. It shucken sucks. Every Greenie means another month."
I nodded. "Next month will be exactly three years."
"Dang."
"Sums up nicely."
He snorted. We were quiet for a bit.
"Thank you..or whatever."
I looked around at him, with a slight frown and furrowed eyebrows. "For?" I asked.
"Helping. I usually deal with it myself."
"Same."
"How did you know-"
"Minho." I cut him off. "Minho helps me through mine. I dealt with it alone for two years. Now...he can talk me through it."
He just nodded.
"Gally...I don't like people. I don't like being social. I can do it when I have to...maybe in small amounts. But I prefer smaller groups, and being alone, in the shadows and dark. I only trust like three people. I don't understand e.otions and feelings weird me out. But anger I understand. I understand your anger. I get you."
Gally nodded.
"Probably obviouse...but I didn't trust you."
"Didn't take it personally."
"Do you take anything personally?"
"Ha. No."
He scoffed. "But I don't think it was your fault you're here."
"La Gasp!" I inhaled sharply, pressing a hand to my chest, "No... really?!" I mocked him, "what gave it away?"
He rolled his eyes. He looked at me for a second.
"If you could go back, would you?"
I opened my mouth to answer. But paused and then closed it. I was quiet for a long time trying to figure that out.
"I...I don't know." I looked away. I could feel this weird mix of emotions in my chest.
"I miss a few of the girls. But..." I tried off.
"Minho, Winston, Newt and Chuck are here." He finished.
"Yeah." I said quietly, "I... don't think I could keep going if I knew he was gone." I admitted.
"Seems like he's become pretty important to you."
"Yeah."
He hummed. And we were both quiet again for a long time. The sun had set now and the forest had become twilight.
"We should probably get back. I'm sure Minho will be wondering where you are."
I shook my head.
"No. He understands I need space and quiet. It's another reason I appreciate him. He doesn't smother me. I need my own time. And it's hard in a place so confining with so many people. He's used to me wandering away."
Gally nodded. But got up. I tried to get up, but was hit with a dizzy spell. I stumbled and Gally threw out a hand to catch me. I closed my eyes for. Second, holding my head. Once the dizzy spell was gone I straightened up and nodded a thank you.
"Griever got ya pretty good."
"Well...when small human skull hits solid 100 foot stone wall...skull usually doesn't win."
He made a noise in his throat that was almost a laugh. We walked in silence back to the edge of the Deadheads.
"Thanks again Jessie." He said quietly, his hands in his pockets.
"I understand. Better than any one here. Come find me if you need."
"How is your wrist?" He asked.
"Took your advice and went to Newt..and took his advice. Writing helps."
He hummed.
"I think we both understand eachother better then we want to admit. Two broken shuckfaces trying to help each other...But I promise tomorrow morning to be just as standoffish as always." I said and folded my arms.
"I would expect nothing less. And I'll growl and roll my eyes." He gave me a small smile.
We walked silently to the Homestead together. I nodded and nodded back and we went our separate ways. I slid inside my room.
"Hey Baby feel better after yo- what's wrong?" His voice went from happy to worried in a second.
I looked up, Minho was folding laundry that was dumped on my bed. I gave him a sad smile and walked over and wrapped my arms around him and pressed my face into his neck. He didn't ask questions, he just held me close and laid his head ontop of mine.
"I love you Minho." I whispered.
I heard his chest rumble and felt his arms squeeze a bit tighter.
"I love you too Jessie."