"You should leave." I told them.
"Kailani ... please, we need to talk. I want to see her, we all want to see her." Leati insisted.
"We do not need to talk. Lili doesn't want to see you. Right now, she's not interested in meeting you, and I won't let you force her to be around you."
"Why doesn't she want to see me? What did you tell her?" he demanded.
"Son, yelling is not the way." Sika said.
"She's a smart girl, and she hears all the gossip that is spoken whether I want her to or not. She's heard me talking to Maggie about what happened. My daughter ..."
"Our daughter." he interrupted.
"My daughter is aware that you didn't know I was pregnant when you left. She is also aware that you didn't give me a chance to tell you that I was pregnant. I didn't know that she knew that last part. She was told, ever since she started asking about you, that you just weren't on the island. You had things you needed to work on, and you couldn't do it here. That's what you told me, anyway. She's angry at you and your family and has every right."
"I need to explain to her ... to both of you."
"I'm not interested in your explanations. I won't stop you two from having a relationship if and when she wants that, but I won't let you force her. You'll have to wait until she's ready." I told him.
"Kailani, I'm so sorry." he sighed.
"No, you're not." I said, chuckling dryly.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Lisa asked.
"Exactly what I said. He's not sorry ... don't look at me like that, you're not sorry. What you're feeling is some sort of guilt, I'm assuming. God knows how long you've been here, and you didn't reach out. You left me and weren't man enough to actually break up with me and leave the right way. You didn't reach out over the years. You're not sorry about what you did, you're upset that you got caught. You're sad that it's costing you a potential relationship with your child. One of your children, I don't know what's become of you, and I'm not interested in finding out. Don't fake your feelings with me because I don't care. Now please leave my house." I sighed.
"Kailani ..."
"Son, let's go." Sika said.
"Sika, you can't be serious! We need to have a conversation." Lisa argued.
"No, you don't need to talk. Everything that needed to be said was said in your silence for the past 12 years. My child does not owe you anything." Mom said.
"Is our friendship ever going to be the same?" Lisa asked her.
"No, it's not." Mom replied.
"How can we make up time if you won't speak to me?" Leati asked.
"Make-up time? Why would I want to do that?" I asked, flabbergasted.
"What do you mean?"
"Please don't tell me that you expected ..."
"I came back to find you." He stated and I can't believe it.
"No."
"No?" The three of them chorused in shock.
"No. Why would you even expect that to work? You left me! You walked away from me ... from us! I don't want to get back together with you, I'm not going to. The arrogance of you to assume that I would." I argued.
"You haven't been dating anyone and ..."
"You kept tabs on me?" I demanded.
"Yes, I've been keeping tabs on you. I watched out for you over the years, but no one told me about a child." he angrily stated.
"Everyone here thought you knew and just didn't care." Mom said.
"And you didn't correct them?" Lisa asked, her tone indicating just how upset she is and I'm just getting angrier.
"We tried at first, but people gossip, and that's what they prefer to believe. I can't force anyone to think the way you would like them to think." Mom replied curtly.
"Kai, we ..."
"Kailani! No nicknames from any of you. Please just leave. I'll talk to Lili today and try to talk to her about speaking to you. That's the most I can do, I won't force her, and I won't let you force her to be near you." I told them.
"That's acceptable." Leati said.
"Now you can leave."
"Kailani, will I ever be able to fix things between us?" he asked.
"Don't get your hopes up." I said, shutting the door.
"Lani ..." My mother sighed.
"What am I going to do?" I sniffled.
"Oh baby, come here. We're going to be just fine." she said, wrapping her arms around me.
"What are we going to do?"
"You and I are going to talk to Lili, and we're going to let her know that he's here to stay, apparently. We're going to let her ask questions, ask her not to judge him, and possibly open her heart to her father. I agree with you about not forcing her to be around him, I won't let that happen, either. We are going to take things day by day."
"What am I going to do?" I muttered.
"You are going to stay strong and listen to your heart."
"That's what got me in this position to start with." I complained
"Listen to your head and your heart. I'm not telling you to get back with him, but I'm not telling you not to get back with him, either. Take your time and think about things, try to let go of that anger. Whatever your decision is, that man is going to be around you now. For yourself and your peace, you need to find a way to let go of the anger you hold towards him. I have to do the same. I'm not saying you have to get back with him, just that we need to find a way to forgive them for our peace of mind. It's not good for your soul to hold onto such dark feelings." she said.
"I don't know what the right thing to do is." I sighed.
"His presence is going to make things harder on you, and I know that, but you're strong, Lani. Stronger than you give yourself credit for. Take the time that you need to do what's best for you and only what's best for you."
"Easier said than done." I muttered.
"I know, day by day." she insisted.
"Day-by-day." I repeated.
Just to distract myself, I went back to my office, but I couldn't focus on anything, so I shut down my laptop. For about 3 hours, I just sat in my chair, looking out the window. There are so many questions rambling around in my head that don't and won't have a response. Not an honest one, anyway.
"Mom! I'm home!"
My daughter brought me out of my daze, and when I walked into the kitchen she was sitting at the counter, snacking on something my mother made.
"Lani, eat something." Mom said. "You haven't eaten since I got here."
"Why haven't you eaten?" Lili asked.
"A little stressed out." I told her.
"What happened? He came here, didn't he?" she angrily asked.
"Yes, Leati and his parents came to talk to me." I admitted.
"What did they want? Why are they coming around now?"
"Lilinoe, they are your family, and they want to get to know you." Mom said.
"I don't want ..."
"Baby ... things happened between your father and I, and not in the manner we expected things to go down. Had he known about you, I know he would've been there every step of the way." I told her.
"He left you and then ignored you." she argued.
"He did, but that was between me and him. He wants to get to know you and be in your life. That decision is on you, I already told him I wouldn't force you to be around him, and I will not allow any of them to force their presence on you. As much as you won't talk about it, I know that you've always wanted to have a father around. There's nothing wrong with that." I told her.
"He hurt you, and I could tell that talking about him hurts you. So I didn't bring it up anymore." she admitted.
"I'm so sorry baby, I'm sorry that I didn't give you the comfort or space to talk and ask about him." I sighed.
"Don't be sorry."
"I have to because I didn't give you the good things about your father, and there were a lot of good things." I smiled softly.
"Were?" she asked.
"I don't know who he is now, none of us know what to expect here, but I do hope you consider giving him a chance." I told her.
"Why?" she asks, and I can see the emotion in her eyes.
"Lilinoe ..."
"Mom, I got this. I had my father in my life until I was just about your age, just two years older, when he passed. The relationship I had with him was amazing ..." I said, trying my best not to cry. "I have always wished you could have that, and now you can. The relationship between Leati and I will never be the same, but he wants a relationship with you. I told him I wouldn't force or push you into talking to him."
"What about you? Talking about him hurts you, if I spend time with him ..."
"No, baby, this isn't about me, and I will be so happy to see you have a healthy and happy relationship with your father." I said, cupping her face in my hands.
My daughter is such a mix of Leati and me, she's just ... the best part of me, and I want what's best for her.
"Is he gonna want a relationship with you?" my daughter asked me.
"That's what he said." I admitted.
"And what did you say?"
"I told him the truth." I said and she nodded, not needing any more explanation.
"You're not gonna be with him." she sighed softly.
"No, I don't think I could be with him again. That's not ... I'm sorry, baby."
"No. Don't be sorry." she said, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing. "You don't have to be sorry, he hurt you. I ... I'm mad at him."
"And that's fine, La'u tama, you have a right to feel however you feel." My mother said.
(my child)
"But I wanna talk to him." she replied, sniffling.
"You don't have to feel shame for wanting to know your father. You deserve to have your dad in your life." I said, hugging her tighter.
"I don't wanna make you sad."
"I promise you won't make me sad. It'll make me happy." I told her, smiling softly as I brushed her tears away.
She's just now losing the chubbiness in her cheeks, getting tall like her father, my baby is growing up on me, and I'm not ready for it. How could I be ready? Now that her father wants to be in her life, I have to be careful and watch out for her.
"When would you like to speak to him?" I asked.
"Will you be there? Both of you?" she asked me and my mom.
"I will be wherever you want me to be." Mom said.
"If you want me there, I'll be there." I told her.
"I don't want to be alone with him... or them."
"You won't have to be. La'u tama, I'm so proud of you for being open to this. We'll go about it however fast or slow you want to go." I said.
"Are you okay if he comes here?" Lili asked. "I don't want to go to his house."
"He can come here if that's what you want." I told her, regretting the words as soon as I said them but this isn't about me or my comfort.
"Can he come this weekend?"
"I'll reach out and find out. You have to remember that he's also preparing to take over as Tribal Chief." Mom told her.
I have a feeling that he'll make time for her. If he's still the same man on the inside that I once knew, he'll prioritize creating a bond with her. Mom is right though, he's gonna be a very busy man.