Hyunjin had always thought of himself as a figured-out person, ever since he had taken over his father's business he had always been careful about every little decision he made and every small thing he did. From what time he'd wake up at, to what time he could have dinner. Every little thing in his life had been planned and had been going as planned. He was heavily work-oriented, his morals though grey they might be were still morals and he stood rigidly on them, his rules were something he never broke---not even once.
Though he had been troublesome as a child and a teenager, the moment he entered his twenties his personality started changing, and his father's passing sealed the deal entirely. And now that so many years have passed and he's completely over his pierced-tattooed-teenager phase, he knows better than to let temporary things change his decisions or make him delay what is important. For Hyunjin, the most important thing in the world is his family but now that he has none, his most important thing has become work
he has molded his life in a way that it resolves completely around his work, and that only. He doesn't take breaks, doesn't rest, doesn't go on vacations, doesn't make friends, doesn't do relationships--nothing of the sort that could deem him a normal person. Hyunjin doesn't believe in fate, and contradictorily so, doesn't believe in accidents either. He has a belief that everything happens because someone cascaded a certain thing and that is why this thing occurred
he believes the world and the universe work like dominoes, one falls down and the rest follow, a chain reaction of sorts that makes the rest of the things in everybody else's life happen, believes that destiny and fate is bullshit and it's just us humans who create all of this, one mistake of a stranger could be the cause of your croissant dropping, who knows? That's what Hyunjin believes at least.
But now that he stands in the rain, holding an umbrella over a disheveled Felix's head, looking into his shiny eyes and staring at his makeup-smeared face, Hyunjin doesn't know if he's still a firm believer of that fact. Because his life, which was a curated tale, had now become one with nonsensical twists, ones that always came in the shape of Lee Felix. No matter where he goes, no matter what he does, somehow he always ends up around the blue-haired, and these 'coincidences' were really making him doubt everything he had once believed
ever since that night in the bar, ever since he met Felix for the very first time, his life had become something he could no long foresee or plan. Felix had made him bend his rules, snap a few, made him rethink his principles, made him delay his work—his utmost priority, and most importantly, made him feel things he didn't know the meaning of. And all of this had only brought forth curiosity in Hyunjin, who is Felix and why does he keep disrupting Hyunjin's life? and why does Hyunjin continue to allow him, continue to let him demolish all his plans
The blond man crouches slightly next to Felix as he tugs away his blue strands from his face, warm fingers grazing cold skin "What are you doing here, vixen?" His voice is silky when it meets Felix's ears, smooth and sweet, blending with the rain. Felix only furrows his brows and lets his lips quiver because he's still sad and Hyunjin's presence only makes him want to cry even more as he leans into the man's warm touch "It's raining, pretty, and cold too, shouldn't you be home?" Hyunjin tried to lure out an answer but the latter only broke into a sob, closing his eyes and dropping his face in Hyunjin's hand who had no choice but to cup his cheek
the blond furrowed his brows, licking his lips and sighing as he hands his umbrella to the bodyguard, grabs Felix's shoulder, raising him from the ground and wrapping a firm grip around his arm to keep him still but Felix continues to cry and Hyunjin doesn't know what to do in this scenario "Why are you crying?" He asks, not able to hold back his words "Hyunjinie~" Felix sobs and leans into Hyunjin, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on his shoulder. The said Hyunjinie in question has his eyes widened and lips parted, stumbling back in his steps
Felix was hugging him while crying and the only thing that echoed in Hyunjin's mind was 'what the fuck' because genuinely, what the fuck? what was Felix doing and what was going on? Hyunjin couldn't grasp anything but it seemed his body worked better in situations like this than his mind did as his arms wrapped around Felix's back while he was still reeling back from what this meant. His body that was warm and Felix's that was cold felt like the most perfect contrast, like this was more of a paradise than the heaven above was
And though Hyunjin didn't want to admit it, his body was still molding against Felix's like it was made to be. Their embrace fastened them together better than their sexual maneuvers do. He doesn't fit against the blue-haired like this when he's buried deep inside him, this is different, and Hyunjin seems to hate it. This feels like a stitch of two different universes, two different skies colliding but fitting so well. When they're up against each other with their bare skin it feels like the intoxication in liquor, the burning of a cigarette down your throat when you drag too much of it in--gloriously untamed
But this; this bizarre embrace feels like returning to your happiest memory, living that blissful moment again. Or finding a new favorite song and memorizing its lyrics, this felt like the first sip of your favorite warm drink on a cold evening. Hyunjin hasn't felt like this in years, hasn't felt this great tranquility in what feels like years and he hates that he wants to freeze frame just right here and never let time slip. But it does, and seconds later, he finds himself returning to his senses and asking
"Felix, are you drunk?"
His question is serious and Felix shakes his head no, but it's obvious that he is, he smells like cigarettes and cheap alcohol and he's acting out of it as well. Hyunjin only sighed, tightening his jaw and bringing the boy's body closer to himself, not paying attention to his guards who stood by his side, sharing glances and holding back smiles because their boss was acting like someone they'd never met and this was far more amusing than they can imagine.
"Let's get you somewhere warm and safe" Hyunjin mutters, licking his lips and closing his eyes, allowing his mind and body to relax just the littlest bit, to let loose in Felix's cold embrace that still felt a million times more calming than any warm one could.
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Hyunjin didn't know Felix's address and the boy was too drunk to say it so he deemed it was best to take Felix back to his penthouse, the hotel they'd gone to before was too far away and Felix was already shivering and sneezing. So Hyunjin didn't think twice before ordering the driver to turn back home. And just like that, Hyunjin was dropping everything at the beat of a heart all over again just because Felix had appeared in his path and nothing else was more important now, or so he'd never accept.
Felix is still crying, hasn't stopped even for a minute and Hyunjin can't help him at all, he's never been good at comforting people and all his dad ever taught him regarding this was to 'give them what they require, if it is a touch then you hold them, if it is a silent presence then you sit by their side quietly, if they need help then you aid them sort it out—don't do what you think is best, do what they want best' and Hyunjin had always lived by everything his father ever taught him so that's how he was here, drying Felix's hair as he listens to him sob like a child and whine continuously
"I miss him" that's all Felix has been saying for the past twenty minutes and even when Hyunjin put warm and fresh clothes next to him, asked him to change, and left the room, he could still hear Felix going on about how much he misses Chan's warm embrace and his sweet laugh while he struggled through his drunken mind to put on the clothes. Hyunjin doesn't understand what this weird and bitter feeling is that is spreading in his chest at the constant mention of Felix's ex-lover but he chalks it up to being angry
makes up an excuse that he's upset with Felix because now he has to babysit a grown man who is drunk off of his mind and crying like he's three. Hyunjin's long fingers ran through Felix's fading blue hair, pushing them back and ruffling them as he held the hair drier in one hand, doing his best to prevent the freckled man from catching a cold and he didn't get why he was doing this, why he's helping Felix and why he had brought him to his penthouse where no one was allowed to enter, even Minho rarely ever came around here
this place was sacred, it was Hyunjin's home and the only place where he allows himself to unwind just the littlest and step out of the mold he had forced himself in. But thinking back, something--someone else had also begun feeling like this sacred place, like an oasis, a secret one. One where Hyunjin would let loose of his rigid rules and the roles he plays, where he can block out the rest of the world for a moment and live the one he is present in.
Hyunjin sighs when he turns off the hair drier and puts it away on his dressing "Do you want something warm to eat or drink?" He knows Felix is likely not going to understand his words because he's too busy wiping his tears, still, he stares at him and waits patiently for him to answer. The blue-haired doesn't say anything, only falls back on the mattress he was seated on and curls into a ball, holding his knees up to his chest and lying on his side, soft cries escaping past him but he's no longer sobbing and Hyunjin sees that as a victory
so he makes his way toward the vast window, stares momentarily out of the glass, and watches how the rain has only grown in size before he draws the curtains and lets his shoes click in the quiet of the room and the faint of the rain's sound as he makes his way toward the bed and stands by its axis, folding his arms over his chest and watching Felix because what is the next step?
He doesn't know what Felix wants from him right now, even if he followed his father's teaching, he still wouldn't be sure what the blue-haired wanted because he isn't saying anything apart from sobbing for his past lover and it's not like Hyunjin knows any better on how to treat or comfort a broken heart. His eyes are unreadable and he remains quiet for a long time until he sighs heavily yet again and turns around, shaking his head as if stopping his thoughts from proceeding
his legs make their way toward the door but something halts him in his quick steps, a voice, one as gentle as a wind of spring and one as broken as a shattered glass. "Hyunjin" Something rises against his skin and he quickly realizes it's goosebumps, Felix's low voice whispering his name in the quiet of the night made him feel things he didn't understand so he turns around and gazes at the blue-haired who was sitting on the bed now, hair tousled and eyes swollen, lips bitten and cheeks tainted red. Felix looked like the drunk and miserable mess he felt like
Hyunjin raises his brows "Yes?" his soft voice a large contrast to Felix's deep one. Felix sniffles, runs the back of his palm against his cheek, and sits up further, trying to keep himself from falling down on the soft mattress "Can you stay?" He sounded weak, like he was pleading, and though Hyunjin found gratification in the blue-haired's pleading, this time around, he didn't like it, not even an ounce. It poked things in him that he didn't want to bother so he gulped and shoved away all that he was feeling
"Why?" his heart was yelling at him to throw away all his questions but he wanted to rely on his mind today, the rational part, he's played around for long enough and Hyunjin was running out of reasons and excuses to keep Felix around. "Because" Felix's bottom lip quivers and his eyes shine like the brightest of stars and Hyunjin must be damned if he says no to those eyes, to that voice, to that angel face, and that pout that's fighting to break. Hyunjin liked to believe he was a strong man, a ruthless one at that but he was at the end of the day just a man
so he broke
and when he did, he broke terribly
so much so that his knees nearly collapsed beneath him when he strode toward Felix, heart hammering in his chest when his slow and measured steps snip short the distance between them, and now the points of his shoes are colliding with the bed and Felix's eyes are piercing through him, leaving blazing holes behind while so many confusing feelings rise within him "Are you going to--" a hiccup bothers Felix's soft tone and Hyunjin understood what he was going to say "Yes" he needed to finish and Hyunjin liked that, liked that there was some sort of understanding between him and this phenomenon of a man
minutes later, Hyunjin's shoes were off and he was sitting in the middle of the bed, with his legs spread straight and his back against the headrest. Eyes on Felix who is lying next to him, on his side, hands between his thighs, and Hyunjin can't peel his eyes away from the man. His arms are crossed over his chest and beneath them he can feel just how fast his heart is beating but why? so many times he had asked himself this question ever since Felix had come around, why? no answer comes and Hyunjin is left alone with his thoughts
Felix's tears are still falling and his body is lightly shivering, eyes shut and lips parted as he tries to live through the pain but his heart hurts so bad and his head is no better. Hyunjin licks his lips, waits for a second or two, fighting the want to hold Felix just so he will stop shivering but he decides against his thoughts and reaches for the comforters, draping Felix with it as he slips down as well, knowing better than to lay next to the stranger he can't stop thinking about but he still does it and now his head is on the pillow, his face so close to Felix's whose cheeks are stained with tears and lips are red because he keeps bitting them to hold back his sobs
Hyunjin tries not to think about how Felix looks up close but he fails, lays on his back but keeps his neck turned toward Felix, hands over his stomach as he continues to watch Felix silently. His eyebrows go so well with his facial structure, Hyunjin thinks. His nose is so tiny and adorable, he thinks again and closes his eyes because why is he calling Felix adorable? But then his eyes open again as if he no longer has any control over his body and he's gazing at the blue-haired again, the bow above his lips is so beautifully carved, the lines on his eyes, the freckles on his cheeks, scattered arbitrarily yet so in sync as if the gods took their time dropping them against his skin
Hyunjin sighed, heavens curse him, why was he acting like this? A lick is added to his lips and as he gathers himself, his thoughts, and the will-power to look away he is suddenly stopped and pulled under a spell because Felix opened his eyes, and Hyunjin was under the enchantment again "Hyu-njin" Felix's voice is broken when it comes out and Hyunjin hums almost instantly "Yes, Felix?" He shouldn't be this soft, this gentle, but his mind has shut down as if one look of Felix was a thousand sips of liquor and now he's more drunk than the other
"Can you hold me?" Surprise strikes Hyunjin like he was a mortal who had angered Zeus and now the god's lightning is meeting his fate as he gulps and stares at Felix for a quiet beat "I feel like my skin doesn't want me, can you keep me against you, please?" Felix's eyes were sad enough that they could crack a hole in hell and his voice so gentle like a lullaby sung in the night, Hyunjin knew deep in his heart Felix didn't need to ask twice. Licking his lips the blond didn't say anything, only moved toward Felix who felt relief spreading in him as he too moved toward Hyunjin
more briskly than the latter and it caught Hyunjin off guard who halted in his tracks while Felix was already curled against his side, head resting on his chest, the one over his drumming heart, his arm wrapped around Hyunjin and he's holding Hyunjin more gently than anyone ever had, soft tears cascading down the side of his eye, to the bridge of his nose before it meets Hyunjin's black button down and dampens it slightly. Eyes closed and nose inhaling the sweet scent of Hyunjin's perfume that seemed to make Felix calmer
Hyunjin's breath tightens itself in knots in his lungs as he gulps and closes his eyes, shifting lightly against Felix only to hold him better as his arm wraps around him and his hand reluctantly rests on the blade of Felix's right shoulder, holding him with mellowness as if, if he put too much pressure something bad might happen, like he'd shatter the boy or their embrace, or the moment they shared. It all felt too fragile, like one wrong inhale of oxygen could let loose awry, but so comforting that Hyunjin felt like he could do whatever he wanted, be whoever he wished and nothing would happen
a contradiction in the sweetest of ways possible. The blond allows his mind to relax, allows his muscles to stop tightening as he rests his body and heart completely, feeling relief spread everywhere against him as a breath leaves his lips unbeknownst to him. The knots that were always present in his chest untangled themselves slowly as he shifted yet again and rested his other hand over Felix's hand on his own stomach. Ataraxis swiveled in the air around them like wisps of ghosts and their livelihood and Hyunjin had never been more at peace.
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Is anyone else noticing my intentional recurring pattern of 'Something—someone' or have I been talking to a wall all this time?
(Sorry for the late update, I had this done for years but never got around to publish it)