𝐤𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐞 𝐣. 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮𝐞𝐥𝐬
𝙽𝙾𝚅𝙴𝙼𝙱𝙴𝚁 || 𝙱𝙰𝚃𝙾𝙽 𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙶𝙴, 𝙻𝙰.
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"Mommy, you watched everything on tv so now you're trying to read every book that has been made?"
My mother side eyed me, "Yes, problem?"
"When's the last time you ate?" I asked her and she just shrugged her shoulders, keeping her eyes focused on her tablet in front of her.
"Like two days ago."
"Mommy, you need to eat. You need to shower, you need to get out of this bed and get your body moving too. Do you wanna beat this?" I sighed.
It seemed as if she just wanted to wither away rather than try her hardest to fight it or enjoy her last few months here. She literally had just been cooped up in her room not talking to anybody.
"Kacie, I am the mother not you.."
"I don't care about that. I'm not going to watch you just allow yourself to die. Get up, let's do a few laps around the house." I pulled the covers off of her.
"I am not getting out this bed."
"Have you even stretched today? Taken your medication? Well, to take it you have to eat so I guess not."
"Once again, you are not my mother." She snatched the cover from out of my hands. "Don't you have somebody to tutor or something?"
"No..."
"Well please go bother your father or something. You are acting like you use to when you were a child, just bothering me cause you were bored." She waved me off.
I just nodded and bit down on my bottom lip to refrain from crying. I hated when she would get into these moods where she didn't care about anything except for herself. No regard for me or my father's feelings. She just wanted what was easiest for her.
"Okay, stay in this bed and have your condition get worse and worse. Feel free to miss out on my graduation, my wedding, me opening my first business, everything fundamental in my life." I fake smiled as I held back tears, walking out of her room and making sure to slam the door behind me.
You can call my reaction dramatic but I don't care.
My mom was doing everything the doctor told her not to do. Not following her diet, laying in bed all day which made her prone to bed sores, not eating and taking her meds, I could go on and on.
Some things in life are beyond your control and I get that. But if you have a chance at beating an obstacle I say take it.
That's just me though.
...
"Fuck the club up, fuck the club up." Khayri bobbed his head to the song that was playing as we sat in my room doing absolutely nothing.
When I was bored and going through it with my family I would just always have Khayri come over. We wouldn't do anything but listen to music or watch a movie, it was just the company that helped me.
"It's gone be okay, KJ." Kha came over to hug me as I just sat there pouting. "Rhonda has depression and when you put that on top of cervical cancer it can really be hard."
"She's selfish, Kha."
"How?"
"She has a husband and a daughter to live for yet she's acting like she doesn't. She won't take her medicine to keep her out of pain, won't eat, barely sleeps, it's like she wants to suffer." I explained.
"Like I said—"
"You're not helping so never mind," I rolled my eyes and turned the music down. "Do you got some weed?"
"Kacie, you don't even smoke stop it."
"I have before and it took my mind off of a lot of shit so."
"When and who weed you smoked?" He asked with his eyebrow raised.
"When she first got diagnosed. Don't worry about where."
"If I let you smoke with me you can't be acting all paranoid and shit afterwards. I don't even play like that." He shook his head.
"I won't," I nodded as he searched his backpack.
I remember when my mom first got diagnosed with cervical cancer. I was in a dark place for a very long time because I simply just couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that my once perfectly healthy mother had been diagnosed with something that could kill her.
I would cry for days upon days then I finally went out and kicked it with some of Lani's friends and some boy let me smoke with him that night. Now that I think back on it, that was very unsafe because I didn't even know him. But it took my mind off of shit.
"You're gonna be okay," Kha said as he starting rolling up, making me roll my eyes in annoyance.
"You keep saying that. I know imma be fine, this is about her. But fuck all that, I don't even wanna talk about it anymore.." I trailed off watching him pearl the blunt.
"Don't gotta be all attitudinal with me, la' Neno." He winked at me, lighting the blunt and taking a pull before passing it to me.
"Get out, Kha." I punched him in the shoulder, hitting the blunt after him. "Seriously, I don't find you funny at all."
"I was trying to be. That's yo' nigga claim him."
"That's not my nigga.."
"Okay, ice cream date."
"Friendly encounter. Me and you could go out for ice cream too," I sighed.
"Y'all getting mighty friendly. It's okay to like a boy you're seventeen."
"My feelings are undecided. If anything changes you'll be the first to know. I just don't know honestly it's like I do but—"
"Neno a nice ass dude. I wouldn't be rooting for it if I knew the nigga ain't shit. He cool, he be out the way focused on basketball." Kha shrugged.
"I know, I just don't know if I like him yet. We still getting to know each other, taking things slow and shit."
"Yeah, I hear you."
As I was about to say something else my dad came busting through the door, damn near breaking my door off the hinges.
"Why the fuck does it smell like weed in here?" He glanced between me and Kha. "And Kacie, we talked about you having the door closed when he is here."
"I don't know."
"Khayri, can you step out real quick so me and Kacie can talk?" My dad let out a deep breath, motioning toward the door for Kha.
"Yes sir." He got up from the bed, taking his blunt with him and leaving out of my room.
"Now what the fuck, Kacie?"
"What?"
"Since when do you smoke when we discussed that certain things are just not allowed in our house? The door also, he's a boy. I don't care how long you've known him that door stays open."
Ugh cry me a river.
"Okay, father."
"Don't do that. Fuck wrong with you?"
"Your wife, the usual."
"Doesn't give you an excuse to disrespect my house, simple. Let this happen again and I promise he will never be allowed over this house again."
I just nodded and watched him leave my room, screaming into my pillow violently afterward. I started punching it too, throwing it across the room before realizing I looked really stupid but I was upset.
I figured Khayri had gone home so I just broke down crying, letting out all of the pent up stress and anger that had built up in me for the past three months.
For one, it was a lot of pressure on me with my college choices. Then, I worried about and helped everyone else but my senior courses were really hard. I carried my stress well and hid it from everyone but that doesn't mean that it's not there.
As I continued my dramatic break down session I got a notification making me roll my eyes. Picking up my phone, my eyes immediately lit back up.
𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐨 💗: i passed my chem test with a ninety five, thank you for everything. but you know this means i get to take you out again. so the aquarium saturday at 5.
thank you, cici!
...