Yuta looked down at his palms. There was no way to prove that anyone remembered the life that he didn't. Itadori might have been a valuable resource, but there were too many questions left unanswered. What he felt for Toge was undefined and deceptive. How did it even feel to fall in love?
He took a deep breath as he slowed his pace approaching the community center. Gojo would arrive shortly after him, and that would be when his plan begins. Gojo needed to believe that Yuta didn't remember.
His black hair dripped down his face past his ocean blue eyes. Just as he approached, Gojo's car arrived. It was eerie how similar everything had been. The white-haired man stepped out of the vehicle with a wave and a smile. Yuta couldn't help but accept the truth he had come to understand. Gojo Satoru was a liar who created the world they lived in.
"Hey there Okkotsu, glad you made it," Gojo said.
"You did ask me to, so here I am," Yuta struggled not to roll his eyes.
Gojo didn't say the same line he had before. He may have had the ability to manipulate time, but he wasn't a modern god. Even he lost track of all the threads he had left behind. That was what Itadori said anyway.
"That's true, but you chose to come," Gojo grinned with his sparkling crystal eyes.
"I guess that's true too," Yuta nervously smiled.
How much was there left to learn from such a man? Toge must remember; that was crucial to the plan. If he didn't, then there would be too many issues. The goal of the evening would be to make it to Toge's house again. Though if the signal would work, then that wouldn't be a problem.
Together, the two men, one white-haired and the other black, walked into the den of anxiety. That was Gojo's domain. As expected, Toge arrived early. If the silver-haired man was trying to repeat the past, that would be the best way.
Toge's face was cold as he looked at the ground. His lips were limp and pressed together. Yuta wanted to be seen by the silver-haired man. Just look, that was all Yuta could think. He begged silently to be seen.
"Why don't you go sit by Inumaki? The silver-blond over there?" Gojo pointed at Toge.
"Oh, yeah, sure," Yuta said.
Toge jerked his head up, but their eyes did not yet meet. Silver hair draped downward across Toge's face. Was he sad? Of course he was. Toge had said there was a life before where he had loved Yuta. Unlike Itadori, he hadn't experienced that pain several times. Hopefully, this would be the last.
Yuta quickly took the seat to the right of Toge. It was a different seat than the time prior, but that might have been due to several reasons. Chance played a major role in the passage of time, according to Itadori.
"Um, hi. I'm Okkotsu Yuta. Nice to meet you," Yuta said, biting his lip.
Inumaki sat back in his chair, his violet eyes still avoiding Yuta's. He gave a brief wave, as silent as ever. All Yuta wanted to see was that smile he had seen on Toge's face before. A smile of understanding. A smile of confidence.
Yuta shrugged, thinking of a good backup way to signal to Toge without being too obvious. There had to be a way. A phrase, something simple that would click with both of them uniquely. Something Gojo wouldn't know.
"Did you intend on being late again? Always keeping the rest of us waiting," Maki yelled.
"Yeah, yeah. I had something to take care of. But I see we have some new faces in here. We should do a warm-up and introduce ourselves. How about we start with you, Okkotsu?" Gojo asked.
Yuta stood, rolling his shoulders back. "Hi, I am Okkotsu Yuta."
"Oh, yeah, I didn't give a prompt. I'm a little distracted today. How about you say why you are here?" Gojo huffed.
"I came here because I was asked-"
"No, don't include others in your reason. You came here on your own two feet. That was no one else's fault," Gojo smirked.
"Right. Well, I came here because..." Yuta thought about the real reason he had come in the first place, Rika. "I came because I lost someone close to me. They were someone I thought I loved, and they were taken way too soon. I saw it happen right in front of me. I want to reclaim my life, I think. Whatever that means, make new friends, maybe."
Yuta sat down again. He could feel Gojo's eyes staring through him. Was he not careful enough with his answer? There wasn't anything leading into the question like the time before. Perhaps Gojo was growing lazier? No, that wouldn't make sense considering all the effort he had put into the time-shifting project. Yuta couldn't be relaxed until he was sure Gojo wasn't going to hear information.
"Inumaki, why don't you go next?" Gojo asked.
The black-haired man turned his attention to Toge, who sighed as he pulled the same notebook from the inner pocket of his jacket. Itadori had no insight into this interaction. It would be several days until his knowledge of events would be useful. Again, Yuta was alone.
Toge walked across the room and handed the notebook to Gojo. That was different. Maybe Toge didn't remember? Or was he defeated? Itadori didn't seem to be on a tight leash when it came to those who remembered, but maybe Toge was too much of an outlier?
Gojo started reading the note aloud, "I am Inumaki Toge, and I don't speak. I have selective mutism. I came to this group a long time ago. At first, it was just because I was asked, then it became part of my routine. Now, I want to work on my mutism. I want to be able to speak when I want to. Not just when I can. Also, Gojo is... Hey! Inumaki, that was rude!"
Inumaki giggled as he took the notebook back. Yuta couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. Instantly, Yuta shivered as he felt icy thorns run down his spine. An anxious shimmy jittered his shoulders. If Gojo saw him smiling, would Gojo assume Yuta remembered? No, others in the group were smiling too. That would be a heuristic, a leap in judgment too great for someone so calculating.
When Toge returned to his seat, Yuta whispered, "So, you do make sound."
With that short incantation, Toge's amethyst-lensed eyes pierced Yuta. The black-haired man hadn't planned too far ahead, so he gave a calm side glance. That was his hope. A shot in the dark that Toge would recognize him. Not for the Okkotsu Yuta that he inhabited, but for the Okkotsu Yuta he was on the inside. The one that remembered.
As the conversation moved around the room, Yuta felt a nudge against his leg. When he looked down, it was Toge's notebook. Too early to assume it was a success. Yuta averted his stare for a moment, as if observing the paper would ruin the entire go-round. It would be a normal human response to look down at something touching their leg, right?
Yuta inhaled, looking to the open page with one sentence written, "Are you new around here?"
That was an odd question for a Toge that remembered to ask. Then again, everything about the new timeline was different. Was the butterfly effect really a thing? Even then, that would be a lot of change in a short period of time. Yuta saw the pen in the center of the page.
However, maybe Toge was ahead of him? The redhead from before had ruined the entire timeline according to Gojo. She made a mess of things, that was for sure. There was a chance the question Toge was asking was coded to be answered in a certain way.
Yuta took the notebook and wrote his response, "No, I've been around here."
Toge pulled the notebook back. There wasn't a lot of time to chat that way. Gojo would surely interfere. The man found issue with time itself for whatever reason, so what was a note passing to him?
The circle of group members had almost made it back to Yuta before Toge passed the notebook back. There wasn't another question, just his phone number and instructions on tearing that part of the page. Next to his phone number was a small drawing of a cartoon butcher.
A butcher, what was that supposed to mean? Yuta wanted to focus completely on decoding the possible message, but it was almost time for their next activity. Did Toge remember? He had to have. Unless what Gojo had said in the mansion was correct. Were they really drawn to each other like that?
"Okay, now we are going to do something new. I got this idea from an old Digimon episode. A common theme in the original Digimon Adventures series was the evolution of characters. Each character received a crest that represented something they needed to work on themselves to achieve, that later became their insignia, or their destiny as a member of the saviors of the digital world. This exercise is simple. Think about what that aspect of you could be, what would your crest be? Some examples from the show are things like friendship, courage, and hope," Gojo said.
The odd thing about the white-haired man was that he seemed really devoted to his task as a counselor. The whole time thing wasn't supposed to be going the way it had been-Yuta knew that. The black-haired man had too much to think about. Did Gojo even need to be stopped? What was he doing? Sure he was ruining some psyches, but Itadori seemed fine overall.
What did butchers do? Dismantle, cut meat, breakdown animals, there had to be more to it. Was it more abstract? The blades? That had to be it, right? The butcher was a drawing to show the blade, an allusion to the blades in Yuta's wall?
The notebook nudged the black-haired man's leg again. He wasn't prepared for what he saw. Sketched in varying shades of gray from what must have been an ebony pencil was Yuta's face. It was like looking at a photo.
The black-haired man felt his arms twitch. Toge knew. Yuta couldn't react the way he wanted. If he burst out in full conversation with Toge, then what? Would Gojo restart time again? Was there a way to stay hidden or was that white-haired man already onto them?
"I like your drawings. I guess that you can't do the crest of art then, your name is Inumaki, right?" Yuta asked, attempting not to fumble any words.
Toge nodded with a thin smile and rosy cheeks. That was good. That was his Toge sitting next to him. The Toge that had shared a kiss with him. The Toge who couldn't stay away from Yuta. His ocean eyes grew hot as Yuta held back tears of relief. All that was left was to keep pretending they didn't know each other. But all Yuta wanted was to touch Toge-to feel that he was real.
"Okkotsu, you started the last exercise, why don't you start this one too? Since you're so chatty with Inumaki," Gojo said.
The spiky-haired man, his name was Fushiguro, said, "You sound like you're jealous Gojo."
"I would never be jealous! I can talk to Okkotsu whenever I want! We're practically best friends!" Gojo grinned.
A smile was deceptive. They didn't tell you anything about a person. A real smile is in the eyes, but even then, someone with inconceivable influence over natural law had a different experience. Gojo and his so-called "engineer" were different from every other human on the planet. A smile keeps everyone guessing if it was worn enough. What was the motive behind it?
"Uh, yeah. So the crest thing. I wasn't really ready, but I would probably want the crest of renewal," Yuta said.
"Care to explain?" Gojo asked.
"It is supposed to be something we need to achieve, right? So, a renewed life. Living for myself, or something like that," Yuta said.
"I'm sorry, but you're thinking about this wrong. That is an ideal. A crest is supposed to be a change you can make, something you have authority over. Ideals are nice, but they offer nothing more than words for desire. That is what makes you a human, well, one of the things. You need a crest that invokes ambition, the desire to reach a goal," Gojo said.
"Wow, I really didn't expect this to be like actual counseling," Yuta scratched his head.
"That's because it's normally a mess. I don't know why Gojo is acting so professional today," the woman named Maki said.
"I am a professional! What do you mean? Fine then, I'll tell everyone my crest then Okkotsu can go again," Gojo shouted, standing. "I would be the crest of companionship. In a position like mine, I find that I isolate myself. So, I want to find a way to gain likemindedness or peership with others."
"That's just a synonym for friendship. I feel like that is cheating since you used those as examples," Fushiguro said.
"Yeah, I couldn't think of something other than happiness, but if that is an ideal, hope would be the closest ambition," a man in sunglasses across the room said.
"I didn't say you couldn't use those examples," Gojo said.
"Well, usually you can't. Since the exercise was supposed to be about making our own path, doesn't using the example defeat the purpose?" Maki grumbled.
"This is why no one believes in you as a counselor," a blond woman a few seats over said.
"That was a rule you made up in your heads because society told you to. Okkotsu's answer was just another word for hope, kind of," Gojo pouted.
"If renewal is too idealistic, then how about retribution? Taking the grip on my life, retribution for time better spent doing anything other than crying," Yuta said.
"Sounds like you've been thinking about this a lot. Are you sure this wasn't something you had rehearsed?" Gojo asked, with a raised brow.
Shit, was the only word Yuta could think. The black-haired man was too confident in his wording. He sounded more like the version of himself that had started living for himself. Was there any way out of the conversation?
"Is it not okay for him to be thinking? Isn't that literally the point of this?" Maki asked.
Gojo shrugged, "I guess you're right. But why would you want to take your life into your own hands Okkotsu?"
"You said it yourself, didn't you? I came here on my own two feet. The first step was deciding to show up, socially obligated or otherwise," Yuta replied.
"Do you think that is something you are capable of?" Gojo asked.
"I don't know yet," Yuta said.
"Okay, that's a good answer. Now that we have established the rules better, do you guys think we can speed up this whole process without constant jabs at one white-haired man's beautiful dignity?" Gojo asked.
"You would have to have dignity in order for us to stab it," an older gruff man named Yaga said.
With that, there were no more head-on inquisitions. Was it satisfying enough for Gojo? Maybe the white-haired man expected Yuta to be begging for answers if the timeline was reset? Was that how Toge was? But the last time was different. Rather than just Itadori knowing, Yuta, the outsider, found out too. Yuta knew that.
Perhaps Gojo didn't expect much else to change if Yuta knew. It didn't seem as if Toge was aware that anyone else remembered prior to the crazy woman knocking on Yuta's door. As long as they did their parts and were quiet, then Gojo should be content with letting things remain as they were. Itadori thought so at least.
By the end of the meeting, everything had been set in motion as planned. Yuta made the public appearance without altering too much, and Toge traded contact information. It was the perfect beginning. Gojo didn't stop either of the boys after the meeting, and Yuta knew better than to try and reach out to Toge when the white-haired man was near. All Yuta needed to do was send the text to Toge.
His fingers stuttered across the keyboard, "Hey Inumaki. I am on my way home. I wanted to add you in so that I could message you as soon as I know I'm free."
The response was quick, "Sounds good Yuta. Glad you made it today."
"I'm glad you made it too, Toge," Yuta typed with a smile.