I feel her presence. Its like she is with me. Like she is still here. I can't move on. At every concert every song reminds me of her. How much she listened to my music. How much she loved me. Her mother gave me Ashley's guitar. I play it when I sing at concerts. It hurts that she isn't here.
I walk out on stage trying to finish the tour. "As you all know my girl friend Ashley had broken up with me and we are no longer seeing each other," I say the girls start screaming louder knowing that I am single. "Anyway, She committed suicide a couple weeks ago and this weekend was her funeral. She committed suicide. She was depressed and in the hospital months ago. She attempted again then moved from LA. She recently attempted for her third time and this time she died. I want everyone out there who feel like you are depressed and there is no other outlet, that there is and Killing your self isn't the outlet. I used to tell Ashley this all the time, but Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse, suicide eliminates the possibility if it getting better."
I walk off stage and grab the guitar that Ashley's mom gave me. I played bring it back then I played stitches. I closed the set with A Little Too much. I felt as if I was going to break down in the middle of that song because it was a little too much for her, but she did let it get in her way.
I walked off stage add went into my dressing room. I looked at myself in the mirror. I swear I thought I saw ashley standing right next to me. Like she never died. Her scars were still there, she looked like she still loves me. I turned around and no one was there. I walked out of the room and ran down the hallway, "ASHLEY!" I yelled. Everyone's head turned towards us and I kept running. I can see her she is like running further and further. Finally my manager stopped me from running and says, "Shawn she is gone, she died." I nod just to please him.
I swear I saw her. I saw her in my room and I saw her running. After I calmed down I got on the tour bus. I sat there and my mom confronts me. "I heard you had another melt down." My mom says. I shake my head and say, "But I really saw her. Doesn't that count for something?" "Yea a hallucination," Aaliyah says. My mom throws her a glare then says, "Shawn I know you loved her but she is really gone and she isn't alive."
I sigh. It doesn't feel right. She was okay, when I saw her she wasn't in a sad state of mind. She seemed perfectly fine. How could she has had died a few nights later? I mean she seemed a little off. I haven't tried talking to Lilah since then, but I need to know what was on that video. Maybe that will help me figure things out.
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HEY SO I AM UPDATING ONCE AGAIN!
Will he find out what was on that video? Is he already going crazy? Was Ashley really standing next to him? Was it just a hallucination?
I am going to try to update tomorrow if not I am shooting for Monday!
MUCH LOVE AND MUFFINS
~Kimberly