Doing your skincare is the only care you do to yourself. Being an agent isn't easy. You stay busy all the time that sometimes you forget to eat. Smiling to yourself as you done your skincare for the night, quickly going to bed only to get up a few minutes later.
You again saw that nightmare about your uncle. You try to calm yourself down. You get up and drink some water, walk a little bit in your room. After finally you calm yourself down, you look at your phone. 1:03 am. Okay
If you want to get a proper rest then you have to sleep right now. You go to bed and close your eyes.
But someone's crys and screams reach to your ears. You get startled at the noises. Slowly getting up, you grab your gun in case you need it. You can never be too careful. Checking the time again you walk towards the noises, you end up before Bucky's door.
Worrying about his safety you check if the door is open and surprisedly it's open. You grab your gun and enter the room. The room is dark and nobody is here except Bucky in his bed tossing and turning.
As you notice Bucky is screaming and crying in his sleep you knew he is having a nightmare.
"Bucky? Bucky, hey! Hey. Wake up." You put your gun behind your back and shake bucky.
"Bucky you're having a nightmare." Bucky suddenly opens his eyes and he get startle by you. Bucky use his metal arm to hold your neck then he is about to punch you in the face with his right hand but he stop when he feels your warm hands in his arm and hears your voice.
"B-uccky, it's meh" your voice is a whisper now.
When his grip on your neck loosen a bit, you speak again.
"It's okay. You were having a nightmare."
"Oh god" Bucky quickly remove his hand and he place his face on his hands. "No no no. Did I hurt you!?"
Before you could answer Bucky speaks up.
"Why am I asking you? Of course I-I did. God what have I done! No no I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"
To shut him up, you pull bucky into a hug and he quickly wrap his arms around you. "Shh! Shh... You didn't hurt me. I'm fine. You were just having a nightmare. Stop apologizing it's not your fault."
"I might not be in Hydra's control anymore but the memories haunts me every night. It's all my fault. I killed all those people!"
"No, Bucky. It's NOT your FAULT. It's all Hydra. Hydra is reason why those people are dead. Because of Hydra my uncle is dead." You don't know what came into you, you just said that one thing out loud that you never admitted before.
"Hydra killed your uncle?" With tears in his eyes, he looks at you. His voice is shakey
You sigh "yes. I just started working for shield that time. My uncle was a great agent in there. Because of him I became an agent too. I went to my first mission with my uncle and other agents. Hydra had some sort of powerful machine that can create new memories and destroy old memories. They had been capturing our agents and turning them against us with it. So we were told to destroy it and save our agents."
"Wait that machine was used on me. They destroyed my old memories or that's what they thought and gave me memories of a killer."
"Perhaps that time that machine wasn't powerful enough to destroy your memories."
Bucky hums in response. "So what happened?"
"So we went to that mission with our all best agents. My uncle recruited me, he built me like him when I was young. I was good what I do. I was excited to be part of something bigger so I went with them. We prepared ourselves for everything but we were never prepared for what happened there. They had a massive amount of super soldiers."
"What? I thought me and Steve are the only super soldier. No no that's impossible"
"That's what we thought too but we were wrong. And Bucky I know you knew that too." you look at him, trying to read him, trying to figure out if he remember.
"I.. I don't know what are you talking about" Bucky says with hesitation, unsure of his own words.
"Bucky, come on try to remember! They used you to train them. Only few of them were there, others were already frozen." your eyes widen in realization that what you just said. Your words might hurt him.
Bucky groans in pain, his hands fly to his head.
"Oh my god! Bucky I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"
Bucky holds up his hand. "No you're right. I used to train them" Bucky looks at you. His eyes are glossy.
"I tried to forget the past over and over again but I couldn't. I remember now.... about the super soldier project" his voice breaks
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you remember. I just..
I just got-" Bucky cuts you off
"After Steven die, Hydra was happy. The only enemy of Hydra was dead. They were happy that they can finally start experiment on me without any problem. They knew something might happen in future so there were two steps ahead. Red skull gave his blood to Hydra's secret agents and Arnim Zola, his brain. Hydra rise slowly inside of shield. They
successfully made me winter soldier, they start making more of me. And I couldn't do anything! In fact I helped him!" Bucky shouts
"That wasn't you, Bucky! That wasn't you, that was winter soldier"
"I remember every single people I have killed"
"No! You didn't kill anyone. Stop blaming herself, Bucky"
Now you're both in tears. Bucky didn't say anything else.
"I should probably go and you should get some sleep too. You have a mission tomorrow" you get up from his bed and start walking towards the door.
"Wait!"
You turn around
"What happened on the mission I wanna know" Bucky look straight in your eyes.
You again sits in his bed but beside him.
" We went to Hydra's secret base to attack but we got attack. There was a huge army of super soldier. We were helpless against them. We fought with our everything. I was fighting with some agent and my uncle was fighting alone. I- I saw him fighting alone but I couldn't go to help h-him. They were too many. And then suddenly a soldier came and stab him and then again stab him and again, others came and starts doing the same. I could save him. I watch him die"
Now you're sobbing like hell. Bucky side hug you and you sob at his arms.
"It's okay. Your hands were tie."
You after a good cry ,you wipes your tears.
"I should go now. You have to get some sleep you know. You have a mission tomorrow. And I have work"
"Yeah right. Night doll"
You smile at the nickname.
"Good night, Bucky"
You walk out of Bucky's room and close the door. As you look forward, you see the whole team standing outside in tears.
"How long you guys are standing here? And not to mention, it's not good to hear-"
"Well you guy's shouting woke us up" Sam tells you softly
"Oh. I'm sorry for that"
"And mine and Thor has super hearing power so..." Steve tells you
"How much did you guys hear?"
"Pretty... pretty much everything"
Tony tells you
"I'm sorry for your lose" Nat says
"Yeah me too" Wanda says too
"We all are" Steve says
"Thank you, guys. Please don't tell Bucky you guys heard us."
"Don't worry about it" Bruce give you a hug.
"Well we should go now and get some sleep. We have a important mission tomorrow" Sam tells everyone
"Agreed" Vision agrees with falcon
Everyone starts walking towards their room, some give you side hug and a squeeze your shoulder for comfort.
Steve didn't move from his place.
"Hey, are you okay?" He ask you softly
"Yeah I am"
"If you ever need someone to talk then you can always come to me"
"Thank you, Steve. That's mean a lot" you give him a quick hug. His cheeks turns red.
"Goodnight"
"Night" you tell him then walk away. On your way you hear a door close. You turn around where the noise came from and you see Loki's room. The green light is on that's mean he is inside. You shrug your shoulder off and go to your room to catch some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be eventful or boring or dangerous. You don't know what the future holds for you. Loki is tricky. He can do something tomorrow knowing there will be only you in the tower. Well you and Tony's A.l Friday who can do nothing more than closing some doors and notify the team. You pray to God for strength then you close your eyes and sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sad chapter. I know but a meme for you to cheer you up 😉
I hope you guys liked this chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment 😺
~Momo~