WHEN COLE AND CHARIS DESCENDED THE STAIRS, both emotionally exhausted from their conversation, it seemed that no one was going to question them. No one would inquire about Cole's red eyes or Charis's pale face with her piercing blue eyes.
Before heading downstairs, Charis had promised Cole that she would talk to her sister, and she pledged not to ignore him over the four-day break. The family bid farewell to their hosts and returned home. In the following days, Charis intentionally woke up late, observed the scenery, and opted for long walks, intentionally missing lunch and eating it much later—even though her leg hurt a lot, she refused to stop. While she was no longer ignoring Cole's texts, the repetitive cycle raised concerns.
In truth, Charis's preoccupation wasn't solely about food; it rarely ever was. She longed to return to her former routines—her daily walks, occasional runs, and the cherished activity of horse riding. Yet, even with the anticipation of a new calf, she knew riding would be off-limits for at least two more years. Uncertainty clouded her thoughts about the future. Would she pursue higher education, or settle for a job in the city? Would she find fulfillment in her career, or merely endure it to get by?
As her sister prepared for college at Sarah Lawrence, Charis couldn't ignore the weight of responsibility that fell upon her. The passing of Aster and the subsequent loss of her mother had left Austin alone, a reality that gnawed at Charis's conscience. She couldn't bear the thought of abandoning him to the scrutiny of sympathetic onlookers, offering hollow condolences and misguided invitations. The prospect of leaving him to face his solitude was inconceivable to her.
These thoughts swirled incessantly in Charis's mind, especially during the long stretches of solitude she endured. In those quiet hours, her thoughts became her constant companions, weaving intricate scenarios and uncertainties that plagued her restless mind.
Perhaps it was this sense of unity and interconnectedness within the Walter family that Charis found herself envious of. In their household, there was a palpable presence of many individuals, each woven into the fabric of familial bonds. If one were to depart, their absence would be keenly felt by all, a stark contrast to the solitude that Charis feared for her own family.
Katherine and George, the pillars of the Walter household, seemed to exude a sense of cohesion that extended to every member of their family. Despite the abundance of personalities under one roof, harmony prevailed, and animosity was a foreign concept. Even with the constant flux of visitors and the addition of new family members like Jackie, the sense of togetherness remained unshaken.
And then there was Will, the eldest, whose presence, though physically distant at times, served as a reassuring reminder of family unity. Though he may have faced his own challenges, his proximity and the knowledge of his pursuits provided a sense of reassurance to the family.
In the Walter family, no one was ever truly alone. The bonds of kinship ensured that each member found solace and support in the collective embrace of their family.
On the third day of the break, they observed Bianca's death anniversary by reminiscing over photo albums and old videos and paying a visit to her grave. However, upon returning home, each retreated to their respective bedrooms, likely engaging in the same solitary activity as Charis: lying in bed, feeling lifeless, and yearning for brighter days ahead.
When Marilyn noticed her sister returning home daily, shaking from the cold and visibly in pain, yet stubbornly continuing the routine, she had had enough. She intercepted Charis, preventing her from passing by, and confronted her about her behavior. Closing herself inside her bedroom and pretending to study, Marilyn made it clear that she had noticed.
"Just come and eat dinner, Charis," Marilyn insisted, halting her sister's attempts to escape. The sisters sat down, and Austin, observing the situation, suggested putting ice on Charis's leg afterward.
When Marilyn expressed a desire to spend the last meal together before her week-long departure for dance camp, Charis responded with a sarcastic remark, causing some tension. Their father intervened, prompting Charis to apologize, which she did.
"Can't we spend the last meal before I leave together," Marilyn said, annoyed, sitting down.
"You'll only be gone for a week, Marilyn" Charis stabbed her fork at the food.
"Gee, thanks," Marilyn said. She couldn't quite grasp what was troubling her sister, but it gnawed at her nonetheless. With the prospect of leaving for a week, she wished for everything to be okay between them before she departed.
"She didn't mean like that, Charis?" Their father said, prompting the younger daughter to apologize.
"Sorry," Charis apologized to her older sister. Marilyn nodded.
They finished dinner, and Marilyn went to pack her suitcase while Austin provided Charis with ice for her leg. As Austin cleaned the table and put the dishes in the washer, he couldn't help but notice Charis's pale complexion.
"You look a bit pale," he remarked as he sat next to her on the couch.
"Yeah, it's very cold out," Charis replied, implying the obvious. Even though she was covered with a blanket, she felt the chill inside the house.
"I know. Maybe you should eat more and rest if your leg hurts this much," Austin suggested, casting a concerned glance her way, acknowledging the not-so-subtle changes.
"I'm fine," she murmured, staring at the TV.
"Alright," he said calmly, sensing a familiar atmosphere returning to the house—a feeling reminiscent of when Marilyn or Bianca was sick. Though he couldn't pinpoint the exact reason, he knew he would soon find out.
The following morning, they had to get up a bit earlier than usual to drive Marilyn to the airport. The morning routine was the usual, with Marilyn dragging Charis out of bed, and then Charis dragging Marilyn to the car, threatening to make them late. Arriving at the airport, Austin and Charis bid farewell to Marilyn.
Charis felt conflicted because, despite almost being happy for the brief reprieve from her sister's watchful eye, she also harbored concerns about Marilyn traveling alone. She hoped for her sister's safe return, praying that Marilyn would come back just as she left. On the other hand, Austin was apprehensive about being left alone with Charis, fearing he might say or do the wrong things, and the atmosphere at home might revert to the challenging times when Charis was in a rehabilitation center for her leg.
As they sat in the diner, Charis reluctantly agreed to eat toast at her father's suggestion, despite not having eaten anything in the morning. She found solace in the simplicity of toast, enjoying it amidst her guilt and conflicting emotions.
However, her father's conversation was interrupted by her phone's notification sound—Cole was asking if she was going to school. Austin teased her about blushing as she responded to him. Another message followed, this time about a bonfire invitation from Cole. Though she didn't want to go, she felt obligated to consider his request, knowing it would raise concerns either way.
As they left the diner, George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" played on the car radio, and they drove around a bit more to kill time before school.
Once again, Charis gazed out the window, observing the array of shops and establishments passing by. She found herself wondering if she might end up working in one of them someday - a coffee shop, a boutique, a library, or perhaps even a paper store. Suddenly, the landscape changed, transitioning from shops to auto mechanics and various yards, then to corporate buildings, and finally to expanses of grass. It was a reminder that everything had its end, and soon enough, Silver Falls High School came into view.
Before Austin dropped her off, she scanned the area for the Walter family's wagon, relieved to see it wasn't there yet. This meant they would likely be running late, sparing her from the watchful eyes of her peers the moment she stepped out of her dad's truck.
During the first two periods, Charis had minimal interaction, but in her class with Danny, she found herself engaged in conversation rather than taking notes. The class was dull, and despite the teacher's threats, they couldn't muster much interest. Danny's inquiries about Marilyn amused Charis; she knew her sister and Danny texted each other, but Marilyn likely hadn't responded yet. Charis shared details of their morning, assuring Danny he could expect a reply from Marilyn later in the day. Danny tried to play it cool, but he couldn't hide his excitement. He admired Marilyn's interests and talents, finding her cool and compatible, yet they hadn't taken their relationship to the next level.
As Danny continued to discuss Cole's mood after the dinner, Charis found herself feeling guilty for potentially ruining his day. She denied knowing anything about it, unable to confess without incriminating herself. She worried about their interaction at lunch, wondering if Cole would be upset to see her there after a whole day of not talking or if he would notice her absence. Couples at school typically spent time together, walking, talking, and hanging out, but Charis and Cole hadn't established their relationship publicly. Unsure if they would acknowledge each other or ignore one another, Charis felt anxious about the impending lunchtime encounter.
Charis primarily blamed herself for revealing her secret, torn between wanting Cole to care and not wanting him to intervene. She dreaded the idea of their encounters becoming a daily mission, and she found herself trying to avoid him to evade potential confrontation. However, Cole's perspective was quite different from what she anticipated.
Meanwhile, in his chemistry class, Cole pondered the events of Thanksgiving dinner. He regretted making assumptions and pushing Charis to reveal her secret. While part of him believed it was necessary to expose the truth, he worried that he had pressured her into admitting something she wasn't ready to share. Unsure of the seriousness of the situation, both Charis and Cole grappled with finding the right solution to their dilemma.
As the bell rang, signaling the end of another class, students dispersed to their next destinations or their lockers, blending into the typical rhythm of the school day. This routine repeated itself until the final bell announced lunchtime.
Charis had no intention of braving the cafeteria chaos and instead made her way to the library, not to study—her academic year was effectively over—but for a moment of respite. Armed with homemade cookies courtesy of her sister, she embarked on a stealth mission to bypass Cole's locker en route to the library, successfully evading any potential encounters.
Inside the library, Charis found a few familiar faces, including Grace, who enthusiastically waved her over. Initially planning for solitude, Charis decided to join them, knowing they were busy with homework anyway.
As the conversation turned to the upcoming bonfire, Jackie inquired about the event's significance, prompting Grace to emphasize its immense popularity.
"Okay. Try a huge deal," Grace exclaimed, leaning comfortably on the table, her demeanor animated as Skylar grinned in agreement.
Charis chuckled softly, retrieving a container of cookies from her bag, her thoughts drifting to past bonfire discussions with her girlfriends.
"You're going with Alex, right?" Grace asked, her tone almost rhetorical.
"Yeah," Jackie answered, her expression slightly guarded.
"Do you think you guys are gonna... You know," Grace continued, her implication not lost on anyone.
Jackie's eyes widened in alarm, glancing at Charis for any confirmation.
Jackie's denial was swift. "What? No. No. Why would you think that?"
"Tons of people hook up at the bonfire," Grace stated matter-of-factly, undeterred by Jackie's swift denial.
Charis stifled a laugh, nodding at Jackie's vehement denial. She then offered the cookies to the group, trying to diffuse the tension.
"Like, everyone," Skylar chimed in, adding to the exaggeration.
"Yeah, it's, like, a thing," Grace affirmed.
Jackie remained firm. "Well, no, not us. We're not there yet. Like, we're not even close to it."
"Yeah, right," Grace laughed, clearly skeptical.
"Are you sure about that?" Skylar teased, playfully pushing Jackie's boundaries.
Charis interjected, trying to ease the tension. "You guys do seem pretty close."
Despite Charis's attempt, Jackie's discomfort was palpable as the conversation veered into uncomfortable territory.
"Yeah, and if that's how you are in public, in private, okay," Grace laughed, insinuating other things.
Jackie shriveled back in her seat, visibly worried. Charis noticed and felt a pang of sympathy for her friend's unease.
"Okay, Alex has got to chill on the PDA," Jackie concluded, attempting to redirect the conversation.
"Are you not into it? Because if you're not..." Skylar offered, showing support for Jackie's feelings.
"No. No, it's... it just feels a little extra," Jackie explained, her tone firm.
As the group banter continued, Charis's thoughts involuntarily drifted to her own complicated relationship with Cole. Just then, Grace's gaze darted towards the entrance, and Charis followed suit, locking eyes with Cole. With a quick excuse, she excused herself from the group and approached him, feeling a mix of anticipation and apprehension.
Walking away from the library, Charis couldn't decipher Cole's expression. His eyes revealed little about his mood—whether he'd be angry, sympathetic, or indifferent. It seemed he was equally unable to gauge her feelings.
"Hey," she greeted him with a subtle smile as they moved further from the library's silence.
"Hey, you didn't get my message?" Cole inquired, attempting to ease the tension.
"No, sorry, what did it say?" Charis replied, fumbling for her phone in her pockets. She noted his reliance on texting, perhaps finding it easier to express himself that way.
"I thought we were meeting in the cafeteria but—" he started to explain, his words trailing off hesitantly. There was more he wanted to say, Charis could sense it, but he held back.
"Sorry," she interjected, regretting her question.
"It's okay," he reassured her, brushing it off. After a moment's pause, he spoke again.
"I figured we should go somewhere to talk," he suggested, his finger lightly resting on her hip. Charis's stomach fluttered, but she couldn't shake the unease at his words.
"Talk about what?" she asked defensively, creating distance between them.
"Talk," he said firmly, his eyes conveying the message. She knew what he meant, but she wasn't ready to confront it.
She looked down at her shoes in frustration, and he sighed, placing an arm on her shoulder.
"We can go to the bleachers," he suggested, prompting her to look up.
"There are too many people there now," she pointed out, noting that classes had just finished for the majority of the school.
"We can sit in the car," he proposed, leading them out of the school.
"Are you sure they won't mind?" she asked, referring to his brothers.
"I'm sure," he nodded, extending his arm.
She took his hand as they walked towards the car, and they settled inside. Soft rock played on the radio, Peter Frampton's "Show Me The Way" filling the car as they drove in silence. He parked a bit out of town at a viewpoint with benches, not too far away. Charis zipped up her jacket as they exited the car and made their way to a nearby bench.
"So?" Charis exhaled as she sat down, while he leaned against the railing in front of her.
"So? Charis, you can't just drop it on me and expect me not to ask," he said, exasperated.
"Drop it on you? You asked me about it!" she retorted defensively.
"Did you tell—" he began, but she cut him off.
"No, and you aren't telling anyone either because there's nothing to tell," she insisted.
"Where do you think you're going with this? Long term?" he pressed, clasping his arms together in front of him. She stayed silent, struggling to find the right words.
"Waiting for another number to drop? A size smaller?" he continued, pushing her, hoping to bring her back to reality.
"You're being ridiculous," she murmured, crossing her arms and avoiding his gaze.
"Correct me if I'm wrong!" he exclaimed, not too loudly, but with frustration evident in his voice. Uncrossing his palms, he ran a hand through his hair.
"What happens when you become anemic or—or have irreversible damage?" he questioned, hoping to make her see reason.
"Cole, come on. I'm fine. It was one time," she insisted, standing up and walking towards him, attempting to reassure him.
"How do I know that?" he asked, leaning back against the railing and looking at her intently. He just wanted her to see herself the way he saw her.
"I don't want to put them through this again, and I am eating," she pleaded, referring to her family.
"You're going to start coming to the cafeteria," he declared, pointing a finger at her and tapping her forehead gently before pushing her away.
"No, come on. There are too many people," she protested, swatting his hand away. He understood her anxiety about crowds. Fine, he thought, she won this round.
"Fine, but we will eat together," he insisted, making his decision final.
He hugged her and turned them around so they could both admire the view below them. But the moment abruptly ended when Charis's phone rang. Seeing her dad's name on the screen, she answered quickly, not feeling alarmed. She put him on speaker.
"Hey," she greeted.
"Hey, I'm sorry, but can someone else drive you home or can you catch a bus?" Her dad's voice sounded rushed, as if he didn't have time for this call right now, with muffled sounds in the background. Cole nodded, that he would drive her home.
"Sure, but what's up?" Charis inquired, her curiosity piqued by her father's demeanor.
"We'll talk about it at home," he replied, clearly trying to end the conversation quickly.
"When will you be home?" she pressed, sensing his urgency.
"Just take the leftovers out of the fridge," he instructed, his voice fading as other voices clamored for his attention. Charis couldn't shake the feeling of foreboding that lingered after the call.
"Okay, bye?" she said uncertainly.
"Bye, Charis," came her father's hurried response before the line went dead.
"That didn't sound good," she remarked, looking down at her phone.
"It could be nothing," Cole offered reassuringly, though his own concern was evident.
"I can take you home," he offered.
Charis graciously accepted his offer, and they drove to her residence. Upon arrival, she welcomed him inside, and they tended to their customary routine of watching a movie, preparing snacks, and indulging in them this time. Engaging in affectionate gestures, playful banter, and browsing through their phones, they passed the time. After viewing two films, Cole had to depart to pick up his brothers. However, before his departure, Charis guided him on a tour of the barn, where the new horse would soon reside. Their conversation revolved around equestrian matters, such as saddles and roping. Following this, Cole bid his farewell.
Left to herself once more, Charis retrieved the leftover food and prepared to settle on the couch for some television time. However, her solitude was abruptly interrupted by the unexpected arrival of her father at the doorstep, his black cowboy hat clutched in his hand. His expression betrayed exhaustion, tinged with an unmistakable air of sorrow.
━━ 𝙧𝙖𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙖 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝘀 !
heeyy! sorry for this short filler chapter, things have been hectic, i have to focus on school a bit because i am miserably failing!
also, I've finished my dazed and confused book so feel free to check it out, its very short :)
i'll be back with more chapters soon!