River
By the time we had gotten to Paris, Lyra had woken up and had been extremely excited about landing. Or rather the fact that her stomach would ease once we were back on the ground.
"Do you want to go to the hotel right away?" I asked once we were in the back of the car.
"Mhm." She nodded sleepily. "I don't want to see much until I'm more awake. Do they have coffee here? I need coffee."
"I'll get you coffee." I moved her hair away from her face. "We're in Paris together for an entire week."
"Alone for an entire week."
"My favourite thing."
"Which is?"
"Having you alone. Teddy has been friends with you for much longer, and you live with Sasha. Everyone has had more time with you than I have."
"You're sweet." She moved her head, looking up at me. "Very sweet."
"Debatable."
"Among?"
"You and everyone else." I laughed. "You should eat when we get to the hotel. You didn't before we left, or on the plane."
"I was sleeping."
"You're still eating when we get up there."
I knew Lyra had shitty sleeping problems
already, I was well aware my girl didn't sleep, and didn't sleep well when she did. I made sure to book an extra day for her to recover before we start at Disney or go looking at tourist attractions."
She was going to be tied if she didn't relax, not to mention grumpy. I know she doesn't mean it, but she's not nice when she's tired. She snaps often, and everything annoys her, even when she's trying her hardest.
Lyra and I explored the hotel after we settled in. She was obsessed with the view from our balcony.
The hotel was older, and resembled many of the older buildings. From our balcony, we were able to see the tower.
When I went to grab her something, I came back unable to find her, until I noticed the balcony door opened just slightly.
When I opened it, she had a blanket wrapped around her as she leaned over the railing, looking out at the tower.
She looked so beautiful, just taking in everything when she thinks she's all alone.
I leaned against the door, crossing my arms over my chest.
I stood there for only a few minutes, taking in her beauty. The way her skin glowed under the warm sun, or the way her eyes sparkled here.
She was so fucking stunning, and she seemed to forget it too often. Even though I make a point to tell her every single day, at least thirty times a day.
"What are you thinking about, Baby?"
She turned her head slightly to look back at me. Her eyes were red and slightly swollen. "How beautiful this is." I made my way to her, wrapping my arms around her from behind. "How beautiful our view is."
"Why are you crying?" I asked softly.
"I'm here without her." Her whisper broke and the tears weren't being held back any longer.
There was more. There was more she wasn't saying.
She didn't break down like this. Not like this.
I turned her around, tilting up her chin. "I think she'd be happy you're here. Even if it's not with her."
Her tears welled up before she pressed her forehead against my chest. "Can we talk?"
My hand moved up and down her back gently, "You never have to ask."
We sat together on the couch, her curled up across from me. My hand on her knee.
She wiped her tears with her sleeve before glancing up at the ceiling. "You have no idea how special this is to me. Being here with you is amazing, It's like a dream. But there's a lot you don't know about me, that maybe you should know."
My brows creased together. "You don't have to tell me anything you do want to tell me. I know you, Baby."
"My parents and I didn't have a good relationship. I am the problem child, I have always acted out, misbehaved, I argued. I caused problems with their marriage, right from the beginning. The things you've been told about me are probably true. Except a couple things."
"Ly-"
"Please," She closed her eyes, a shaky breath left her lips. "I never tried to seduce Lilian's friend's dad. I never met that friend's family. When I was...younger, one of my father's friends got handsy with me, more than once. My dress was too short on many occasions. I tried to hide my body."
My heart sank as the words slowly poured out. Someone hurt my girl, and she fucking thought it was her fault.
She thought it was her fucking fault.
And everything started to click. The way she used to only wear baggy clothes, hoodies and sweaters everyday. The way she isolated herself in the back corner of every room.
She never wanted attention drawn to her.
"I am so sorry, but that's not your fault."
"I just wanted you to know the truth. You deserve to know what you're getting into, you're spending too much money on me. Too much time, and effort. I want you to know I won't be upset-"
"What? Are you trying to break up with me in Paris? Yeah, that's funny, Baby." I grabbed her, pulling her towards my lap before wrapping my arms around her. "I don't want you to think that was your fault. It's not."
I wanted to hurt whoever hurt her. I didn't know how to make her feel better, not what to say other than I was sorry, and how it wasn't her fault.
Her arms went around me as she nuzzled her face in my neck. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"You don't have to," my lips pressed to the side of her head. "Thank you for telling me, and trusting me."
"Thank you for taking me here."
"My father took my mother to Paris for their first trip."
"Same hotel?"
I smiled softly. "No, a cottage in the countryside."
"Is it still there?"
"He bought it for her actually."
"Have you ever been?"
"When we were kids we vacationed here, we always stayed in the cottage." I wanted to take you actually."
Her face lit up, "really?"
"Course, my dad gave me the key. I'm so excited for you to see it. There's a reading window, I'll read to you."
"Anything I want?"
"Of course, Baby."
In total, I have taken 436 photos of Lyra at Disney. And we hadn't even been there a day.
Any moment I could sneak photos, multiples, I would.
Seeing her happy made every single problem disappear, It made everything seem minor in comparison to her. Her smile was my rain. Her smile was my sun. Her smile was the only thing that made me sure of being here.
Light filled her, surrounding her. Waking up to her was warm, and comforting. It scared the darkness away.
The day we went to the countryside was sunny, and warmer than the other days.
Lyra had absolutely fallen in love with the cottage, she explored it for hours, begging to stay the night. But that was already the plan from the the beginning.
By the time we curled up on the window seat, the rain had taken over the bright day full of sun. She laid between my legs, curled up on her side, her head on my chest. "I love when you read to me," She mumbled, her voice full of sleep. "I love when you hold me."
I kissed the top of her head.
I loved every single thing she did.
Every moment I had with her made me lose track of time. And she's the only one I would ever come here with.
I haven't been here since Ivy and I's last birthday together. Since she chose that exact same book Ly asked me to read her. The Beautiful and the Damned.
She fell asleep while the rain pattered against the window, the dark sky overshadowing the field of flowers beyond the glass.
"Ly?" I asked gently as I shifted slightly.
When she didn't answer, I kissed the top of her head. She cuddled into me while I moved the blanket around her.
I rubbed her back as my eyes closed, swelling and stinging.
Fuck.
God.
I was so fucking in love with her.