CHARIS AWOKE, GRAPPLING WITH UNCERTAINTY as to whether her empty stomach was a consequence of her moodiness or a result of insufficient food consumed the night prior. Her reluctance to face the impending school day was palpable as she lay in bed, contemplating the challenges ahead. She opted to stay home from school, citing an illness as the reason for her absence.
Upon awakening the next day, Charis found herself grappling with the same heavy sensation on her chest as the day before. It wasn't a particular sense of sadness or distress, but rather a general lack of motivation to engage with the day. Getting out of bed seemed like a daunting task.
Charis found herself in a situation where she had misplaced her phone within the confines of her bedroom. She purposefully avoided responding to messages from both Cole and Danny, both expressing concern about her well-being.
Through her window, a picturesque scene unfolded, with white trees swaying gently and birds chirping harmoniously despite the cold. The anticipation of a colt arriving next week was the only beacon of hope, the prospect of which stirred a glimmer of excitement within her.
Recalling the events of the previous days, Charis felt a mix of happiness and contentment. However, a nagging feeling lingered, a fear that the positive emotions would wear off, and she'd return to her usual moody self. The lingering memory of the way Alex and Jackie glanced at her and Cole yesterday weighed on Charis's mind. The peculiar looks they exchanged left her feeling uneasy and pondering the possible implications.
Conflicted between her brain's advice to distance from him and her heart's urge to call or text, she chose the former, distancing herself from her phone and opting for the solace of a book.
When her father knocked on the door, inquiring about her readiness for the day, Charis affirmed her wakefulness but remained nestled in her bed. Austin, perplexed, exchanged a shrug with Marilyn, who said that she would be leaving for work.
Charis, privy to their conversation, overheard their lack of subtlety. Surprisingly, when the door opened, it was her father who stood there, not her sister ready to pull her from her haven. She admitted feeling unwell, and he, sensing her mood, nodded in understanding. Despite Marilyn's skeptical gaze, she left as instructed. Austin, before departing for work, advised Charis to eat and invited the fresh air into her room, acknowledging that this was a one-time pass.
She shifted to the other side of her bed, wrapping the hoodie snugly around her and pulling the bed sheets close. The room felt a bit chilly, and she sought warmth and comfort in the cozy cocoon she had created. She selected some music to accompany her, choosing to linger in the comfort of her bed for a while longer.
Charis found herself in a situation where she had misplaced her phone within the confines of her bedroom. She purposefully avoided responding to messages from both Cole and Danny, both expressing concern about her well-being.
However, Charis opted to stay in bed, or as she put it, "rotting," until one in the afternoon when nature called her to the bathroom. Despite knowing that she should start making the pastries, considering her sister had already prepared two plates, she felt she should at least attempt to whip up some brownies or something.
Charis reluctantly changed into her baking attire and begrudgingly embarked on the task of preparing the batter. Each step of the brownie recipe felt like a chore to her, and she couldn't fathom how anyone could find solace in such a seemingly tedious activity. Mixing the ingredients with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm, she powered through the process, wondering why people derived any joy from the supposed therapeutic nature of baking.
She found herself contemplating the overwhelming presence of food in her daily thoughts. The constant focus on eating, the ubiquity of discussions about meals—it all felt draining. While she appreciated the idea of food, the act of consuming it left her conflicted and exhausted.
Charis was well-acquainted with the repercussions of her thought patterns. Having witnessed her sister struggle with a similar condition, Charis started recognizing the striking similarities between them. She couldn't ignore the fact that she was mirroring Marilyn's actions and echoing her words, realizing the unsettling cycle they were both caught in.
The memory of the day her sister recovered stood out as one of the happiest moments for Charis. She vividly recalled the conversation where Marilyn had explained feeling a lack of control over her life, finding solace in managing what went into her body, and focusing on her appearance. Now, Charis found herself experiencing similar sentiments, repeating the same patterns, and articulating comparable thoughts.
Nevertheless, Charis couldn't shake the feeling that her situation wouldn't escalate to the extent it had for her sister. As the day progressed, she managed to complete the brownies, coinciding with her sister's return home. Marilyn inquired about her well-being, and Charis explained she had a headache but had successfully finished the baking.
Marilyn, being observant, had noticed that something was bothering Charis. Initially, she attributed it to the aftermath of Charis's accident, involving leg problems, horse-related issues, and perhaps some boy problems. However, as the days passed, Marilyn sensed a deeper change in her sister's demeanor. Determined to uncover the truth, Marilyn decided to revisit activities that Charis used to enjoy and try to unravel the mystery behind her recent behavior.
While Charis retreated to her bedroom fortress and immersed herself in a series on her computer, Marilyn patiently waited for an opportunity to investigate. When Charis finally disappeared into her room, Marilyn seized the chance to snoop around. She meticulously went through books, peeked into the trash, and scrutinized anything that might provide a clue as to the reasons behind Charis's recent behavior.
Charis, taking a risky move, decided to open the window and indulge in a cigarette. Although it made her a bit dizzy due to her lifestyle choices, it brought her a sense of satisfaction. Meanwhile, Marilyn, playing it smart, approached Charis's room with a reason. She entered and inquired about sunglasses she claimed to have lent to Charis, using it as an excuse to snoop around. Charis, quick on her feet, disposed of the cigarette and sprayed some deodorant to cover it up.
"Have you still got the sunglasses I lent you?" Marilyn inquired, already searching through Charis's drawers. As she rummaged through them, she subtly observed Charis, trying to glean any clues about what might be bothering her.
"Why would you need sunglasses in this weather, Marilyn?" Charis rolled her eyes. Her sister shrugged in response.
"And no, I gave them back," Charis told her, marking the end of the conversation. Marilyn huffed, seemingly unsatisfied with the response, and exited the bedroom.
As the clock ticked on, Austin returned home, asking his daughters about their days. They began getting ready, taking out the wine bottle and pastries from the refrigerator. Charis nervously applied her natural makeup, her hands shaking a bit. She opted for baggy warm jeans and boots paired with a black, cozy sweater.
Her nerves were a mix of anticipation about seeing Cole after ignoring him for almost two days and the anxiety of being around a lot of people and food, especially since she wasn't comfortable eating in front of others. Most importantly, the absence of half her family made it hard for her to feel festive, and Thanksgiving didn't quite feel the same anymore.
"You girls ready?" Austin called out into the house, putting on his jacket and gloves.
"Ready," they both emerged from their bedrooms, with coats, gloves, and scarves in tow.
"You look beautiful," Austin smiled at his daughters.
"Come on, you take this plate," he handed one to Charis.
"I'll take this one," he took the other.
"And the non-drinker gets the wine bottle," he laughed, giving it to Marilyn, making light of Charis's recent adventures and, of course, his own habits.
"You think you're so funny," Marilyn scrunched up her nose, chuckling at him.
"Would you rather I'd cry," he shrugged, taking the keys and walking over to the truck to start it.
The sisters chuckled at his words and got in the car. The drive seemed short, at least for Charis, who almost wished it could be never-ending. Upon arriving, they were greeted by Albert, the dog, who wagged his tail happily.
Austin knocked on the door, and soon Danny welcomed them, taking a plate from their hands, stepping back, and guiding them to the dining room.
"Hello," Marilyn greeted Danny, and he blushed, exchanging a gaze with her.
Charis cleared her throat, hugged Danny, and continued on her way. Danny's eyes widened in realization, and he reached over her shoulder to stop her. When he did, she turned to him, but he remained speechless, not knowing what to say. She shook her head with a chuckle and proceeded.
As she rounded the corner, intending to head straight to the kitchen, she briefly glanced at the dining room. Expecting to see only the Walter family, she unexpectedly made eye contact with Jackie, Erin, and, lastly, Cole. Her parted lips closed firmly, her jaw tensed, and she redirected her focus to greet Katherine, George, and an unfamiliar man introduced as Richard, Jackie's uncle.
They all settled around the table, Marilyn took a seat next to Danny, leaving Charis with the last available chair next to Cole. Cole shook his head, likely meaning to ask if she was okay, why she was ignoring him, or if something had happened. To Charis, the head shake seemed like an angry, frustrated gesture, as if questioning what the fuck was wrong with her. She looked up from her empty plate, waiting for Lee to cut the turkey, and was met with a stare from Erin.
Erin quickly averted her gaze, engaging in a quiet conversation with Jackie. Charis felt like she had entered a separate realm, wondering why those two were friends and since when. On her other side, Danny was engrossed in a conversation with her sister. Charis felt out of place as she watched everyone load their plates, sensing a lump in her throat growing. She decided to swallow it down and deal with it. It was just dinner, like any other. Except it wasn't.
She scooped some mashed potatoes and other items onto her plate but kept it small. Cole nudged her with his elbow, sensing that something was wrong. She looked tense ever since she walked into the house. Cole wondered if it was because of Jackie or Erin, or if her dad had forbidden her from seeing him after their little risky rendezvous. However, that seemed impossible since Austin was sitting on Cole's left side, engaging in conversation with George and occasionally with Cole himself. There must have been a third party involved.
"We can talk after, if you want," Cole suggested, his green eyes searching for hers.
"I'd like that, thank you," she responded sincerely, exhaling in relief. His raised eyebrows indicated that something was definitely bothering her.
The room buzzed with lively chatter as everyone took their seats. Cole draped his arm around Charis's chair, a comforting gesture that didn't go unnoticed. George, taking the lead, settled into his chair and suggested, " I thought before we dive in, why don't we go around the table and share what we're thankful for this year?"
"Cole, let's start with you?" George asked his son.
"Uh, I guess I'm grateful that the Broncos didn't actually wipe out this year. Of course, I'm thankful for my friends and for this girl sitting next to me," he grinned, his eyes meeting Charis's.
Charis hesitated for a moment, exchanging glances with those around her.
"This year," she began, "I'm grateful for family and the people who've been there for me. Also, for new beginnings and, uh, unexpected turns that lead to good things," she said, smiling, glancing at Cole.
With her words lingering in the air, the attention shifted to others, each sharing their gratitude on this Thanksgiving day. Soon enough after everyone had their turn, they dived into their plates. Desserts were next on the agenda. Cole couldn't shake the feeling that the atmosphere was unusually quiet—no snarky remarks, no friendly banter, just an unspoken tension.
"How are you?" Jackie asked Charis.
"You know, feeling super festive." Charis replied.
"Mm, these brownies are amazing," Isaac said, stuffing them into his mouth. Charis smiled at his enthusiasm.
"Marilyn, did you make them?" he continued to ask with his mouth full.
"No, I made those," Marilyn pointed at the pastries on the other side of the table.
"The brownies are Charis's," she said, gesturing to her sister. At the mention of her name, Charis turned her head toward the sound.
"You baked?" Cole raised his eyebrows happily. She nodded in return, and he reached for some of the brownies she made.
"Charis, I didn't know you baked so well," Katherine said, excitedly, taking a bite herself.
"Pure luck, that's all," Charis shook her hand, dismissing it.
"Nope, it's in the genes. They got it from their mother," Austin said proudly.
Charis smiled sadly and nodded. She knew he meant it in a good way and accepted the compliment proudly. However, it felt like, until the end of their lives, they were going to be compared to their mother. And maybe it was reaching too far, but it felt like they were erasing Aster too.
The conversation shifted to Jackie and Richard discussing Manhattanhenge, a phenomenon that occurs twice a year when the sun aligns perfectly with the Manhattan street grid. Richard explained the significance, and Cole expressed his opinion that big cities are overrated. Charis smiled, gently jabbing him with her elbow. Richard suggested that they could see Manhattanhenge together next year if Jackie decides to visit.
"Too bad shes not moving back," Lee snapped, his frustration palpable.
"Jesus, Lee. Don't be a jackass," Cole chided him.
"Lee, I don't think it's Jackie that you're mad at, right?" George interjected.
"She's not going anywhere. So let's..." George started, but Jackie interrupted with unexpected news.
"Actually... I might be," she revealed, causing a collective drop in utensils and a shared moment of surprise, even affecting Charis. Despite their past differences, Charis considered Jackie an aquaintance. The realization of her potential departure to New York created an unsettling atmosphere, reflected in the exchanged looks even between Charis, Austin, and Marilyn.
"Are you sure?" Richard questioned Jackie in Spanish, prompting similar inquiries from Isaac.
"What's happening?" Katherine inquired with concern.
"I'm contemplating filing for custody," Richard disclosed, addressing the underlying reasons for his presence.
"What? Is that why you came?" Katherine asked in disbelief.
"You invited me here, remember? And no," Richard clarified, deflecting her assumptions. The escalating conversation added an unpredictable element, leaving Charis and others uneasy about the unfolding situation.
"Jackie's guardianship was settled in the will," George interjected.
"I understand, but I'm her only blood relative, and that can be contested," Richard argued.
"Richard, have you really thought this through? Raising a teenager while working full-time..." George expressed concerns.
"I'm traveling less now, and she should be with family," Richard defended his stance.
"We are a family," Katherine insisted.
"You know what I mean." Richard said.
Charis seized the moment to discreetly dispose of some remaining food on her plate, taking advantage of the prevailing silence amidst the ongoing conversation.
"Still, you have to admit that your lifestyle isn't conducive to parent-teacher conferences and home-cooked meals every day," George pointed out.
"You don't know me that well, George, with all due respect," Richard retorted.
"Look, I think the bottom line is that we just want Jackie to have stability. Consistency is so important," George asserted.
"I want that too," Richard concurred.
"What do you want?" Cole inquired, prompting Charis to retreat into her seat, finding it difficult to contribute to the evolving conversation.
"He's right. Do you know what you want?" Richard directed the question to Jackie.
"The only thing I know for sure is... what I want is impossible to have," Jackie confessed, the atmosphere sobering.
"You know, Richard, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that family isn't always defined by blood," Katherine remarked, clearing her throat
"Did you know I was adopted? My parents were wonderful, but I was always really curious about my biological parents. So after college, I went on a road trip to finally meet my birth mother, and guess who came with me?" she explained.
"Angelica and Bianca were with me, by my side in that car for hours while I processed all the hopes and fears that had built up," she smiled, looking at both Austin and George, with happy tears in her eyes. Charis felt for her; both of her best friends were dead, and it made her so sad that she didn't spend more time with her.
"And when we finally got to Colorado, they waited in the motel while I went to the diner where my mother had agreed to meet. But she never showed. I was devastated. But there was this waiter, and he kept refilling my coffee, and I think he probably felt bad for me because he brought me this gigantic slice of pie..." Katherine recounted.
"Okay, I didn't feel bad for you. I just thought she was the hottest thing I'd ever seen," George chuckled.
"That's how you two met?" Jackie asked.
"Yeah. I went searching for blood family, but I found chosen family instead. And I'm grateful every single day." Katherine concluded with a sincere expression.
Marilyn observed the sparkle of hope and happiness in her father's eyes as he reminisced about his late wife.
Soon after the intense family conversation, the kids dispersed from the adults, each finding their own space. Cole signaled for Charis to join him upstairs, and an air of uncertainty accompanied them. Entering his room, they left the door slightly open.
"That was intense," Charis sighed, her hands in her back pockets.
"It was," Cole nodded, sitting on the bed and patting it for her to sit as well.
"I'm sorry," they both said simultaneously.
"What have you got to be sorry for?" Charis placed her palm on his forearm, making him look at her.
"I don't know. I felt if you weren't talking to me that maybe I had done something. I still don't know what that foot stomp meant the other day," he shrugged, uncertain and concerned.
"No, Cole. You have done literally nothing wrong. I was just feeling down; it's nothing serious," she tried to brush it off. The anxiety in her body was pervasive, and this time it was different; usually, she could stop it, prevent it, but now it looked as if it was here to stay.
"Charis, you went MIA," Cole's tone changed, indicating it wasn't just nothing.
"I've been gone for longer," she scoffed, trying to make light of the situation.
"Yeah, but never when you were with me. I'm serious, have I done something wrong?" Cole stood up, shaking his head.
"No. I promise I won't do it again," she said seriously, standing up in front of him.
"You can tell me everything," he said, looking down at her, holding her hands.
"And I do," she affirmed. Cole huffed and dropped her hands, running his hands through his hair in frustration.
"Charis, you don't tell me shit. I always have to drag everything out of you," he gave her a reality check, not letting her off the hook.
"Well, you're no fucking saint either!" she said defensively.
"It's no good if we're both moping and walking on eggshells around each other," he tried to explain to her as best as he could. He didn't see a way out without this conversation ending in tears for the both of them.
"If you don't want this, you can just say it," Charis gestured at the space between them.
"There it is again. Charis!" he gently grabbed her shoulders, looking into her eyes.
"What?!" she matched his tone, frustratedly.
"Of course, I want to be with you, but you won't let me," he said.
"What was Erin doing here tonight?" she tilted her head to the side. Charis felt bad for the question as soon as she spoke it because maybe she just had nowhere to go, and they were being nice.
"Jackie invited her," he rolled his eyes at Jackie, but it looked as if it was meant for Charis.
"And I'm just supposed to believe you?" she whispered.
"I'm not lying!" he said exasperatedly.
"Alright," she raised her arms. They stood in silence for a couple of moments. Cole was mustering up the courage to say something, but he knew he could jeopardize everything. Nonetheless, he sighed shakily and exhaled.
"So seeing as you won't say it, I'll just take the reins on this one," he said, sniffing briefly.
"Why the hell were you putting the food away during the conversation? And this wasn't the first time," he said, staring into her eyes, his jaw tensing. Charis's blood ran cold, the color draining from her face. This couldn't be happening. Her throat was tightening.
"I didn't," her ears were ringing as she tried to remain calm.
"You were sitting next to me. Your fork was all I could hear," he took a step forward.
"Please don't tell my sister," those words were enough for Cole to understand the situation and the seriousness of it. Her eyes were starting to water, and he couldn't stand it, so he looked away from her.
"I won't because you're gonna do it yourself," he said calmly, pained to say this.
"I've got nothing to say," her voice broke.
"Then why are you begging me not to tell your sister?" he said desperately.
"Because I know what you're thinking, and it's not true," she matched his tone, the tears threatening to spill.
"You mean an eating disorder?" he took the liberty of speaking it out loud.
"Are you insane?" she said loudly, running over to close the door. Cole could see it clearly now, everything.
"Charis, your sister had it; she will know what's best for you," he said, trying to calm her down.
"Cole, I swear to god if you don't shut the fuck up," she pulled at her hair, with tears running down.
"Come on," he sighed, leaning on the wall behind him.
"I don't have it," she said, her voice breaking.
"If you prove it to me, I'll believe you," he pulled her into a hug.
"I will," she affirmed.
━━ 𝙧𝙖𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙖 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝘀 !
don't ask me where I draw these topics from, all I can say is real life experiences 😬🤩
but hey! that's what makes my books more realistic
also so sorry for the very late update but it was a rough couple of days lately personally, I promise ill try to be better and more consistent
vote, comment, enjoy!