Indila no longer trusted Coriolanus. He was a murderer, evil, capable of sending innocent children to their deaths. The night Indila discovered this truth, thoughts of suicide crossed her mind. In fact, she would contemplate it many times in her life, especially when Coriolanus reminded her of who he truly was. What prevented her from taking such a drastic step? Her children. Indila quickly formed a strong attachment to Crassus, and the idea of leaving him alone with his father terrified her. In the years that followed, two more lives would become reasons to stay, although she was unaware of it at the time.
Why did she contemplate death in the first place? On the evening of the first announcement of The Hunger Games, Indila realized something about Coriolanus that hadn't occurred to her before: he was capable of lying and omitting information if it suited him. Months later, she discovered he was a master at it. So, the likelihood of him letting her go back home anytime was probably not true. Even if it were, what could she do? Go back to her family, the people who were so pleased to be rid of the shame her existence brought to the crown? She had openly expressed her disdain for them. Even if she managed to return, how could she escape to another continent? How could she leave Panem if Coriolanus didn't allow it? He controlled every aspect of her life; she was well aware he would know every move or word she made within the circle. The only apparent way out was death. She used to feel like a coward when contemplating it. Nevertheless, her decision was made: she would remain in this world until their children were old enough to care for themselves.
This path was far from easy. In the months following the announcement, Indila felt repulsed by Coriolanus. She could barely bring herself to look at him. How could she have been so naive? How did he manipulate her so effortlessly? She despised him. Despite his attempts to win her back, he could never fully succeed. She was wounded in a way that he could never heal. On the other hand, she still loved the idea of the old Coriolanus, the one who never truly existed, and she was aware of it.
Life became a living hell. Then, a solution presented itself. Without even realizing it, during brief moments—like when Coriolanus would ask if Crassus was already sleeping—she would temporarily forget the person he truly was. Indila made a decision that didn't fill her with pride. In fact, even until her death, she would carry a lingering shame: she chose to pretend she didn't know, opting to forget the truth or, at least, pretend to. Most of the time, she had her husband back. Their marital problems transformed into occasional infidelity, disagreements on child-rearing, issues of jealousy (or the absence of it), and debates about how much Tigris influenced their relationship. However, there were moments when Coriolanus wasn't easy on her, and she would be reminded of who he truly was. On nights like that, Indila would cry, her resentment soaked with guilt, until she fell asleep. Fortunately, tonight was not one of those nights.
Indila had unfastened her heels. Coriolanus was changing too. "Baby, would you unzip me, please?" He approached her, saying, "Sure." He always kissed her neck when unzipping her dresses. "Dila, I was thinking tonight, what do you want to do for our second anniversary?" Indila hadn't thought about the 'dos,' only the 'don'ts.' "Coryo... not sure... just please, don't throw another dinner party like this. They drain all my social energy; I'm exhausted." Coriolanus raised an eyebrow. "I could never tell; you were talking to everybody all night long." Indila was indeed skilled in social situations like these, where one had to appear polite and perfect—she was trained to excel. "Babe, I swear, hearing all your female friends from school talk about how much fat they added to their boobs so they'd look bigger is not as pleasant as it seems."
Coriolanus laughed and leaned in to kiss her neck once more. "It's easy for you to say; you were born beautiful. They needed some help, though." He always seized every opportunity to share some charm. "I don't mean to judge them; they have every right. But it's not me, you know? I want to grow old. Truly, I want to experience what being and looking elderly is like." Coriolanus turned her so she could see his smile. "That's a very odd thing for a woman to say, but I understand. Let's grow old together."
Indila headed to the shower, and Coriolanus followed her. Indila thought about the mark Coriolanus left on her: very soon, they would be married for a whole two years, definitely her longest relationship. Being with someone for so long, getting so close to someone, was, in many ways, strange. Coriolanus joined her in the shower. Indila noticed they were both naked, but taking a shower with him was something very natural, and, most of the time, not sexual at all. She found it amusing, being naked around someone and feeling so comfortable. She wanted to share. "Coryo, do you realize you are naked in front of me?" Coriolanus was puzzled by the question. "Huh, yes? What's the matter? You've seen me naked a thousand times before..." He understood. "That's the matter. It's not like the first time; I was so worried about how my body would look the first time you called me into the bedroom. Now it's just a normal thing. Isn't it strange?"
He chuckled, "Well, I was a little nervous too, I guess that's the thing with first times and the thing with getting intimacy". He felt intimacy, she was pleased to know that. "Did you feel nervous during our first time?" Indila was in a talkative mood that night, and Coriolanus could sense it. Luckily, he was too. He responded, taking the opportunity to tease. Their conversations of this nature were often playful. "I guess, not as much as you, but I felt a bit nervous, for sure." Indila threw some water on his face, showing her middle finger with a smile, and responded with a laugh and a playful lie:
"It was my first time ever, jerk, I had the right to be nervous, I was just a pure innocent girl".
Coriolanus laughed, playfully splashing some water back. "Aren't you ashamed of saying those words without even thinking? I thought it was your first time too, but then, after a few seconds, I was like, 'Okay, this girl must've had some practice'." Indila shrugged, giving him an indifferent look, "If that's what you think." He seemed to enjoy the topic and continued the conversation as they left the shower, grabbing towels. "Were you nervous during your actual first time too?" Indila hadn't reflected on that memory for a long time; it was with a random boy. "No, I wasn't. In fact, I barely knew the boy. I was 16 and just wanted to taste what all my friends were talking about."
"Was it good?". Indila was very true: "It was awful, the worst, the boy couldn't stop shaking, it was appalling, and it happened in the woods, near to our school". Coriolanus grinned with one side of his mouth, as if reminiscing about something. "I could relate to that; I was very nervous too, and we were also in the woods, so uncomfortable." Indila became curious. "How was it?" Coriolanus took a moment, as if considering whether he could share the details, or perhaps contemplating a story. "I liked her, for real." It must have been the singer he mentioned that one time. "Was it during the time when you were a peacekeeper?" They were now dressed and lying on their bed. Coriolanus took another moment to think. "Yes, we were both teenagers too. We had a long conversation about how much trust meant to us. Then she said she wanted to prove how much she trusted me and that she wanted to show me something in the woods." Indila could predict the end of the story but continued to listen carefully. "I was so young and dumb that I only realized what was going on when she took her dress off, totally out of the blue, I was in panic".
Indila laughed, "It's really hard to picture you in a panic; you always seem to have control over everything." He laughed too. "Darling, I swear, I freaked out. I don't even know how I was able to pull through." Indila continued to laugh for some time, then nestled on his chest, as she always used to do. Another thought struck her.
"Sex is way easier when you're married, isn't it?" Indila remarked. "Agreed," Coriolanus responded. "I mean, it used to be such an event, and now it's just routine." Coriolanus sounded offended and playful at the same time, "Are you criticizing my performance?" Indila really wasn't, as that was something she could never complain about. "You know I'm not; it's just strange, you know? Feeling fully comfortable while doing it." Coriolanus kissed her forehead. "I don't think it's strange; I'm comfortable because I'm with you." Coriolanus always knew the right thing to say to make her heart forget and pretend she didn't know.
"About our anniversary, I want a surprise," Indila stated. Coriolanus chuckled, "You know me so well now, could I still be able to surprise you?" Indila nodded. They could have been an amazingly happy couple, building a joyful family. Why did things have to happen the way they did? "And I want hibiscus." Coriolanus smiled. "I was thinking about it just now; it's not a surprise anymore."
They spent some more time talking, cuddling, simply existing in each other's presence. When Coriolanus reached to switch off the lights, he also dropped the question in a very natural way: "Do you want to have sex?" Indila thought for a moment. "I'm on my period, you know." In fact, she was really comfortable about it as well, and questioned herself why she hadn't just said yes. "Does that mean 'no' or 'get a towel'?" Coriolanus definitely had spent enough time getting to know her. "Get a towel."