MINJEONG
All of my life I've been pretending that everything was fine and no one tried to see right through me. When I started to feel confident about my bisexuality, I felt like I became someone better and happier but my parents didn't approve at all.
My twenty years was a turning point in my life because that was the year I told my mother that I was different. She cried and slapped my face after my confession. I was hoping she would have a whole different reaction because she was always nice and understanding to me.
The slap was painful but her words were even more painful.
She told me that I was sick and disgusting. I can hear Jimin saying the same sentence in my head... I guess those words won't leave me alone. After my dad learned about it, he spat on me and threatened me to beat me up.
That was how I got kicked out of my parents' house.
I wish I could forget that year but it made me realize that my parents didn't love me to the fullest. Looking back at it, I feel like it was the right decision. I should not be ashamed of being myself. Never. One day I will find someone who understands me and will love me for who I am. I can't wait for that day to come. From high school to college, I used to pray that person would be Jimin. She was always so perfect, kind, charming, and funny. It was too easy for me to fall in love with her mind each month.
How foolish I was to think that this girl will choose me over a thousand suitors.
Since day one, I never had the chance. I can be her best friend but lover is not even a possibility.
Jimin is way out of my league.
Maybe that's why I was so desperate to be with her because I knew deep down, that I will never have her. Gosh, I was so hopeless back then. I really need to find someone. Somi is too jealous of Jimin. She thinks I can't move on from my crush on my sister's best friend because I watch her interviews. What's wrong with that? Most of the time, her interviews are entertaining and perfect to watch when I'm bored.
I told her that she should not worry about Jimin but she didn't listen to me. We started to argue about anything until she grabbed a knife and threatened to hurt me if I don't stay away from my friends, especially from Jimin. When I called Krystal, I did not expect to see Jimin but I should have.
They are best friends and Krystal loves to invite Jimin for diner. Back then, it was hard for me when my sister tried to find a boyfriend for Jimin. I pretended to be enthusiastic and it worked. All of her past boyfriends found me cool as I was silently hoping a truck would run over them.
I'm a good liar, Jimin's not. I saw her bruises. She tried to run away from me by going to the bathroom but I won't let her.
"Can I... come in?" I ask.
I don't want to pressure her so my voice is as soft as cotton candy. I wait a few minutes until I hear the door opening. She's standing in front of me with reluctance in her gaze. I step inside the bathroom and close the door behind me while she stares at me.
"Let me help," I state.
"I can do it alone. It's fine," she smiles at me but it looks forced.
"Sit," I put my hands on her shoulders and push her down on the floor. She lets out a low groan but she doesn't try to go away from my hold. "It won't be long," I reassure her and take the first aid kit.
I wet a cotton pad and proceed to pat it on her lips. She clenches her jaw at the touch and groans.
"Sorry," I whisper but she shakes her head in disapproval.
"Keep going."
I nod and clean her wounds with a disinfectant. She keeps her eyes shut and grasps firmly her thigh to handle the pain. I find the sight cute and endearing.
"Thank god I took vacations. My makeup artist would have killed me," she says to ease the tension between us.
With the back of my index finger, I shift a silky strand of hair falling over her cheek. A visible wave of shock vibrates her body causing her to open her eyes and looks at me. My gaze wanders on her lips for a second and I find myself, pinching my lips.
We're too close, that's not good for me.
"Are you done with this?" she asks me and indicates the cotton pad in my hand.
I swallow my saliva and shakes my head. I need to focus even if she is very distracting without knowing. I pat her cheekbone with some cold water as she looks at me. Her stare is making me feel nervous and uncomfortable.
"Stop staring."
"Fill the silence then."
I arch an eyebrow and locks my eyes with hers, "What do you want me to say ?"
She sighs and looks briefly at the ceiling before staring at me with a small smile.
"Tell me something in French."
The scent of roses lingers in the air as she comes towards me until our noses are a few inches from touching each other. I feel a pang in my heart when she squints her feline eyes because of her grin.
"Tous les Dimanches, je pleurais parce que je savais qu'au fond de moi, je ne pourrais jamais trouver une personne qui puisse m'aimer comme je suis. Je t'envie parce que tu ne seras pas seule. Je peux déjà imaginer tes enfants qui auront tes yeux et ton sourire. Ils t'appelleront maman et tu les aimeras comme la prunelle de tes yeux. Ton avenir est... magnifique alors que le mien... je souhaite seulement une chose," I tell her and take a pause before continuing, "Ne plus pleurer les Dimanches."
I lost my breath when she tucks a strand hair of mine behind my ear and wipes a stray tear with her thumb. It takes me a few moments to realize that I've been crying the whole time. I don't want her to see me like this so I drop my head and shoulders. She lifts my chin with her fingertips and she gives me a soft gaze at me.
"I don't wanna be alone," I admit.
She stares at me in wonder until we hear a knock on the door making us jump at the same time.
"Bed's ready. What's taking you so long?" she asks though the wooden door.
Jimin gets up without giving me a single glance and opens the door. Krystal enters and seems a little bit taken aback to see me here.
"I treated her wounds," I quickly justify myself and show her the first aid box.
Krystal doesn't seem convince even if it's the truth but she won't try to make fun of me, "Yeah... right," she turns to Jimin. "It's late so I won't let you go home. I don't trust strangers. You take the guest room," she states and then turns around to look at me.
"As for you, lil sis, there's no way you come to your house for the next few days. You're crazy ass girlfriend might be here waiting for you. I will deal with her later but for now, you stay here. The guest room is enough for two people but since this girl," she continues and points at Jimin with her finger, "is homophobic. I fear for you life."
Jimin rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.
"You're overracting, Krys. I don't hit people and you know that," the model retorts.
Krystal chuckles and puts her hands on her hips like a mother ready to scold her child.
"You're bleeding, dumbass."
The brunette beauty frowns and looks at the mirror to find out that her upper lip is still bleeding a little bit. We all know that Jimin is not a violent person. It's unusual for us to see her covered with light bruises from a recent fight.
"I don't think that's a good idea to put you two in the same room," Krystal says and I nod.
"It's just for a night. And for the record, I'm fine with it."
I never expected her to be willing to spend the night with me. When we were younger, she always refused to share a bed with someone for unknown reasons. I guess she doesn't feel comfortable when it comes to cuddling someone at night.
The thought of her embracing me in a comfy bed makes my ears heated.
"Okay, cool. Call me if you need anything. G'Night," my sister tells us before leaving the bathroom.
There's a silence after she left.
"I can sleep on the couch."
The last thing I want to do is to make her uncomfortable. I'd rather sleep on Krystal's feather couch than having awkwardness between us the whole night.
"Don't overthink too much," she says before smiling at me. "It's a sleepover. It sounds fun, right?"
She winks at me and walks towards the door, "But if you push me off the bed, there's a high chance that I'll fight back," she adds making me smile.
She leaves and a few seconds later, her face pops up while her body is in the hallway. She arches an eyebrow and asks.
"You're not coming?"
"Oh," I say after realizing that she was expected that I'll follow her. "As usual, beautiful ladies first," I continue while lifting my arms in the air to indicate her to take the lead.
She rolls her eyes and lightly slaps my shoulder in amusement, "You're so childish."
"And yet, you hit me hard. I think Krystal is right. You might kill me in my sleep," I tease her as we walk towards the guest room.
"Don't try me, Kim."
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Translation : Every Sunday, I cried because I knew deep inside me, I will never find someone who can love me as I am. I envy you because you won't be alone. I can picture you with your children who will have your eyes and your smile. They will call you mom and you will love them like the light of your eye. Your future is... beautiful while mine... I just hope for one thing. No more crying on Sunday.