I hate Finney.
I hate his curly hair.
I hate his beautiful eyes.
I hate that stupid smile.
I hate his admirable lips.
I hate how hes so affectionate with everyone.
I hate how he plays Baseball so well.
I hate how hes nice to me.
I hate how he looks so cute when hes excited.
I hate his obsession over space.
I hate his taste in style.
I hate him .
I just hate him.
I hate how he likes someone else.
I hate how I know I will never be that someone else.
I hate that I get jealous when he talks about her.
I hate when he admires her.
I hate how he talks to her with that dreamy voice.
I hate how he sees me as a friend.
Just a friend .
Am I just a friend ?
I couldnt even last long enough to be more than just a friend.
I hate how this always crosses my mind.
I hate how I always smile at him.
I hate how Im always so nice to him.
I hate the fact that Im so affectionate with him.
I just hate it .
Why cant I be her ?
All he sees in me is a friend and I want to be more than a friend.
I just cant. .
Why must this happen ?
I dont want to break his heart .
I dont want to freak him out or anything like that .
Why is this so complicated ?
And I know she likes him back.
I just know it.
I want to be her .
I dont know why , I just do .
It gets me so frustrated when they talk to eachother.
Or when they get affectionate .
Bruce told me once that maybe he'll like me someday , but I simply didnt believe it was true.
Because Ive known him my whole life , and now . . Its just -
Gone .
I dont know why I cant control these feelings of mine .
I just dont get it - am I confused ?
Why do I like Finney so much ?
Why does this feeling grow every time I see him ?
Am I possibly good enough for him ?
Whatever , Im not his anyway.
Then why do I think about this so often ?
If I dont care , then why do I feel like I do ?
Hes making me feel so many things , I cant possibly handle anymore.
. . .
I just want to be her .
Why cant I be her ?
Am I too bold ?
Too sassy ?
Or is it because ,
. . .
Im not a girl ?
This is unfair .
I cant be in love with my best friend .
I simply cant.
Why cant he be a dick ?
Why must he be so nice ? (i love that song smmmm)
I hate it .
I hate it .
I hate it .
I just hate it !
Why do I care so much about him ?!
Why do I care if he gets in a relationship with her ?!
Why must I feel this way ?!
I dont like this feeling !
Its stupid butterflies , and its mesmerized face . .
Its like it was just bond to me .
Like its bond to other people.
Like Bruce and Vance.
But they made it work .
It just isnt fair .
Why do I like him so much ?
Hes not mine . I dont care about it.
. . .
I hate how he chose her over me .
So many times .
I hate how shes like a new replacement.
For me .
. . .
I hate Finney .
(sobbed while making thiss - im omw to school rn too. jdidjdn)