Something strange happened when next I opened my eyes. I found myself standing in the middle of a vast field, grass tickling my toes, the sun beating warming my skin. I was naked, but I didn't seem ashamed of that. I knew this had to be a dream, I mean what else could it be? Strangely, knowing you're in a dream doesn't make it any less of a weird sensation.
With no real sense of direction, just a feeling that something was pulling me, I walked forward. I didn't know what this field was, but it felt like Heaven. It was like walking through a beautiful garden – all the colours turned up to maximum, bathing me in their beauty. The scent of every fresh plant tickled my nose with a delightful feeling of serenity. My fingers brushed against them, their velvety sensation tingling through the tips and into my very being. I inhaled through my nose and left out the softest breath of air that I could. I was at peace, for what felt like the first time in forever.
I walked for a time, not sure how long for; time didn't seem to matter here, the universe just moved at it's own pace. The fields seemed to stretch for miles without any noticeable end. That was ok with me. I was happy to just stay here and enjoy the prosperity. The peace and quiet.
After some time, I happened across two others, both as bare-naked as I was. It was two women, cradling a dark-skinned baby. One of them held the baby in her arms whilst the babe suckled at her nipple. The other woman stood behind the woman, lifting her head up and kissing her lips.
I recognised these women as Gayle and Anna, with their baby Charlie.
My heart was filled with sadness.
I wanted so badly to be the one that Gayle was kissing. I wanted to be Anna as she wrapped her arms around Gayle. Heck, I'd even be Charlie, gnawing at her tit. It was a life I always wanted for myself.
I stepped forward, but bumped my nose against something, preventing me going any further. I tried again, but could not move any further. It was like someone had placed a pane of glass in front of me, and invisible force field. I banged on the glass, screaming at Gayle and Anna with all my lungs. But my voice had no volume and my thuds were silent. Gayle and Anna didn't even see I was there – this was a world I would not be part of.
It was then that Gayle and Anna turned and looked towards me. They seemed to be smiling, but not a happy smile, but rather a mocking one. They glared at me for what felt like an eternity. Gayle turned and looked at Anna, smiling at her genuinely. She then turned back and blew at me.
I went tumbling away as if carried by a powerful wind. When I landed, Gayle and Anna were no longer in my view. But I could see another figure standing on a podium in a flowing white cloak, holding a scroll. At her feet, several people were prostrated, kneeling like she was a god in human form.
I recognised the speaker as Mysti.
My heart was full of rage.
I knew the words that she spoke were shit, but the people lapped it up like it was the New Testament – like what she wrote was the coming of the next psalm that would lead them to enlightenment. And the idiots lapped it up like ice cream! I felt my muscles twitched as I thundered towards her. I felt arms take either side of me and pull me away from their goddess. I screamed and yelled, defaming her and trying to get the idiots to listen! But I had no scriptures of my own to provide as an alternative – and I doubt they would have listened even if I had one.
I landed on my backside, thankfully the soft grass cushioned my fall. I looked up and saw my two assailants had sheep masks. They turned and walked away, having dragged me so far away that I could not have walked back to Mysti if I wanted to.
Growling, I stood up, my body shaking. I took deep breaths in and out, regaining my composure as best I could. I felt sick and knew I had to get away from here somehow. I turned and walked away.
I stopped when I saw a lady, bent down and in filthy rags, flies buzzing around her as if she were a leper. She looked up, and I could see her face.
I recognised the leper as Julie.
My heart was full of fear.
Julie turned to another ragged figure next to her. Her body was covered with rags from head to toe, hiding every part of her flesh. She moved a rotten hand towards the top near her head and, straight away, my heart turned to ice, my body numbed. I shook my head as if to say "No, don't!" but the leper moved her hand all the same. It took the end of the cloth in two crumbling fingers and pulled it back slowly. My heart was screaming.
The cloth was pulled back and what was shown could have not passed as human. It was a bloated, rotting skull with only the smallest parts of tender flesh left. Maggots crawled across her skin, moving from a hole in the top of her head, tenants in her skin ever more. The woman looked at me with decaying, green eyes, her jaw opening and maggots fell out onto the ground below. She made a hushed sound as it opened, which could only just pass as words.
"Aaaaaaaaaaadddddddddaaaaaaammmmmmm."
Mother. Why won't you leave me alone?
I held back my vomit and ran, but did not get far. Appearing ahead of me, I saw a figure in a black robe, and another dressed like a Roman soldier. The man in black held three needles, whilst the Roman held a circle of thorns, holding it out towards me like it was a new crown.
I recognised the man in black as Gavin and the Roman as Richard.
My heart was filled with scorn.
They turned behind, where a giant crucifix had been erected for me. They took a step back as if indicating this was where I belonged. But I would not believe them. I would never trust them.
I turned and ran again. I ran like I never wanted to stop. I ran until my lungs caved in and my legs crumbled. I fell, the soft grass able to hold back the physical pain in my body, but not the pain inside me. I wept, my tears salting the land below. This garden once appeared so beautiful to me, it's colours, smells and touches made me feel like I was safe – that there was a place for me here. Now the colours looked fake, the smells carefully concealed stench and the touch made me quiver instead of tingle. This was a fake paradise; I could see that now, and I was not welcome here no matter how much I wanted to believe I was. I was an outsider, always and forever. This was a world I had no place in.
I waited until I had finished weeping and found the strength to raise my head, as much as I wondered what the point in even doing so. My eyes caught a peculiar sight. I pulled my heavy body to my feet and looked forward. I had fallen in front of a tree, but this was different from the other trees in the area. It was not beautiful and blooming, but withered and dry. It's very bark devoid of all colour, it's branches snaking around it like it was trying to devour it. It looked like no life had graced it for years, a place of death in a land of life. Not a single leaf or fruit grew from it's ashen bark.
Save for one. An apple of the purest red.
It was then as if one of the branched broke, or moved towards me, holding this apple so all I had to do was reach out and take it. The apple looked so succulent and tasty, dripping wet and moist. It's red flesh almost seemed to beg me to bite it, devour it – learn what secrets it held inside.
And yet, as my arm reached towards it, my fingers trembled. There was a feeling inside me almost begging me not to take this, that doing so would result in a catastrophic disaster. That everything in this world would suffer due to my desire.
I looked back at the garden again, the endless colours and sensations filly my soul once with joy. A joy that was based on a lie. Everything in this garden was a lie – which I had fallen prey to.
Gritting my teeth, I turned to the apple – the only thing that had offered me anything close to salvation. My fingers tensed as I stopped them from shaking. I gripped it, the smooth skin somewhat hot against the tips of my fingers. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should really do this. I closed my eyes and thought deeply about this, about the consequences that would happen if I took this action.
In the end, consequences be damned! This was never my world – and I would happily see it wither!
I opened my eyes, my vision somewhat more serpentine than before.
I pulled the apple from the tree.
Sparks flew from where it was held on the branch. The sparks fell onto the ground, causing small fires to start. The fires spread quickly, moving across the lush green land of the gardens. I turned and looked again as the fire consumed all. Once filled with beautiful colours, now there was only mixing colours of orange, red and yellow, black ash filling the sky. Screams filled the air as the fire did it's thing, reducing this paradise into hell.
And I watched and smiled, taking a big bite ofthe apple.