𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄, xolo...

By -achillesheeI

15.8K 714 410

extended summary inside! in which maeve tanner and xolo maridueña are proof that hate and love are not so di... More

o. the last one
one. am i bovvered
two. if i was that pretty i'd be kind of mean too
three. that's not very feminist of you
four. caffeine and spite
five. a digital footprint rivalled by only that of medusa
six. if you ruin my kissing career
seven. i can take constructive criticism
eight. this is courtney henggeler's show
nine. i can't believe you masterminded me
ten. you could sell your arm for a good few thousand now
eleven. now's the time to add her on pokémon go
twelve. strong platonic feelings
thirteen. let me know when to expect to be shanked for being team jacob
fourteen. short and emotionally inarticulate
fifteen. the permanent evidence of your own stupidity
sixteen. invisible strings my dear
seventeen. i am an absolute fucking fool
eighteen. at least you're self aware
nineteen. he's heartbroken over the betrayal of jake gyllenhaal
twenty. i think ones stabbing me in the ass right now
twenty one. get in the bed and see what happens
twenty two. i wanted my career just to be nepo brother
twenty three. will i get to witness ralph macchio playing beerio kart
twenty four. this is a hoes before bros world
twenty five. maybe distance would make the heart fonder
twenty six. don't back to december me
twenty seven. what do i know of oregon
twenty nine. if this pub quiz ends my relationship
thirty. you are the hottest evil genius ever

twenty eight. latino boys anonymous

413 21 8
By -achillesheeI


as much as maeve hated to admit it, she definitely was a bit of a romantic. xolo was, even more so, and now that they were together publicly— deliberate or not— he utilised every opportunity to take maeve on a date.

          "haven says people are either good in bed or good at bowling, watch me prove them wrong."

maeve's eyebrows raised as xolo's ball rattled into the gutter.

          "you sure did prove them wrong. apparently you're good at neither."

xolo scoffed, his face flushed a little as a couple of kids in the next aisle over recognised him and then snickered at his inability to bowl.

"that was an unlucky miss."

"oh, so you're banking on that, rather than the idea that you might be good in bed?" maeve cocked an eyebrow playfully.

"shut up."

things had been going good between the two of them— really good. xolo didn't have any long distance acting jobs starting up until january, and maeve was quite comfortable where she was, working on the final touches of her sophomore album.

glancing back at her boyfriend, she picked up a bowling ball, and without breaking stride, threw a perfect strike. he scowled at her cocksure smirk, only letting up when she kissed his cheek gently.

          "is this where you tell me i'm only supposed to be good at either or?"

          "huh?"

           "i'm supposed to either be good at bowling or good in bed. which one are you going to deny me, xolito?"

in response, xolo stuck his tongue out at her, knowing that was probably his safest option.

the game ended with an overwhelming win to maeve, which was only to be expected, and afterwards, the two sat on a bench outside, drinking slushes that were slowly turning their tongues purple.

          "did you ever think we'd end up here?" maeve posed, stirring the translucent ice around the paper cup.

          "outside this specific bowling alley?" xolo cocked an eyebrow.

          "okay, forget i asked."

xolo nudged her shoulder gently and she caved, grinning at him.

          "not exactly," xolo finally answered. "i mean, i wasn't thinking too much long term when i met you. both because i was trying to figure out why you hated me more with each waking moment, and because it just wasn't something i did that often."

          "do you think more long term now?"

          "about you?" 

          "i meant more in general, asshole." maeve crossed her ankles under her knees on the bench, a little cold in the early autumn air.

xolo glanced at her with raised eyebrows and a small grin playing on his lips.

          "i think more about my long term future with you than i do generally. and don't call me a sap, i know you're about to."

          "don't consider me predictable, xolito," maeve answered, and in the light of the slowly setting sun, xolo could see the girl blush.

          "is that, uh, is that something you've ever thought about?"

maeve pursed her lips before answering, not quite meeting his eyes.

          "maybe."

that in itself was an answer the man could translate, smiling like a fool as she caved and let him kiss her gently.

☆☆☆

LATINO BOYS ANONYMOUS
three participants

YOTAI
the name of this groupchat is an
absolute violation

HAVEY
don't pretend it's not a necessary
rehabilitation

YOTAI
i'm still in shock that pasty little
jacob is half mexican

HAVEY
trust me i was too when i first met
him
this groupchat is such a terrible
situation for me since your latino
boys are my best friend and my
brother
i don't wanna know how much of
an intervention you guys are
needing

MAVERICK
me and xolo are going to have
really annoying children

YOTAI
uhm
WHAT

HAVEY
like in the next nine months?

MAVERICK
WHAT
NO NO NO
just a general thought

YOTAI
a GENERAL THOUGHT??
there was no IF about that
it was a WHEN
that was like
COMMITTAL

HAVEY
wre you THINKING about having
children with xolo??

MAVERICK
i'm thinking about how annoying they
would be
but no we don't have any current
plans
hm i guess my message was a bit of
a jump scare my bad

HAVEY
i'm not ready to be a godmother yet
so that's a relief
but also like
kids is a big step????

YOTAI
do you and jacob not talk
about having kids??

HAVEY
i guess jacob does
but i've never really seriously thought
about it
should i be?
i mean, we've been together since we
were seventeen 

MAVERICK
havey i promise you you're fine
thinking about kids is scary? and it
isn't for everyone
and thinking about the future is
scary and definitely not for everyone
like it's not for xolo
i could never admit to that man how
invested in him i am
(mainly because of his ego)

YOTAI
yeah maeve is a planner,
not everyone is
speaking of being a planner
please plan to use protection
you can't take a baby on tour

MAVERICK
i can't take a xolo on tour either :(

HAVEY
taiyo is maeve normally this openly
down bad should we be worried

YOTAI
possibly?
maeve should we be worried?

MAVERICK
it's a moment of weakness in the
middle of the night okay
i'll hate him again when i wake up

HAVEY
whatever you say dear

YOTAI
does he know your children will
be annoying?

MAVERICK
he's responsible for it
i'm only responsible for them being
really good looking

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