Defined as: a moment to slow things down and appreciate the good things in life
••••••••••
|Jennie|
I was initially, of course, in shock about the wedding photo and I nearly had another panic attack but I focused on counting like everyone taught me and I took deep breaths.
Then Jisoo proceeded to be weird the whole day at the amusement park because I was weird.
It's not everyday that you find out that the woman you have a crush on was actually your wife that you divorced 6 years ago.
I stare up at the ceiling while lying down on my bed.
Jisoo and RJ went to bed a long time ago but I need some time to think before going to sleep.
All those things that Jisoo said about "her husband" were actually about me.
About loving to run her hands through my hair. About my features. About my smile.
About how in love she was with me.
I can't believe she was in love with me when we were married as well. I didn't want to tell her because then she'd know I went through her things and right now, I'm confused as fuck so I don't want her to start messing with me again.
We must've adopted RJ....
And then I left both of them?
I rub my face in confusion.
How could I just leave behind a wife and child for my career? How horrible of a person I must've been?!
I close my eyes and hope my dreams can be an answer to my problems.
••••••••••
"Jennie. Sit down," my mom says and sits next to my dad at the dining table.
I frown and sit across from them. "What?"
"How is dating Jisoo? It's been 3 years."
My mom and dad are worried about me. They thought that I wasn't making the right choice by giving my life to ice skating.
I never imagined another future for myself with anyone either so it was out of the left field when they asked if I was seeing anyone new or I was still with Jisoo.
I don't want my parents to be worried. They already sacrificed so much for me and the only thing they asked is that I find someone I love.
I have yet to find someone I love and I don't want to disappoint my parents.
"Why? What happened?" I finally respond.
"Well....aren't you stringing her along? Does she want forever? Wouldn't she want to be married?"
I widen my eyes. "What are you talking about?!"
"Jennie," my dad says gently. "We just think that we feel bad for Jisoo."
"Why would you feel bad for Jisoo? She perfectly fine with it."
"Well, when you came over the other time with her, we asked what she saw in the future for herself and she said that she wished she was married and had a child. I know that your interests for the future don't line up with hers so...what are you going to do?"
I shake my head. "I guess I didn't realize. I'll talk to her."
The dream shifts.
Jisoo sits down at the coffee place.
I draw an air heart and shoot it at her like usual.
She grins and shakes her head and catches it.
As soon as her butt just the chair, I ask, "Will you marry me?"
I place an open velvet box with a ring in it.
Her jaw drops. She looks at the ring.
Then at me.
Then at the ring.
Then at me. "Did you lose your mind?!"
We get some head turns and I close the box.
Once everyone looked away, Jisoo pushes my hand off and opens the box. "How much did this cost you?"
"Umm....well.....it had to...." I sigh and Jisoo looks at me.
"You're priceless Jisoo. I bought the most expensive ring I could buy."
She starts blushing and I say, "My parents don't want me to be alone for the rest of my life and—"
"What do you want Jennie?" She asks softly and filled with care. Her eyes are holding something.
Oh shit.
I lean across the table and closer to her. "Jisoo...do you have feelings for me?" I whisper.
She doesn't say anything for a few moments before, "No. I don't."
Her eyes tell a different story but I don't want to push her. Maybe it will be better for both of us if we didn't marry.
"You're right," I say reaching for the box. "This was a bad idea."
She holds my hand and laces our hands together. I meet her eyes and she just looks at me in that Jisoo way that makes me feel soft and happy. She squeezes my hand and it makes something inside me flutter.
I've never felt that before.
No.
This is a bad idea. Having feelings for someone when I don't have the time or focus is bad. I'll just lead her on and our friendship will be ruined.
I quickly pull my hand away and grab the box. "Jisoo I don't want to do this if you have feelings. I just want to be married for some time to show my parents that I am not suited for marriage."
She shakes her head. "I don't have any. Believe me Jennie. I don't. And why would you not want to be married?"
"Because I don't have time for things like putting in time for people or going on dates—"
"You find time for me," she injects.
"You're different," I explain. "You're Jisoo. You're my friend. And I'm not going to ruin that."
Jisoo thinks for a moment. "How long would we be married?"
"How long are you comfortable with?" I ask.
She stares at me again like she's thinking.
"It's not that hard of a question Jisoo."
She blows out a breath. "3 years?"
I blink. "Why so long?"
"Umm...well....I'm having difficulty finding a place right now since my landlord is an ass and kicked me out without a week's notice. Then I punched him because of my short temper and he told me that I won't be able to lease anywhere close to my grad school for as long as he can since he knows everyone. And according to the law, as far and deep as I could find, that lasts about 3 years."
I laugh. "So this is perfect timing for you?"
She nods quickly. "You have no idea."
"Well, I guess this will be a marriage of convenience."
She nods. "I guess it will be."
"Without the romance," I add.
She grins. "I guess it will be."
••••••••••
I blink my eyes open.
Sunday.
Should I go to church or not?
I feel like I need to pray with how complicated my life has become.
I rub my face and sit up in the bed.
There's a rhythmic knocking on my door and I say with a smile, "Come in."
RJ opens the door and grins. "You want to come down for breakfast?"
I shrug. "I don't know."
"You should," she insists.
I chuckle. "Why?"
"Because I made my first pancake and I want you to try it."
"Did you use the stove by yourself?" I ask in fear.
She shakes her head. "Mama helped me."
I nod and get up. "Okay. Let me brush my teeth real quick and then I'll come down okay?"
She nods like a bobble head and closes the door as she leaves.
After I finish up, I go downstairs and see Jisoo eating next to RJ at the dining table and a plate of 3 stacked pancakes in front of an open seat.
"Good morning," I say cheerfully.
Jisoo gives a thumbs up and RJ's face lights up. "Jennie! Come try it!"
I run around to her seat and RJ gives me a pancake dipped in maple syrup.
I chew it and moan a little. "It's so good RJ! I love it!"
RJ points to my plate and says, "Sit!"
I go to my side and sit down, using a fork to eat the pancakes. I catch Jisoo's eyes on me and I raise an eyebrow.
She rolls her eyes and goes back to eating.
"So what do you want to do today?" I ask after eating another bite.
RJ lights up. "What about—"
"RJ has to do her reading today," Jisoo says calmly but firmly.
I tighten my jaw. "The whole day?"
Jisoo meets my eyes. "I'm not taking criticism from you again. You don't know what it's like to be a parent. RJ's teacher told me that she needs to read more. And she practices everyday and Sunday more so than other. On Saturday she practices math so that she doesn't fall behind and on the weekdays, after she comes home, she can do whatever she wants. I only ask that she gives me her weekend because I can focus more on her."
I sigh. "Then how about we go out in the evening? Like 5ish or 6ish? That way RJ can accomplish all the work you have for her and she can still enjoy her weekend."
RJ looks at Jisoo but my lovely, well-tempered ex-wife glares at me. "Why do you always question my authority? Can't you listen to me once?"
I frown. "Jisoo I'm not your child."
"Well, since you're living here and do nothing, wouldn't you be the same?"
I swallow and furrow my eyebrows.
I want to shout. I want to scream. I want to kiss her until she realizes that ignoring what's between us by insulting me isn't going to work.
Instead I go back to eating.
••••••••••
I'm sitting in my room and drawing.
I always like drawing since I was little but it was always just a hobby.
It was sad that I felt a nostalgic feeling when I started drawing today. I wish I didn't let my ambition blind what beautiful things I had in front of me.
Jisoo. RJ. My parents. My hobbies.
I gave up everything.
And for what? Fame? Glory?
In all of my memories, I didn't once see that I was truly in love with ice skating. In each memory, I had of it, I only kept up with it to prove people wrong.
I know I'm a very competitive person but I never thought it was to that degree. I never thought I was capable of such.....hubris. Pride.
I never smiled in my memories of ice skating.
I smiled with Jisoo. I smiled with my parents.
What a fucking fool I was.
A knock comes on my door.
"Yeah?" I say and put aside the drawing.
To my surprise, Jisoo walks in with a hesitant look. "Are you sure?"
I cross my arms over my chest. "If you're going to keep insulting me then probably not. If you want to speak to me like the 34 year old you are, then you may come in."
She stands at the threshold and it makes me laugh. "You're not sure?"
She shrugs. "Not really."
I laugh again. "Then just tell me from there."
She rubs the back of her neck and says, "I'm sorry for what I said. That was rude of me. I was the one being childish."
I raise an eyebrow and lean my head back against the wall. "It took you nearly the whole day to say this."
She drops her hand to her side. "Jennie..... I'm not a person that forgives easily. When someone hurts me, it's hard for me to get over it. Even the slightest thing I don't like about a person puts me off. But with you....." she looks away. "I never found any flaw. And then you went and hurt me more than anyone. As I said before, I couldn't hate you. I should have but I couldn't. Not with all the pain you went through. You had the right to run away but I thought we could get through it together."
I give a sympathetic smile. "I know. I was a very....misguided and....and ambitious person but I'm trying to change. And I hope you like this version of me because it's the one I want to be."
Her dark eyes rise up and I smile at them.
She clears her throat and says, "Umm....we're going to an ice rink. At 6:30. All three of us. Tell me if you need jeans or something to keep yourself warm."
I nod and she leaves with a soft click of the door.
••••••••••
I start from one end of the rink and move through people before I turn and lift my right leg up and doing a double axel in the air and landing on one skate with a spiral.
I hear people clap and start to skate towards me when I feel hands on my waist turn me around and I'm looking at Jisoo.
Her eyes roam my face before bends her head and whispers in my ear, "Don't try things like that. You are here anonymously remember?"
I nod and she pulls away while holding my hand to pull me to RJ.
"Boo!"
"Can you skate one more time?!"
"Why would you stop her?!"
I spin around to go and give them something but Jisoo brings me in front of her. I sigh and look at her.
Her expression is clear and unbothered. "I don't care what they say about me as long as you stay okay."
What. A. Woman.
I smile and kiss her cheek.
She widens her eyes in shock as I go to RJ who then shouts, "DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT MY MAMA! I WILL MURDER YOU!"
She starts skating fast towards them and both of us rush forward to stop her. Jisoo catches her in her arms and she says, "Mama! They—"
She smiles. "I'm fine RJ. I have you. I don't need anyone else."
The words sting a bit but I try not to mind.
Jisoo keeps eye contact with RJ. "I will only put you down if you promise not to do anything to them."
RJ nods once and Jisoo lets her on the ice again.
The little girl turns her dark eyes to me and tugs on my hand. "Jennie! Come on! Jennie! Skate with me!"
I can't help myself and giggle as I skate behind her.
I glance behind me once to see Jisoo skating behind us at a slower pace.
"Jennie!" RJ shouts and I turn my full attention back to her.
"Can you teach me a cool ice skating trick?"
I nod and think for a moment. "Got it!"
I pull her to a corner of the ice that is a bit empty. "I will teach you how to skate with one leg. Watch."
I turn around and push off lightly. I keep my arms straight out and lift my leg the tiniest bit so that it's resting against the other shoe but it's not fully touching the ice. I stop and turn around, going back to her.
"Wow!" She shouts.
She immediately pushes off hard and I laugh and catch her. "Slow down bunny! Let's go slowly."
"Like a turtle?" She asks with a big smile.
I grin and nod. "Exactly!"
She nods and holds my hands tightly. She pushes off a little bit and I slowly match her pace and skate backwards. "Great! Now slooooowly lift your left leg off the ice."
I watch as her skate gently lifts off the ice and her head drops down to look at it. I smile at the wonder in her expression.
Her eyes look up from her skates and she widens them. "Jennie!" She stops and her hands slip out of mine. I frown before my back crashes into someone and arms wrap around my waist in a tight lock.
I hear a loud groan of pain and someone say softly, "Jennie."
I swallow nervously and turn around to see Jisoo standing in front of a woman.
A very pretty woman.
I look at the woman and point at her. "Who are you?"
She grins and holds her hand out. "Hi! I'm Remember! It's so nice to meet you!"
I blink at her. "Your name is Remember?" The irony.
"Yeah! I work at Jisoo's office! You're her secretary but we never met!" She says cheerfully and pulls her hand away, realizing it's futile to ask me for a handshake.
The double irony! I guess Jisoo wasn't lying to me after all about that woman she has a crush on!
"Are you both dating?" I ask.
"No," Jisoo answers quickly, which catches me by surprise and the woman looks away and I know she caught feelings.
Well, of course she did! It's Jisoo! I was dumb to not have seen it when I was married to her!
I grin at Jisoo and pat her arm. "I finally see Jisoo."
She glares at me and growls, "What?"
"I finally understand," I continue vaguely and turn back to RJ who looks sad and is staring at the ice.
I grab her hand and pull her to the side, away from Jisoo.
I crouch down with my knees on the ice so that I'm in eye level with her. "What's wrong?"
"I don't like her," RJ says.
I tilt my head in confusion. "Remember?"
She nods cutely and I smile. I lean forward conspiratorially. "I don't like her either."
She looks at me. "Why can't Mama like you?"
The questions stuns me and I'm speechless for a few minutes before I say, "The heart likes what it likes RJ. You can't change that...and I can't change that."
RJ pouts. "I like you much better."
That makes me laugh. "I like you much better too RJ."
My confession makes her smile and she wraps her tiny arms around my neck and hugs me tightly.
I sigh contently and hug her with all the love in my heart.
God, I wish I had met you sooner.
I wish I saw you grow up to be this amazing kid.
I wish I was there.
••••••••••
To be continued 😉
A/N: I ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOOVE writing slow burn!