After having dinner with Crassus, Indila put him to bed. However, she was not feeling well.
As she reflected on her thirty-eighth week, Indila felt a profound sense of fatigue and exhaustion. The weight of her abdomen had been a constant burden, making each step a struggle. A persistent backache accompanied her daily routine, and finding a comfortable position for rest seemed like an elusive goal. She sat next to Crassus's bed to read him a story, but even the simplest task, like sitting down, exhausted her.
Physically and emotionally drained, the anticipation of meeting her baby was mingled with weariness. Sleep had become a precious commodity, with discomfort and frequent trips to the bathroom disrupting any hope of a restful night. Indila yearned for the day when she could lie on her stomach or sleep without the carefully arranged fortress of pillows. Despite the tiredness, there was an undeniable excitement. The kicks and movements from her little one served as a constant reminder of the miracle that had grown inside her. The fatigue was undeniable, yet the anticipation of holding her baby in her arms had kept her spirits high during those final days of pregnancy.
They chose the name "Elana", which means "light"; it was a variation from the ancient Greek name "Helena". The woman whose beauty was able to start wars, as the old ones believed, Homer's muse, Indila loved "Iliad". And it was also her mother's name. It wasn't entirely true to say that they had chosen the name; Coriolanus was not so fond of it. However, Crassus had his father's name, so Indila pointed out that it would be fair enough for her to choose her mother's name.
Indila finished the reading, hoping Crassus would already be sleeping. It was not the case.
"Mommy, is Elana coming tonight?" Crassus was very anxious about meeting his little sister. It was so cute. Indila gave him a big smile, filled with all the love she felt for him. "Maybe, sweetheart, I hope so." Crassus smiled back in excitement. "Will you wake me up when she is out of your belly?" Indila laughed, "Of course, honey, I'm sure she's looking forward to meeting you."
Indila tried her best to lie down with Crassus on his bed until he fell asleep; she truly hoped that was the night. Happily, it was. She started feeling contractions a couple of hours ago, and she hoped they were for real this time. Luckily, they were. When Crassus fell asleep, she took a few minutes to get up from his bed but managed to do it alone. Maybe she should call the doctor.
She headed to their bedroom, hoping Coriolanus could do that for her, but, as she expected, he was not there. It hurt. Coriolanus was missing some nights. Indila was afraid of sleeping alone, and sometimes she preferred to sleep with Crassus, silently crying so he wouldn't hear.
Indila knew where Coriolanus was, but she wished she didn't. It was too obvious; he never meant to hide when he gets involved with other women. It was not frequent, and this one must have been with him for just a couple of weeks. It hurt the most when she considered the sensitive moment she was going through. She was afraid. Her daughter could be born at any moment, and her father would not be there for his family but chained to another silly girl. Indila knew he had absolutely no feelings for her, but still, being with her was more important to him.
Coriolanus could never understand how it feels. No matter what Indila did, she could never betray him because he would never allow her that much power over him.
They had a great relationship when he was around. Indila used to think they were good friends, but this thought always felt strange. No, they were not friends. Could she call him husband and wife? There were so many lies, to both sides. She knew it. He knew it.
Coriolanus got really happy about her pregnancy, and he loved Elana since the second he knew she existed. He used to talk to Elana and kiss Indila's belly as if it were something sacred. He used to say how much he loved "you both, my girls". However, on nights like this one, he kept acting as if none of this were real.
Indila knew Coriolanus was also nervous about her pregnancy. He would never say something clearly about his past, but Indila got really good at catching the pieces of information he let go here and there to solve the puzzle Coriolanus' past was in her mind. So, she knew his mother died giving birth to his little sister, who also died on the same occasion. He would not be satisfied, of course, if Snow's blood were shed. It would be wasteful. In addition, there was the fact that he loved Elana as much as he loved Crassus. Coriolanus was an evil man, but he loved his children more than anything. Even though this was hard to believe, he was a human being after all.
Sometimes, and only sometimes, Indila allowed herself to think that he was also afraid of losing her. He said he loved her every day; she never answered. That's the only punishment she could give him for making her love such a disgustful creature. She didn't know if he cared about it, but she was sure he noticed.
And there was also the fact that Livia had lost some babies. Indila didn't know how many, but based on what Coriolanus had said about the topic and the palace gossip she heard, she knew it had happened more than once.
It's a common thing, but it could still hurt like hell. Indila didn't like thinking about it. Deep in her heart, she used to think that it was better to die than experience the death of her child. On the other hand, she could never leave Crassus alone in this world. He was born in her heart, her beloved son.
Lost in her thoughts, lying in their enormous bed all by herself, the pain brought her back to reality. Contractions were getting closer to each other. She prayed for it to be the time. She called Julliard, who promised to call Dr. Gaul and Coriolanus.
Indila was not very fond of Dr. Gaul, but she was an old friend of Coriolanus. She didn't even work as an obstetrician anymore, but Coriolanus was very clear about how she was the only person he would trust for it, especially considering she had already brought Crassus into the world.
The doctor arrived promptly and confirmed that it was indeed the time, but it would take some more hours until dilation was ready.
Indila stayed in bed, comforted by Julliard, who never left her hand, and attended to by the doctor and others ensuring her comfort.
Yet, she had never felt more uncomfortable in her entire life. She felt like crying all the time. Besides the pain her body was giving her, the pain in her heart was way more unbearable. Coriolanus was not there; three hours had passed, and he was not there. She couldn't let this happen, not for her, but for Elana. Elana deserved better; she deserved her father there for her. Julliard kept calming Indila, saying Coriolanus was on his way. It sounded farfetched.
Indila wished her mom would be there; she was feeling exposed, weak, hopeless.
"Ok, Mrs. Snow, it's time for you to push; she's almost there." No, it couldn't be. Indila could not believe that Coriolanus was actually doing that to her daughter, to his daughter. When she pushed for the first time, she could not contain her tears anymore. Her hurting body was nothing compared to her broken heart.
The door opened; Coriolanus entered the room, breathing heavily. Indila, deep in her resentments, suddenly felt all of it melting away. At least, he made it. He may not have been here for her, but he was there for Elana. In that moment, it was enough. Julliard gave Coriolanus his seat, and he kissed Indila's face and hand. "I'm so glad you made it," she truly was. "I would never leave you alone, my love; you know I wouldn't." Does she? People left their room, and now it was only Indila, Coriolanus, and Dr. Gaul.
Indila kept pushing; it was the worst pain she had ever felt. Coriolanus held her hand and kept encouraging her, saying something like "you got this, babe, just one more". But it was never just one more, until it was, and Elana's crying filled the room.
There was no more pain. Coriolanus held her, covered in some white slime, vernix caseosa, Indila had studied a lot about newborn babies. Coriolanus gave Elana to Indila's arms. He kept looking at the baby, as if it were the most precious thing in the world, and it was. Indila kissed her forehead, fully aware that she would do anything, even die or kill, for this little thing if necessary. She would never forget any detail of this moment. Coriolanus hugged her, both of them hypnotized by Elana. They just couldn't stop looking at her. Indila cried, in happiness this time.
"Coryo, could you wake Crassus up?" she asked. "Are you sure, it's almost four, I don't think he will be able to get back to sleep...". Indila interrupted him: "Yes, I promised him I would wake him up if she came. I want him to see how perfect she is." Coriolanus opened a big smile. "She truly is".