“Where is your husband, Yaseerah?”
Like a deer caught in a headlight, Yaseerah’s eyes were wide, her lips slightly parted as she stared at her mother.
She weighed her options, unsure whether to lie and come up with an excuse to explain his absence, or to tell the simple truth which was; she had no idea.
Rolling her bottom lip against her teeth, Yaseerah avoided Mamu’s gaze as she responded, “Sleeping, I hope.”
Mamu’s forehead creased into a frown as she stared at her daughter, taking note of her avoidance tactic. “He doesn’t know that you’re here, does he?”
Yaseerah sucked in a breath, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. “No.”
“Yaseerah,” Mamu began, but before she could say anything else, the door swung open, and two doctors wearing surgical masks and scrubs entered, along with a nurse who wheeled in a cart loaded with medical supplies.
Dr. Seda–the oncologist–led the way, Dr. Rahman–the neurosurgeon–behind her, carrying a clipboard he was still going through.
“Good morning, Maryam,” Dr. Seda greeted with a warm smile. “How are you doing today?”
“Good morning,” Mamu responded with a weak smile, as she shifted her gaze from Yaseerah to the doctors. “I feel good today, alhamdulillah.”
Dr. Seda nodded, then gestured to her colleague. “We are here to perform some preoperative procedures to ensure everything goes smoothly during the surgery tonight.”
“There is nothing to worry about,” Dr. Rahman added, when he saw Yaseerah’s face crease with a frown. “They are just standard procedures.”
Despite the reassurance, Yaseerah could feel a knot tighten in her stomach, as her gaze shifted between the doctors and her mother.
Bilal was silent as he too observed the nurse begin to check and record Mamu’s vital signs into her clipboard, his gaze shifting between the nurse and his ailing mother.
His gaze shifted to Yaseerah, who despite looking put together, appeared worse for wear, as she fidgeted nervously in her seat.
The sight of her fidgeting while being surrounded by strangers had a smile ghosting over his lips, as he thought about how she was slowly unraveling these days.
He had always relied on her for strength, her unwavering resolve shouldering in times of trouble. Yet, in this moment, he felt like she too needed someone to hold on to, and it hurt because he knew that he could not offer her the stability she desperately needed.
Dr. Seda’s voice pierced through his introspection, assuring them that everything looked good with Mamu’s vitals.
While her words provided him momentary relief, Bilal couldn’t shake the haunting realization that this time around, he had to be the source of strength for all of them.
Silence reigned in the room after the doctors and nurse had left, only broken by the sound of monitors beeping.
“I’m going to go and get more information from the oncologist so I can ensure that everything has been taken care of,” Yaseerah stated after a beat.
Bilal didn’t acknowledge her, his gaze still fixed on Mamu, as he appeared deep in his thoughts.
Not bothering to repeat herself, Yaseerah stepped out of the room, and began to check for Dr. Seda’s office.
When she located it, she was relieved to find the oncologist examining Mamu’s medical records.
“How can I help you, Yaseerah?” Dr. Seda queried, as she looked up from the papers, her gaze meeting Yaseerah’s with a calm expression. “I can call you that, right?”
“Yes,” Yaseerah nodded, her nose wrinkling a bit, when the faint scent of antiseptic tugged at her nerves. “I just wanted to ask some questions, if that’s okay? I haven’t been around, and Mamu’s resting, so I don’t want to bother her with any questions.”
“Of course,” she nodded, smiling softly. “Take a seat. Is there anything specific you would like us to discuss?”
“I just wanted to ensure that there aren’t any complications with her health moving forward.”
The doctor was silent as she appraised Yaseerah for a bit, before she sighed, and dropped the file on her desk. “Yaseerah, this isn’t the first time I’m reviewing your mother’s case, and while I do not usually do this with my patients’ children especially when they’re as young as you, I want to be transparent about our approach.”
Her words hung in the air between them, and whether she paused for dramatic reasons or to allow Yaseerah a moment to gather her thoughts, she wasn’t sure.
“Like I’ve told your family, Glioblastoma is a highly aggressive form of brain cancer, and grade IV signifies the highest level of malignancy,” Dr. Seda continued, choosing her words carefully. “Our treatment plan involves surgery, followed by radiation and chemotherapy, depending on the patient’s response to treatment. As this is a complex condition, there are significant challenges in treatment.”
The knot in Yaseerah’s stomach tightened to the point of pain, but her gaze remained fixated on the doctor, even as blood rushed through her ears, momentarily deafening her. “What kind of challenges are we looking at?”
“Glioblastoma is known for its resistance to treatment, and complete eradication is often difficult. The surgery is to eradicate as much of the tumor as possible.”
“But, there are chances of success, right?” Yaseerah queried, her voice small, as she swallowed pass the bile in her throat.
“What are the chances of success?” she repeated, when Dr. Seda didn’t respond.
“I won’t mislead you, the prognosis for glioblastoma is guarded. Success varies in patients. Our aim is to improve the quality of life, manage the symptoms, and, if possible, extend the time.”
Until their death. Though the doctor didn’t word it like that, Yaseerah was sure death was implied.
“Only manage the symptoms?”
“I am so sorry,” Dr. Seda nodded, her apology clear in her tone. “The nature of glioblastoma makes it unpredictable. So, we focus on providing the best care and support to our patients.”
Yaseerah inhaled sharply, briefly closing her eyes, before she snapped them open again. “What does healing look like for her, post surgery?”
“Please,” Yaseerah pleaded–which was a first for her–when the doctor remained silent. “I need to know.”
“She will be in pain, which is unavoidable. Staying connected with loved ones will help immensely and being attentive to her needs can make a significant difference. Additionally, we have counseling services available for both the patient and family.”
“Are there specific meals or dietary plans to take into consideration?”
“A balanced diet is vital. I’ll arrange a consultation with our nutritionist to guide you through this.”
“Thank you,” Yaseerah nodded, distractedly. “What about her medications? Will there be any potential interactions between the new medications and the lupus medications she already takes?”
“I understand your concern, Yaseerah. Dr. Khatri and I are already working on a treatment plan that considers both conditions, you have nothing to worry about.”
“Are there signs or symptoms I should monitor closely?”
“My team and I will monitor her closely, she is in good hands, trust me.”
“I just... I want to make sure I’m doing everything I can for her.”
“I understand that this is a difficult time for your family, Yaseerah. But you have nothing to worry about, your mother is in good hands. We are a team, and we will navigate this together. If you have further questions or need assistance, please don’t hesitate to reach out.”
“Is there a chance Mamu could come back home eventually, or is she destined to stay in the hospital?” Yaseerah queried, rolling her bottom lip against her teeth, to stop it from wobbling further.
“I understand the importance of being at home, and surrounded by familiar surroundings. But the possibility depends on her response to treatment, and her overall condition. Ideally, we aim to make her as comfortable as possible here, so, you have nothing to worry about.”
“Thank you.”
When Yaseerah left Dr. Seda’s office, she headed to the reception and picked up the bills, before she headed back to Mamu’s room.
Relieved to find her sleeping, she turned towards her brother, biting her lips, as she sought to find a semblance of control for what was uncontrollable. “I just spoke to Dr. Seda, and she assured me that everything will go smoothly. All we have to do is focus on praying and ensuring that we make her as comfortable as possible.
“We need to make sure she has the right meals, coordinate with the nurses, and—”
“Just stop!” Bilal’s voice cut through the air, the intensity of it startling Yaseerah into stunned silence.
Yaseerah’s eyes were wide, her mouth even wider, as she struggled to comprehend his outburst. “B? Wh-What’s the problem?”
“You’re the problem!” he hissed, his words sharp and accusing, as he glared at her, before he grabbed her by the arm a little roughly and pulled her out of the room.
Stunned, Yaseerah trailed behind him, her steps hesitant, a whirlwind of confusion clouding her thoughts, as she struggled to comprehend where his sudden animosity came from.
Before she could question him, Bilal’s eyes bore into hers, his voice laden with frustration. “You don’t get to just waltz in here and try to dictate everything. This isn’t about you, this is about Mamu.”
Confused, Yaseerah managed to ask, “I never said that it was about me. All I’m trying to do is make sure that Mamu—
“You’re trying to absolve yourself of the guilt that you feel. This is not the time to have a savior complex, Yaseerah! Mamu is sick! She’s not going to get better!”
Yaseerah’s eyes widened, her heart racing unbelievably fast, as Bilal’s words hit her like a tidal wave. “Bilal! How can you say that? I don’t have any savior complex and—”
“I know that you ran away.”
Shock rippled through her, the need to defend herself surging within her. But knowing that it was Bilal who stood before her, not someone else seeking to find her fault, she swallowed the retort that hovered on her lips and, with a mix of confusion and vulnerability, asked, “How did you find out?”
Bilal’s gaze were two pools of animosity and frustration as he grated out his next words. “Your father was here, he used it as an opportunity to belittle us, belittle Mamu, Yaseerah. He took pleasure in flaunting his ‘generosity’ towards us. And as punishment, he pulled away his support from Mamu’s medications.”
Yaseerah’s fists clenched involuntarily, guilt simmering beneath the surface, as she processed his words. “I’m so sorry B, I didn’t think—”
“Exactly!” he snapped back, cutting her off. “You didn’t think. You decided to run away, consequences be damned! Consequences that not only affect you, but my mother as well.”
“She is my mother too and—”
“No!” he cut off her tirade, his chest heaving as he glared at her. “She is my mother.”
“Bilal?” Tears blurred Yaseerah’s vision, as she stared at the stranger before her, a mix of disbelief and hurt etched across her features, her mind racing to process the pain and betrayal.
Nothing her father had ever said or done hurt her as much as Bilal’s words did in this moment when he emphasized the fact that Mamu was his mother and not hers.
“Nadia was right, you really are a selfish little—”
The resounding crack of her palm making contact with his cheek cut off his words, and for the next couple of seconds, the duo stared at each other, Yaseerah in shock and horror, Bilal with an unreadable expression.
“Bilal, I’m sorry, I didn’t—” she swallowed, as she tried to hold him, her eyes pleading for his understanding.
Flexing his jaw, Bilal shook his head, as he stared at her. “Like father like daughter.”
The sound of a door closing had Yaseerah’s head snapping up reflexively. Her gaze found Mamu’s through the window. And when she turned away, her back facing Yaseerah, Yaseerah knew that no amount of apology would fix what she had broken.
***
Okay, that’s that
See you next time,
Xoxo, Jidderh ❤️