I won't sugar coat anything. You're going to cry a lot unless you are a abnormal human being. No I'm Jp but really you just might cry this is sad. But it had to be done. Read my A/N at the end so you can be up 2 date with all this. An you would definitely think this was the last chapter but it's not.
*Harry's POV*
Have you ever just been in a relationship. It could have been platonic or romantic, or maybe not even mutual. But some form of relationship. And you could have been with them years, months,weeks, or even days. But when the relationship ends do you ever just constantly think about it. Let the memories replay over and over again. Even if it was just the first time you made eye contact, the first time you kissed, or even them running away from you. You remember it crystal clear and now that the relationship is over that's all that you think about.
I don't want to say it but I think I'm falling into a depression. It's been 3 days. I've been cooped up in this house. I'm with Niall too though. And my step dad is just trying to find things wrong with us him being a doctor and everything but every time my mom would drag him out the room telling him we are heartbroken and the only medicine that we needed is time.
I haven't talked either, except to Niall a few times. I'm not glad Niall is going through the same thing I am but I'm glad we're there for each other. I'm not glad that he feels the same way as me but I'm glad that he understands what's going on with me because he knows from experience.
We've both turned our phones off Tuesday morning. Zayn, Louis, and even Liam at times would continually call.
I know it may not be fair to Zayn. He had nothing to do with this. If anything he was trying to help. But I didn't want to talk to him and neither did Niall. We wanted quiet.
Everything is just so dark and I know we can make it but it's just not for sure.
*Niall's POV*
It's harder for me I know. Not saying that Harry isn't going through something just as hard but I think I have more than anyone else has on their plate.
My conclusion isn't random. It's based on the fact that my friend for years betrayed me and my loyalty towards him, but that's not the half of it, actually not even a third of it. Then again my dead mother, I don't to dwell on her too much before I cry again. The father I never got a chance to meet, and not because I didn't want to but because he walked out on my life before I got a chance to even get a glimpse. And lastly the good for nothing ass brother. It's tough thinking about everything like that. But I've been coaching Harry through this and he has me.
I laid on his bed wrapped in the covers looking at the door. I fixed us some food while he was on the shower but I ate mines so his is sitting on his desk. We wouldn't do extreme stuff like that, I mean stop eating and not keeping up our hygiene. We didn't fall that deep and I'm glad honestly. I blinked as he walked in the door drying his hair.
I then got up because I had to get in the shower. He grabbed his food as I walked past him. Even though keeping clean and showering for you is good I hate showers. They make you think. You wash, and then you contemplate life.
I stripped of my clothes and turned the water on. I then stepped in. I emerged under the water. And here comes the thoughts. I reached for the shampoo.
Three days ago, that being Sunday I did something bad. That was trying to fight fire with fire. It was horrible. I don't even know what provoked me to do that. And with Zayn. I probably hurt him, a whole lot too. My actions were only lining up with my mind. I thought it was right, I thought it would make me feel better. I was selfish though, I was out of my shit.
And here I was crying again. And not just because I got shampoo in my eyes because I did. But because my actions, my stupidity, my my my. It's all my fault. If I wasn't born my father probably wouldn't of left, and then Greg probably would of had more respect for our parents and then he would of grew up with ease and she probably wouldn't of died, and I wouldn't be here pitying myself because my ex best friend treated me like crap. Yeah I connect the dots like that, and maybe I'm wrong but I don't have a lot of self doubt.
I sat in the tub and cried. Just sat there feeling so much pity for myself. Just sat there. I don't know how long I sat there but I heard the door open.
"It's been 30 minutes Niall. You're gonna get a cold." I heard Harry's voice say.
He pushed the shower curtain turning off the water. He grabbed a big towel and picked me up in it. He then walked me into his room getting another towel for me. I wiped off my hair and then my body. He went and fetched me my clothes and we climbed back in bed. He pulled me against him and kissed my hair.
"C'mon Niall. We're going to be okay. We have to be okay." He said and I pulled the cover over us more.
That's always his philosophy. We're going to be okay just because we have to. I don't get it but it's been helping me through these days.
I looked at the table and saw the 2 empty plates of food. I then concentrated back on the door before my eyelids got droopy and closed.
---
I woke up to the doorbell ringing so much. Too much. It was either Zayn or Louis. I really didn't care. But I got up and made my way to the window. When I saw Zayn's car was outside I went and just climbed back in bed. Harry was sleep and I just cuddled up to him again.
I never thought how weird it may be. You know me and Harry's relationship. To me I think we're just helping each other through a hardship. I've heard of kissing cousins but we're not that and I know damn sure we don't come across as that. If anything he is my brother, helping me through all of this. That's what brothers do I'm assuming, Greg's never acted like a brother to me so it's not like I know. If not he's like a best friend brother.
Harry stirred. "I wish that would just stop. What more could they want?" He said and I hugged his clothed torso.
He hugged me back. "Thank you Harry." I said.
"Thank you Niall." He said.
We knew what we were thanking each other for but if their was any confusion it was for just being there. Who would we naturally turn to if there was a problem. For him it would be Lou and for me it would be Liam. That's never changed until recently so now we have each other to turn to.
Even though Halloween is coming up I still know who I would be thankful for.
*Zayn's POV*
I was tired. I was literally flat out fucking tired. It's been 3 days what possibly do they need. Louis gave my shoulder a pat with tears on his eyes.
I stood pulling him with me and made my way back to my car. I just sat there with him. And we cried. I think you all know why he was crying. He took Harry for granted even though he gave him the benefit of the doubt. He's stupid but it's not like I would kick him when he's down. And me, I'm crying because I want to be there for Niall. I want to hold him close to me. I want to stroke his hair and kiss his forehead. I just want to tell him that I'll be here for him even though I've told him a million times.
I want to love him but he won't let me.
I've never think I'd say that. I didn't think I'd ever in my life say that to anyone but my parents or Doniya (which then again that's rarely for Doniya). But I think I love that boy. It's just something about him that makes me feel a yearning passion to love him. I want to make him feel loved. But I doubt myself a lot sometimes, most times. I don't want to say I love him when in fact I only think I do.
How would I know for sure. It's something for sure I'd have to ask my mother but for crying out loud I'll call this feeling love until I could prove otherwise. So yeah.
I love Niall.
*Louis' POV*
Yeah I fucked up. Bring on the pity. Since nobody will do it I'll do it to myself, and that's kick me when I'm down. I've doubted Harry so much over the years. I took the love he had for me, for granted and why should I feel sick to my stomach? He should for dating me, for loving me, for putting up with all my shit.
He was right. Over the years he's had to put up with my shit. But I couldn't do simply what he asked of me. And I can't help but to think now of all times it wasn't a big favor. Why did I cause all this harm when I could have just stopped talking to Josh.
God I feel so oblivious sometimes. I should've known from that fake video Josh sent me that one time to the slight booty touches. I should've just known from the beginning that there was seriously something wrong with him and I should found everything much clear as to what Harry was saying to me.
Harry had a claim, he had his reasoning and evidence to back him up. I have a fucking B+ in English and I know that his counter argument had to have meant something. But why did I continue to ignore everything that Harry had said to me. Why is it that I continuously say that he tells me what to do, but for a fact he doesn't. He just told me what to do and I put my guard up. Why is that?
Josh means absolutely nothing to me. I mean nothing. Why would I continue to doubt Harry. I have no reasoning. I have no claim. And I have no evidence. Harry was being my boyfriend and best friend and that's all I ask of him. But then why couldn't I fulfill my half. It makes me feel more and more like a dick. And I'm okay with that because I'm probably making Harry feel even worst.
Why can't I just put his feelings before mines at least once.
I truly do love Harry.
*Liam's POV*
I'm a asshole. I know. 3 days ago when I was having sex with my girlfriend. I know I'm a asshole but before I was about to give it to her Niall called. I couldn't help but shake that feeling that I hurt him so bad. So I declined the call and it fell from my night stand onto the floor. I then didn't care at the time when I had a girl underneath me moaning and horny.
But boy do I regret that now. When we were finished I reached for my phone. I was about to call for a cab to take this girl home when I saw the call log. It was Niall's name and it say the call lasted for 3 minutes and 27 seconds. I had never felt so guilty on my life.
And yes I wasn't guilty I cheated but I was guilty I got caught. So I called and called. But to no avail the phone was never answered once. And sure I can try to move on but there is something inside of me hurting, desperately wanting Niall back. And it's not even romantically. I just want him back as a friend. I don't even know why I wanted to start a relationship with him. Maybe because I was horny and wanted to get in his pants while I was there and maybe that power I had over him gave me that ownership to his virginity. But once again I am wrong.
I'm just 16 maybe I'm not ready to make decisions on my own. Maybe I need to just stop making my own choices. Because it's obvious that these choices/ decisions I make are only getting me into trouble. As in now.
I'm in the disciplinarians office with my head down. Both my mother and father are here and are more than disappointed in me. I made the choice to grab a senior girls bum. Not only am I getting suspended but she slapped me pretty hard so I got a nice red hand print on my left cheek.
But hey I deserve it, I'm sure.
*3rd persons POV*
They all sat or laid where they were in a bad mood. You would think it was contagious but to be sure you wouldn't go near them. They're all just suffering. It may all be from different things or even the same but they are hurt. Where is a resolution when you need one, or five per se.
The Malik's are worried sick about Zayn. He's not happy. And that's new because when is Zayn never happy. And of course Anne and her husband are worried about Harry and Niall it's scaring them. And Louis, as if his mom isn't worried enough about him not looking at her the same she had more on her plate with this depression he seems to be slipping in. And it's not like Liam's parents aren't entirely okay with what Liam's doing. They are disappointed he's making a mockery out of their parenting. And Maura, who could forget about that angel. She's just watching and crying just hoping that the message she's trying to get through to him gets received. It's hard for her not being a mother to him especially when he needs someone the most at the moment.
Everybody can't take the pressure and the stress. The build up is boiling over and it's became so hard to stand they are sitting and for good lord they are hoping for some sort of change. They are hopping for time to change quickly.
And maybe then that would gain a couple key components. Such as:
Maturity (Liam), Acceptance (Niall), Conscious (Louis), Intuition (Zayn), and Optimism (Harry).
Liam with Maturity because well he just flat out needs to grow the hell up. He's being a jerk and he's not taking anybody's feelings into consideration, you won't make it like that.
Niall with Acceptance. Soon there does come a time when you move on. A time where dwelling in the past can make your present take a sharp turn and damage your future.
Conscious with Louis because honestly you can't live your life being so unaware of things. You're going to miss opportunities and let things pass you up.
Zayn with Intuition because you shouldn't have so much doubt in yourself. Everything you know is locked inside of you. You just need to pull it out and dissect it. Odds are you're right.
And lastly Harry with Optimism. What you see will always be negative until you stop seeing and actually analyze, start thinking positive, think more about how it's not as bad as it seems. Think that things will not work because they have to but because it's just it's will too.
Annnnnnddddddd scene! I made myself cry a bit. Gosh I'm horrible. And I'm more horrible for saying this might end at chapter 40 but I don't want this book to end up like Caffeine or Dear, Zayn. I refuse to let it be trash. An I would actually like to thank you so much I've never took the time out to thank you. This is my best book (aside from Yin Yang) I really wished it could have been in the bromance awards but hey it wasn't my choice or was it I'm sure you had to be nominated.