The speaker gets down from the stage and another speaker is announced up the stage. I watch all of this happen with a sad heart,I look at the big screen behind the speaker and I see a large picture of him. His gorgeous smile makes the portrait even more beautiful, his eyes adding to the black and white shade. I look around me,looking at all the strange faces that came out in numbers today to By HL's memorial service. I don't know 80% of these people here however I am grateful for their availability.
I look at a now sober Tiyani who's concentrating on what the speaker is saying about his younger brother. Since he heard of Hlanganani's passing he has been drinking like no body's business. And since we are all grieving,no one cared to reprimand him or check if he's okay. We are all dealing with this in our own ways and we are too hurt to try to comfort other people.
We are still in Gauteng,at the city's biggest hall for his memorial service. His send off will be in two days time in Limpopo. And we totally understand that not everyone will be able to come down to Tzaneen and say their last Goodbyes hence we decided to have his memorial service here where at least a number of people get to come and say their Goodbyes. Its a bitter sweet moment,I get to hear about my husband from other people,get to see him in the world's eyes and with each story that someone has to tell about By HL I get to know a different side to him.
Today's speeches are strictly for people he worked with and friends from the music industry. While family and close friends will say their speeches at his funeral. Mthunzi is also part of today's program but as his manager and not best friend. A few jokes are made here and there to lighten up the mood. I won't lie...today's service is beautiful. Heart breaking but beautiful.
DAY OF THE FUNERAL:
I feel like everyone is expecting me to cry my lungs out. They are expecting me to burst out into hot tears. Since we woke up this morning,since we got ready for his funeral,since we all wore black clothes and since I'm sitting in front next to my brother staring at his dark brown coffin. I have also surprised myself... not a single tear has left my eyes this morning,not even when I saw his coffin for the first time today.
For some odd reason his body was only brought in today morning from the morgue and not last evening. I don't understand the reason behind that and my father in-law was just as confused and angry when Akani said that they can't bring his body into the yard. I understood us not viewing him because apparently he is hurt so bad so no one was allowed to view him,I have not even went to the mortuary to bathe him,only Akani went for that. But him not coming into the yard...okay never mind. I get it now...he died a tragic death.
Tho his father didn't seem to care about that,he wanted his son to be here last night. Anyways the church service has started and I'm quite surprised with the number of people who could make it from different provinces especially Gauteng. This just shows how loved he was and how not only our family is affected by his passing but almost the entire country.
We hear speeches from his neighbours, childhood friends,aunts,uncles and closest friends. "The next person to speak is the late's brother Akani Baloyi" the MC announces for Akani to go on the stage. Both Akani and Tiyani stand up and walk to the stage. "Avuxeni, sanibonani,dumelang and hello." That's Tiyani taking the mic instead of his brother. The crowd murmurs greetings in response as Tiyani takes a moment to master enough courage and face the crowd again. "Loyi a nga yima emahlweni ka n'wima iTiyani Baloyi. Wa vumbirhi waku velekiwa yi Mhani na Tatana Baloyi(The person standing before you all is Tiyani Baloyi. The second born of Mr and Mrs Baloyi)" he introduces himself.
"Loyi a nga yima etlhelo ka mina imakwerhu wa mina lonkulu Akani (Standing besides me is my elder brother Akani) and I'm standing in for him. This does not feel right,I don't feel honoured to be standing before you all to talk about my little brother. This feels so wrong to do,how am I expected to speak good about him in death when I couldn't do so when he was still alive..." He pauses, he looks down as his shoulders are shaking and Akani gives him a firm pat on the shoulder. What he said wasn't coming from a bad place...he genuinely means good,its coming from a place of grief and heartache.
"I'd pick us fighting over this,at anytime. I'd choose to start another fight with you if it means that I get to see you again. I'd rather have you shouting at me if it means that I get to hear your voice again. If a cold glare is all I can get from you then I will take it...at any day over this." He breathes in and out for a minute. "My brother was...he was a mama's boy" at this revelation,soft chuckles are heard from the audience. "So as expected,he was mischievous. He was one hell of a rebellious boy..." He looks over at Akani who smiles before shrugging his shoulders. "His rebellious nature always got him in trouble,the amount of beatings and punishments he got from our parents can attest to that."
We chuckle at this and everyone looks over at my father in-law who raises his hands up in surrender. "But my brother was also someone who always did what makes him happy,he never sought anyone's approval. Especially not our father's and honestly thats what I admired most about him. I have always envied to be like him,to be strong willed and to not care about other people's opinions over my life. Guess that explains why he had a better life mine, why he was so happy. Even tho his happy life got cut short...I'm happy that he got to live his life. He got to be happy."
"Out of all my parent's children, Hlanganani was the most colourful one...the talented one. And I'm starting to think that he stole all of our talents at birth. He knew how to dance...some might even say that he was a great dancer. He was an amazing painter,he made good music. Was one hell of a beat maker if we are being honest and he was an incredible person. Its not a secret that I brought out the worst in him and so did he. But I'd like to believe that we also secretly brought out the best in each other. Since I heard that he was no more,I have been asking myself day and night if its too late to say sorry now."
"The silence that I got in return was enough to let me know that its too late for me to try and be a brother to you. To try to apologise for all that I have done and said. But I think that its not too late to say that I love you mfo,with all of my heart. And I miss you,so much so that it hurts. And lastly Happy birthday Hlanganani,rest in eternal peace. Say hello to mom and Tiyiselani for us,we miss the three of you so much." He and Akani both break down in each other's embrace. Yes today is or was Hlanganani's birthday and to celebrate his birthday...he was supposed to have the biggest concert yet in his career. This was one of the concerts that I was going to attend.
But keh because the universe has a sense of humour. Instead of the biggest concert we get the biggest funeral. Hlanganani's dad takes the stage next with Akani tailing behind him and his uncle who's tatana Baloyi's brother. "No parent wishes to bury their child, especially not on their day of birth." Tears flow down his cheeks and he is given tissue to wipe himself. He goes on to speak about the kind of child that Hlanganani was and his childhood. What made him different from his siblings and so on. "Rifu ra wena mfana wa mina ri vava ngopfu hikuva(Your death my boy hurts more because) I never got to fix my mistakes and mend our relationship like your mother always wanted me to."
"I put my anger and pride before my love for you and by far that's the worst mistake I have ever done in my entire life. Worse mistake as I failed to learn from it in time. Its okay,you can tell your mother that I have failed,go on make a joke out it and curse me out...I deserve it." But as he says the last parts he is smiling which is beautiful to see. "You were always a clown so I'm sure that seeing us gathered here in tears is one hell of a funny joke to you." Those who understand what he means we laugh because really my man was a clown and he never knew how to react to people crying...not even me.
"Its too late for this,but I'm proud of the man that you have become. I was proud and I will always be proud. It was not your fault,I knew it but I still pushed you away. I'm sorry son,etlela hi ku rhula mfana wa mina(rest in peace my boy) everyone here is grateful to have known you. And I'm grateful to have been your father. Wisa Baloyi u hi langutela(Rest Baloyi and watch over us). Happy birthday Hlanganani Victor Baloyi." He slowly walks down the stage trying so hard to not break down but he's failing to hold his tears in. "The last speaker will be his wife,Nhlawuleko Baloyi." I'm called up but I'm not ready,I'm not ready to say Goodbye!!
It takes a while for me to finally stand up,everyone was gawking at me but they will never understand my pain and quite frankly I don't expect them to. Lindo,Khethiwe and Mmabatho accompany me up the stage. "Firstly I'd like to thank each and everyone of you for availing yourselves and for sharing in on our grief with my family. Thank you all so much for your heart warming messages,thank you for supporting my husband in his career. Y'all are the main reason behind his success and as the Baloyi family we appreciate that." I'm still not crying,I don't know how I'm feeling at this moment but in whatever ball of emotions I'm experiencing RN, happiness is also present.
"Hlanganani and I met exactly one year and one month ago. At a food court where I was sitting alone at a table for two. His rude and unapologetic self pulled out the chair in front of me with a hoodie hiding his face and sat a distance away from me. He didn't greet me or even look at me" I softly laugh at the memory. "I tried talking to him but he was focused on his phone but when I was about to give up and label him as a jerk he looked up and said "uhm sorry you were saying something?" in his deep voice with that accent of his. Niyazi moes ukuthi when HL speaks English,he sounds like a private school kid." At this laughter erupts from my audience.
"So when I heard his accent and tone,I mentally face palmed myself thinking that he's a skrr skrr. Fast forward we both started talking,we introduced ourselves and I will admit that I didn't know who he was. Naye he didn't tell me,he told me that he's an entrepreneur. I won't lie bengicharmekile. Indoda yam yinhle bafethu and we can't dispute that. I won't say that it was love at first sight mara I liked him. Two days later he shows up at my office pretending to have an appointment. When I would ask him questions about his "big day" he would ask "what do you think?" or "which one do you prefer?",like to him my input was important which I didn't understand why because I was the wedding planner there and him my client." Again I'm smiling.
"Don't ask me ukuthi where was his fiancé because nam angazi,I don't even know how he found me but he managed to get himself an appointment with me. As I was getting frustrated with him,he made things worse by saying that I was his fiancé and that he had a marriage proposal for me,mxm." I shake my head and Khethiwe who remembers how angry I was,laughs at me. "Fast forward 2 months later and we were dating then from there that's history. He was a gentleman,the most beautiful man I have ever seen,an amazing boyfriend and a even better husband. Hlanganani was a puzzle and I'm honoured to say that I'm one of the few people who were able to figure him out."
"He was closed off but many couldn't see that because of how happy and care free he looked. He was a loving person and I'm glad that I became the love of his life. Tatana Baloyi you have gone too soon my love,idk what was so urgent that heaven couldn't wait another 27 years for you. Kub'hlungu,kub'hlungu myeni wam,I don't remember when was the last time I had a peaceful sleep or even finished my meals. I miss you so bad,you are all that I think of lately. I don't know how you expect me to get through this without you by my side but I will try,if not for me then for you. I honestly don't know what went wrong or how. Because as I vowed on our wedding day that I'd keep your heart protected,I promised to keep it safe."
"But now on one fateful day as I had it in my hands...where it was safe. It suddenly stopped beating,my love your heart stopped pounding in my arms. I tried to resuscitate it but I couldn't. That was when I leaned about your departure,tho I'm sad that I don't have your heart in my hands anymore...I'm glad that when you left you took mine with. Because RN I don't see myself handing it to another man who isn't you. I love you and will always do,I'm not angry that you broke your promise. You promised to come back to me after the tour...you promised to be safe for me...its fine. Happy Heavenly birthday By HL,u27 akakutholanga."
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I'm not the only one who's crying right😢.
Anyways guys please trust me,this story does have a happy ending🤞❤.