I woke up feeling dizzy, dehydrated, and wondering where the hell I was. I reluctantly opened my eyes and covered them immediately as the sun had poured in through the windows and was far too bright.
I was in Mana's living room, and, for some reason, laying on her rug on the floor, sprawled out like a starfish.
I heard snoring and turned to see Chan on the couch. Memories of last night flooded my brain. I'd been so drunk. I felt so embarrassed.
And angry...he'd kissed someone else.
I stood up slowly and walked to the kitchen. I made myself a glass of water that I downed. And another. And another.
I headed to see if Mana was awake. "Good morning," I greeted quietly as I opened her door.
That greeting was followed by a scream as I saw a naked Seungmin in her bed.
"Oh my god!" I ran away towards the living room and Chan hopped up.
"Ella? Are you okay? What is it?" he asked.
"Seungmin!" I shouted.
Confused, Chan went into the room and saw his friend in bed with my friend.
"It's too early for this," Mana complained as she walked into the living room in her pajama set.
"It's 1," Seungmin laughed as he followed behind her.
"You two?" I couldn't believe it.
"Yea," she blushed.
"Really?" Chan seemed just as surprised as I was. "So that's what those sounds were."
"Oh god," Mana covered her face as it turned bright red.
"Wait, did Seungmin take the guest room and lock me out and then use your bed anyway?" I assumed. There had to be a reason that I was on the floor.
"No, actually that was all you. We put you into bed multiple times. We tried the couch, too, but you insisted that the rug was comfier," Seungmin informed me.
I covered my face now.
"It was cute," Chan tried to console me.
I didn't want consolation though. "We need to talk," I told him and pulled him out onto the balcony, closing the door behind us. Mana gave me a thumbs up for good luck.
Chan looked as guilty as I've ever seen a person. "Ella, I'm sorry."
"Let me start," I interrupted. "I nearly die. You send me away by not only saying you never cared about me but by also reciting words my rapist said to me. Then, you go so dark and so out of character that your friend has to call and ask me to come save you when they know I still have feelings for you."
He tried to cut me off, but I kept going, "Then despite logic, I drop everything, and I turn up to find you hooking up with a random girl. Not even for fan service."
"Who called you?" he asked. He looked back at Seungmin, and I glanced, too. Apparently, he was having Mana for breakfast.
"Felix."
"I'm sorry I said that to you. I just needed you to leave."
"Why?"
"Because I thought a fan had tried to kill you. I didn't know it would end up being Holden. I feel horrible that I hadn't even considered how putting you in the public eye would mean any of them could've found your whereabouts."
"Even if it had been a fan, that should've been my call," I argue. "And I thought I meant something to you, but I have been heartbroken for weeks. I gave myself to you and then you threw me away. And then I come here and find you so easily able to forget me? It hurts."
"I didn't forget you," he muttered. "I just needed distractions."
"You got angry watching me dance with Seungmin. Seungmin who you know wouldn't ever go so far as to kiss me. How do you think I feel?"
"Ella, I'm sorry. It's just been hard without you. I shouldn't have sent you away."
I didn't know if there was anything left to say that would make me feel better. He'd already apologized, but it didn't feel like enough for me. I couldn't trust him.
Not to mention I felt violently hungover.
"Are you coming to tonight's show? Let me take you out after. Please," he begged. He looked so desperate to make things better. I wanted to give him the chance.
"Okay," I replied, and Chan looked so hopeful. "Felix said you were going to get punished tonight. That you'd gotten in trouble because of the fan meet?"
Hopeful switched to uncomfortable immediately. He shifted in his seat and mumbled, "Yeah. I'm not sure what it is yet."
"What does he usually do?" Chan had said each member had something that made them tick. He hadn't told me what his was.
"He usually makes me pick who does the fan service that night. Before the show, I'll have to provide a name, and they'll filter responses accordingly."
"Doesn't that punish someone else more?"
"Yes and no. He knows it hurts me to hurt the kids. They could've been chosen randomly anyway."
JYP was a psychopath.
"Who will you pick tonight?"
"Changbin usually volunteers for me to pick him, so that I don't have to feel as guilty. I still do, though."
That seemed like something he would do.
"But you think tonight will be different?"
He nodded and looked out at the city.
Even though I was mad, I didn't want him to have to go through anything like what he was describing. It was psychological warfare.
"I'll be there, so I can try to help."
Chan nodded again and looked over at the venue. The first few fans were starting to arrive.
"Fuck, what time is it?"
"2:30," I said, showing him my phone.
"Fuck! Seungmin!" Chan shouted and ran back inside. He opened the door to Mana's room and immediately shut it. "Put some pants on. We've got to go!"
"Why? What time is it?" he asked.
"2:30!"
"Fuck!" Seungmin shouted, and I could hear him ruffling with his clothes. He flung the door open and turned around to wave to Mana before running out the door with Chan.
She joined me on the couch, her face bright red.
"So, how was it?" I laughed. She looked like she really wanted to share.
"Ella, it was amazing," she gushed. "He was sweet and romantic and so hot. So hot."
"I'm glad," I smiled.
"He gave me his number," she grinned as she showed me his contact in her phone.
"If he's ever a dick I'll punch him," I threatened, and she laughed.
"We have to be at the show in a few hours," she reminded me.
I groaned. We needed food. And showers. And water.
"I'll DoorDash us something, you go ahead and shower," she offered.
"Sounds good," I replied.
"And Ella," she called when I'd almost made it to the bathroom.
"Yea?"
"I talked to Chan last night. I think you should give him another chance."
The fact that he had managed to convince Mana, his #1 Hater, had to mean something.
"I'm thinking about it. He's taking me out after the show tonight."
With that, I left the room to get ready.