Emeralds 39
[Leen]
Just a short while before landing Adam falls asleep joining the other two. I know he does when I hear his breathing becoming even. This is how I'm starting to know everything about Adam, I'm starting to learn about him more deeply. I know it's him coming towards me because I know how his footsteps sound, I know he is going out before he tells me when I smell his perfume. I memorise the way he crunches pomegranate and chips and other crunchy food. The smell of his intense coffee is my everyday good morning. He fiddles with his keys when he's bored and he breathes less when he is nervous. I don't think I would have known all these things if I had my eyes open. I know I'm in the process of discovering a totally new side of him; someplace between his outside and inside selves, a place maybe even he isn't aware of.
We land a short while later, Adam helps me find my way through the aisles and out of the plane.
"Adam," I whisper enthusiastically as I hold onto his arm, I feel him turning towards me. "We finally made it! Thank you." He just pulls me closer reassuringly. Well, Adam taught me that sometimes a simple gesture could be more meaningful than a thousand words.
We arrive in Al-Madinah where we'll be staying for two days before going to Makkah. We have an hour to rest and eat before it's time to pray Al-Duhr.
"I'm dying to sleep," Adam says once we're in our hotel room.
"For God's sake Adam you slept on the plane! I'm the only one who didn't get any sleep."
"But I want to sleep again."
"You'll miss the prayer if you sleep now, it's less than an hour from now," I say sitting on the fluffy white bed.
"I know," he sighs. "I'll eat then." I laugh. He opens the fridge and closes it again.
"What did you take?" I ask.
"Chocolate," he answers. "You want some?"
"Yes," I say as he puts a bar of chocolate in my hand and clasps my fingers around it. "Thanks."
We get ready to leave, I put on a black abaya and Adam adjusts the blue hijab for me.
"All ready," he says when he's done. "I'm starting to gain some new talents."
"Thanks to me," I point out.
We go outside to meet Ahmed and Mariam before heading to the masjid which is just across the street. Mariam takes my hand and Adam asks her for the hundredth time to look after me that I can almost visualise her rolling her eyes and it makes me laugh.
"He's too much!" she complains once we leave.
"I know," I nod knowingly.
Although I've been here twice with my family when I was younger, it still hurts that I can't see the place around me. I can't see the masjid or the white marble floor or the beauty of the building and the decorations. I remember how much I loved the lights and chandeliers back then; all majestic and glowing.
Mariam walks me through the crowds that I can remember very well that I feel as if I can see them. Thousands and thousands of Muslims from all around the world. Never have I seen all these nationalities, colours, customs and languages in the same place except here. A woman bumps into me and mumbles something in what seems like Hindi or Urdu, it sounds like an apology. I mumble an English sorry and stick closer to Mariam.
"Mariam," I suddenly call. "Do I look like I'm blind?"
"Besides having the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen mashallah," she says. "You look pretty normal to me."
We stand, ready for praying, and the sheikh starts reading,
"And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."
The aya captures my attention and makes me think about Adam. I try to focus as much as I can until we're done praying. When we finish, we decide to stay for a while— Mariam wants to read some Quran, and I can't think of a better place to clear my mind. I take out the iPod from my bag and ask Mariam to play Surat Al-Rum for me. A while later, the same aya comes again and I pay more attention, letting numerous memories rush through my mind and in front of my eyes, lighting up their darkness.
Adam has been the best husband I would have wished for. He takes perfect care of me, he is a thoughtful person, always considering my feelings and thinking about me. He surprises me all the time, either takes me to places I've always wanted to go, or buys me the most beautiful presents. He never knew a thing that could make me happy and ignored it. He bought me really expensive gifts and really simple ones, all what mattered was that they make me happy. The emerald necklace he's got me made me as happy as when I came from work one day to find him peeling ten kilos of pomegranate for me. That day was hilarious.
I walked into the kitchen after school, to check if I need to buy any grocery for lunch. Adam had told me in the morning that he'd spend the day with Ahmed playing soccer and swimming. However, I found him sitting at the kitchen table with bags of pomegranate on the table and the floor. He was wearing a white t-shirt and it was decorated with the pomegranate juice; he looked so adorable peeling the pomegranate like a wife waiting for her husband. I couldn't stop myself from laughing.
"Oh my God! What are you doing?" I say surprisedly. "I thought you were with Ahmed."
"We played for an hour but it was too hot so we went for a drive. I found pomegranates and thought I'd bring you some." he says.
"This is too much!" I say joyfully. "Wait I'll help you."
"Come," he smiles, pushing some in my direction.
"I'll change my clothes and come."
We stayed for two hours peeling pomegranate and laughing our hearts out at each other and at some stories we kept telling. It was one of happiest days of my life. A day spent in the kitchen, with the person I love the most, peeling and eating my favourite fruit.
Thinking about the days I've spent with Adam, we've been married for over a year, almost close to two years, Adam has been better to me than I have been to him. I never brought him much presents except on his birthday, and cooking his favourite dishes when he comes back from a trip. But I need to do more to him.
But what can I do now?
I decide to give him something that would remind us of the days we lived together. Something that would be always there when he needs it, maybe also when I'm not there anymore if it's fated that I die before him, which is something I hope.
At night, when Adam is fast asleep, I walk to the bathroom and take the phone with me. I tell Siri to open the Voice Memos and I press the red button I well know its exact location. When I hear the beep I start,
"Today I decided to give you something that would keep our happy memories forever carved in your memory. I wanted to give you a precious gift, one that can make you happy like you always made me. But I can't buy you anything if I can't see it, and if I took someone to choose, it won't be completely from me. So an audio diary was the best I could think of.
I want to thank you for a million things but I can still hear you telling me, "You don't than your husband. You just love him." And I do. Everyone I have ever loved disappointed me one way or another, and even though you and I had some arguments and misunderstandings sometimes yet I cannot say you've ever disappointed me.
In Surat Al-Rum Allah says He has put mercy and love between married couple. The thought that this love we share is provided by Allah and kept safe by Allah is just too overwhelming, and it assures me that it cannot die.
Remember when you told me you're afraid after a while this spark between us would be gone? You thought I'd love you less or we won't just be so close. But no, I want you to know that it's impossible as long as Allah is our Guardian, and because we totally depended on Him SWT to let us find each other. Adam, you're the blessing I'm most thankful for.
Today is our first day in Saudi Arabia together, we'll be in Makkah soon inshallah to make an Umra, and I can't wait till I revolve around the Kaaba hand in hand with you.
When I was younger and went there, I prayed Allah to send me a husband who'll be better than me and draw me closer to Him. I prayed everything I wish would be in that person, and I prayed he'd make me happy. And soon enough inshallah, I'll be in the same place, in front of Allah's house once again, with that person.
Alhamdulillah."
"Leen?" I hear Adam calling me from outside.
"Yes?" I reply.
"Oh, I was just looking for you," he says.
"I'm coming out now." I wash my hands so everything will seem normal, unlock the door, and come out. "What wakes you up?"
"I didn't find you," I imagine him rubbing the back of his head boyishly as he always did. "Are you okay?"
"Ah—yeah! Everything's fine," I beam in the direction of his voice. "Adam, can you help me comb my hair?"
"Sure," he takes my hand and guides me through the room. The thing is, I could go to the bathroom on my own, lock the door and even use the tap on my own. Now, I can also climb the stairs and use the phone to a limited extent and even dress up what Adam chooses for me. I surely can comb my hair on my own; but I just love when Adam does. He makes me feel like his daughter, and I'm pretty sure Adam will be a great father inshallah.
We sit on the bed, Adam holds the brush and starts going through the thick blocks of my hair, brushing slowly and softly like a massage. I feel sleepy by the time he's done.
"All ready," he says putting his hands on my shoulders. "Let's sleep."
"Okay," I smile gratefully as he helps me lay down and pulls the duvet over me.
"Goodnight," he says planting a kiss on my forehead and walks around the bed until he reaches his side of the bed. Soon enough, I hear his breathing becoming even.
***
The next morning Adam takes too long in the shower and I get bored waiting for him so we can go down for breakfast. At first Mariam knocks and asks if we're done, and when she finds we're not, she walks inside and sits on the couch and waits. Ten minutes later, Ahmed knocks and asks from behind the closed door if we're ready, I open the door and tell him Adam isn't finished yet.
"Come on, Adam! We're late for breakfast!"
"Just ten minutes!" Adam shouts back.
"He said that fifteen minutes ago," Mariam huffs. "Adam we're leaving you!"
"Fine, go!"
"Let's wait for him downstairs," I say suppressing the urge to giggle.
"When did he wake up?" Mariam asks when we're in the elevator.
"Just shortly before you came," I say.
"He was always late for school," Ahmed says with a small laugh, and I smile, thinking about younger Adam. God, how much I miss seeing him.
We reach the lobby—as Mariam tells me—and walk to the restaurant.
"Oh my God!" she gasps. "How can it be so crowded?"
"Thanks to Adam we can't find a place," Ahmed says.
"Let's look around, there must be some table," Mariam says. "Leen wait here until we look for a table okay?"
"Oh, okay!" I smile. I'm left alone in the middle of the restaurant, trying not to look so awkward and stiff, then I remember it doesn't matter if not going to see people watching me because I'm weird anyway.
Someone slams into me with a plate and I can feel the food all over me.
"What the—" he hisses. "You should've been careful!" he shouts, "Are you blind?!"
My cheeks turn red and hot and I start sweating. Tears collect in my eyes and I barely manage to say, "I'm sorry, yes I'm blind. I'm really sorry I was probably standing in the wrong place. I'm sorry—"
Someone grabs my arm mid sentence and roughly pulls me backwards.
"You weren't even looking in front of you!" It's Adam shouting to the guy in the most scary tone I've ever heard from him. "The food is all over her clothes when nothing has touched you! You should be sorry to her! And you should be careful with what you say!"
"I didn't know she is really blind—"
"I TOLD YOU TO BE CAREFUL WITH WHAT YOU SAY!" Adam barks so furiously that I slightly jump in my place. He pulls my arm and we walk away, into the elevator and inside the room.
"I'll bring you another abaya," he says, seating me on the bed. "I'm sorry I left you. I'm really sorry."
"Adam, it's okay," I say. "The man didn't know. You were too harsh."
"He was too harsh for God's sake!"
"It's okay," I say trying to soothe both of us. "It's okay."
I'm not aware of the tears running down my face until Adam wipes them away for me. "Get ready," he says. "We're eating outside today," he says softly, placing another one of my black abayas on my lap.
There are violent knocks on the door and Mariam comes in followed by Ahmed who asks for permission before walking inside.
"Leen," Mariam says as she sits next to me. "I'm so so sorry, I swear I haven't thought about anything like this. I shouldn't have left you alone, I'm terribly sorry sister."
"It's okay," I smile at her. "Guys it's really okay."
"That guy kept apologising to us when you left," Ahmed says. "Let's have breakfast somewhere else today anyway."
"I was just thinking the same," Adam agrees.
"Okay, I'll help Leen get dressed. You both can wait outside."
"Okay," Adam and Ahmed say at the same time.
While we're eating, Ahmed clears his throat awkwardly and says, "Mariam it's okay. You didn't know this would happen. Stop blaming yourself. Even Leen isn't mad at you!"
Mariam has been really gloomy since we left the hotel. She thinks she's put me in an embarrassing situation and she blames herself for how I've been hurt. Adam and I tried so much to cheer her up, but nothing would change. She also thinks Adam was a bit disappointed in her at first, but he really got over it quickly! He was just upset because of the situation itself. However when Ahmed talks to her, I can feel her nervousness as she says, "Okay." She so likes him!
We walk back to the hotel as it's not so far away, and it's not too hot.
"I'll buy some ice cream!" Ahmed says childishly. "Mariam you love the Lemon flavour right?"
Muahaha.
"Y-Yes," she mumbles.
I nudge Adam who's been holding my hand, "You see how cute they are together?" I whisper. He doesn't reply, I'm sure he's rolling his eyes.
Ahmed comes back after a few minutes. "Mocha for Adam, mango for Leen, lemon for Mariam and vanilla for me," he says giving us the ice cream.
"Thank you," we all say.
We keep walking until it's only an hour left before Al-Duhr prayer. We go to Al-masjid Al-Nabawi, and wait for the Athan. Mariam reads Quran next to me in the woman's section. I nudge her, can't hide the smirk on my face.
"He totally cares for you!" I say.
"Of course he cares!" she says. "He's known us for more than eleven years! He's like Adam."
I giggle, "No he's not like Adam. Because you can't marry your brother."
"What marriage," she snorts nervously. "However, that's exactly it. You can't marry your brother."
"He's not biologically your brother!"
"Whatever!"
"Don't whatever me!" She laughs. "He likes you."
"No, he does not."
"He does."
"He does not."
"He does."
"He does not—" Mariam is cut off by a woman who politely asks us to keep quiet. Or shut up. I don't blame her.
We giggle.
I think Mariam and Ahmed are not just a suggestion. They're a reality, and I really want them to end up together. They're just adorable!