5-6-23
4 am
After going home a few hours ago and dealing with the police process, Eddie was absolutely exhausted but no matter how hard he tried at home or the hospital, or the police station for that matter, he couldn't sleep.
Eddie laid on Bucks chest, staring off into nothing. Buck was fast asleep, arm tight around Eddie as if when he let go, someone would snatch Eddie away from him.
Eddie's thumb was resting on his lips, his eyes were red because he hadn't slept, they were swollen from crying so much, he hadn't eaten damn near anything in the last week and a half, his head hurt and he was pale.
Eddie just wanted to feel Bucks skin on his, there was something about it that calmed him down, helped him sleep, but Eddie would never wake Buck up to ask him to take his shirt off, so he did the next best thing.
he laid on Bucks chest, right above his heart, trying to listen to it beat but he couldn't hear through the shirt. Eddie whined, eventually just sliding his hand in Bucks shirt, resting his hand on Bucks abdomen.
this was embarrassing to Eddie, he felt like a giant baby, needing to do skin to skin with his boyfriend, ear to heart. he wasn't a baby, but everyone has their comfort things. some carry a shirt, or bracelet or some type of object around, others write, but Eddie has multiple.
he has different things to do in different settings and for different reasons.
the main one is Evan pressing there foreheads together, making Eddie focus on Bucks breath, that was for when they were in public and freaking out or now for his assault.
the second was just a simple hug, but it was the way he was hugged by Buck. he fit so perfectly in Evan's arms. he loved a nice, long hug from Buck after a stressful shift or day in general.
But Eddie absolutely adored skin to skin contact. the warmth of it, you could feel the love radiating off of whoever you were touching. Eddie always finds ways to touch Buck when he's shirtless or at the firehouse, it doesn't matter where or when. sometimes it doesn't even have to be skin to skin, he just has to be touching Buck.
Buck didn't mind it though, he enjoyed it as well. His favorite part was when Eddie would drop the subtle hint that he wanted Buck to take his shirt off when they were cuddling. he loved feeling the warmth of Eddie's skin as well. He loved when Eddie couldn't go five minutes without touching him, whether it was sexual or just loving, recently just loving. Eddie barely likes being touched at all.
The heart beat thing wasn't necessarily a comfort thing though. Like yes, it did comfort Eddie a lot, but that was mostly an after sex or cuddling thing. he rarely did it when he was upset or mad.
Eddie sat up slowly in bed, just to look at Buck. he put his hand on Bucks face, sliding it down to his neck softly resting it there. his eyes watered and he kissed Bucks forehead softly.
"i love you, i'm sorry." He whispered, a tear dropped on Bucks cheek, making him clench his face, relaxing it immediately. Eddie laid down on Bucks chest, sliding his hand up Bucks shirt again.
Evan woke up to this, but didn't open his eyes.
"skin to skin?" He asked tiredly, his voice raspy and opened his eyes. an embarrassed blush came to Eddie's face as he nodded.
"nothing to be embarrassed about, my love," Buck murmured. Eddie smiled and nodded.
Buck sat up and pulled his t shirt off. he went to take Eddie's off but Eddie stopped him and got on Bucks lap, straddling him, taking his own shirt off, trying not to whine at the feeling of the fabric rubbing across his skin.
it came to the point where Buck had to take showers with him because anytime Eddie showered alone, he came out with bleeding skin.
Eddie pulled the blanket up with him as he laid on Bucks chest. "have you slept at all, baby," Evan asked softly, feeling Eddie's body relax for the first time in 7 hours.
Eddie whispered a tired no as his eyes began to shut.
"why not," Evan asked, rubbing his hand up and down his back.
"because when i close my eyes, i see him, i don't wanna see him," he whimpered as tears entered his eyes.
"it's okay, sleep, i got you," Evan kissed his head, making Eddie snuggle closer to him. he fell asleep, inhaling the faint scent of Bucks soap and cologne.
-
Eddie woke up 7 hours later, Buck scrolling through his phone while Eddie laid on his chest, but not on top of him like he fell asleep.
he slept through it, not having any nightmares. "good morning baby," Evan smiled softly. Eddie looked up, resting his chin in the part of Evan's chest he was laying on and smiled. he drug his hand down Evan's torso, which was cold and had goosebumps.
"you didn't have to keep your shirt off the whole time, especially if you were cold," Eddie whispered. Buck rolled his eyes lovingly.
"if you want skin to skin to help you sleep, you're getting it," Buck murmured, rubbing his back.
"are you going to work today," Eddie asked, sitting up, feeling cold immediately. Buck only shook his head.
"yea babe, not til 1. are you gonna come back today," Evan replied, pulling him Back down. Eddie laughed softly, getting back on top of him and straddling his lap. Eddie leant down, kissing Bucks lips.
god his laugh, how he could laugh after what happened to him, smile, let Evan touch him at all. it was just music. Eddie was the prettiest song.
"I have too, i can't keep getting scared," he whispered, sitting back up. he smiled looking at Bucks chest from the night before. they had a heated make out session, but nothing more.
Buck put his hands on Eddie's waist, causing Eddie to immediately flinch and his smile faded.
he grabbed Bucks hands, moving them so he could get up. Buck gave him a weird look but nonetheless understood.
"what do you want for breakfast," Eddie asked, trying to be as normal as possible, "i can cook something or we can go pick something up," he continued, going in their closet to grab a long sleeve shirt.
"babe, come here," Evan smiled softly, opening his arms. "you just woke up, come lay back down," He spoke up firmly, but Eddie was worried about that. he bag an to panic again.
"but breakfast and the house is a mess, i need to do the laundry, pick the kids up from school, and- and," Eddie rambled on and on about the things that he had to get done. Buck got up and quickly walked over to him, pulling him into a hug.
"sh, it's okay," Evan whispered, kissing his head. Eddie acting like nothing has happened was concerning him.
Once Eddie calmed down, Buck pulled away.
"nothing has to get done right now, you just relax, i'll take care of everything, you just rest. this was your first time sleeping through the night," he reassured, caressing Eddie's cheek.
Eddie leaned into the touch with his eyes closed.
"how do you feel now," Eddie asked looking at him. Bucks eyebrows furrowed.
"what do you mean," Evan asked, sitting down on the bed. he pulled Eddie in his lap.
"do you feel normal now? like after he did what he did to you, do you ever go back to feeling normal," Eddie's eyes watered as he looked down at his lap.
Buck grabbed his hand as he thought about his words.
"it's hard to say for me, i went through it a lot before, not just him, but before the last couple of weeks, i've felt a lot happier. i have you, the most amazing family and friends," Evan replied.
Eddie sighed, "how were you so okay with me touching you after it happened? i don't mean this to hurt your feelings but i cant stand the feeling of anyone's hands on my skin now," he whispered, looking up at Buck.
"i felt safe with you, i knew you would never let anything happen to me and i knew you would never hurt me. it's different for everyone though, it'll just be something we work on together, slowly," he reassured Eddie and that's what they did for the next couple of weeks. they tried to get Eddie more comfortable with the touch, at least from Evan.
"i'm scared," Eddie said quietly, as tears fell from his eyes, how he had any tears left, they weren't too sure of.
"i know baby," Buck murmured, "it's a hard thing to go through, i'm right here," He put his hands on Eddie's face, kissing him softly. it was one of the few places he was allowed to touch constantly.
"i love you, Evan," Eddie grabbed his hands, resting there foreheads together.
"i love you most,"