CHAPTER ELEVEN
Flagon was tended to immediately as soon as we arrived. Miche had brought him to the warmest room and let his friends tend to him with basic knowledge when it comes to this type of situation.
Nile immediately ran towards us as soon as we came near the cabin, his face laced with both concern and relief.
"M/n!" He reached to me as soon as Erwin finally allowed me to stand on my own feet, Nile grabbed my arm and pulled me into a tight hug. "Goodness, you're freezing!" He exclaimed with a light shiver.
"I know, that's why he needs to change and get into warmer clothes." Erwin told as he shrugged off his cloak as soon as the reached the door. "Don't hold him off, Nile."
"Right," The dark haired male pulled away and guided me to the door as I slowly regained control over my own legs. "Man, you really got us worried for a second when only Carly returned while hysterically explaining how Flagon is down."
I could only picture her frantic expression.
"You should've seen the way Erwin marched the forest." Nile chuckled before continuing, "I was tempted to follow him too but our superior wouldn't let me—said something about me becoming another casualty."
I cracked a small smile of amusement. Just like me, Nile also did not develop an absurd immunity to the cold weather. And when considering between Nile and Erwin as to who can do the physical labor more, our superior had no troubles in deciding.
"He was really worried, I don't think I've seen him with such a look before. I thought he was gonna cry or something."
It took me a while to realize he had been talking about Erwin, mainly because associating the word 'cry' and Erwin didn't really make any sense. He was a gentle guy but in no way was he that openly emotional. He was calm, composed, and very level-headed. It was hard to believe he would cry over such a small matter like this.
"You're overexaggerating." I scoffed as far as my throat would allow me.
"Am not!"
As soon as we entered the cabin, I was greeted with the relief of warmth. The fireplace we worked on had been doing wonders with spreading its heat all over the place, making me finally breathe in ease.
"Go change." Erwin appeared in an instance as soon as I stepped foot, helping me shrug off my jacket that was primarily soaked in snow.
I moved into our shared rooms in private and quickly changed out of my outdoor clothes, finding a comfortable tunic and some typical slacks.
While the cold still felt as though it permanently lingered in my skin, changing out of my snow-ridden clothes did help as advised.
Erwin soon entered after I was done and threw me a towel to matte off my hair and face.
"Any frostbite?"
"None," I assured. "Just. . . Really cold."
"You're lucky." Erwin pointed out as we walked towards where everyone else gathered, which was also where the fireplace was. "Flagon barely got out of hypothermia and you're miraculously fine for someone who was out there for too long."
"Cavemen have dealt with worse."
"But you're not a caveman, you're a resident of Wall Rose with no prior experience in outside survival." Erwin lightened.
"I'm sure our little activities outside of camp have served as experience."
"M/n!" I turned to the sound of my name being called, catching the sight of my peers looking up at me from their previous states of tending to Flagon.
I was knocked back by a light force that hit against my chest, and I looked down to see it was Carrie— my partner for this activity— who charged towards me.
"I'm relieved!" She said, her voice muffled by my shirt. "I thought you were going to be swept up by a storm and I did absolutely nothing to help except just deliver the sticks and I felt so utterly—"
I awkwardly patted her back in a way of comforting her, not an expert in this area. "It's fine now."
"But—!"
She never got to finish as I felt a hand securely grab my arm and pull me back slightly to collide against a solid figure, enough to separate me from Cardy's form.
"Carly," I could feel the vibration of his voice rumble against his chest at our close distance. "It's not wise to act so brazen with him, he's still tired after being outside carrying Flagon alone."
I wondered why Erwin acted so sternly, he was typically never this uptight with our peers.
The girl (Carly, was it?) took a step back sheepishly and nodded, as though intimidated by Erwin's imposing authority.
"Sorry, M/n." She nodded apologetically to me.
I felt bad.
"No, it's. . . It's fine, really." I assured her, unsure how to deal with it myself.
"Come on," Erwin lightly tugged me away from her as we neared the fireplace where I felt its temperature clash against my icy skin.
Eventually, people began to flood out of the room to get their portions for supper. I wasn't too worried about it myself since I didn't exactly have the appetite to it.
I just sat there on the brittle hardwood in front of the fire place, Erwin seated in front of me like a constant dime. It felt as if everywhere I went, he was sure to follow. And I wasn't sure if it was only because we were stuck together in the middle of nowhere in this relatively small house.
I had to bring up our futures somehow. I wanted to know if Marie had succeeded in changing his mind, if she had managed to get through him and convince him to somehow stay and live a remotely peaceful life within the innermost Walls.
Taking in a deep breath, I readied my words.
"Once we get back, have you ever thought about Marie and—"
He shook his head at me, holding my gaze with a look I couldn't really ascertain. "M/n," He stopped me as my words fell back into my mouth. "Let's not talk about it."
I was at a lost, "Oh, okay. . ."
He heaved a heavy sigh, "It's just that. . . I feel like our friendship and conversations lately are centering around anywhere but ourselves. I want to take this moment and start making it about us, not about other people."
I didn't know exactly how to respond at that.
How does one even begin to formulate words when being said that?
But a part of me was relieved and touched. To be honest, I didn't want to talk about Marie or anyone else either. In this warm room with freezing touches and brittle floors— I wanted to finally cease it and savor every moment spent together.
Just the two of us.
I smiled unknowingly.
"Are you cold?" Erwin asked, peering into me as I clasped my hands together at the acknowledgement.
"Well, it's better compared to before."
He frowned as he took notice of my gloves before taking my hands, he intended to take them off for me but not before looking up, "May I?"
I nodded silently.
Gently, he removed my gloves slowly, careful as though hasty movements would break me— which was clearly overestimating my state.
I was just freezing in this weather, nothing else. Maybe my legs did ache and my knees do quiver, but it wasn't anything as remotely serious like Flagon (who was currently laying on the couch passed out).
As soon as my gloves were taken from me, Erwin discarded them to the side before slowly planting his thumb on my hands. Skin to skin.
"You're freezing."
"Thanks."
His fingertips were sensual and gentle, always maintaining that careful touch as he rubbed soothing patterns on the back of my hand.
His hands were warm compared to mine, and I couldn't think of an instance where he even felt cold. He was always warm, and I was half-tempted to ask about the secret behind it; hoping I would also learn from the trick.
"You're still shaking, you know?"
I nodded, "I'm not used to the climate. I honestly can't wait to be back in the scorching sun."
"I can keep you warm in the meantime." Erwin boldly said, making me flush before he also stopped and processed how his words could sound and ducked down, suddenly bashful.
It was endearing, I never thought I'd see this side of him.
"I mean, if you'll let me."
I cleared my throat.
Platonic. Platonic. Platonic.
"That'd be great, actually." I tried not too sound too eager, I was also hesitant myself.
He took both of my hands and sandwiched them between his palms, rubbing gently to create some sort of friction for heat.
I didn't know if it was working or not because the action alone was enough to warm me internally, the blood rising to my body.
"My father used to do this before." He began, reminiscing softly about memories of his life before the Military. I have heard his stories before, I knew about the events that drove him to pursue the knowledge of the world. "When nights in December grew too cold and we didn't have enough logs to burn, he'd take my hands and warm them in his. I used to get easily cold back then so this was the only way to really calm me down."
His father died when he was still a schoolboy, barely a teenager even. And yet, he had so much fond memories of his father and often spoke of him so highly to me in private.
And I knew in that way that his father was a good and respectable man. Good to have raised a responsible man like Erwin alone, and respectable to have had Erwin's unwavering respect and admiration.
If he was Erwin's role model then I would be awfully aware right away he was great.
"He sounds like a good father."
"He was." Erwin agreed before meeting my eyes once more. "What memories do you think back on when dealt with this sort of weather?"
I didn't have much stories to tell like he did. I didn't have much fond memories that I carried in my pocket. For as long as I could remember, it was just me and Marie.
"I remember when I used to hide under the bed since it was warm and I didn't want to go out for school because it's always freezing outside during December." I thought back. "Marie would look for me for hours and she'd get really mad because I was always the reason we're late."
I chuckled lightly as I remembered her face still so clearly.
"One time, she saw my feet sticking out under the bed and was really pissed to find it so she dragged me out by my legs. Our floors were quite old and loose so I always managed to take a floorboard piece with me."
He released a hefty chuckle, "That's terrible!"
"It wasn't all that bad."
"I reckon if we had met in school or in a neighborhood—we would have been great friends."
"Please," I smiled whilst shaking my head. I found it hard to believe that an awkward, overlooked, and terribly timid schoolboy would have been great friends with him; a boy who was golden from the start. "You would have made fun of me for my shoes or something."
"I would not have!"
"Yeah, yeah." I brushed off with a semi-permanent grin, my hands still in between his.
Marie was the more popular and outgoing one between the two of us growing up. She was an admirable, strong figure and I was her timid little brother who always trailed off behind her. She had greater friends, greater relationships, greater reputation.
I used to be envious of my older sister for having it all so effortlessly. I was convinced since then that some people are simply born into this world with the very purpose of living it.
She was charismatic and preferred going out on the weekends, I was often pictured dull and would rather hide beneath my bed most days. She was an eloquent speaker who did not hesitate to speak her mind, and I used to have a stammer back when I was young—which I developed after being reprimanded for correcting someone.
That's why I understand completely just how people naturally gravitate towards her.
Erwin pulled me out of my thoughts when he suddenly lightly tugged my hands, clasping them.
He gazed at them briefly, eyes glinting in wonder.
"For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is yours."
I tried to control the way my heart thumped against my chest, hoping it wasn't too loud—actually becoming more and more conscious that he would be able to hear and feel it.
One look in his endearing eyes and I knew I was hooked into place.
I was growing more fearful of my love for him. I know it will ruin me. And I also know I would let it.
"You jest." I murmur, making light of the situation.
"Simply truthful." He countered.
He slowly guided my hands, still trapped in between his, guiding them slowly towards the front of his face as he began blowing warm air in an effort to unfreeze my fingertips.
I was at a loss for words.
No one has ever done me such kind gesture. It oddly felt intimate. And I knew I shouldn't think of it so, I was being far too ambitious and hopeful.
And yet, in this moment—I felt as though I could capture it and keep it in my pocket forever. In this very moment, I felt as though I was finally amounting to something; and it no longer mattered to me the specifics whether it was platonic or incredibly superficial.
It was foolish.
I knew it was cruel to be so optimistic. But in my solitude, I couldn't resist the urge and spent entire days basking in idiotic fantasies—sometimes verging on prayer.
"Let's join the others in supper so that we can rest up early." Erwin cleared his throat and released my hands.
I immediately felt the absence of them, as though they didn't feel full or complete enough without his.
Hiding my apparent disappointment, I nodded.