We spent the rest of the evening enjoying our children, cooking, and catching up on the formalities before the heavy of the evening could set in. Verando seemed to easily fall back into this domestic role, and as long he was cheerful, Darrius did not have a second occurrence of seeing what he was calling a scary face.
Legardo and Pascal stay the longest, with Tomas and Rowan phoning in to promise a visit in the morning. We had plenty to plan with the visit to Greece still on the table, Rowan seemed more than happy to do as much research as she could muster overnight in an attempt to find a gate in the United States.
The country was still relatively new, and the possibility of a gate existing was little to none.
We eat and drink, and I take a moment to enjoy the small family that we had created and rekindled. Legardo and Pascal, Adriam and Victor, watching Silvia play with Darrius and holding Xavier for the boy refused to allow me to put him down since he'd woken up.
But all good things must end, and reality must be addressed, it takes longer than I imagined for the boys to finally close their eyes and succumb to sleep. Adriam explains they normally go down quite easily, but it must be their fear that we would leave again. No matter how much I promise them that I'm going to try to be home, those words fall on hardened hearts, I'd been wrong before.
When I return downstairs, Verando stands with Legardo in the living room, before the grand fireplace as Pascal stokes a fire. Not that it was particularly cold, but it seemed like a task that required her to focus on anything but the embodiment of Death standing behind her.
"Are you alright?" Legardo asks, hesitating as he hears me coming down the stairs.
Verando runs a hand through his hair, I note he'd changed his clothes into something more comfortable. A simple pair of jeans and a shirt, seeing him dressed like a civilian felt even more out of place now. "Come now, Gardo, do you think that something as trivial as eternal damnation could get me down? Seems par for the course."
Legardo doesn't appear so convinced. "I used to think Mother made up all the terrible things that happened to you, now I'm starting to truly believe you are cursed. Anubis? Are you turning your back on our own gods?"
Cocking an eyebrow, Verando scoffs. "Our gods? Are you a Norseman now?" He crosses his arms over his chest, enjoying the warmth of the fire on his stonelike body. "Considering I am a version of a god, and harboring one, I feel like I'd be a bit exempt from my list. I imagine when Death is killed, there is very little to atone for, in that, I hope for a lapse in existence. I banish the blasphemy that is recreation, I don't wish for it."
Shaking his head, Legardo exhales, a quiet admittance that talking about his father's end did, in fact, bother him. "What does that make me? Make any of us? Is this hereditary?" He manages finally, causing my warlord to grow silent once more.
After what feels like an eternity, I wait at the bottom of the stars, not daring to interrupt. "Gardo, you followed a very different path than I did and I believe that will be your salvation in all of this. When you pave the way to salvation in blood, it quickly turns into something much more sinister. I believe I was meant to come to this conclusion, just as you were meant to raise your family and do... whatever it is.. you do now." He gestures to the man passively, pouring himself a drink from the whiskey bottle on the mantle.
"I'm a chef." He retorts shortly, irritated by the dismissal.
"Mmm, exactly my point." Taking a quick sip, my warlord wrinkles his nose at the taste. "I think you're quite safe from this line of work, Gardo. You can do many things, taking lives is not one of them."
Approaching, I'm tempted to snag the glass of whiskey but the warning glare from Verando and Adriam stops me in my tracks. Regardless, I join the conversation by placing myself centrally. "Verando has a list that he must fulfill, that comes from Anubis himself. We're reading the book to get a better understanding of how to reach the individuals in need of reaping."
"And keeping the law at bay?" Pascal questions, seeming exhausted already as she warms her hands.
"They appear to die of natural causes. Verando can see them how they were when they were judged, but other than that, they look normal." I keep my voice relatively low, as if I was worried someone might hear us. How much of this were we allowed to reveal?
Checking in with my husband, he seemed to mirror my thoughts, glancing at me to indicate I was giving too much away as he took another drink. "Providing anyone with information means giving you value, which means to get to me they could go through you. A person who has nothing to tell has little to hide, and if a god approaches any of you, they could quite possibly sense that truth. I believe, for the well-being of everyone, we should keep this as brief as possible."
While this causes a small flicker of upset, Adriam eventually steps in to agree that they are better off not knowing.
"We can help by supporting our friend." Touching my arm, Adriam offers me a glimmer of reassurance. "There's a baby to prepare for and a young unicorn to train, Verando is more than capable of handling this task on his own and I'm sure, if there was anyone he would seek help from, it would be Nic, not one of us. We're lycans and a botched Solomonari, we can't possibly think we could be all that useful on the intricate nature of becoming Death. Frankly, I'm too frightened to know."
With a shudder, his words seem to bring the group into an uncomfortable silence. They wanted to help, they wanted to be someone he could confide in, yet that was never in his nature before any of this happened. Even so, it touched me how much they worried for him, despite how it seemed to only irritate the warlord.
"There is one thing I need your help with, potentially Victor as well." Verando manages after a long moment, downing the rest of the glass and then pouring himself another. "Tiberius is bringing it here in the morning, it's a sensory deprivation tank."
I stare, uncertain of what on earth he could be talking about yet it seems to make Adriam reach a whole new level of disbelief as the man contemplates violence or complete surrender.
"Are you out of your goddamn mind?" Adriam responds, shortly.
The glass in his hand clicks, then shatters, as my warlord locks eyes with the tiny french man. "Adam." His voice is hard and low.
"You can fuck right off with that, I raised you, so I have the right to question your sanity. This is beyond-"
I get between the two, separating them with a quick press on Verando's chest for I dare not touch Adriam. "Can someone fill us ignorants in on what on earth you're talking about?"
While Adriam seethes, it seems to be Victor who's the voice of reason. "Is tank full of water. Locks from inside or out, close, dark, calm-" He forms the shape of a cylinder with his hands. "Big problem is, this one is afraid of water?"
"That's why I need your help to put me in it." Verando retorts, retrieving another glass from the shelves and refilling it. Pascal decides this is not a conversation she can help in, leaving to retrieve a broom to sweep up the shards of glass. Meanwhile, Legardo seems to be hanging on every word as if he were somehow a part of this conversation.
Turning to face Verando, I can only note that he doesn't look at me because he wants us to force him into this crypt and lock him in.
"And when you hate all of us for doing this to you?" I demand, crossing my arms over my chest. "How on earth does that do anything of benefit? Besides feeding into this need you have to be punished?"
My reveal of his inner nature caused him to hesitate, while everyone was well aware of our preference, saying it out loud was another thing.
"You said it yourself, my mind can't run 24-7, I'll have to shut off and then that lets Fenrir come out to wreak havoc with my body. If I'm locked in a chamber meant to allow me to shut off, even if he does come out, there's nothing that can be done in those chambers." Verando searches my face, looking for a crack in my determination to exploit. While I could see his reason, I couldn't help but feel he was forgetting one major detail.
"You can hardly shower." I remind him, disbelief saturating my voice.
"Thank you," Adriam exclaims, shaking his head as he pinches the bridge of his nose. "Verando if this is something you want to work towards, we can do that, but it starts with small steps. Those chambers are intense, and while I can see the appeal, you wouldn't be the same person when we let you out-"
"I don't have that luxury, Adam." Verando retorts shortly, I sense the shudder in his body, Alpha seems to be fighting with him as well. It didn't feel like a risk of an explosion, it felt more like inner turmoil. Alpha was just as damaged as he was, even the thought of it was enough to send chills down his spine. "If I go dark and hurt someone... this new body doesn't shut off, but I've already had one blackout. I need a constant, this is the best option for that."
There is no movement from the room, we all can only stare at him, unwilling to yield from the position that we loved him too much to do this to him. We'd all seen how difficult it was to get him to the surface to brand him and had gotten a true glimpse of exactly how terrified he was of being drowned. What Caspian had done to him had destroyed him, my fearless warlord had been broken by the hours of torture.
Sensing the disapproval, we earn the infamous eye roll. "Let me remind the lot of you that I wasn't asking for permission, I'm more than capable of completing this task myself, so if you'll excuse me, I've had a long day." With that, the evening was over, Verando removed himself from the situation gracefully but pointedly, he was over speaking with us about this.
"Nic, convince him." Adriam pleads, urging me to follow after the man who'd very clearly made up his mind.
This was the difference between me and everyone else in his life, I did very little to 'control' him. The man was quite capable of doing whatever he wished, though at times he could be reasoned with, it would seem that it was more embarrassing to him than anything else that we believed he was too broken to achieve something so simple.
"I'm going to talk with him, but also keep in mind, he thinks this is something he has to do. He's not doing well, guys. Let's just... gods, why did I react like that?" Disappointed in myself, I knew better than to lash out instead of reasoning with him.
Leaving the group behind, I know where he'd be and end up in our bedroom, spotting him standing on the balcony with a cigarette. Verando doesn't bother to crush it out as I approach, irritated no doubt. I know better than to touch him, moving to stand beside him on the balcony, upwind so I didn't catch the smoke from the cancer stick.
With our close proximity, he considers me for just a moment before sighing heavily to take one more drag and then crushing the cigarette out. "You don't have to suffer through it, I know how much you hate the smell." He grumbles, taking a sip of his drink.
"I do, but I also know that you're struggling, and I've been so impressed with you all day, I think you've earned a bit of a break from rules. This has been a very long day, I was told." I keep my voice level, careful with the lightness in my tone. I didn't want him to think I'd come here to mock him, as well as the fact I didn't want to project a level of confrontation. I wanted him to come back to me, to relax and let off some steam.
The look on his face tells me just how exhausted he is, mentally at least. "I figured you'd be upset when I told Legardo that I didn't want a do-over."
I turn to rest my back against the railing, adjusting my wrist to watch the moonlight flicker off my golden cuff as I ponder the reality of that. "I know how you feel about life and death. I'm well versed in your opinions, and your preferences, and I would choose the same if it's what you decide. Given the option, I wouldn't come back without you. Not that I believe in recreation anyways." Shrugging off the thought, I tilt my head back to gaze up at the stars, appreciating the clear night.
Out of the city, the sky was so much more vast, it reminded me of home.
"Isn't it crazy to think 400 years ago, we were looking up at these same stars?" I muse, admiring the twinkling of the millions of entities so far out of our reach. While I could believe in magic and monsters, thinking there was a world beyond this was hard to wrap my head around.
I feel his eyes on me, stealing a sideways glance as I smirk in response to his quiet admiration. "I was never much a fan of stars, they pale in comparison. This also reminds me of a wager we had on your ability to last." Leaning to kiss me, I allow him a chaste peck before tilting my head to avoid him. "Why not? Are you upset with me?"
"I'm worried that you want to lock yourself in a chamber of water," I admit, inhaling sharply as he pushes past my aversion to place a kiss under my ear, trailing a line down to the crook of my neck with slow, hot presses of his lips. "You're also a sorry excuse for a lightweight, how on earth do you manage to get drunk so quickly? I wanted to take you sober, not hardly clinging to consciousness."
"I needed a break from all the head trash. This is the only way to do that." Verando retorts, sliding his hand up my shirt only to growl low in his throat. Taking in my scent, I bite my lower lip as his arm wraps around my waist to lift me off the ground and hold me to him. "What are you wearing?"
Flushing, I squirm in his grasp. "Victor's shirt. But in my defense, I was completely naked and needed clothes!"
That does little to help my cause as he shreds my shirt in one quick motion, I shiver when I realize he's using his karambit to do it.
"Careful-" I manage, only to cover my mouth and realize the grave mistake I made.
"Do you think I'm not careful?" he muses, twisting the blade expertly through his fingers before landing it correctly in his palm. Trailing it ever so carefully down my body, I struggle to hold my breath for fear of touching the razor edge. "Do you think I'd ever let anything hurt you?"
This was a different side of him, dangerous, almost enough to make me uncomfortable as I think about the life inside of me.
With a quick flick of the blade, he slides through the seam in my pants that held them buttoned and returns the karambit to his pocket. My body shivers with the excitement and the fear of my warlord unhinged. "Are you afraid of me?" He questions, hovering his lips over my own.
Quickly, I shake my head.
"Only of what you'll do to yourself to protect us. There are other ways to get through this." I attempt to be reassuring as he claims my lips with his own, I taste the whiskey and cigarettes on his tongue, breaking the kiss as I give him an amused look. "And maybe the way you indulge in your vices."
"Mmm, my vices.." I feel his gloved hand collect my throat, sliding the skilled fingers up to expertly grip my jaw and brush his lips over mine. "You should be terrified, I'm out of my bloody mind. I want you so badly I can't stand it, but I'm spiraling. Tell me to stop-"
Shivering, I push him away and take a slow breath to keep myself from pouncing. I needed to make sure, for my sanity, that this man was not Fenrir but my husband. The forced distance seems to encourage him to pursue other interests for he drops to his knees, nuzzling his nose against my groin as he catches the open fly with his teeth, glancing up at me with those shimmery light eyes.
It's enough to drive a man to the brink. "This is how you want to shut off? You want to indulge?" I question, buying myself time to clear my head and make rational decisions. Dragging my thumb over his lower lip, I notice he's doing his best not to touch me with his hands, despite the gloves. Somewhere, he must be concerned for the same reasons I am. "Or are you hoping you can coax a punishment out of me?"
Innocently, he captures my thumb between his teeth. "Is it such a crime to plead for a bit of malice? You're hot as hell when you're telling me what to do with so much confidence-"
"Stay," I command him, pulling off the remnants of Victor's shirt and using it to bind his wrists behind his back. After making sure I produce a reasonable binding, I return in front of him. "I know you can break out, but if you do, I'll assume you're no longer my Randy. Those are the rules."
"Hardly sounds fair-" He complains only to growl low in his throat as I shove his face into my groin, "I think I can work on these terms."
Pulling my cock out of my pants, he greedily takes my length into his mouth, those sinful eyes meeting my own as he swallows as much of me as I allow given my grip on his hair. Using my free hand to guard my mouth, I shiver under the skillful tongue stud, chilled from the ice in the beverage. "You're a wicked man, Mr.Mercer." I manage, coming unglued simply from the sight of him enjoying me so entirely.
"It appears I wasn't far off with two minutes," He teases, releasing me from those torturous lips to kiss the base of my erection. "You're fit to burst and I've hardly touched you." Could he truly blame me when he looked at me like I was a dish to devour? Part of me couldn't help but wonder if this was bait, luring me into taking my frustrations out on him.
"Did I tell you to talk?" I retort shortly, shoving past his teeth with a rough yank on his hair. I can't help the moan that rolls from my throat as he dutifully obeys, I use his mouth as I see fit, driven by how much it turns him on to be commanded. My dear masochist, hungry for discipline after a day of ruling his domain. In a way, I knew this was his own revenge on himself for allowing Fenrir to sneak past him, was it wrong to wish to indulge just a little?
The bulge straining his pants practically makes my mouth water, I quickly pull out of his mouth to prevent my completion, knowing I need to calm down to prevent his will from becoming true. "You were so close." He complains, making me smirk as he kisses the tip of my erection.
"Are you just starved?" I sigh, "You'd think I neglected you. Is this who you are underneath all that bravado?"
"Only for you." Verando exhales, making a sound of surprise as I yank him to his feet and pull him towards the bed. I had a newfound sense of ownership with our moment in the rented room, with what little instructing I did and how clearly he wanted me on that table, mixed with any resentment I was feeling towards Fenrir.
Unable to stop myself, I pounce on him as I shove him back onto the bed, crushing my lips against his while I shove at his pants. "Fuck, Nic." he manages, groaning under his breath as I sink my teeth into the junction of his jaw and neck. "That's so hot."
I shred his shirt, groping the full chest at my mercy with his forearms restrained. I'd always admired the man's pectorals, amusing myself with Tomas's declaration that he had more breasts than Penelope. "Is there any part of your body that isn't made for pleasure?" I demand of him, twisting one of the pierced nipples between my thumb and forefinger. "Admit it, you pierced these because you wanted me to play with them, it had nothing to do with the blessed silver."
Lowering my lips, I take one of the offending nipples in my teeth, making his body jolt as I lick and suck. He shivers beneath me, an airy gasp leaving his lips, hypersensitive from the play and the alcohol taking away his inhibitions. I stop, as quickly as I started, gaining his attention as those lust-filled eyes lock with mine. "You need to keep quiet, think you can handle that?" Last time I'd pushed him too hard and too fast, this time I would be sure to enjoy him.